The Last Day of the Year: 2018

Alas!

'Tis the last day of the year 2018.

2019 is but a few hours away. It is hard to believe that. I was just telling my best friend LadyTee today that when we were children, we were hollering about seeing the year 2000.

And here we are, some 19 years removed from the year 2000.

Wow.

And I have been pontificating and reflecting over the events of my life of the past year. I have been more concentrated on the last few months, as that is when much as happened. I got sick and had to be hospitalized. My mother spent a couple of months in the hospital. There has been much stress about how to help take care of her, and much stress concerning the failure of taking care of my own self and needs. I am learning balance is key. I am still trying to find that balance. And I am learning to not kick myself when I lose balance.

I rarely make goals. It's been years since I've said "In year such-a-such, I will do A, B, and C."

I made a few financial goals, the biggest one being pay off a second mortgage. I paid it off some 2 years early. It was some old balloon type craziness. I don't have to worry about that no more. GLORY. I met a few other financial goals.

My goals are always closer to being short term in nature. Little things. I make a list of about 10-20 things to do per day. So I have literally met THOUSANDS of small goals. And I think that is wonderful.

I think this year I had gotten a decent enough workout routine in the gym going, and that was a holdover goal from 2017. But I hurt my back, and I had to stop all that. That bothers me, as it was something I enjoyed. I have been on and off with the chiropractor. So I have ventured away from that. But that is about it. This has been a quiet year for the most part. I have been more concerned about working and keeping myself together. And I almost made it to the end of the year without much problems. Almost.

I am better now. Most importantly, I am thankful to see a new year. Perfectly healthy people began 2018, but did not live to see the year 2019. I am here to witness the dawn of a new year.

I have been more fascinated with and celebratory of the accomplishments of my friends. I have always rejoiced in the accomplishments of my friends. I not only have my own joy, but I have theirs, too.

One of my folks, S23, made a big move to another state, with a nice job. And she just closed on her house. What has fascinated me about this is that I remember when it was all just a thought in her mind. I remember when those goals of hers were written on a notecard. And it fascinated me to see those words jump off those notecards and manifest, in ways bigger than she could hope and pray for.

And I saw another one of my friends accomplish some mind blowing things: That doggone Tayari Jones' book American Marriage was selected by Oprah for her book club. Man, I was so happy, you would have thought it was MY book that had been selected. But, what has fascinated me about this is that I remember when it was all just a thought in her mind. I remember us talking on the phone all day, and she was telling me about how she'd overheard a convo at the mall. I didn't understand why she was all giddy about it.

My response was... "If you like it, I love it. Go head and write it, girl. You just remember to let me hold that first draft or whatever chapters you got."

I had to get to work on her EARLY. Get her mind right so she can send me a rough draft. The BEST thing in the world is sitting around minding my business, and an email from her saying, Here you go, Nettie, and there is an attachment. I have stopped working in the lab to go hide in a bathroom stall and read.

I see these types of things over and over again with my friends.

Just in these two examples, something pertinent was written above:

What has fascinated me about this is that I remember when it was all just a thought in her mind.

I am reminded, on this New Years Eve, that EVERYTHING begins with a seed. A seed looks like it isn't much, but it contains everything. It packs a punch.

No matter how old I get, that never gets away from me... Seeds. And a mere thought is a seed. Words spoken are seeds. Words (Goals) written on paper are seeds.

Seeds, seeds, seeds.

And that is what I go into this New Year thinking about: planting and tending to my seed. Whether I have a dump truck of seed, a handful of seed, or one seed in my hand. I need to plant that seed and do my best to tend to it.

And that is what I have always been thinking about. And I have understood it more by example in the past few years than ever.

And that's a good thing.

I hope you have had a great year, and that next year will be an even greater year.

I pray the seed, the thoughts in your mind, manifest in the best way ever!

The Day before the Last Day of the Year

Look at me...

I have gone a whole 3 months without posting.

3 MONTHS

THE SHAME.

On the real, too much has been going on. The past 3 months have been a complete whirlwind.

Life comes at you fast. FAST... doggonit.

I think I will post something tomorrow, just to end the year off. I have to think about what I want to post, though. So much can go on in so little time. I think my biggest issues here on blog is that I like a lot of pictures, and it is such a turnoff that I can't get them posted up fast like I like. It is a chore. But that is no excuse. This place has always given me a little piece of mind at times. And that needs to continue, even if it is only for me.

Right now, all is well. But around the first week of October, my mother had a couple of heart attacks and strokes. I had been trying to help my siblings with her, as she went through a quadruple bypass surgery and had many complications. She has diabetes and is in renal failure, so that is all A LOT for the body to have to deal with. She was in the hospital for a couple of months and has been in a rehab center for the past month or so. So going back and forth, trying to help her, has been the order of the day.

In the midst of all this, in early November, I was in the hospital for 5 or 6 days. I had a lupus flare up that sent me down a black hole. I just got SICK as dirt. I was severely dehydrated, and that is what kicked off whatever was going on with me. It took the rest of the month just to get myself back up to full speed. I am not sure I am back up to full speed yet. But I am getting there.

This is how I explain it anytime someone asks me how I am doing:

"You know how you phone is at 30%, and you plug it overnight to charge it up, and then when you wake up in the morning, and the charge is now only at 33%? That's how I feel."

That always elicits a good laugh. But it is my truth right now.

So I guess now I am somewhat back up to speed.

I wish I could have my 20-year-old self back.

That would be wonderful for the New Year.

It surely would.