12/31/14... The Last Day of the Year, Part III

'Tis the last day of the year. And much has happened today. The first post was about the day in general, my comings and goings. The second post peeled back a few layers, and I blogged about what was one of the major thoughts on my mind about the year.

And this post reaches just a bit deeper.

This year, I have looked at things in my prayer life, and moreso how it, my prayer life, has evolved.

Earlier this year, in January, our pastor wanted us to consider the Jabez prayer and elements thereof, and include it in our prayer or confession time. Simple enough. This is pretty popular, but it was from the perspective of prayer for daily blessing and protection, with the emphasis on the word daily. We need what we need daily for the day. Whatever provision for that day.  Pray about it. Simple enough.

So I did that. Let's look at my daily prayer in January.

Bless me today Lord. 
Bless me, bless me, bless me. 
Enlarge my territory. 
Enlarge my coast. 
Keep me from the evil of the day that it grieves me not. 
And bless my family today, Lord. 
In Jesus name, Amen.

Simple enough.

But over the course of the year, though.... this past 365 days...

I've been doing a TON of reading. I mean a ton.

Spiritual stuff.

And because I'm a scientist... I've been reading scientific stuff.

And some of that scientific stuff is sooooooo deep that it skims up into spiritual stuff.  It hits a spiritual ceiling and breaks through it.

I've been reading something, then I will go look up a scripture that I never understood before and be like "Ohhhhh, NOW I understand that piece of scripture."

The Bible is WAY ahead of it's time. Good grief.

Now, I know it's a *crickets* moment when I am reading something and the author himself says the scientific principle of discussion is actually spiritual.

I read a really high level applied mathematics book concerning fractal geometry. And all throughout, I was thinking "This is spiritual right here."  And then the author mentions it. Not going into detail at all, because us scientific types not suppose to believe in anything, you know.

I haven't posted much of anything about it here on blog. It's a bit too deep off the pages. I know I have read in excess of 10 books. No more than 20. But it's a lot of books. I have just been pondering it to myself.

But you know what was interesting?

It has somehow changed that prayer above.

You want to know what it's changed to?

Well here you go:

Oh I trust you today Lord!
I trust you to bless me, bless me, bless me Lord!
I trust you to enlarge my territory, 
I trust you to enlarge my coast- spiritually, physically, mentally, financially, emotionally.
I trust you to keep me from the evil of the day so that it grieves me not!
I trust you to put your arms around my shoulders
And be the covering you always are
A covering with no holes and no flaws!
I trust you to give me this day my daily bread, to give me what I need for this day. 
I am a container today, fit for your use today Lord. 
I am a container with no holes!
I trust you to use me today, Lord, to pour into the lives of others. 
I trust you today Lord to express a dimension of your personality through me, 
A dimension that has never been expressed. 
I trust you to send someone my way today, to fill me in, Lord, to fill my container. 
I am unique today, Lord. Today, tomorrow and forever. 
Bless my family and friends today, Lord. 

And then I will take communion... because I have a gazillion communion cups around here...  That is usually only half of the time, if I am thinking about it.

There they are on top of the microwave.

(There they are, in front of my roll of parchment paper. Just you know I'm telling the truth, lol).

I don't take communion every day. Just when I think about it. Even got a few cups stashed off in a baggie in the glove compartment of the Lexus...

And I plead the blood of Jesus over every crook, cranny and crevice of my life and over the lives of whoever is on my mind at the moment - friends, family, and their situations. I pray for peace and resolution. For clarity. Because I have a blood bought right to ALL that. All of it.

In Jesus name,
Amen.

(I am reading a book right now detailing how the most important part of the prayer is "Amen".  That is... interesting. I'm trying to wrap my head around it. Never thought of it like that.)

I am just amazed at how much that prayer has morphed from something simple and rote in the beginning of the year, to something that is much more deeper, a deeper culmination of thoughts and considerations stirred up by all the things I've been reading, whether it be scientific or spiritual... whether it's from my daily bible reading, from some verse of scripture (that whole container part), or from a high level mathematics book on fractal geometry (that whole dimension part). I read a section of a book on trust that completely blew my mind. So I've been pondering that too.

And I was watching a sermon on marriage. I'm not married, so I remember thinking, well shoot... I ain't married this is a waste of time. And I was hanging out on the couch, using that sermon as background noise, fiddling around with texting someone on my phones and I heard something interesting... If you don't have a husband who's your covering, then God is your covering. And he's a covering with no holes and no flaws.

Interesting. I thought about that for days. And days. And still more days.

Pondering is the thing this scientific mind does. Too much sometimes... but in these cases, it's just enough.

And I will carry my pontifications over into this next year of 2015.

Don't get it twisted now. That which I wrote may comprise a good 10% of my prayers. I pray about more stuff. That's just a common core I've noticed all year. And I like it.

It makes me want to pull out my Obama Church fan and sang and do some church shouts and church jogs in the corner.

(Yes, my bootleg homemade church fan.)

I will watch my prayers bloom even more.  And I will discover more layers... and I will see more great things manifest from it, as I have seen in the year 2014.

So there you have it... 3 posts on the last day of the year.

Part I was the physical, the daily going ons = BODY.
Part II was the mental = SOUL
Part III was the spiritual = SPIRIT

Each is all of me. I hope you got a little something out of it, seeing as I like being a container, pouring something into people. Something good.

And with that, I say good-bye to 2014...

And hello to a New Year...

2015.

And all that it has for me... for us.

12/31/14... The Last Day of the Year, Part II

Much is on my mind this last day of the year. So much so that I had to break it up into a couple of posts... or maybe three.  This is the second post.

Since I've been off, for the past couple of days, I am doing something I like to do when I am off for long periods of time: I write my morning pages.

I got the idea from Tayari Jones, my favorite author, and something she had us doing on her blog a few years ago. We were reading a book surrounding artistry, and one of the techniques/exercises was to wake up first thing in the morning and write 3 long hand stream of conscience pages. First thing in the morning. And for those of you who don't understand "stream of conscience", it is just writing whatever is on your mind, right off the top of your head. No editing, no formality... just straight thoughts. You're not even suppose to go back and read the pages. This helps a lot because you can write whatever, no matter how crazy it is. Your eyes will never fall back against those pages, you see.

The goal is to empty the mind so as to have more room for creativity.

And what I found is that it is cleansing... and after a few days, I really get down to the nitty-gritty of what's really on my mind. Layers and layers are removed. And I move from writing what is on my mind to writing from my spirit, my true self.

I am not suppose to go back and read, but on the last day of the year, I wanted to post something that I wrote. It is something I have talked about on here, but it is an external observation, something that just amazes me about the current state of our world:

"... This has been more of a sad time newswise.  Several months ago, a plane disappeared off the face of the earth, never to be seen again. Another plane disappeared earlier this week and they are just now finding the bodies and wreckage. 
     It reminds me of much deeper things.  Today you are a common person, not distinguishable from the next person. Only a few people know your name. And in the next day, the next hour, the next second, you can become a hashtag. Just like that. Worldwide. This has mostly been for tragic things, rarely for anything triumphant. I can't tell you who made the biggest discovery of the year, or who has invented something that would affect our lives for the better forever.  But I can tell you who lost their lives. I know who did thing to cause themselves to lose their careers.  I am more than sure life changing and awestrucking goodness has happened this year. I am sure of it. I just can't tell you off the top of my head...."

For some reason, I have thought about that passage all day, this last day of the year. I thought about it as I went about my daily dealings and errands. It is something that has bothered me all year.

I feel like we all run from hot topic to crises to hot topic.

Way too many "gotcha" moments.

Mix in all the tragedy and it's one hell of a stew.

A stew that was left out on the stove when it should have been put in the fridge.

And it's been left out on the stove for days. It's starting to rot. And bubble. And smell.

And somebody gotta clean it all up. And that's one heck of a job.

The same thing happens to the mind.

And I have to clean all that muck from my mind. And that too is one heck of a job.

That's how I feel about it.

Tragedy and negativity sells. It is good for news ratings, you see.

That's what it's really all about.

And me running from situation to situation yelling "oooh, gotcha!" has gotten old. Got old long ago.

I don't think about those things much. I instead use it as a time for self-reflection.

I have done some highly questionable things in my past. God forbid that it's all churned up and put out. Lord help me.

My goal now is to focus on the positive. Pray for those who experience tragedy. Do what I can to make a better day for my fellow man.

And to live the best life I can... to go and continue to grow.

So much good has happened for me this year. Too much to write. It feels good to see it spill all out strong in my "Morning Pages".

And that's what I choose to focus on this very last day of the year.

12/31/14... The Last Day of the Year, Part I

'Tis the last day of the year, and I am still thinking about the sound of that.

2014 is about to go. Some entered, and some will not be leaving.

I have been off from work since December 24th, and I have enjoyed waking up in the mornings and not being pressed to be anywhere by a certain time. But this morning, I took Lucy Jr. for an oil change. There is also a little shake in the wheel when I drive. It is barely noticeable, but I can tell there is something wrong. I thought I may need some brakes or some new tires.

I had the oil change (well, the 5K service), and it turns out I have a bent rim. It's not broken or bent up enough to cause a big problem or a flat tire, but it is noticeable when I look close. I hit a serious pothole a couple of weeks ago, and we think that's the culprit. So I need to buy a new wheel. I will do that when I buy new tires, which will be in June 2015 or thereabouts.

As for now, the tire rotation puts that tire on the back of the car. Hence, no more shakes. The ride is back to its usual smoothness.

From there I made a trip to the Farmer's Market. Being that this is the last day of the year, and with so many people having parties tonight, it was PACKED. It was butt-to-butt, breast-to-breast up in there. I was there for an hour, and I didn't even get much. Just trying to maneuver through the crowd was a beast. But I got what I wanted and that's good.

Then the interesting part of my day began. It was only half an hour. But... it was interesting.

I decided, since I was on the eastside, and in the neighborhood, that I would stop by my Aunt Ellen's house. She is my father's sister. I haven't seen her, or the family, since his funeral back in late September.  I've been meaning to go by, but... I keep putting it off. But I promised myself I would stop by and see her.

So I go by. And we sit and chit and chit-chat and smile.

Then there's a knock at the door.

Now I saw someone walk through the front yard of her house. I didn't know what that was about. You have to unlock the fence gate to do that.

Then someone knocked at the door. It was a middle aged dark skinned woman. She had on a big hat and some casual clothes.

I had no idea who she was. But I unlatched the door. And once she came in and got to talking good.

She was fond of the drink. 

And she had a brown paper bag in her hand. I didn't have to guess what was in it.

Aunt Ellen pointed at me and asked this lady, Ms. Marcy, if she knew who I was. She said no.

"I'm Milton's daughter," I said.

A big smile spread across her face. "Oh, you his daughter. He was my friend! He was my friend!"

After a few minutes of rambling (and me trying to keep up with her lingo) she pulled a tall boy can of Old

English 800.

"Ya'll grab a couple of glasses, and share this Old English with me... cuz tis the season to be jolly!"

She sang a couple of rounds of that for a minute. I must say I was amused.

I looked at Aunt Ellen. She said nothing.

"We could grab a few glasses," Ms. Marcy said when no one replied. "There's some here on shelf."

Aunt Ellen had four nice blue rimmed wine glasses on the shelf of the wood furniture in the living room. I could tell no one never drank from those glasses. Aunt Ellen may have special ordered them from a fancy catalog, the big JC Penney Christmas catalog, I bet.

Malt liquor was not gracing those glasses. Never had and never will.

"No thank you," I said. "I don't want any. And I haven't had any eight ball in a long time."

Her eyes grew wide. "Oh you know about this drank. You know about eight ball."

Lord did I know. That was my malt liquor of choice some 20 years ago. I got squeamish just thinking about it.

She rambled on, with me peering hard trying to keep up. Her thoughts were like a ball in a pinball machine, dashing to and fro, bouncing all around.

Then she suddenly said "Ellen, I think my stories is on! I gotta go watch my stories."

If you don't know what "Stories" are, then I don't blame you. You need to be 40 or above to know that. "Stories" is another name for soap operas. There aren't as many of those on now as there were on during the '70s and '80s.  They have been replaced by daytime talk shows.

I think she wanted to watch The Young and the Restless. She went into the small den located off the side of the living room, parked herself in a chair right a couple feet from the television set and watched her "
"stories".

Aunt Ellen and I continued talking. And Ms. Marcy would get up and have something to say during commercial breaks. I had gotten to the point where I could decypher her slightly drunken lingo.

She really wanted to try on my glasses, because they looked like was a pair of "dem good glasses".

I was not really down for that. But since she was in the little den, I let her try them on. I had her cornered in just in case she decided to run. She tried them on, and had a overly exaggerated fit. My prescription is strong. I thought she was going to fall out on the floor. And she she could do that right after I grabbed my glasses from her.

She wanted my eye doctor's telephone number. I gave it to her, knowing she wasn't going.

Then she hit me up for some money. (She'd done that a couple of times earlier. I paid her no mind).

I reached in my pocket and gave her a dollar. She wanted more.

Too bad. I don't really carry cash.

"You sound like my niece, talkin' about 'I don't carry cash, I only got my card'!  What am I suppose to do when I wake up early in the morning and I want a beer? I gotta have cash to go get myself a can of beer!"

"I am sure you do," I said. "But people don't carry cash these days. You can now just swipe your cell phone at the cash register and pay for stuff."

Both Aunt Ellen and Ms. Marcy gasped.

"It is true," I said. "But I don't trust that yet."

Ms. Marcy, still in her state of surprise, asked "What they gonna do about the fraud. You can steal people's cell phone and use it as money!"

"I don't know," I said, as I grasped my cell phone a little tighter through the pocket of my hoodie. (She was making me nervous. "I pay with my card."

Ms. Marcy stared down at the dollar in her hand. "I'ma use this dollar to play the cash 3. Them triples came up last night! Gimme a number to play, Lisa."

"773," I said. "Them doubles, honey."

Her eyes went wide again.

Yes I know the lingo very well when I have to. She was quite impressed with me.

We talked a little more. Then she went back and parked herself in front of the TV.

When another commercial break came on, I went back to talk to her.

"It was nice to meet you, Ms. Marcy." I reached out to shake her hand.  "It's an honor to meet someone who was my father's friend."

She smiled her broken tooth smile and shook my hand hard.

"I wanted to come to the funeral. But they wouldn't let me come."

I asked why, but no answer was needed. She would've been a drunken mess at the funeral. No one wanted to deal with that.

"It was such an honor to meet you," I repeated. "You were someone who knew Milton. It was nice to meet someone who was his friend."

She smiled again. You would've thought I was Michelle Obama giving her a compliment.

As I was leaving, she said "Milt say you are a nurse or a doctor."

"Yes I am a doctor, but not a medical doctor."

"Well can you test me for the diabetes?" she asked.

I repeated what I said. I told her I had a PhD in Chemistry, and I couldn't help her medically.

She didn't understand a word I'd said. It didn't matter because I was on my way out the door.

I came home and put my groceries up. Did a little reading and cleaning.

And now I'm watching Watch Night service.

Oil Change.
Farmer's Market.
Aunt Ellen.
And the lively Ms. Marcy.

Oh my. This has been a most memorable last day of the year.

And I'm glad... and thankful for that.