Food for Thought: In the Minds

I have the most interesting conversations with my sister...

She consistently comes to me for advice. I would've never imagined that we would have the conversations that we have. I can't really say that we liked each other too much. And I am 11 years older than her. I can't imagine that, as a child, she would look at me and consider me a fun person. And she was a pest to me.

But that has changed. And that's a good thing.

We lived together for a few years, and she moved away back in June of 2010. Boy oh boy, it took me awhile to get past that and to get use to living alone again. But I got past it.

Anyway, she moved to a really nice communtiy some 20 miles from me. (I live 4 miles from downtown ATL. I can see the skyline from my street). The area has been on the top 10 cities to live in Georgia over the years, even capturing the top spot as best place to live. The city has also been on the lists of top places to live in the whole USA over the years.

So suffice to say, if you can move there, you're all good!

Well, I called my sister a few months ago, and she sounded particularly down. I asked what was wrong.

"There's a rash of crime going on around here. Not sure what's up with that," she said.

We talked about the issues. She was really concerned.

"I thought when I moved out here, I was choosing the best place to live. These types of things are not suppose to happen out here."

"These types of things are not suppose to happen out here."

Man. Haven't we heard that before.

Haven't we heard that phrase... over and over and over again.

And I have to tell you, I heard it quite a few times over the past week when those affected by the tragedies are interviewed.

This is a nice area. This is not suppose to happen here.

I moved here to this nice area to get away from the crime.
Really?

Really.

Because let's face the facts... We all think like that, don't we?

I know I thought that when my sister told me where she was moving to. I knew the particular apartment complex she had chosen. I had friends who had lived there in the past. It was a nice gated apartment complex. I felt good about her moving there, especially with her living alone.

"I can't believe the stuff that's going on," she lamented.

I sighed. "Baby, craziness goes on everywhere. No place is exempt."

And I gave her a few examples, since I watch the local news on a regular basis (I know she doesn't).

We have all kinds of interesting things going on in the Atlanta Metropolitan area.
Look at this house right here...

That's a really nice house. In a really nice suburb, a community about 45 minutes west of Atlanta. I know it's a nice area because I have friends that live way out there. Gotta pack a doggone snack if I'm gonna drive out there IN TRAFFIC, as is the case when driving out that way.

Nice area.

Well that house is the scene of a crime. The parents who lived there held there son in a room for 2 years in the dark, not letting him out. I don't think the other two kids knew he was there. When he turned 18, they put him on a bus to Cali and gave him a list of shelters out there and told him good luck. He was severely malnourished, and a policeman spotted him at a bus station in Cali and helped him.

Look at the house. In that area. Would you imagine that this is going on next door to you?

There's a popular wealthy gated community in the northern surburbs. One of the mansions was raided because it was essentially a high class brothel.

Really.

Can you imagine that type of thing happening next door to your nice mansion?

We talked about all that. And lets not even get into the number of nice houses around here used as marijuana grow houses. All in really really nice communities. And there was some folks running a multimillion dollar mail order illegal drug business out of their house. BEAUTIFUL house in a nice community. All kinds of stuff like that goes on in Atlanta.

Imagine the crime going on behind closed doors that we don't know about... or will never know about.

"Crime occurs everywhere," I told her. "Everywhere."

She seem to understand.

"And you know why that happens?" I asked her.

"Why?" she replied.

"Because you don't know what's going on with people. You don't know what's going on with the people that live next door to you."

Let me correct that: You don't know what's going on in the minds of people. You don't know what's going on in the minds of people who live next door to you.

All you can do is look at the statistical data and hope for the best.

Ah yes. This community has the lowest crime and the top schools. These homes have the highest property values and resale potential. This is the best place to live.

Yes it is. And that's what you do. But don't be all shocked when some mess go down. No community is exempt tomfoolery and ratchetness. None.

You don't know who's quietly shooting up drugs in their basement. You don't know who's being abused. You don't know who's abusing folks. You don't know who has some strange secret habit going on.

You just don't know. Just because that mansion is immaculate... that don't mean all that's going on in the minds of the the occupants is wonderful. 

Now me myself? I live in the HOOD. Straight up. Why? Because I've lived waaaaaay out in the suburbs over the past 25 years. Everywhere except the northern suburbs. Honey, I cannot afford the Northside. Nerp.

That's just my personal preference. And can you believe I've ran into folks who look down on me because of it? Really? 

(You know me. I ain't trying to impress NOBODY. My self-esteem ain't gonna be based on what you think of me and my choices. Come on, now.)

I like convenience. Period. I don't like being stuck in a car and having a daily two hour commute. My commute is no more than 20 minutes round trip. And I'm HOT if it's more. PISSED, man.

And I lived downtown, about a mile from where I live now, many years ago when I was in grad school. Best place I ever lived, and my top goal was always to move back. And that's what I did.

If you ever hear of me living waaaaay out in the 'burbs, you know I work from home. Period.

And there have been problems, since I do live in the hood. There have been 3 murders a block or two from my house. That's scary. But it happens. And there's a lot of petty crime, like house robberies, etc. I have never fallen victim. Somebody stole my brother's truck some 6 years ago. That's about it.

I think I would be more pissed if I had a house waaaay out in the suburbs somewhere and these things were happening. And it happens all the time on the outskirts of metro Atlanta. Because, I mean, I watch the news and I am SHOCKED.  And I am saying the same thing that everyone else is saying:

"That's not suppose to be happening all the way out there."

And the neighbor- the next door neighbor- that the news journalist always interviews echoes my sentiments exactly.

And this false sense of security we have is unfortunate. It really is. Because you just don't know what's going on in the minds of people around you. You don't know what type of rage, fear, hurt, pain, jealousy or violence is incubating. And people have the most interesting secret lives. Interesting.

And that stuff is allll gonna manifest itself and come out in the open at some time. And most likely, it's gonna affect that person and everyone around that person in a negative manner.

And that goes for wherever we live. Great community or not.

So I did my best to encourage my sister that day. I was more concerned that she not be grappled by fear and that it all not overtake her faith and courage.

"That is why I tell you to always work on yourself," I told her. "You can't do anything about the state of the minds of people around you, but you can do the best to be the best person you can be. Your actions and decisions affect those around you. Make sure it's all for the good. Many people don't think about it all from that point of view."

It's been several months since we talked about it all, and she seems to be doing well. She still likes her place, but she's just a little more careful. As she should be.

As we all should be, no matter where we live...