My Beloved Neighbors, Part I... the House on the Left

My home is located in beautiful downtown Atlanta...

And if you know anything about some of the intown Atlanta communities, you'd know that there is a large homosexual population.

Why, my workplace is located on an infamous male hustler strip... It's something else seeing young guys hanging out on the corners at all times of the day...

But we won't get into that...

My neighbohhood is largely homosexual... As a matter of fact, my neighbors who live in the houses on either side of me are homosexual... This doesn't bother me, but I know it completely unnerves people who are not from around these parts...

House on the left:

Hmmm... Gay black frat guys. (I won't say which fraternity, but I pose a question...Is it just me or does a certain black greek fraternity have a lot of black gay men??)

I haven't had much interaction with these fellas.

But when I first moved in, one of the guys ran over to introduce himself.

"Hi, I'm T!"

I shook his hand. Damn, his hand was softer than my hands would ever be! "I'm Ladylee, and this is my sister Kay."

Kay was standing there looking stoned-faced and crazy because only the night before, she'd been completely traumatized by one of the dudes taking a nice shower. And, umm... they have no curtains on the window in the shower. This didn't traumatize me, because my neighbor the Infamous Hen-Dog warned me that they had no curtains in the bathroom. Hen even went so far as to do incredible reenactments of those showers for me, so I was thoroughly prepared for what I saw... Kay, however, was not.

T smiled broadly.

Oh God, his skin is SOOOO beautiful, I thought to myself.

"Ladylee, if you need anything or any help, let us know, okay? And we like to party, so if we get loud, just let us know, okay?"

Yeah right, I thought quietly to myself. Like I'm gonna bring my behind out here in the middle of the night, knock on ya'll's door, and ask you all to quiet down...

I think he saw the frown on my face, because he looked at me questionably.

"Look here, Shorty," I said. "I could care less about your parties. Just don't get rowdy and come over into my yard fighting and carrying on. And don't knock on my door screaming 'help me' either, alright?"

The broad smile on his face slowly melted away.

Yeah, I needed for them to think that I, Ladylee, was a nutcase...

Plus, the lesbian couple, Kim and her wifey, who lived down the street had already hipped me to their parties and they were pissed that they weren't allowed at those parties. "Yeah, f*** them niggas!" Kim barked when I asked her about the homeboys I would be living next door to.
She sipped her beer from her elegant wine glass (as usual), and stared up the street towards their house. "They wouldn't let us come to their party! We all gay! We trying to have some solidarity and s***, and they discriminating, talking about 'Men only'!"

*Crickets*

I was looking at Kim like a deer in the headlights that day!!

Interesting. Those guys haven't said much to me since I've moved in. My sister, who's bedroom is closest to their house, complains about them at times. I could care less since my bedroom is on the main floor on the other side of the house...

"Lee! Guuurrrl, they was out fightin' last night or something!"

"Lee, they were all out there on the front porch of their house stepping or something. And they were hitting some canes or sticks or something against the porch!"

"Lee," she screamed one morning, "gurrrlll, they were out there fighting like some doggone women. I didn't know what to do."

And when Kay's boyfriend came over and for some dumb reason had been standing out in the front yard a bit too long with Kay, and angry Kay later screamed, "Lee, they all ran out the house trying to check out Ken!!!"

To which I responded, "Look Kay, I told your man several times when he comes over or leaves my house, he needs to get his ass in the house or get on in his car, because I WILL not be helping you rescue him from any trouble." Ken thought I was joking, but shoot, just try me, baby...

"Look here, Kay," I also said on one too many occasions. "I told T what the deal was when we first moved in. Don't worry about it... They can do the thizzle, live and let live, as long as they stay out of my yard, and don't be knocking on my door!!"

And let's not even talk about around last Christmas, when my brother had just left my house late one night, and had called back during his drive home.

"Lee... Shawty, there are 2 dudes in a white car in front of your house, just sitting there! I don't know if they are watching your house or what. Just want you to know, Shawty."

"What, boy? All this mortgage I'm paying around here? Man, hold on!"

Kay and I did the bootleg thang: turned out all the lights and looked out the dining room window... I told my brother there was only one person in the car... He said there were two...

Yeah, there were two people in the car, alright... I noticed that when the other guy, who was sitting in the passenger seat, came up for air....

Didn't bother me none... But poor Kay, who was already traumatized, was completely horrified.

"Them negroes got about 15 minutes to do whatever talking they're out there doing," I announced. "After that, I'm calling the Police on them, and saying they stole something..."

Kay almost fainted after I said that... She is so young, naive, and scary. She doesn't understand that sometimes, you just gotta make it do what it do!

I didn't call the Po-po that night... I rarely see the fellas , and when I do, I lovingly wave at them... silently hoping that all is well with them...

Oh how I love intown living!!

Now as for my wonderful neighbors who live in the house on the right side of me...

(stay tuned for part II... "The house on the Right")