Friday Food-for-Thought: The Lucys and Apples Edition

It is Friday.

And it's already April. But it hasn't felt like it in the ATL. This Thursday was cold and rainy.

I can stand cold. And I can stand rain. I just can't stand them together. And gloomy weather tends to throw me into a slight funk.  It was a day for laying in the bed dozing in and out and watching Maury Povich or the View.

I have been super busy, so I'm not blogging much.

And super distraught.

LUCY.

Lucy.

Lucy, Lucy, Lucy.

My lovely Lucy. Lucy the Lexus.

Lucy was TOTALED.

Lord help me.

*falls hard against church pew... ushers run to help*

That poor little black man who told me that on the phone last Friday caught my WRATH.

"What do you mean ya'll can't fix her!"

He just got super quiet. Like they taught him, I suppose. I just straight ranted.

And he was quiet.

I decided I didn't want to talk to him anymore. I decided to call the insurance adjuster (who was SO hard to catch up with) and try to calmly talk to him.

He simply said it was totaled. And that I could stop by on Monday and pick up the check.

O_O

My goodness. I was... distraught.

"Alright," I said.

Ugh.

I was an emotional mess.

I tell you. If it wasn't for my sister spending some time talking to me... I don't know how I could've even fathomed coming back for being so down.

And what bothers me the most is that if you know me, I don't get all discombobulated over material things. That's just not who I am. I am probably the most nonmaterialistic chick you will ever meet.

Why on earth was I so distraught?

I couldn't even think straight. And that bothered me.

I tell you. My doggone sister. That gal had to really work on me.

She has totaled a car, so she understand the all the processes and all the emotions. She dealt with my tears very well.

I managed to pull myself together and go to the collision shop and get some type of explanation of why this seemingly simple injury to Lucy couldn't be repaired. And it turned out that the metal was sliced to bad and they would have to replace a big piece that was continuous over the car. (I was a bit concerned about that. Saw it before I took it in). So it was a total loss.

They cut me a check for what it was worth, which came out about what I expected.

And they told me to go to the secretary and release it to my insurance company for towing.

While talking to her, I just broke down crying. I could hardly spell my name for her to find in the computer.

Man, it hurt so bad. I think it was just the culmination of the ratchet gamut of emotions I went thought. I am tearing up right now just thinking about it.

They told me to go out and remove whatever I needed from the car. I had completely cleaned it out that past Thursday when I took it in. All I needed was my license plate.  I watched as a worker unscrewed it.

They had already pretty much stripped Lucy. Sigh.

It was just a shell of what it had once been. Ugh.

I retrieved some papers out of the car and my license plate...

I made extra sure to find the guy I snapped on, and I apologized to him for my bad behavior.

(I tend to be like a seemingly empty mustard container... squeeze it hard enough, and a little mustard will come out. Yeah)

...and I got in Pam the Protege, and drove to work.

I felt okay, later. Better than I had. Why? Because I allowed myself just to let my emotions run their course. And my sister really really worked on me.

One thing she said made me feel hopeful:

"Lisa, you don't realize the dream position you in. You totaled the car, but you got your money back for it. You have an extra car. You don't have a car note. You can just hang out and look around and buy another Lexus when you feel like it."

She was right. I remember her having a car totaled when she'd almost finished paying for it. Then she had to rent a car for a good month, which is a giant bill in itself, and then get another car... and another car note. Back to square one.

She said she cried too. She even took a day off and stayed in bed all day. But she got up and got busy.

I decided I should do that too. I started looking at a few cars before I got the call about Lucy being totaled. I was just being nosy and looking at prices. I could essentially just go get another with the check I had. And I didn't expect much. Heck, it's a 14-year-old car.

I saw a few I liked. Kentucky got all excited because she is off all week, and I kept talking about her running me up to Tennessee to see one I liked. There was also mention of us shooting to West Georgia to peer at one I liked. (And if I was running up in a dealership, I was taking her with me. She negotiated Lucy's price).

I think the best thing about all of that is that I got my mind off my pain. I'm still not sure where all that pain radiated from. I would wake up in the middle of the night and pray about some things. I just wanted to not feel so BAD. Goodness. That is just not me.

I learned much about my feelings. And I was talking to a friend awhile back about how I treat my thoughts, feelings and emotions. It's a little cheeky, but I think you will draw something from it.

Imagine you and your child go to the grocery store one fine Saturday morning. The child is at an age where he or she can help out with the shopping. And that's a good thing, because it can be used as a teaching moment. (I know it was for myself and my baby bro Milk and Cookies, who considers himself my kid, since I am 17 years older than him).

Anyway, you tell your child to go and pick out a few apples. The child does it. He brings them back to the shopping cart in the flimsy bag that we all use for our produce.

You take a moment to examine the bag of apples. It looks to be half a dozen or so.

You notice that some of the apples are beautiful - big and red and shiny.

And then you see that some of the apples are not nice. They are bruised and soft and full of holes. One of them has some white mold growing on them.

You peer closer at one of the bad apples.

Oh my! Is that a worm peeking out at you?

Before you can finish the thought, the worm disappears back into the safety of the apple.

"Baby," you say. "Look at these apples. Some are rotten.  We don't want those."

You pick out those bad apples and you hand them to the child.

"Some of these apples are bad. And we're not buying the bad ones," you say. "Put those back. Get more good apples."

Hmmm...

"Some of these apples are bad. And we're not buying the bad ones... Put those back. Get more good apples."

Hmmm again...

I find it interesting that we are quick to do this simple fruit... and slow to do this with our thought life and feelings.

You know me. You know how much I wail about thoughts. And I know you are tired of me wailing and hollering about it. That's alright. Because I post it up to remind myself of it. I struggle with my thoughts, feelings and emotions from time to time.  So shoot... I need to talk to myself about these things sometimes.

Thoughts are like seeds.  My heart and soul are fertile soil.

And fruit sprouts from seeds.

Now that could either be either a good thing or a bad thing.

You know people by the fruit they produce.

I could throw the microphone up in the sky and end the post right there. That is enough to food-for-thought to chew on right there. But I won't.

I go through my little negative emotions from time to time. But it is usually short lived.

Mostly because I spend a fair amount of time examining my thoughts. Kind of like the mother above who examines the apples and finds some of them are good and some are bad.

She has enough sense to put the bad apples back. Why pay for that?

They might get sick if they eat it. And who wants to eat rotten fruit anyway?

Same way with my thought life. I have enough sense to know that the rotten thoughts aren't good for me.

Eventually those bad thoughts are going to produce some emotions, actions and reactions. Most likely, it's gonna be negative.

Here I was sitting around meditating on the thought of how Lucy was lost in a wreck that was less than a few seconds long. Sigh. I kept thinking on that. And I got the ticket for it. Made me cry something AWFUL.

I was thinking a little on the fact that I wasn't hurt. Getting hit by a BIG giant tow truck could be big trouble. I sure was grateful for that.

But there were too many thoughts competing. And combine it all with my patience issues, and this adjuster... man. I tell you... Dude. Wow.

I spent much time examining all of this.  I need better thoughts. I definitely concentrated on the fact that I didn't have to be airlifted out of anything. And I concentrated on the words of my sister. I tell you, I am usually the one advising her... it was the other way around this time. Way around.

I did a lot of praying. Learned more about myself that I already knew, but some things that I needed to really work on more.

I think the core central thought for me that bugged me something awful is one that I have sometimes:

I don't have much. I don't have all the fancy stuff that many of you have. I don't have the best health. I don't have family things to look forward to, as my family is not tight knit at all. I don't have the husbands or the kids. I don't have a lot...

BUT AT LEAST I HAD MY NICE AUTOMOBILE!!! DANG!!!!!!!

Geez. And now that's gone. *ladylee sits at the gates of the city dressed in sack cloth... crying and dumping ashes upon her own head*

That was the core of some things.

And if that is not some stinking thinking... WRONG thinking... then I don't know what it is.

That is akin to the worm coming out the hole of the rotten apple and looking at me... and running back in.

That was one of the many thoughts I examined. And I decided that that type of thinking was unacceptable. It wasn't true, really. And it didn't lead to a good place mentally at all.

I have more than most folks. I sure do. No doubt about it. And this is such a wonderfully fascinating time in my life. Just simply fascinating. There's not a day that goes by that I don't get multiple chances to impart some wisdom into someone's heart.  There's not a day that goes by where someone doesn't come across my path and imparts wisdom into my heart. Not a single day. I would have to go back a couple of years to find a "silent" day.

And I get a lot of answered prayer, which has me a bit O_o. But I'll take that!

It just fascinates me much.

That blows my mind.

And it is an excellent "apple", an excellent thought. Sure drowns out those wormy apples, those negative thoughts.

Really though.

Anyway, my prayer daily surrounds those intangibles. No, my nice automobile was gone. So what. That's some material mess.

(I was looking at Bentleys. I can afford a 10 year old Bentley if I wanted. Now THAT'S a nice automobile. LOL.)

Material things come and go.

And what I found most interesting is that I've been driving Pam the Protege for the past couple of weeks and I've been enjoying the cheese out of that for whatever reason. I tell you, that's the little car that could. And I actually prayed for that car. Lucy was my dream car, but if I'm being truthful about it, I was suppose to get that for myself for my 40th birthday. I didn't get that until I turned 42. So it wasn't that big of a deal. And the biggest reason Lucy got purchased is that I went out to crank up Pam and heard a "click" (dead battery).  I was planning on getting Lucy, but that was the day right there!

I have more to say about this. But I won't. I just had a couple interesting turning points in my thought life.

Not sure I explained the apples scenario well. I may have read something similar somewhere. Not sure. Heck, it may just be something that I understood while in the store myself picking out produce.

Anyway, let's end this post on a decent note.

The title... it looks like a typo.  WRONG. It is not.

This is a "Lucys" post. Plural. Means more than one.

Lucy, my beautiful Coach edition Lexus, was totaled. Got the check on Monday.

I'd like to introduce you to Lucy, Jr... an identical Coach edition (more gold, though) I picked up from a private seller on Thursday.

HA HA HA...

GLORY!!!!!

*church jog in the corner*

The circumstances of me coming upon this car has given me the shakes for the past couple of days. It's almost like it fell out the doggone sky or something.

Lucy Jr. was some lovely lady's spare car... just sitting in an carport collecting dust.

"You need to sell Lexi, Mom," her kids said. "It's in the way."

Hmm...

Mad interesting.

But I will just leave that alone.  I may blog about it one day.

But for now...

I will make sure I put the unacceptable apples back on the shelf. And pick out better ones.

I find that when I do that, it always opens the door for... something. Me? I was just looking for some peace of mind. Something else got ushered in with that.

Welcome to my family, Lucy Jr.

*cartwheels*

You have some good apples and a good weekend...

ON PURPOSE.

"Apartment 2C"

Elba didn’t know much about the young woman who lived next door in Apartment 2C.

She’d moved in some six months ago, mostly kept to herself. A silent neighbor was fine with Elba. The last tenants were rowdy tattoo artists who played loud rock music all hours of the night. She complained to the Super, called the police even, but nothing was done. When their lease expired, it wasn’t renewed. They simply moved away.

And then the quiet young lady moved in.

“Her name’s Danielle Acosta,” the Super said one day while he and Elba were sitting out on the front stoop of the building, enjoying cool breezes brought on by the fall weather. “She lived over in Philly for the past 5 years. I thought she was Latino or something, but the background check said she was black.”

“Really,” Elba said, hoping he would continue. She wasn’t a gossiper like him. She liked to sit back and observe closely instead.

He lit a cigar and puffed a few times to get it to burn just right. “You know, I don’t ever ask about no race or nothing. Just couldn’t tell with her. Coulda been white for all I know. Anyway, she was in Georgia before that, down in Atlanta. She’s some kind of engineer over in Center City. Wanted to move out of the city because it was too expensive.”

“Is that right?” Elba asked. “I haven’t had a chance to talk with her.”

“She’s nice,” he said, and blew nasty smelling smoke up into the air. “Pays on time. That’s all that matters to me, you know.”

The Super was the nosiest gossip in Jersey. Elba knew if he knew anything strange about Danielle, he would tell her. She and Danielle were the only two tenants on that floor and that was good enough for Elba.

Elba never went over to introduce herself. She watched from the living room window instead. She had a good view of the whole street from there.

The girl, in addition to being quiet, was very consistent. She left every morning at seven o’clock sharp and caught the seven ten bus. She’d return around six in the evening, give or take a few minutes. She always wore casual shirts and khakis and a pair of what looked to be Rockports.

“Work clothes,” Elba said to herself while watching from her window one morning. “She doesn’t have a fancy office job. Engineer. Must work with engines or something.”

Elba also noticed that Danielle would sometimes leave in the evenings. “High heels. Short skirt. She got a boyfriend,” Elba murmured to herself as she parted the sheer curtains just a tad with her fingers to get a better look at Danielle. Danielle walked across the street to the locked garage where she stored her car, an old white Nova. She wouldn’t come back home until late, or sometimes not at all until the next afternoon.

Elba met that boyfriend one day out in the stairwell leading up to her apartment floor. She was laden down with bags of grocery just purchased across the street at Walter’s Stop-n-Shop. He brushed past her in his shiny green sports jersey and baggy blue jeans, damn near knocking her over. He didn’t even say excuse me. He strutted right up to Danielle’s door and knocked on it. Danielle opened it and he poured the charm on.

“Hey baby,” he breathed. It was followed by a soft giggle from Danielle before she yanked him through the door.

Elba scrunched up her face. “Leave him alone, honey,” she murmured to herself as she fumbled with her keys at her own front door. “Mr.Bad News, that’s what he is.”

He moved in with Danielle, and every night, the boom of loud rap music grated Elba’s nerves. She knew that the quiet Danielle wasn’t responsible for such madness.

Had to be the new fella.

But Elba didn’t know how bad “Mr.Bad News” was until she was standing in the bathroom one night a few months later, brushing her hair before bed. She heard a loud noise. She backed up from the bathroom mirror and was about to go out into the living room when the boom occurred again, this time shaking her whole apartment. She jumped when she heard a loud crash in her bathroom. She ran back in to see the crystal glass that she used for soaking her bridgework on the floor, smashed into a million pieces.

Elba knew those sounds all too well. Had been the brunt of them herself over the years.

Something wasn’t being thrown around. Someone was being thrown around.

And she knew that this someone was the nice quiet unassuming young woman who lived next door in Apartment 2C.

It was about time for Elba to go over and introduce herself.

Coming soon...

Yes... there is some mess going on in apartment 2C. A hot mess indeed.

Hmm

I've posted that excerpt before. I thought I would post it again, since I had a teaser cover made for it.

I have a fabulous graphics designer. Ms.Brandi Doane... Yes sir. She takes my inch long ideas and stretches them waaaay far. Way far. I know some of the things I've asked her to do have her a bit O_o... but we work it out. And I am very satisfied with her work.

That story is a teaser for the actual novella Leaving Jersey. That is finished, but I am having a heckuva time editing it.

If you've read here for any length of time, well, you know how much I "stalker stan" my favorite author Tayari Jones, right?  

I think I stalked her so bad a few years ago that we actually have become good friends. I think she figured that she needed to keep crazy negroes close so that she can watch them. Ha Ha. She is more like a cousin now. And interestingly, she has taught me MUCH about the art of sowing seed.  She is on some ol' other level that I'm trying to reach. (And you know how much I holler about seed.)

Anyway, I was so excited about taking my first writing class back in 2007 that I called her and told her that I had wrote my first little short story, Leaving Jersey, and it was a shout out to her first acclaimed novel Leaving Jersey. She said something that made my heart catch in my throat.

"I would like to read it, if you don't mind."

"Hold on, girl," I said. "I was just telling you. You don't need to read it. I was just telling you about it."

THE HORROR. There was NO WAY I was going to let that chick read ANYTHING that I wrote. Are you serious. The horror of her eyes falling against my writing. O_o.

But I sent it to her. And she gave me some good pointers on how to improve it. She is solely responsible for my thinking out the box when it comes to twists and turns in my story. "You have to write something and jump in unexpected directions. Don't be predictable."

"Yes ma'am," I replied, my head held low in reverence.

LOL.

She even used it in one of creative writing classes. *lee sheds a multitude of tears*

I was so excited when I got the final cover for Leaving Jersey that I texted her and told her and told her about it.

"Send it to me," she texted back.

*LadyLee shocked and protesting*

She convinced me to send it to her. And she liked it.

So I am tweaking everything with my stories... Writing and rewriting. Getting it all just the way I like it. Those are e-book formatted already. I just have to get it to where I'm really internally satisfied with the story.

And I am super duper close.

So so close.

Food for Thought: Open-Mindedness

One of my favorite readers Lisa B. text me yesterday and asked for a Food-for-Thought post. So I thought I'd post something from one of the books I am currently reading. 

I am reading a fabulous book right now.

Walking into Walls: 5 Blind Spots that Block God's Work in You by Stephen Arterburn.

This book is a real in-your-face eye opener. I have been reading it for the past few weeks, just a few pages or a whole chapter here and there. I can't seem to finish because I am reading some chapters two or three times. It is just that good. This book is a real gem.

Sometimes Joyce Meyer has special guests on her show and they have a sit-down discussion about various topics, and one day last month, I believe, the author was a guest. I believe he is a Christian based therapist of some type. They were discussing some really serious topics like the root of addictions and what not. I found it all very interesting. They briefly mentioned the book, as it wasn't a show about the book. I remember having to make sure to catch the name of the book on a second episode, since it was so briefly mentioned.

Anyway, I found out something interesting while reading this book:

I have been working really hard on various areas of my life. For years. YEARS. And I will continue to do so. But this is the first book that really went into depth concerning many of the things I had been working on. Many of things I've done to solve some of my attitude problems were detailed in this book.

And here I thought I was doing something original concerning myself. Humph.

But it was good to read about many of my problem areas, some of which are no longer problem areas. And thank goodnees I had the fortitude back in my late 20s and early 30s to recognize that I needed to change in some areas of my life.

The book was a detailed discussion of the many "walls" that keep us from moving forward.

The Wall of Stubborn Resistance
The Wall of Arrogant Entitlement
The Wall of Justifiable Resentment
The Wall of Disconnected Isolation
The Wall of Blind Ignorance

I won't discuss them all.  That in itself would take forever, lol.

But there was one section, a portion within the chapter on the The Wall of Stubborn Resistance, that caught my attention.

It was a section on "Open-mindedness".

I think it resonated with me because it is one of the areas that I have been working on for awhile.

First of all, there were some interesting questions to evaluate if you or open-minded. I will list some here.
(Refernce: Chapter

How frequently do I admit that I am wrong?
How frequently do I ask for forgiveness?
How frequently do I ask people for their opinion?
Do I ever admit that I have been approaching problems in unhealthy ways?
Am I willing to admit that I might need help to move beyond the walls in my life?
Have I ever said, "You knew I was this way when you married me?"
Do people tell me, or do I feel that I have a strong need always to be right?
Do I stop listening to people who try to get me to see things in different ways?
Am I a "my way or the highway" kind of person?

Those are some hard-nosed questions.

There was a good chapter that defined the term "open-mindedness". It is defined as:

1. The ability to see things from another person's perspective
2. The willingness to acknowledge that there are other points of view other than your own.
3. The ability to realize that you may not always be right.
4. The ability to realize that you need to make things right when they are wrong.
5. The willingness to be quiet for awhile and listen to someone else.
6. The ability to consider counseling or recovery, because their is a wealth of information available that you may not otherwise find on your own.

I found all of this so interesting. For some reason, it stuck with me the most of everything out of the book.

I think it is because I run into close-minded people on a regular basis. It irks me to no end. And it always reminds me that I need to continually work on myself in that area.

I don't do well at all around close-minded people. Especially if they are over 40. Let's face it, when us over 40 folks have our habits and attitudes, they are bit deep rooted. That is why I ALWAYS tell folks in their late 20s or early 30s to go ahead and work on their attitudes, goals, etc. Just do it. Start then! Not later.

And then we start walking on the dark side. I am not only close-minded, but now I have a problem with you because your beliefs are different from mine. And I'm trying to convince you that I am right. I am always right. Sigh.

Let's face it. You're not the only person walking on this earth. Not everyone has your exact set of experiences. I realize it about myself, even. It doesn't even cross my mind to argue with people about religion, beliefs and the like. Why? Because your beliefs may or may not be similar to mine.

And I don't argue about it. I am open-minded enough to listen to your point of view. I am not only concerned in what your opinions are, but the "why" behind it. That gets to the core of who a person truly is deep inside.

And I don't see that way of thinking too much. We're too busy fighting and fussing. Not willing to consider other points of view. And that's the main reason for all this conflict.

Look at the hot topics in the news. Especially today. Our close-mindedness births conflict. So sad.

So I thought I would post up a little something I read from the book that has stayed on my mind. I keep going back and reading this section. I think it was worth posting so I can come back to it when I need to.

There you go, Lisa B! Hope you enjoyed that specially ordered food-for-thought :)

Wordless Wednesday: Good Chips!