Learning to Forgive ME

One of my coworkers gave me a copy of Kelly Price's CD and I like listening to it at work while sitting at my desk crunching data. Unless someone gives me some current urban music, there's no way I'll hear it. I don't care to sift through all the trash to get to the true gems.

And this song, "I'm Sorry" is a gem. It gave me pause. I posted the words if you can't listen to the song.





I'm sorry that I'm leaving
I'm sorry that I stayed
I'm sorry that I ever let you treat me that way
And I'm sorry that I let a good man get away

But I accept my apology
I'm gonna do better by me
I wrote this song to say I forgive me

For the times I needed me
And every time I slacked
I'm sorry I gave him my love
And he didn't love me back
And I'm so sorry I gave him my heart
I want it back

But I accept my apology
I'm gonna do better by me

I wrote this song to say I forgive me
For the wasted time I know I'll never see again
For the drama and the lies that live inside my head
And for loving you (more) when I didn't even love myself
And for every bridge I burned I know I can't return

But I accept my apology
I'm gonna do better by me
I wrote this song to say I forgive me

I wrote it to say I love me
I wrote this song to say
I forgive me


LadyLee's Thoughts


Man. I wish that there were more songs of substance like this on the radio. Maybe then I would listen to the radio. Otherwise I will just deal with the delight of stumbling across them.

She sure did hit on a lot of mess, didn't she?

I can relate to everything in that song.

1. I've stayed in a ratchet relationship for longer than I should have.
2. I've let a joker treat me any kind of way.
3. I've let a good man get away.
4. I've needed me, and I wasn't there for myself.
5. I've been slack.
6. I've given my love and haven't been loved in return.
7. I've wasted time that I can't get back.
8. I've been caught up in drama.
9. I've built some crazy images based on assumption in my head... and acted out on them.
10. I've loved a sucker more than I've loved myself.
11. I've burnt bridges.

I've done all of that. And I can probably add 100 more things to that. And I'm still doing some of those things... sigh.

This song/ It really deals with an interesting subject matter: forgiveness.

The courage to say I'm sorry.

Saying I'm sorry to yourself, no less.

Forgiving oneself is really hard to do.

For me, it means I have to sit down in my quiet time and really truly acknowledge my mess.

And no one likes to look at their own mess.

Let's face it, we all got mess in our lives. If we don't have mess in our lives now, trust... we don't have to look too far to find it. As a matter of fact, we can travel down the narrow back corridors of our minds...

Yes, those dark dank dirty halls, with the unmentionable stories scrawled high on the walls...

And come across some mess.

We all have a past. Juicy, messy, bizarre, tragic, or otherwise.

And it's like a bright light, a beacon of sorts, off to the side of our minds. We're looking straight ahead, moving forward, achieveing and accomplishing great things... in the midst of that small light off to the side, which represents the past mess.

Or the present mess we hide from others.

I don't want to call it mess.  I want to call it that ol' bullsh**.

But this is a rated PG blog.

And the Book of Cuss will remain closed tight with a rubberband and buried in my backyard.

But it is what it is.

I'm convinced that nothing happens until we face it.

Because we think about "it" just before we drift off to sleep... when we are alone in the dark with our personal thoughts.

I know we are serious when we say, "I'm going to deal with this, and I don't care what people say about me."

Because that is part of the problem within itself: the worry of "What will people think or say?"

But we are definitely serious when we look at our situation and say "I messed up. I acknowledged that I handled this all wrong. I own up to it."

And we take it a step further... and apologize to ourselves.

We forgive ourselves.

That's when the reminders slowly fade away. Yes they are a part of us.

But they cease to be the albatross around our necks.

And they become the stepping stones upon which we step to climb higher up the mountain to growth, maturity and personal peace.

This has been a janky week for me. One in which I've had to forgive myself for a few things that are bothering me pretty badly. And they are things that are not my fault and I can't do anything about.  I wish I had a big eraser, and I could just erase it all.

Shoot man, I almost have to sit down and write a letter to myself.

But the major goal is to forgive myself, dust myself off, and move on.

That's the only way to let things go.

This has been another song that makes me think. Always good for blog fodder, I suppose.

And that's a good thing.