Remembering my Vision Board

I posted up a REALLY long post last week on Monday night, but I woke up the next morning, and it was GONE. I wrote it on my netbook, and your friend Oscar-Tyrone decides that the keyboard is just big enough for him to sit on and to warm up his butt. (Yes I am blaming him. He sits up on it whenever I leave the room for a period of time.)

But a few people caught it in their google readers, and I obtained a copy of the rest of the post. I can clean it up a little better, especially since I'm in a better mood.

Something interesting happened at the end of my day last Monday. Right at 6:30, when it is time to go.

I'm usually antsy around that time. One of us, Commander Meek Meek, who is the basis for this character in one of my stories, or me is usually running behind. And we end up waiting on each other, and sometimes end up not leaving until 7:00 or later.

It's all good. Doesn't make me happy, but it's okay.

When it's that late, it's quiet. People are usually gone. I am usually quiet most of the day when I'm at my desk. Unless I'm talking to CowgirlCre, I ain't talking much. And whatever I say, I better make sure it can be spray painted across the sky because you best believe folks be listening HARD. I doubt I have anything juicy going on to gossip about, but stories of lore can be weaved from innocent conversations.

Sigh.

Anyway, Meek-Meek and I were talking around 6:30. She and her family had a 2 hour juicing expedition on Sunday night. They juiced brussel sprouts, green beans, asparagus, broccoli... and more craziness. For 2 hours. I was looking at her like O_o. I can't imagine. They were juicing gallons of it. It was no surprise to me that somebody got sick off of it.

Man... I get my juicing done in 5 to 10 minutes. That includes cleanup. They doing too much.

Anyway, I don't remember how we got on this topic, but she said someone in the fam told her to make a collage of all the things she wanted to accomplish.

"A vision board," I said. "A vision board of sorts."

"Yes," she said.

"I have one," I said. I turned to my computer and found it on my blog. "I have a vision statement too."

I found it on my blog. I told her of how I even had a "vision statement". So we took a look at my vision statement.

"I am 100% healthy in my body, soul, and spirit. I acknowledge God in all my ways, and I seek Him before I make any decisions, big or small. I am a blessing to my family and to those that God sends across my path. I am an incredible asset to my friends. I am a good listener. I am an excellent employee, and I not only work hard, but I work smart. I take time to periodically evaluate myself, and I make changes accordingly. I stick and hold fast to the path God has charted out for my life. I accept and openly welcome constructive criticism, as I know it will help me become "a better me". I am a good steward, a fine manager over the finances He has blessed me with, to the point that God knows He can trust me."

I had to smile to myself. I haven't looked at it in awhile. I even memorized it at one time, as it gave me something to focus on.

And right now, I have so lost focus.

She really likes it. I told her that it is a thermostat of sorts. It is where I set my internal "Thermostat", hoping that I will mature over the years and reach what that vision statement encompasses. Not now, but someday.

I like it because it is MINE. No groupthink involved. It has nothing to do with what the crowd is doing or what is trendy right now. It is MINE. For me.

It is personal.
But it was interesting to look back over it and see how much I've grown.

And of course, it is interesting to pause and look at the areas where I am stagnant.

I am a good asset to my friends. Not incredible, but good. I tend to be a loner, dwelling hard in isolation. I ebb and flow in that area. But I am a reliable friend to some extent. I don't inject drama and confusion in people's lives, so there is much to say for that.

I am a good listener. I gotta do better in the area of finances, but that's always a given. I hope I'm a blessing to family and anyone who crosses my path.

That 100% health in soul, spirit and body. Sigh. Man. Jesus take the wheel. That is all.

I had planned to add more and more to the vision statement over the years. I found that there is no need for that, though. The few sentences above are enough for a lifetime. I mature in all that, then I'm a fully balanced individual, and much will grow out of that.

It was good to talk about it. I even did a series of posts on each sentence around the time of my 40th birthday. A simple deep thought and assessment of myself according to each sentence. It was quite carthartic. I will most likely go back and read over that, since it's been 2 years since I did all those posts.

But you know what was really interesting? And really put a smile on this lurchest aunt esterish face of mine?

It was the vision board itself.

It is hard to see. It's the only picture I have of it. I thought it was silly at the time when I made it - January 2008 for a journal writing group meeting- but it was fun to make.

Fun to dream, if only for a moment.

I placed the vision statement in the upper right hand corner.

You can tell what my passion is. It is writing. A third of the board is taken up by that. I have all the titles of my books in a shimmery gold glitter bookcase.

At that time I'd never been on vacation as an adult. In the center of this vision board was a beautiful island.

And my dream car is near the bottom of the poster. Hard to see, but it is a 1999 or 2000 gold Lexus ES300.

I got a little happy when I peered at the picture, and explained the different things to Commander Meek Meek.

I've been to several countries since then... Mexico, Aruba, Turks, Dominican Republic, Curacao. I've seen Cuba and Venuzuela from afar, but haven't been there.

And then there's Lucy. My Lexus, Lucy. I've had her for 3 months now.

Interesting... it's the exact same one as on the vision board. I think it's the same color too.

Sooo... vision boards are a good thing, aren't they?

Might be time to sit down, on a rainy Saturday perhaps, and make another one.

No telling what dreams will come true in the next few years.

It was refreshing to sit back and talk and verbalize it all, if only for a few minutes with my coworker.

I really needed a bright spot in my day that day. SOMETHING.

And it was a day where I just happen to peer back at an old vision board... and had a chance to remember and appreciate that even though life may be blah and stagnant at times, that it really isn't. As long as I'm alive and breathing, things are happening. Life isn't stagnant, but still fluid. It is always moving, flowing like water, even if I feel the waves or not.

Sometimes it takes looking back over a span of time to see that it is most definitely true.

And oh how glad I am of that.

Very glad.

I am never standing still. Never.

Something is always happening.

And for me, that something is always good... or moving in the direction of good.

That is my confession.

Good things are happening. Whether it feels like it or not... Sometimes it takes a span of time to see it.

And that, my dear, is a good thing. A very good thing indeed.

My Monday went from blight to bright.

I hope my week flows in the same direction

Post 26: Vision Board Personal Statement, Part 7

We still rockin' it, rockin' it.

Stomping hard up the path like Miss Sophia...

Getting closer and closer to that goal of 40 posts in 40 days, a little gift I'm giving to myself for my upcoming 40th birthday...

You know, it looks as if I could do about 60 posts. But I won't do that. I have a limitied amount of choices as to what I can write about before I run out of days. So, the hard thing now is picking and grouping posts together right. It is a more arduous task than I anticipated, just doing that much.

But writing about things comes easy for me.

And exploring the details of my personal vision statement is central to this "40 in 40" food-for-thought blowout bonanza extravaganza.

So we will roll on with that...

As always, the part highlighted in green is what's important today.

"I am 100% healthy in my body, soul, and spirit. I acknowledge God in all my ways, and I seek Him before I make any decisions, big or small. I am a blessing to my family and to those that God sends across my path. I am an incredible asset to my friends. I am a good listener. I am an excellent employee, and I not only work hard, but I work smart. I take time to periodically evaluate myself, and I make changes accordingly. I stick and hold fast to the path God has charted out for my life. I accept and openly welcome constructive criticism, as I know it will help me become "a better me". I am a good steward, a fine manager over the finances He has blessed me with, to the point that God knows He can trust me."

"I am an excellent employee, and I not only work hard, but I work smart."

This is a part of the statement that I have to meditate on and really get well developed in believing about myself.

I've always considered myself a good employee. I always work hard. But I don't particularly work smart. But I'm a hard worker.

I don't particularly think management thinks this though. There's a particular element of uh, brownnosing that goes along with considered an "excellent employee".

So in that respect, I'm not an excellent employee.

I don't fare all too well in political and illegitimate work environments, where honesty and integrity are frowned upon.

This is why I feel that that part of my vision statement is very much self-contained. I have to evaluate myself on the type of worker I am. For my employer to evaluate me, well, it's all tainted.

I heard something in a sermon awhile ago that struck me enough to the point that I remember it, and think of it often. I take the time to apply it to my life on a daily basis.

Take a little time to evaluate yourself each evening, during your quiet time. If you messed up that day, take time to admit to yourself and to God that you did. Same thing if you were lazy, or mean, or if you had a good day. Take time to think about it and be honest with yourself and God, think about how and what you can do to do things differently, if you can expand and build on what went right, etc.

I try to do this concerning work. And I when I do this, things go pretty well. I am a lot less stressed, less depressed.

And I must admit there are times when I let this slip. I get discombobulated and depressed.

The biggest difference between being vigilant and letting things slip is that one involves trusting in God and another involes allowing the circumstances to dictate my feelings and emotions and the way I handle myself.

I'll let you decide which one is connected to which.

When I am having a difficult time at work, I think back to an interview I had some five years ago, for a promotion. I don't think much of these opportunities, as management tends to make decisions beforehand. We all know who the promotion is written for, etc.

I didn't get the promotion, and this black woman who was on the panel called me into her office. She explained how stellar my credentials were, and how she fought for me. She needed to know what was going on upstairs. I told her, peeps were sleeping together, and I can't really get around that. While she was talking, I was still trying to figure out how I'm suppose to get around management sleeping around, but that's neither here or there.

She gave me a long talk about my career. I gave her a long talk about how God takes care of me, and I want what He gives me, and I want it on the basis of merit. Let no man say I got something due to ulterior motive or because my boss was sleeping with someone higher up. I mean, a measly $10,000 raise ain't worth my integrity.

I told her, I have a "Dr." on the front of my name. Uh, no one in management does. Get at me when they go through the fire to get the title. Holla at me when you earn that.

Oh, we had a good lonnnng talk. I think we even talked about my love for writing. That's my true calling, you see. To communicate with the written word. I told her, this here is a job. It pays the bills. Don't get the two confused.

(I ain't a talkative chick, but I had much on my mind that day.)

I think back on that talk when I get the notion to feel bad about my work habits. And the bad feeling comes from outside, not within. I am an great employee with stellar credentials. I have more good days than bad. Many more.

And I must now, stay even-minded... and remember the spirit of that talk.

I believe what I believe about myself employee-wise. I am a great employee. Now, the fact that I don't bend to strange managerial tricks and games, well, that's up for managerial peeps to decide. That fact that I can sit down and evaluate myself truthfully and honesty is everything to me right now.

I'ma be me. And I have gotten back to the core of what's real.

My best friend always tell me, "Listen, I don't let peeps on the job bother me. I work for God. As long as I know that, then whatever, man."

(Yeah, LadyTee knows how to word things where I can understand them, lol).

Getting to the core of what's real, and what's right is essential.

You know, I was spatting off something terrible back in the last quarter of the year because I was so overworked. My boss was tripping. I was behind. And it wasn't my fault, really. We lost half our group to vacation, and the work was still coming in. And I let it stress me out and depress me.

And along came a new reader who wanted me to post up my notes on depression. Not something I cared to do, but I knew I had to deal with it in terms of my job situation. It was a path to an open door to some type of solution... it got me back to that essential daily evaluation and tweaking of how I deal with things...

So I am thankful to you, Ms. Jennifer... you helped me more than you know. I am thankful you stepped across my life's path.

I've been back to evaluating myself... and it always comes back to not so much as working hard, but working smart. It comes back to being pleased with my workday, and to know that I did a good job before God. And if I have to humble myself and make the necessary adjustments, then I need to be faithful and do that. Period. For that is the key to keeping myself out of depression, and out of bewilderment.

That, and trusting in God.

I am an excellent employee.

I will continue to build on, and believe that about myself.

And I must keep that in mind, hold it close to my heart, no matter how I feel about the job.

Post 20: Vision Board Personal Statement, Part 4

Alright, I've reached the halfway point of my food-for-thought bonanza blowout countdown to my 40th birthday.

20 down! 20 to go!!!

So, I know I still have to dig into the personal statement on my vision board.

It's not who I am now... but who I hope to be someday.

Just know that the vision is plain, and written up on the walls of The House of LadyLee. And I will get to the point someday where I can say I embody all of the listed characteristics.

Of interest, as always, is the part highlighted in green.

"I am 100% healthy in my body, soul, and spirit. I acknowledge God in all my ways, and I seek Him before I make any decisions, big or small. I am a blessing to my family and to those that God sends across my path. I am an incredible asset to my friends. I am a good listener. I am an excellent employee, and I not only work hard, but I work smart. I take time to periodically evaluate myself, and I make changes accordingly. I stick and hold fast to the path God has charted out for my life. I accept and openly welcome constructive criticism, as I know it will help me become "a better me". I am a good steward, a fine manager over the finances He has blessed me with, to the point that God knows He can trust me."

I am a blessing to those that God sends across my path.

This is simple, yet complex, even for me to explain. For me, I suppose it means that people who I come in contact with, well, I am helpful in someway. I am not a detriment to their life's journey.
Simple enough.

I don't want to be a detriment to anyone. I don't want to be the cause of their downfall, or the cause of them going in the wrong direction.

You may say, "Well, you're not LadyLee!"

Really?

I've had problems with folks over the years. I've been told I am no good, I'm an awful person, etc.

And that's cool.

Let's get something straight.

My being a blessing to you does NOT involve validating your bad decisions and bad behavior.

My being a blessing to you does NOT involve loaning you money. I got burned back when I was in my early 20s. Therefore, I don't care if you think I'm filthy rich, uh... I don't loan money. If I can't afford to give it without expectation of ever seeing it again, then I don't give it. Period.

(That one has gotten me in trouble over the years. I don't see Bank of LadyLee scrawled across my forehead. I don't believe you see it either).

My being a blessing to you does NOT include me saying what I need to say in order to receive your approval. One thing folks learn about me VERY quickly: If I gotta bank on you approving of me, then I may as well be broke in that area. I'll pass. That, my dear, is called "Faking the funk." People do that everyday. Go surround yourself with those types of people, because they are a dime a dozen.

My being a blessing to you does NOT include me doing what you think I should be doing. If that's the case, I fail miserably. VERY miserably. Look, that's how I grew up with my Mama. You think that's going down between me and you? Uh... Nope.

I'm sure I've missed a few things. Like I don't fare well with people who have low self esteem, and they don't realize it, and they ain't working on it.

(Read that real close. I'll let you figure out the intricacies of that one.)

But here's the gist of what that part of my vision statement means to me. Over the years, I've come across a lot of people who are at the time going through something that I've already gone through and have conquered. Maybe I can offer some advice on the right thing to do. Or I can offer some type of emotional support or assistance.

Those types of people come across my path. I am quick to recognize such.

People who are working on a doctorate come my way and say "Hey, they told me to come talk to you, LadyLee."

People who are going through a divorce come my way. Folks who getting jacked up on the job come my way. People who have lupus come my way. People who are looking for a church home come my way (they're not looking to join my church, but I open your head to what you should be thinking about when making such a decision.)

And here's something really odd. A woman at work whose baby seems to be allergic to meat... someone said "Go over there and talk to LadyLee!"

Very odd, since my vegetarian journey is only 7 months old. But you best believe I was able to encourage, and let her know not to worry because there are all KINDS of ways for that toddler to get his proper protein. At least I could give her something to think about. I think I even have a whole chapter in one of my books geared toward that particular problem. I will be sure to give that to her.

Just a few examples for you.

People say I always have the right words to say...

I like people saying that about me. That's better then folks saying "Here she come, causing trouble again. Let me hide my stuff. And let me watch what I say, cuz she crazy as hell. She'll cut you if you look at her the wrong way!"

(Come on, now. Don't act. You know you know people like that - people that spray drama and drop carnage everywhere they step. Don't act like you don't know what I'm talking about.)

No, I want to be a blessing. I've had convos with people, and they're like "Lee, that convo we had so many years ago. Man, that changed my thinking. It threw me in the right direction. I still think about our conversation, all these years later."

That right there make me cheese real hard, just like Miss Celie, lol.

And it gets over into a principle that I'm understanding more and more over the years.

I'm a blessing to your life, then God will send someone along to be a blessing in my life.

That's all I can ask for. I don't really even care much about that. I get a kick out of being one of the people along someone's life path, a small piece of your support system, no matter how brief.

I like being someone who is one of the many keys to you being a better YOU.

That's better than trying to jack you up and mess you over.

Am I right about that?

I am a blessing to those that God sends across my path.

It is indeed something I strive for... and continuously pray that I achieve it.

Post 2: Vision Board Personal Statement, Part I

A couple of weeks ago, I posted my personal vision statement.

I called this statement my "thermostat". It is what I desire to be, the setting of "inner-me".

And I am not there yet. Like I said, it's where I want to be.

I don't want to be a thermometer, just measuring the temperature of my current atmosphere and simply accepting it and going with the flow. If society dictates it, then I just go along with it... mindlessly.

I don't think so.

I've noticed much lately. For some reason, society charts our course. I don't accept that.

I want to chart my own course.

I want to set my own thermostat. Period.

So, I wanted to discuss this course I've charted for myself, this vision statment. Some parts are easy to discuss, as I am pretty clear about it and accomplishing them. Some parts aren't so clear cut. It reaches far up into every area of my life, especially the problem areas. I think it will help me to talk about it.

I've never wanted to post it, as I consider it private and personal. It is mine, not for others to pick at or manipulate it, or judge me in light of it. But I decided to post it. And I am glad of that.

I judge myself in light of it. It is something I'm mindful of, something I've memorized.

Now, this is part 1 of 10 parts, but I will sprinkle those 10 posts amongst the 40. I don't care to do them in order. And in each post, the part I talk about will be highlighted in green.

I am 100% healthy in my body, soul, and spirit. I acknowledge God in all my ways, and I seek Him before I make any decisions, big or small. I am a blessing to my family and to those that God sends across my path. I am an incredible asset to my friends. I am a good listener. I am an excellent employee, and I not only work hard, but I work smart. I take time to periodically evaluate myself, and I make changes accordingly. I stick and hold fast to the path God has charted out for my life. I accept and openly welcome constructive criticism, as I know it will help me become "a better me". I am a good steward, a fine manager over the finances He has blessed me with, to the point that God knows He can trust me.

I am 100% healthy in my body, soul and spirit.
I have a huge "100%" label on my vision board. I wasn't sure why that caught my eye and I needed to cut it out of the magazine and use it, but looking at that first sentence of my personal vision statement helps me to understand (or as my big blog brutha Hassan says, "overstand") what that means.

I want to experience wholeness and be at total peace in my body, soul, and spirit.

Nothing busted. Nothing missing. Nothing broken.

I want wholeness and peace in my BODY. I want this lupus under control or in remission... something. GEEZ. I want to be healthy, man!

I want wholeness in my SOUL. The soul houses my intellect, my will and my emotions. It is where all my choices and decisions are made. It is the control center of my life, the battlefield of sorts. I want peace in that area.

I want wholeness and peace in my SPIRIT. That's the most complicated area. To me, my spirit is that perfect part of me, shaped by God and from God. It's the essence of who I truly am.

I want all those parts of me to be at peace. Healthy, bustling along at 100%.

I want everything alright, and as it should be.

That's a tall order right there. It's a broad and massive area where continuous construction is underway, and will continue until the day I die.

And I of all people have realized something very crucial, terribly crucial indeed in that "construction" process:

God does His part. And I do my part.

The two go hand in hand.

(Not sure I'm going off on a tangent here, but hey... you know how I am).

I get a LOT of answered prayer. A LOT. I'm talking some immediate answers.

We ALL get answers to our prayers. Here's the reasons why we think we don't:

The answers don't line up with what we want or think the answer should be.
The answers don't line up with the dictates of society, i.e., not approved of by society, not popular.
The answers require change.
The answers require us to rely on, trust in, and have faith in God.

(That last two are my problem areas. Hard sigh.)

My answers are never "magic" abracadabra type stuff. Like "ta-daaaah", no more emotional problems! No more health isshas! No more life problems!

No. It always requires me to DO something.

In other words, a path to whatever the answer is opens up.

And I better get up off my behind and WALK OUT THAT PATH. And in the process of walking out that path, a bunch of stuff goes down. I build my faith muscle on that path. I pick up a lot of skills along that path. I meet a lot of people along said path. I may even squash a lot of bad habits and attitudes along this wondrous path. I have to honestly judge myself on that path (and rightfully so).

[God know He likes to kill 100 birds with one stone. Sigh (but that's a VERY good thing).]

The path to "there", the answer, is sooooo important and vital.

Sometimes I walk out the path. Sometimes I don't. Sometimes I whine. Sometimes I am pissed about it. Sometimes I plant my feet and decide that I ain't doing JACK.

Sometimes I get sidetracked, i.e., I get stuck headfirst off in a bush on the side of the path, lol

But I better do my part. Period.

I have found this to be very much so when it comes to that vision statement.

I am 100% healthy in my body, soul, and spirit.
I am working on being healthy in my body. I can't begin to even tell you how some of the lifestyle changes, i.e., me doing my part, has helped me in that area.

I am working on being healthy in my soul and my spirit. I have a lot of problem areas (don't we all), but I am prayerful about those. I find the path to that health is very interesting... It involves people who have the same goals I have. We are helping each other along, being of great support.

The thermostat is set.

I am a constantly evolving changing being, even when things appear to be stagnant.

And I must say, and continuously confess that first sentence of my personal vision. I must keep my eyes on that statement.

In time, I will get there.

Vision Board, Part II

I posted a picture of my vision board yesterday. I made it up in early 2008, as part of my journaling group activity.

There's a vision statement in fine print on the right hand side, a statement which I call my inner thremostat.

I think we are who we appear to be to people, but there is always the fine print of our lives. What does the "fine print" of LadyLee's life say?

More importantly, what do I want the fine print of my life to say?

That fine print on my vision board reads:

I am 100% healthy in my body, soul, and spirit. I acknowledge God in all my ways, and I seek Him before I make any decisions, big or small. I am a blessing to my family and to those that God sends across my path. I am an incredible asset to my friends. I am a good listener. I am an excellent employee, and I not only work hard, but I work smart. I take time to periodically evaluate myself, and I make changes accordingly. I stick and hold fast to the path God has charted out for my life. I accept and openly welcome constructive criticism, as I know it will help me become "a better me". I am a good steward, a fine manager over the finances He has blessed me with, to the point that God knows He can trust me.

Interesting.

You know, I've memorized that, and read it often.

And each time I ponder it, or read it, I see something different.

This personal vision statement is something I culled from my personal diaries, after reading many entries and assessing the subject matter, i.e., taking note of the things that were concerning me emotionally, spiritually, and mentally.

Of course I'm not all I've just written. It is where I want to be. It is the direction I want to go. The inner thermostat is set. The inner temperature isn't there yet, but it is getting there.

I've always thought that I would expand it, but I haven't. I have vision statements for my writing and other areas of my life, but the statement above seems to be the very core of the matter.

If I can strive for what I have just written, then I think I will be running in a positive direction at all times.

And that is all I can ask for.

So, I've posted this a little early, as I wanted to do 40 things I've understood about myself and life, leading up to my 40th birthday. It will be a "food for thought blow out" (which that doggone Serenity is so looking forward to, as she is the gatekeeper of the food for thought posts in the smurfy House of LadyLee).

But I think you will find some of what I have to say about myself pretty interesting...

I have a few other posts to get out of the way before we get into all that.

But the new year is about to begin.

And I'd like to suggest that you get your own vision board together. I myself thought it was a silly idea when it was first suggested. I am a tomboy, and I don't like touchy-feely stuff. And I had NO idea what I'd put on such a thing.

But it's interesting how what's in your heart can come out on paper.

It don't have to be anything fancy. Take a notecard and scratch some things on it, and place it up on your bathroom mirror and ponder it while you brush your teeth. Vision boards are vision boards, whether elaborate and glittery, or plain jane.

Do you.

For we all have dreams and desires.... we all long to improve in some area of our lives....

Right??

Right.

Have a great day...

And have a vision... on purpose.

An Oldgirl's Vision Board, Part I

Last week, I put up a picture of a pseudo vision board for my current writing project.

It got me to thinking about the life vision board I made back in January 2008. (I wish I would've dated it. I think it was January 2008).

I had it rolled up, sitting in a corner. I taped it up on the wall and snapped a photo. (excuse the bluriness. My camera is acting funny.)

It's peppered with many words...

Things I want to be: good, special, unique and the like.

Things I long for: Hope, joy, passion, health, truth, peace, dreams, time, and real satisfaction...

And the overall theme: I want to be "A Better Me.

Not sure what I was thinking with that huge "100%" and "Life".

I guess it means I want to enjoy life to the fullest.

A huge part of the poster is taken up by what I am passionate about, something I truly love, and I think about all the time.

Writing.

There's a bootleg bookcase up there, all glittery and gold, with the names of all the books I want to publish.

And sadly, there's nothing concerning chemistry on there. That is like, my job... It is nothing that I think about anymore. (I suppose it gets that way when I've been in the field for 20 years, and accomplished all I care to accomplish in it.)

And that part above labeled "thermostat" takes up a large part of the right hand side of the poster.

It is my personal vision statement.

A thermostat is guage one uses to set the temperature, the atmosphere of the house. I've been taught to set it, don't mess with it.

Just set the darn thing.

For the atmosphere will eventually reach the temperature at which the thermostat is set.

And I've set my thermostat for my inner house.

This is very basic, and I've wanted to put it up, but I've always considered it deeply personal, as it is highly intangible and very spiritual in nature.

It is something I've memorized, and I keep it my heart. I ponder where I've fallen short, rejoice where I've been competent and successful.

I don't too much worry about where I've fallen short.

It don't matter.

The thermostat is set. I will eventually get there.

You may yell, "That's corny, LadyLee!"

No, what's corny is being a thermometer... something that takes the temperature of the atmosphere, and that's all.

Just going with the flow, not striving for anything, going with the crowd, being a followere, etc.

I don't want a thermometer. Give me a thermostat, man.

I am running up on my 40th birthday pretty soon, on February 7, 2010, and I'm doing something special leading up to it. (Well special to me).

I'm gonna do 40 posts on 40 things/lessons that have been important in shaping who I am, and where I've come from and where I want to be.

I wanted to do like my homegirl Chele, one of the bloggers I respect and jock like crazy. LOL

She did 45 days leading up to her 45th birthday. I learned a TON of things from her doing that whole thing.

If I did such, it would be 40 days leading up to my 40th birthday. But I don't know if I want to blog everyday, so I will spread it out a little more.

One thing I wanted to do: Post up this "thrermostat".

And I plan to discuss each part of it in full detail. That'll be 10 really detailed posts. Very detailed.

Like I said, I've never wanted to post it as I never wanted it tainted. I've never wanted to fall into people judging where I'm at at any given point.

I must be able to judge for my ownself where I am in the process. I

And since this post is running long...

We'll post that up tomorrow.