December 31, 2019... The Last Day of the Year

I cannot believe that the last time I posted something was on December 6, 2019.

It's not like folks are reading anything, for the most part. Yes people do. But we are all on Twitter, Facebook and the Gram. I have accounts on all those platforms, but I go on mostly for the news and things like that. I rarely read folks postings. I like to write long and be a bit more creative, so those platforms do not suit me. And besides, what we are reading is the "silver lining" to people's lives. (I will let you figure that statement out).

I cannot believe that this is the last day of 2019, though.

I am about 3/4ths of the way through my 2 week vacation, and all I have been doing is contemplating my year. I usually have such grandiose dreams concerning the time off I take at the end of each year. This year, in early November, I had some 160 hours of leave I needed to use or risk losing it at the beginning of the year. So with that said, I haven't worked much during the month of December. There were a handful of half days and, between thanksgiving and Christmas, some 3 full weeks off. It was poor planning on my part. I have a ton of sick leave, and was using it for the many medical appointments I had this year.

I was using my sick leave for something else too... helping take care of mother.

"Take care" doesn't seem quite the right words. Me and my siblings are NOT medical professionals and not trained care givers. So we have been basically trying to figure out things as we go. We've been basically flying by the seat of our pants. And that's not what's best for her.

My mother has had a series of strokes and heart attacks. She has lost a leg due to diabetes, and her other leg is looking pretty bad, and she may lose that soon. She has been in and out of rehab. And she has wanted to come home, as she thinks we want to take her house. I understand that, as that is what some people do, take advantage and all. We are nothing like that. I choose to think that she just wants to be in familiar surroundings. So that's where she is, at home. My sister and I are off. My sister does most of everything since she lives there. I help where I can, mostly concerned about not getting in the way of her plans for mother. And me and mother do not have a relationship. This makes it harder.

So I spend time thinking about what I can do to be helpful... and just do it. Talking to other people who are taking care of their parents, I have learned that it is a hard and taxing ordeal. I must agree with that. The best thing to do is take things day by day.

So my year has been spent ripping and running back and forth to rehab, getting frustrated over it all. My sister is kinder and gentler. My goal is to support her the best I can. It is a lot dealing my mother and my nephew for her. Things are just day to day. Let's just make it another day, another step. Maybe one more thing, just one more thing, will go right. That is what I pray for.

Another thing on my mind this New Year's Eve: Work.

We haven't had permanent leadership over our workgroup in 2 years, as my old director was ousted. He didn't do anything wrong. Let him tell it, folks conspired to get him out of the way. And he didn't fight it. He got a better position in our organization out of the ordeal. (That let's you know some shadiness was going on).

So we have had a bunch of "acting" directors. These have been mostly current supervisors. But for the past four months, a particularly "interesting" coworker has been in charge. If I posted some of the messiness that I've heard that has gone down, this post would be a small novella. So I won't do that.

Notice I said: If I posted some of the messiness I've heard that's gone down....

Heard is the operative word here. Folks don't usually give me trouble. If I know that you're a...challenging individual, I absolutely don't fool around with you. Everything is absolutely work related. I don't care about your life, your dog, your Mama... nothing about your life. You've been treating people like trash, and you WILL NOT be bringing your craziness my way. My personality is just rough like that. I do not have the patience to sit around kissing your azz... none of that. You are considered problematic, even though I don't have problems out of you.

Let's just say, I like to make people think I am just a bit... touched in the head. That way, I don't deal with much foolishness.

Now, I do not care who my leadership is. It could be Scooby-Doo for all I care. As long as I get my paycheck every two weeks, it's not that important to me. What drains me is all the shenanigans I have to hear about. All the HIGHLY inappropriate mess I have to hear about. Luckily, folks sent complaints to higher-uppers, and somebody heard the complaints... and decided to go in a different direction.

So I was sitting at home on vacation (or holiday as the royals like to call it), and I was texting back and forth with a new coworker, and she told me a decision on our new leadership had been made and who it was. And it was NOT the challenging coworker. It was a supervisor from another group, a woman, no less.

Shocked the heck out of me.

This had all been a part of my morning prayers for a few months. Everyone was so stressed out with the acting leader. I would just pray for everyone, and hope that we could all get some type of answer.

And then we did... a leader who didn't even apply for the job.

I saw the new leader in her office before I left for Holiday.

I threw open her door and hollered...

LOOK at GOD!!

Won't He Do IT!!!

This got a hearty chuckle. And rightfully so.

But it is true, isn't it?

And I can say that for so much going on in my life, in every crisis and concern that comes my way... from taking care of our mother, to dealing with the workplace.

Look at God... Won't He do it?

So much interesting stuff goes on in my life, my personal world. Why, even during this time off, I tape a large piece of construction paper up on the wall, and I write with a sharpie marker, all the good stuff that happens that day. I call it my "Good of the Day" list. And I am amazed at all the good surprises that happen every day.

Every single day.

And for that, with the end of the 2019 drawing to a close... I'm thankful.

I'm so glad that I understand one thing at the end of this year. Of course I have known this all along, but I understand more this year:

God answers and takes good care of me.

And of you too...

So here's a thumbs up to the end of a year, the end of a decade.

I hope to be a better person each and every year. Now, I tend to ebb and flow in this area, I do admit, but this has nothing to do with being who everyone thinks I should be, as we are as a whole overly concerned with what others think of us.

But I hope and pray just to be better. I pray some of the old bad habits fall off and are replaced with new habits. I pray that some of the old thinking falls off and is replaced with new thinking. I pray for those around me, who I deal with and who I don't deal with anymore. In other words, I pray for the new friendships that will enter my life, and those friendships that have seen an end to our season together.

I pray for my purpose... on purpose.

And I pray for your purpose... on purpose.

Have a safe and New Years Eve.

And see you in 2020.


P.S I read my post from 10 years ago today after I finished writing this post. Some good food for thought there: https://ladylee35.blogspot.com/2009/12/post-3-southern-black-gal-postulate-99.html