Thursday, March 09, 2006

Something Special...

I was speeding down Lakewood Avenue in my Mazda on Saturday afternoon, heading to the Southside to run a few errands, when I looked up and saw this sign…




I’ve driven past this establishment several times over the past few months, as it is my shortcut to the interstate, but I've never paid much attention to it.

But look a little closer…





Ha!

You know me...

I decided to go do a little investigating!

I decided to check it out!!

I walked in, and the place was nice and clean (that’s the first thing I look for). It wasn’t crowded. Only a couple of tables were occupied. There was a line of people at the counter, though, and people were coming in behind me. I wanted to take a couple of pictures, but I was hood deep... I thought they may think that I was trying to case the joint!

I finally got up to the counter and there was a soul food bonanza, all crowded onto a six foot long counter.

Oh my!!

There was enough food to feed a few Armies: mashed potatoes, corn, rice, potato salad, fried chicken, baked chicken, corn bread, dinner rolls, squash, cabbage, lima beans, collard greens, macaroni and cheese, candy yams, catfish, green beans, black eye peas, Salisbury steak, cakes and pies…

And of course, all things pork: a whole mess of chitterlings ("chitlins") , neck bones, ribs, pork chops…

…and the “pig foot”.

No I didn’t get a “pig foot” that day. I got a to-go vegetable plate of squash, mac and cheese, and green beans, with a corn muffin for $4.40. That was a good price, and the food was very good: not greasy or salty, but just right!

But what got me was that sign out front…

I thought of my late grandfather when I saw that sign. I laughed aloud. He loved pork.

I remember stopping by to see him one day after leaving work about five years ago. He had lung cancer, and had just gotten out of the hospital. So I made sure to stop by and talk and visit with him whenever possible.

He was leaving the house as I had just arrived, moving quickly down the front steps of his house, walking fast and hard. I watched him quickly snatch open the passenger door of his van and jump in. He was putting on his seat belt by the time I walked up.

“Grandaddy, where you going?”

“Tweet [my uncle] taking me to the store, Lee.”

I leaned against the van. I thought about jumping in the van and riding with them. “What are ya’ll getting at the store?”

“I want to make some barbequed pig feets,” he stated, all loud and proud. "Either you get in this car, Sweet, or go on in the house now!!"

I frowned and stepped back from the car. “Uh… alright. See ya’ll later, then.”

I decided to just go on in the house and hang out with Grandma while they did a “pig foot run.”

I went back to visit him the next day. He’d just finished baking a whole pan of barbeque pig feet.

Much to my dismay, he fixed a huge plate of pig feet and handed it to me.

“Sit down, Lee. Sit down and have some.”

Mind you, I hadn’t had pig feet in about 20 years, and I wasn’t screaming to eat any right then either. It took all that was in me not to just turn around and haul ass. But I sat there with him, and ate a plate of barbequed pig feet. It was an interesting experience, to say the least.

It was like chewing barbeque-flavored sponges and rubber bands.

But I remember that, even though I was completely repulsed by the taste of this special delicacy, I was just glad to share a little time with my Granddaddy, who was sick at the time, and had been undergoing chemotherapy for lung cancer.

The conversation that day and the sound of his laughter as we sat together at the small crowded yellow formica kitchen table eating our barbequed pig feet is something that I wouldn’t give up for the world.

It was something special, indeed.

I haven’t had a "pig foot" since that day some 5 years ago.

But when I saw that sign advertising the “pig foot”….

I thought about Grandaddy…

And how much I really, really miss him.

Wednesday, March 08, 2006

My Smile Box

(note: I've been trying to put a post up for the past couple of days, but blogger will not let me upload my photos! So I will post something from my personal thoughts and diaries until the situation is corrected...)


I have a "Smile Box" on my desk at work...


The "Smile box" was given to me and my book club sisters by our book club president. We are suppose to keep the "Smile Box" on our desks at work. We were instructed to place postive affirmations, scriptures, etc., in the box, and whenever some B.S. pops off at work, we're suppose to go straight to our "Smile Box", open it, and spend a little time with those positive words that uplift us.

So here are a few of the contents in my "Smile box":

"It is NOT me!"

"I am NOT defined by my job!"

"I cannot control other people's motives. I just need to be concerned with being a good custodian of my own life."

"God does not consult my past to determine my future."

And a couple of my favorite scriptures:

Proverbs 13:20 (MES) Become wise by walking with the wise . Hang out with fools and watch your life fall to pieces.

Hebrews 13:5 (AMP) For He God Himself has said I will not in any way fail you nor give you up nor leave you without support. I will not, I will not, I will not in any degree leave you helpless nor forsake nor let you down (relax my hold on you)! Assuredly not!

I like this idea. I open it everyday, if only for a few minutes. Sometimes I just need a little something to keep my spirits up...

Now an important question:


If you had a "smile box", what would it contain? What would you put in it that would uplift you, make you think differently about a difficult situation, or make your day a little brighter?

Monday, March 06, 2006

Hunh??????




Hunh????

Can someone explain this to me?


Yeah, the other songs nominated for an Oscar were pretty crappy...

Yeah, I have to admit that...

But you mean to tell me that R.Kelly's song "I believe I can fly", a good positive song, couldn't get nominated back in the day...

But Three 6 Mafia's "It's Hard Out Here for a Pimp" gets nominated and wins??

WOW!!

Who woulda thought?


Well... Congrats DJ Paul, Juicy J, and CRUNCHY BLACK...

*Ladylee slowly walking away and scratching her head in utter confusion*

Thursday, March 02, 2006

My Beloved Neighbors, Part 2... The House on the right.



A couple of weeks ago, I wrote about my neighbors who live in the house on my left… the gay frat boys…

Yes, yes, my sister Kay is still complaining… A few days a week I have to hear her chime

“Lee, they were outside trippin’ last night!”

But my neighbors to the right?

They are the complete antithesis of the frat boys…

Oh they are homosexual, just like a good percentage of my intown neighborhood…

But they are a nice, quiet, loving Caucasian couple. I will call them “Paul” and “Stan”.

And the funny thing is that they look just alike. It is almost as if they said, when they became a couple: “Hey, let’s go get our heads shaved so we will look just alike.”

So it is difficult to tell them apart. Instead of me yelling “Hey Paul” or “Hey Stan!” I just wave and yell…

“Hey!”

I always hear a nice “Hi ya, Ladylee!!”

I know one thing: they have busted up any of the traditional stereotypes I’ve had about gay couples. The more effeminent guy, Stan, is like Hefty Smurf, a jack of all trades. He
is constantly doing a lot of hardcore home improvements and landscaping, etc. The more buffed up masculine dude loves to cook, and is more of a housewife type. Kay especially loves the brownies he makes for us from time to time!

One day, Kay and I had returned from a little grocery shopping and one of the guys ran out of the house…

“Ladylee, we’re laying down hardwood floors! Come on over here and have a look!”

Well you know me… I am nosy. I sat my sacks down on top of the car and started to walk over there. My sister Kay stood there, stone-faced and looking crazy. She was shocked and silent, but she had that look on her face that screamed…

“Oh Hell Nawl!”

“Girl, bring your butt on here,” I ordered.

She reluctantly followed me. I walked into the house and I talked with the guys about their floors. I was way careful (as usual) to not say names, for fear of calling one of them by the wrong name. I usually just wait for one to address the other, then start calling names…

Well, Stan, the more effeminate of the two, got all excited.

“Ladylee, I looked over there, and I told Paul ‘Oh my God, she already has her curtains up!!’”

“No I don’t,” I said. “That’s called ‘Wait ‘til it gets dark, turn off all the lights and cover the windows with bed sheets.”

Stan had a look of horror on his face, which he quickly did away with. He didn’t notice that I saw it, but I did…

It was that look that whispered…

“I see black people from the ghettoooooooo….”

(Shoot, at least they were all brand new white sheets… None of the sheets were mismatched colors or had funky flowers on them… So, I, Ladylee, was at least being a little civilized).

They quickly moved back to talking about the floors…

Kay and I left… I believe Kay was holding her breath the whole time we were there. My sister knows me… I am bound to say something off the wall to embarrass her.

But the neighbors on the right are cool. Stan is taking college classes and I talk to him about that. He thinks I some type of guru or something because of my Ph.D.

And they are always so helpful!

“Ladylee, don’t you DARE buy a lawn mower. We have one here, and we will cut your grass for you! Don’t you dare get out here!”

“That’s cool!” I replied.

“Ladylee, once we get a ladder for our house so we can take care of our gutters, we are going to take care of yours too. So don’t you DARE get anyone out here to clean those gutters!”

“That’s cool!” I yelled.

Yes, they are some cool friendly neighbors!

But one thing that irks the hell out of me:

They are nosy as hell!!!!!

My builder was building a French drain along the left side of my house, and both Paul and Stan got into an argument with him about it. I stood there and watched, then jetted, because I had stuff to do over in my old College Park hood. I got a call on my cell phone from my neighbor the Infamous Hen-Dog about 20 minutes later.

“Ladylee, why is the police at your house?”

“What? Shoot man, Paul and Stan are out there fighting with my builder. Walk up there and check on my sister and see what the heck is going on.”

(I know my sister Kay. She so scary! I was hoping she didn’t pass out due to all the commotion!)

I rushed back home to find that all was well. My builder whispered…

“Sister, you gonna have trouble out them boys!”

“Whatever. They better cut my grass and get on somehere!”

Their nosiness continued….

My cat Jeremy died shortly after the whole incident with the builder, and I wanted to bury my cat in my backyard. I was a little apprehensive about nosy ass Paul and Stan coming outside talking trash about the funeral I had planned.

But I finally decided that…

It’s my backyard, my property, so I’m gonna bury my cat, doggonit.

Well I expressed my concerns to LadyTee, who was attending Jeremy's funeral…

This hyped LadyTee up, to the point where she was ready and willing to go off on Paul and Stan if they stepped one foot out their door.

Well, we had the small cat funeral: Just me, LadyTee, and her cousin Pokie. We hung around outside taking pictures.

Funny thing… LadyTee and I happen to be dressed alike: tan sweaters and black pants.

(Do you see where I am going with this?)

“They staring out the window, Lee,” LadyTee said out the side of his mouth. “And if they come out here talking shit, then it’s on and popping!”

“Calm down, girl,” I responded.

Paul and Stan came outside and stood on their back porch. They were smiling real hard.

“Oh shit,” LadyTee said under her breath. “They think we together! They think I’m your woman!”

I did all I could to keep my composure, because it was the funniest thing I’d heard all day. I could see how they would say that. We were dressed alike (this wasn’t planned). nd she had her arm around my shoulder. But shoot, we homegirls just taking pictures.

Well, the guys came down off their porch and talked and talked and talked…

LadyTee was standing there, ready at any second to snap if they said anything about me giving my cat (her nephew) a proper backyard burial.

I could have cared less.

Since then, they’ve been cheesing hard everytime they see me now.

“Hi ya, LadyLee!”

“Hey!” I always yell back! (I still can’t tell them apart. They look more and more alike everyday!)

I’m cool with them… it’s all good… I think they think they have a gay sista living next door.

I hate to break it to them, but, um I don’t like women.

Heck, they can think what they want to think, though…

As long as they cut my grass and clean my gutters!!!

Wednesday, March 01, 2006

A Whole Mess of Salmon...



I got caught off guard last week, by our friendly work librarian Regina.

“Hey Girl!” She chimed, as she ravaged my candy bucket, scavaging enough Dove Chocalates to hold her over for a few days.

“Yeah, what’s going on?” I asked.

"Oh, nothin' much."


I looked at her suspiciously. I knew this was a damn lie from hell. She wanted something...

“I need your help!" she finally said. "I need you to make some salmon croquettes for the African-American History Month Luncheon.”

“No!” I yelled.

“Oh come on, girl!” she said with a broad smile.

Obviously she hadn’t heard me, so I yelled loud enough for the whole floor to hear me.

“Hell NO!”

“Alright, why don’t you all just circulate the sign-up list around the floor for me.”

Cowgirl Cre (my work cubicle mate) and I looked at each other with raised eyebrows. If there was one thing I hated, it was being responsible for making sure a list or card got passed around without getting lost.

“Man, go head on with all that! Go on now!” I pushed her slightly. "You always come around here bothering folks, man!"

She waved me off. “Okay, Ladylee, I’m gonna put you down for a pan of salmon patties.”

I proceeded to have a complete hissy fit.


“Dang, man! Dog! You trippin’. Dang!!”

She wrote my name down on her makeshift list…


“Alright ladies, ya’ll have a nice day!”

She swiftly walked away, apparently satisfied that she'd accomplished her goal of hoodwinking me.

That’s Regina for you: she is the community servicewoman on the job, and she’s always participating in and planning the different extracurricular events on the job… She's the one who comes around with a card to sign, or a sign-up list for some potluck thing going on at work.

She is so gung-ho…

Humph. I’m just here to make my money and go home. Anything extra is completely ludricous to me, and leaves me quite horrified, I must say. I rarely show up for anything voluntary.

One thing I can say about Regina: she has learned over the years not to be threatened by my temper tantrums…

So early Tuesday morning, I woke up and prepared a whole mess of salmon.




People like them a lot, and have asked for the recipe…

And now I give it…

Hopefully, the peasants will stop bothering me….


Salmon Patties.

One 14 oz. can of cheap salmon (Double Q is good), deboned and drained.
1 large egg
½ cup of finely chopped white or yellow onions
2 heaping tbspn flour
4 heaping tbspn cornmeal mix
¼ tspn season salt
Vegetable oil for frying (about 1/2 cup).



Heat the oil in a skillet (medium heat). Alright, mix all the remaining ingredients together. The mixture should clump together loosely. If it doesn’t, add another tablespoon of cornmeal. Shape into flat roound patties (about 3 inches in diameter) and fry on medium heat. Turn the patties over when the edges are brown. They should fry approximately 3 to 5 minutes on each side. Remove them from the skillet and drain on a paper towel. Salt and pepper to taste...

Now if you mess that up? You just need to go sit down somewhere. You just need to stick to making toast or something, because you have some SERIOUS issues!

And you want a recipe for the biscuits? Don’t hold your breath… Go to the refrigerated section of your favorite grocery store and get a can of biscuits. Follow the directions on the back of the can. How about that? You can’t mess that up!



I don’t make homemade biscuits, you see. The ones shown above are a brand called Mary B’s, and I found them one day in the frozen foods section of a neighborhood bootleg grocery store. They taste damn near homemade, and that’s good enough for me!

So Regina…

The recipe is out there now, homegirl….

And check it out...

Don’t let me catch you on my floor, looking for me, ever again!