Walk on BY!

This post here is for that lurker SASHA!

Because I know she likes Dionne Warrick so much!

You know, I'm sad to see ol' Dionne gone from Celebrity Apprentice. She was a crochety old lady, and gave the show an extra layer of unpredictability. A song by her that I like: "Walk on By"



She need to learn how to dance or something. That just standing there holding the microphone... that kicks rocks. Do some Beyonce moves, Dionne!

Now I like the remake of that: Isaac Hayes version of that song:



Isaac Hayes was the coolest... But that nappy beard gives me the creeps. Even as a child it bothered me something terrible. I use to want to take the comb I used for my doll's hair and comb that beard of his.

But check out his background sangers. I like them. I bet I could learn those moves ver quickly.

*lee waves hand and does the fancy leg kick out to the right*

Yeah... and i like the clothes they are wearing too. I can lounge around the house in that.

I like the New Jack Swing version of that song. It's 20 years old, I believe, remade by Sybil.



Good version. You can do the running man to that...

Yes, I like that one.

Now let's just hope Beyonce or Nicki Minaj don't get any bright ideas and try to remake this classic...

*lee calmly opens window and hurls herself out of it*

Monday...

Boy I tell you.

You know I work for the government, right?

I thought I'd be waking up this morning, a fired furloughed out employeee, not having to go to work. I thought I'd be getting up this morning, making plans to do some home improvements or something.

I even had this grand plan, this elaborate vision in my head of packing a few pairs of panties and bras and clothes in a backpack and flying standby to Bermuda and backpacking around the island for a week.

Alas all that went up in smoke. The Congress agreed on a budget on Friday. I knew they were gonna do that. Congress grandstands like no other. This was all for show as far as I'm concerned. When they were talking about the military not getting paid, well, you know that ain't going down. They were gonna sign something.

So I'll be dragging it into work this morning. All the more thankful for my job.

I know on Friday nobody was working working worth nuthing... Heck man,I was getting ready for my weekend. I was going to meet a couple of bloggers, Singlema and Tazzee, at the Sickle Cell 7K race over on the Southside of town!! I was excited! I spent most of my day making posters!




I also made a couple of Church fans!



Fun fun fun!!

I'll write about that later this week!

Besides that, I didn't do much of anything.

Not much excitement.

Some minor excitement: As you know, last week I bought a lawn mower.



Couldn't mow anything, because I couldn't get a safety clip off the crank string.

I went up to Home Depot, bout to snap on them about my lawn mower. It has a clip on the string I was trying to get off. They couldn't help me any.

So low and behold, good Ol' Mr. Thomas came over last night, wanting to cut my grass. I wailed about not being able to hook up my lawn mower.

He pondered it and got it going for me!



LOL

That blade was too low, though. Chunked up some of my grass!

But we worked it out! Now I'm happy! I'll be a grass cutting Oldgirl!

(What kind of posts will I be writing about that!? LOL)

Oh well... Should be an interesting summer!

Have a good week! On purpose!

Congrats Tayari!!!

Ya'll know I don't jock many people, right?

But when I jock! I JOCK.

And I ain't ashame to admit it, either.

If anybody ask you who I stalker stan, you should know. If you don't know, I will tell you.

I jock and stalker stan the Infamous La. My favorite writing blogger indeed. I tend to jock blogger Chele something awful. They both ignore my stalking, and just let me have my fun... jocking.

And then there's the chick who's feet I worship at. I worship the ground she spits upon. I come close to busting out in tears in her very presence. I know she think I'm a bit touched, because I am shocked and dazed even when in her presence. Doing all I can just not to pass out.

She is my FAVORITE author. And yes, she is one of my favorite peoples.

I'm talking about Tayari Jones! The great Tayari Jones!

*lee falls out prostrate on the ground*

Tayari is having a stupendous year! The highly anticipated Silver Sparrow is coming out on May 24th, 2011.

(And I'm letting you know... I'm giving away SEVERAL hardback copies over here at The House of LadyLee... only if the government don't shut down.)

And she just got tenure.

When I read that on facebook, I IMMEDIATELY grabbed my cell phone and called her. And I was cheesing hard like Buckwheat. She was sitting in her office playing some music REAL loud. I congratulated her. We yacked for a minute.

Then I told her to read to me. Read me something from Silver Sparrow. She has a link to the first chapter up on her blog. I read it the other day and saw a couple things that I found riveting. I was gonna call her and MAKE her read that to me, lol. (She is a GREAT reader!)

"Tayari, read page such-a-such, last 2 sentences of the second paragragh!!"

"What?" she said.

I repeated myself. She went and grabbed her book. Of course I had the page number wrong. I made her find what I was talking about. And she read it to me.

*lee cheesing XTRA hard*
"Read it again, girl! Read it again!"

And she did.

(Yes I was pushing it. She was too giddy and happy to hang up on me.)

LOL

My cubicle mate Cowgirl Cre walked into our cubicle area and sat down.

"Cre! Tayari got her tenure!"

"Tell her I said Congratulations. And she should go put on her pink fur coat."

We laughed hard.

That dayum pink fur coat. Tayari loves that coat. When we think of Tayari, we think of that pink fur coat. Winter. Spring. Summer. Fall. When she happy or celebrating, we automatically think she should run and put her pink coat on.

I even wrote a story for her birthday (more of my stalkerish activities, you see) involving that coat.

I know she think we are silly. But it's her fault. She wears the cheese out of that coat!



The picture above - when I first saw that, I was like..."Gee, where is she? I hope she don't turn down the wrong street with a pink fur coat and a red purse on. Don't wanna be caught on the ho stroll like that!"

LOL!!! And of course, me and Cowgirl Cre start sanging "Toot TooT! Hey! Beep! Beep!"

(Okay, you have to be over 40 to remember the Donna Summer hooker song "Bad Girl").

And then there was my favorite post. One I posted a few years ago... I will repost it here in celebration.

Of course... It involves her favorite pink coat.... lol Enjoy.

Notes from the Peanut gallery (circa 2007)

So... I was sitting in my cubicle, minding my own business. I decided to roll over to my favorite author Tayari Jones' blog to see what was up, and I come across this...


**crickets**

I left her a comment:
"You know I'm going snatch that pic and throw it on my blog and TALK ABOUT YOU! LOL!"
You know how the Oldgirl does it...

I glanced over my shoulder at my cubicle mate Cowgirl Cre. She was busy doing some paper work.

"Cre," I said. I pointed at the screen. "Look at this chick."

Cre rolled her chair over my way. She stared blankly at the screen.

And the commentary.

From the Peanut Gallery.

Began.

Cowgirl Cre: "What's up with those boots, girl?"
LadyLee: "I have no idea."

*a few moments of silence*

Cowgirl Cre: "Well, she could have an alternative profession."
LadyLee: "No, she wouldn't be a good table dancer. Look how close the heel of that boot is to the table. **Lee pointing at monitor with an ink pen**"One more inch and she's on the floor. She don't need to be dancing in nobody's club."

*silence*

LadyLee: "You know, Cre, if she falls, she's gonna take out that computer screen and that printer."
Cowgirl Cre: **silently nods**
LadyLee: "And look out that window. She is way up high. One wrong move, and she's knocking all that stuff over and falling out that window."

LadyLee: "I bet I know what she do. She takes that damn pink fur coat everywhere she goes. Then she buys stuff that matches it."
Cowgirl Cre: "Yep."

Coworker "T" walks up and stares at screen. She places her hands on her hips, and ponders aloud.

Coworker T: "She sure likes her shoes, don't she?"
LadyLee: "Sure does. And she likes that pink fur coat, too."
*LadyLee pondering about whether she should be talking about the pink fur coat. It may be the only coat that Tayari owns. Lady ponders whether she should crochet Tayari a coat.*
LadyLee: "I bet those boots are real pink leather. And that black on the boot... that's black suede."
Coworker T: "She paid big money for those boots."
LadyLee: "No she didn't. They were on sale. Who wants pink and black boots?"
[Update: Tayari sent me the link for the boots... and the matching purse. **crickets**]
LadyLee: "You know, if you put a few of those little pink fur puff balls on the boots, and throw a baton in her hand... she'd be ready to lead the marching band!!"
*Cowgirl Cre laughs hard.*
And it goes on and on... and on.
Tayari posted these pics because it was the last day of the semester at Rutgers, where she teaches creative writing... She wanted to show her glee!

Naw... That's not the reason she's so excited.

She has to be happy because she's getting her **Original Oldgirl** Platinum Plus card real soon...

Stay tuned.

Personally, I think Tayari was excited because she got her Original Oldgirl Platinum Plus Card status, from me that week, Your Friendly Neighborhood Oldgirl LadyLee. THAT'S why she was happy!

I'm just glad she didn't fall off that desk and bust her azz that day. LOL

I got a call later that night. Tayari went ham on me for suggesting that was her only coat.

Well honey! That's the only coat I see you in.

Uh, let's just say, I got a rundown of all the coats she owns. LOL!!!

I was just playing with you that day, Ma!!! LOL

Congratulations Oldgirl on a great year... and it's just really begun.

You are the only celebrity I know. But what's more important is that you are one of the best people I know. I can never repay you for all you have done for me, hon. You mentor me well, taking great care of the writer in me. And you put up with my stalkerish ways! Who could ask for more?

Congratulations!!! This is going to be a great year for YOU.

"I See You" by Original Oldcat Oscar-Tyrone

Dear LadyLee

I don't think you like me.

You rarely play with me.

And all I can do is sit and stare at you, while you on that ratchet machine, that laptop thing.

And I just want you to know:

I SEE YOU.



I peak around that laptop, waiting for you to say something...

I'm not hard to please...

A "Hey Boy!!" will suffice, you see.

But you say nothing.

I get tired of sitting so I lay down. I don't meow or hiss.

I just lay there and stare.

Because I want you to know... I SEE YOU.



Sometimes you STILL ignore me, and I have to get radical....

And sit my kitty cat azz right up on that gizmo that holds up that laptop.



Nope, I haven't forgotten you, LadyLee... I'm still thinking about you.

I can look around, over my shoulder and stare.

Letting you know

I SEE YOU



So I have to get back at you. Do silly things like make noise in another room...

You know, do something to make you come running.

Watch you run out of the room yelling "Boy, where are you??"

I say nothing, quiet as a mouse...

Because I'm high above you, peering down from the beams over the living room...

Watching you.



You don't see me... but I SEE YOU.



You look up after a minute and you see me, staring down at you.

You shrug. Walk away. Go back to whatever it is you're doing.

And for a moment, it was fun.

And now we go back to square one of this staring game I like to play.

This game called...



I SEE YOU.

I Shine U Shine

So...

One thing about me: I hardly ever get my car washed.

You'll never see me out with a bucket and a sponge washing my car. Never.

I may go through one of those car washes at the gas station, something like that, but that's about it. And that there is asking a lot. Most likely a local will wash my car. They usually are trying to get their money together for their, uh, habit. So they don't mind giving a car a good bath.

And then there's The Mayor of my Hood and the House of LadyLee's official Poet Laureate, Snake.

He likes to stand in the middle of the street when he sees me coming, his arm stretched out, hand up, commanding me to stop like he the Police or something.

"Look at this here car of your's LadyLee. Oh Lawd." He shakes his head back and forth in disgust.

"This sucka running, babes. I don't care if it's dirty."

"You need to come on down the street and let me wash it."

"I'll holler at you," I yell as I pull away. And go home.

So I finally decided to go look for Snake and his car washing enterprise.

Actually, I was looking for Mr. Thomas, another local, because my grass was getting high and it needed to be cut. I left home on a sunny Saturday afternoon and went looking for Snake. He wasn't hard to find, as he has a sign on the street corner pointing towards his place of business.

The "I Shine U Shine" Car Wash.

Like I said, I was being nosy. I was looking for Mr. Thomas. Mr. Thomas had had a heart attack back in September. I saw him walking up the street a week later eating a package of oreo cookies.

I told him that uh, maybe he didn't want to eat those cookies if he had just had a heart attack. A nice piece of fruit may be better.

He nodded and kept right on eating them.

Long story short, I thought Mr. thomas was dead.

"Yo Snake! I yelled. "You seen Mr. Thomas!?"

Snake nodded yes. I breathed a sigh of relief.

The old man wasn't dead.

"He just got out of jail, LadyLee!" Snake said. "And there he is walking up the hill."

I saw the old man staggering up the hill. And he'd been in jail. That meant somebody probably stole ALL his equipment (all of which he had stolen himself(don't ask me how I know this... please)). Plus, he lives in a house behind this dude name "Rat Cheese" house. His equipment had to be long gone. Long gone.

So that meant I had to go buy a lawnmower. Sigh.

Anyway, I did that, and came back for my car wash.

Now when I've rolled by "I Shine U Shine" in the past, there have been always nice cars out there - Beamers, SUVs, Benzs. So I didn't want to take my plucker down there.

But that day I did.

I parked my car in front of this nice Beamer.

Incidently, there was some folks sitting over in the green SUV, talking. I made sure not to look in the car. My brother hipped me to the fact that this usually meant prostitute action going on. So I just ignore it.

And I was glad I did ignore it. Snake had walked up on them and hollered "Hey man, go home to your Old Lady. Let me get in the car and get some of that action!"

*crickets*

Well, well, well!!

Isn't that special!

Whatever. Get your freak on.

I just wanted my car washed.

And one of Snake's employees washed my car.



He used a plethora of products from the "I Shine U Shine" Counter.



I walked over and peered closely at this contraption, this interesting counter. It was made up of an old dresser and the top of a dining room table. Very nice use of old furniture indeed.

My car... it was looking mighty nice.

But not as nice as that Beamer. Lawd help me, it made me want to go out and buy one!



I walked across the street taking this all in, and taking pictures. One of Snake's employees directed me to do otherwise.

"Ma'am, you can have a seat in one of the chairs if you like."

So I went over to the waiting area.



That scenery... It was, I don't know... interesting to say the least. I wondered when and how the house burned up. Those box springs look a bit new. There was just a whole lot going on, and it kept me full of bewilderment while I waited on that car.

That barrel looked interesting.

By the crispy burnt smell invading my nostrils, I could tell they burned up stuff on a regular basis in that barrel.

Snake saw me staring at all of this. "I can use this in a story or something, man," I said.

"We 'bout to turn that into a drive thru car wash, LadyLee."

*blank stare*Blink*crickets*

Knowing him, I know they will... somehow.

A police car turned on the street. I got scared, tried to play it cool. I was gonna break out for my house on the next block if I had to. My keys were in the car, but I could call my sister to come over and let me in the house... just didn't wanna get locked up, man!

(yes, I think about these things. There were some VERY interesting locals walking around. I didn't want to get caught up in a round up.)

Snake adressed the white female cop.

"Hey Baby, you want yo car washed??"

"No," she said, her voice flat.

I let out a sigh of relief. And continued to relax in the waiting area.

Snake and his employee did a good job on my ride. I got the "hooptie" special price: $10.00

He even put a little tire shine on my tires.





My car looks like it can breathe now. So fresh and so clean!

I'll be going back soon.

Most likely when they get the drive-thru car wash operation up and going!

LOL