Revelations and Rabbit Holes

I try my best every year NOT to make "New Years Resolutions". Why? Because by January 10th, I am done and so over it! 

I don't need a resolution. I need a revelation. Some goal or action that frees my mind and reveals some things. Something that gives me the "ah-ha!" that I need. 

I find that making a few goals, or even one small goal or intention, tends to stick. 

I only have one real goal right now. Well, but first, I have a smaller intention right now: be consistent in taking my medications and vitamins each morning and evening.

*crickets*

Now, this may seem to be an easy and inconsequential thing. But I found myself in 2001 forming some unusual habits when it came to taking medication. I may take the morning ones any time after noontime.

Even worse, I would think about taking my evening meds at a proper time. 

The interesting word here is... think.

So let's say it's around 11 pm. I need to take my meds. BUT I will decide to just lay down for a minute and close my eyes. Take a nap of sorts. This is fine because I sleep no more than five to six hours a night. (Strange reasoning in my mind, I know). But I will end up waking up at midnight or thereabouts, and I would have to get up out of bed, go get some water, separate all my pills out, and take them. This takes some five minutes, but it pisses me off. I'd rather be in my warm bed, you see. 

So something simple as taking my meds at consistent times is a big deal to me. I needed to solve this problem.

First it started out with separating all my pills into a morning/evening pill box out at the beginning of the week. This takes five minutes at most. Then I will just try to take them at good times... in the morning and at a couple of hours before I go to bed, when I am still lucid. 

That's it. That's all.

This seems to be working out pretty well so far, and it brings me some sense of calm. Hard to explain. It feels like something I do not really have to think about. (Did I take my meds yet? Did I skip one of my meds?)

Funny how something so simple calmed my nerves a little. 

Now the New Year Revelation I had that I want to accomplish:

Read quietly for one hour per day. 

This too may sound super simple. But it is not. For me, that is. 

I remember some ten to fifteen years ago I would read forty or fifty books a year. 

Now? In the past five years? I may have read four or five books a year. 

Why is that? Because of all the constant distraction in my life. I am thinking about this pandemic. So I may watch upwards of four hours of news programs a day, wondering what the world is going on and when this will be over. Then there is social media. Facebook, tiktok, twitter, instagram, youtube... ALL of that. It is so easy to disappear down many a rabbit hole real quick. Then I also like games I can play on my cellphone. WWF, candy crush, sims games... ALL of that. Hence, more hours of my day chewed up. 

Chewing gum for the brain.

It's like chewing chewing gum. Not much nourishment there. Just a little minty freshness and keeping the mouth and teeth busy. 

Sigh.

So if I can just sit still and read an hour a day? That would mean so much to me. 

And so far so good. The current book I'm reading is The Illusion of Money by Kyle Cease. It's not some book I would normally pick to read, but it was mentioned in a room on the Clubhouse App (that app itself is another rabbit hole at times). It was a spiritual room I would listen to while I walked in the mornings, and I pulled up an excerpt back in September and decided to make that my first book of the year for my "hour of power".

This book is super deep off the pages, but really good. It's kind of hard to explain what's it's about, but in a nutshell, it is about concentrating on the things that expand your heart and soul rather than chasing and doing things because you can make money from it. So it is about purpose and passion. You find your purpose, you pursue what you are passionate about, and provision will follow.

 I've seen and read much about this subject matter in the past, but this is a fresh perspective. I am much more aware on what makes me happy right now. 

And what makes me happy right now is my consistent hour of reading a day. It is time for me to be quiet, and for me to get back to concentrating on something useful than all the craziness that goes on in the world around me. I actually look forward to being still and absorbing something interesting. 

One great quote I've come across from this book (and there are many):

"Raising your value is about moving in a direction that is different and more expansive than what you did yesterday. It's about letting go of the things that reinforce your old small vision of what you are worth."

Hmm... that's a lot to chew on. 

Now if I could run down that rabbit hole... oh my. 

But I plan on continuing my one hour a day of quiet reading. Right now, it is around 6-7:30 pm at night or thereabouts. I found myself dozing off the first day I did this, but now I am excited about it. I may try some other times. That is a good hour after my walking, when I am trying to just wind down in general. 

But I think it is a good New Year revelation. 

And so far so good! 

The Last Day of the Year: The Washing of Masks

 I like to reminisce on my year on the last day of the year... 

And of course, when I think of the year 2020, I will think of the covid-19 pandemic. 

Sigh.

And a picture that sums it up on my end is the washing of masks.

Who on earth would've thought that "masks" would be the order of the day, the common thing?

I remember back in March, I was at a lost as to where to find an actual mask. And, no one was particularly sure if we needed them or not. I managed to get a 10 pack of surgical masks through a restaurant on ubereats. I was so proud to have found some. But then a friend of mine told me to go look on Etsy. I ordered masks from three different vendors. Then I ordered more from a vendor whose masks I liked the best.

So now I think I have ten cloth masks. I wanted the ones with the filter pocket. Why? Because I got the notion to buy a air filter so that I could chop it up. 

I chopped that filter down into little filters just large enough to fit the filter pockets of my masks.

This has all become a ritual of sorts. I wash my masks by hand in detergent and hot water twice, I rinse them thoroughly, then I soak them in boiling hot water for about thirty minutes. Then I hang them on a
plastic hanger and let them dry overnight. 

Then I place my cut filters in them and store them in a plastic bag. 

(I learned most of that on YouTube. Thank goodness for YouTube).

I only venture out into the world once a week at the most, mostly for groceries or medical appointments. And I will change my mask two, perhaps three times. So I wash masks every 6 to 8 weeks on average.

And that has become the norm in 2020.

Who would've thought that would have been a portion of my focus in 2020?

Hopefully this is a once in a lifetime type of situation.

I remember in early April of 2020 just breaking down and crying in the shower one morning because I was so confused and scared.  No one seemed to know what was going on, and just the mere shock of everything- job, church, theaters, etc.- everything closing down just messed my head up.

I have had moments like that all year... even lately.

2020 is coming to a close. I am hoping that the pandemic will end in 2021.  I am not sure how much longer we can all go on like this. People are missing family and whatnot. I am not a big family person, but I miss my sister and nephew, the only family I have close contact with these days, even prepandemic.

For me, the deeper problem is the unknown...the presence of the unknown and no idea of the solution. I can't control or solve it. 

I can only depend on God and be thankful to see another day.

Because so many did not live to see another day, or a new year on the horizon. 

And until this thing is over... 

I will continue washing my masks.