Thursday, February 16, 2006

My Beloved Neighbors, Part I... the House on the Left


My home is located in beautiful downtown Atlanta...

And if you know anything about some of the intown Atlanta communities, you'd know that there is a large homosexual population.

Why, my workplace is located on an infamous male hustler strip... It's something else seeing young guys hanging out on the corners at all times of the day...

But we won't get into that...

My neighbohhood is largely homosexual... As a matter of fact, my neighbors who live in the houses on either side of me are homosexual... This doesn't bother me, but I know it completely unnerves people who are not from around these parts...

House on the left:

Hmmm... Gay black frat guys. (I won't say which fraternity, but I pose a question...Is it just me or does a certain black greek fraternity have a lot of black gay men??)

I haven't had much interaction with these fellas.

But when I first moved in, one of the guys ran over to introduce himself.

"Hi, I'm T!"

I shook his hand. Damn, his hand was softer than my hands would ever be! "I'm Ladylee, and this is my sister Kay."

Kay was standing there looking stoned-faced and crazy because only the night before, she'd been completely traumatized by one of the dudes taking a nice shower. And, umm... they have no curtains on the window in the shower. This didn't traumatize me, because my neighbor the Infamous Hen-Dog warned me that they had no curtains in the bathroom. Hen even went so far as to do incredible reenactments of those showers for me, so I was thoroughly prepared for what I saw... Kay, however, was not.

T smiled broadly.

Oh God, his skin is SOOOO beautiful, I thought to myself.

"Ladylee, if you need anything or any help, let us know, okay? And we like to party, so if we get loud, just let us know, okay?"

Yeah right, I thought quietly to myself. Like I'm gonna bring my behind out here in the middle of the night, knock on ya'll's door, and ask you all to quiet down...

I think he saw the frown on my face, because he looked at me questionably.

"Look here, Shorty," I said. "I could care less about your parties. Just don't get rowdy and come over into my yard fighting and carrying on. And don't knock on my door screaming 'help me' either, alright?"

The broad smile on his face slowly melted away.

Yeah, I needed for them to think that I, Ladylee, was a nutcase...

Plus, the lesbian couple, Kim and her wifey, who lived down the street had already hipped me to their parties and they were pissed that they weren't allowed at those parties. "Yeah, f*** them niggas!" Kim barked when I asked her about the homeboys I would be living next door to.
She sipped her beer from her elegant wine glass (as usual), and stared up the street towards their house. "They wouldn't let us come to their party! We all gay! We trying to have some solidarity and s***, and they discriminating, talking about 'Men only'!"

*Crickets*

I was looking at Kim like a deer in the headlights that day!!

Interesting. Those guys haven't said much to me since I've moved in. My sister, who's bedroom is closest to their house, complains about them at times. I could care less since my bedroom is on the main floor on the other side of the house...

"Lee! Guuurrrl, they was out fightin' last night or something!"

"Lee, they were all out there on the front porch of their house stepping or something. And they were hitting some canes or sticks or something against the porch!"

"Lee," she screamed one morning, "gurrrlll, they were out there fighting like some doggone women. I didn't know what to do."

And when Kay's boyfriend came over and for some dumb reason had been standing out in the front yard a bit too long with Kay, and angry Kay later screamed, "Lee, they all ran out the house trying to check out Ken!!!"

To which I responded, "Look Kay, I told your man several times when he comes over or leaves my house, he needs to get his ass in the house or get on in his car, because I WILL not be helping you rescue him from any trouble." Ken thought I was joking, but shoot, just try me, baby...

"Look here, Kay," I also said on one too many occasions. "I told T what the deal was when we first moved in. Don't worry about it... They can do the thizzle, live and let live, as long as they stay out of my yard, and don't be knocking on my door!!"

And let's not even talk about around last Christmas, when my brother had just left my house late one night, and had called back during his drive home.

"Lee... Shawty, there are 2 dudes in a white car in front of your house, just sitting there! I don't know if they are watching your house or what. Just want you to know, Shawty."

"What, boy? All this mortgage I'm paying around here? Man, hold on!"

Kay and I did the bootleg thang: turned out all the lights and looked out the dining room window... I told my brother there was only one person in the car... He said there were two...

Yeah, there were two people in the car, alright... I noticed that when the other guy, who was sitting in the passenger seat, came up for air....

Didn't bother me none... But poor Kay, who was already traumatized, was completely horrified.

"Them negroes got about 15 minutes to do whatever talking they're out there doing," I announced. "After that, I'm calling the Police on them, and saying they stole something..."

Kay almost fainted after I said that... She is so young, naive, and scary. She doesn't understand that sometimes, you just gotta make it do what it do!

I didn't call the Po-po that night... I rarely see the fellas , and when I do, I lovingly wave at them... silently hoping that all is well with them...

Oh how I love intown living!!

Now as for my wonderful neighbors who live in the house on the right side of me...

(stay tuned for part II... "The house on the Right")






21 comments:

  1. OMG!!! Why am I so busy jamming to the music that I can't even read the post? LOL

    Girl I used to love me some UTFO!!!!

    ReplyDelete
  2. Neighborhood that is largely homosexual....Hmmmmmmm....my question of the day would be, is this a conicidence?

    ReplyDelete
  3. @ Superstar Nic...

    Oh homegirl... "Leader of the Pack" was me and LadyTee's favorite rap back in the day... I know it WORD for WORD. I could probably scream it backwards if I had to...

    And, um... me and my sister Kay are looking at your 2nd comment and we are confused... We don't understand the "is this a coincidence" part of your question.. Maybe you're asking me if I moved into a gay neighborhood because I am gay...

    Um... no... I don't like the ladies(ROTFLMAO!!).

    The thing is, if you live downtown, you WILL have some gay neighbors... Folks that are not from here just don't get it. This was not the case when I've lived in College Park, Decatur, Smyrna or Lithonia. (But You never know who is keeping it on the low-low, right?) There are a few gay and lesbian couples on my street... I lived in Grant Park, a couple of miles from where i live now, near the ATL Zoo, 10 years ago, and it was like that then. (Shoot, I never knew what the beautiful colorful flags flying outside many of the houses on my block until a boyfriend explained it to me!)

    But hey, if I didn't understand your question... PLEASE enlighten a sista to what you mean!!! LOL LOL LOL LOL LOL LOL :)

    ReplyDelete
  4. Your neighborhood takes the cake! You are down there doing all that writing, when what you should be writing about are the characters...let's capitalize that, CHARACTERS!!! in your hood. Shit my sista, Mr. Rogers ain't got nothing on the people in your neighborhood ;)

    ReplyDelete
  5. @ Sharon....

    LOL!! You are too funny girl :)...

    Believe me, I am cataloging these unbelievably wonderful and eclectic people of my hood!! They have got to be some of the most interesting CHARACTERS I've ever met...

    Mr. Rogers would have a BLAST in my hood... His show would've been quite interesting with Mayor Snake on there running thangs and the gay frat boys as special guests!! LOL!

    You gonna really giggle when I write about the nice caucasion couple who live in the House on the Right!

    ReplyDelete
  6. Lady you need to wrap up these posts about your neighborhood and make them a book! It would be a drama, horror and comedy at one time, LOL! I'm serious. I'd buy it. And no wonder you don't have a man, you can't find one where you live. I feel you, Boo. I don't have one either. Ah, to heck with love.

    ReplyDelete
  7. @ Stacy-D...

    Yo, there are a LOT of men down here... you just got to, ummmm, check them out real good!

    Yeah, the total package of all these people would make an interesting book, you know?

    ReplyDelete
  8. Hmmmm, I wonder which frat? I had to renouce my association because of activities concerning 'mens and nems' back in the day.

    And my joint was "Cold Wanna Be With Me". I know that one word for word.

    And yes, this should be a book or better yet a screenplay. WAIT - A television pilot, checkit:

    Downtown Atlanta
    Prodominately gay neighborhood
    Neighbors all up in each other B.I.
    straight up definitive characters...

    Sounds like a black "Desperate Housewives" to me.

    I'll have my people call your people, we'll do lunch.

    ReplyDelete
  9. I'm with Kay ... I'm traumatized just reading this mess!

    ReplyDelete
  10. @ Hassan...

    let's not even talk about what frat, bruh!! HA!

    A black Desperate Housewives... how scary... i'll let you handle that one!!

    @Chele...

    Kay was traumatized all over again just reading this post...it brought back too many memories for her...

    Yesterday She yelled "But Lee, I can't believe you don't hear what's going on!"

    Um... Nope... Not paying that much attention... I said what I had to say when I met "T". The pertinent thing here is for them not to come in my yard, or knock on my door, thereby involving me in their shenanigins... Otherwise, do your thang, boys!!

    ReplyDelete
  11. it's sad because i always wanted to join that frat when i was little....i didn't hear about their ratio of having "same-team" members until i moved out here in the "A"...(still reading)...they are wide open aren't ....i remember the first time, i saw two gay men kissing...it was a beautiful day driving on peachtree...i saw them where promove used to be...adjacent from justin's...i damn near wrecked my "hoo-ride"...i was traumatized from that point on....grant park...wow...you are in the thick of it...can't wait for the next one...

    ReplyDelete
  12. Lady said, " Yo, there are a LOT of men down here... you just got to, ummmm, check them out real good! "

    LOL! Hey, Lady you have to check very good anywhere these days. The main men claiming they aren't gay are the ones who take a nightly trip on the downlow. Oops, shut my mouth! Seriously I'd rather know ahead of time then be like some women who marry a gay man and don't even know it. I can't see how that happens. I would know! There are signs you can find if you look.

    ReplyDelete
  13. I am dying laughing at those two in the car. Your brother is lucky they didn't try to hollar at him. And KIM needs to stop with the beer in the wine glass. Those are sacred.

    ReplyDelete
  14. @ sarccastik...

    yeah man, I didn't know if it was just my imagination, due to seeing all the licensce plates next door sport the same greek tags, or if it is a reality that that particular fraternity consists of mostly black gay men... What does a brother do if he is straight, but is interested in that fraternity and some of their community service efforts?

    Okay, Sarc... I'm pondering too hard here...

    I think the ATL is a place where people can be free and open, I guess... I have seen some interesting things going on out in the wide open on Peachtree Street and in Piedmont Park... And like I said, my workplace is on the male hustler strip...My brother drove down to meet me for lunch one day, and his first question was..."Um, Lee, why are there dudes just out here standing around?" OH MY!!!

    @ Stacy-D...

    Girl, you know, we live in a society that has perfected the art of phoniness... You never know what's up with people you meet... You never know who's hiding what...
    And you know, brothers on the low-low are everywhere! Why can't we all just be truthful? Why can't we all just get along??? LOL!!!

    ReplyDelete
  15. @S23...

    You know Whoadie, my brother was making it sound like I was about to get robbed or something... There was only a little "love" going on. I was more concerned about the look of terror on my innocent lil' sister's face... All I know, I was quite happy that we weren't being watched or about to be robbed!!

    Kari already knows not to linger around in my yard too long... that's why he was calling me from his cell phone from around the corner!!!

    And stop hatin' on Kim... She likes to sip a lil' BudLight from an expensive elegant wineglass... I love teasing her about that, though...I call it "pretending to be on the French Riviera while you living the 'hood!" ...

    But there's nothing wrong with that, is it!? LOL:)

    ReplyDelete
  16. lawd, that's both funny AND sad. all those fine frat brothas...and i can't gets my hands on none of them.

    the atl is a black woman's paradise and nightmare all wrapped up into one. there are so many gay black men here it's hard to discern who AIN'T gay.

    ReplyDelete
  17. No, no, no, no, no!

    I was not thinking that you were gay. I was just wondering if it was a coincidence that so many lived in one neighborhood or if they just kinda migrated together on purpose. Sorry for the confusion (smile).

    Oh and on top of that, I forgot you live in ATL. That answers my question right there, LOL. My sister lives there (Stone Mountain) and she said she can’t wait to get the hell out!!! She says that ATL definitely has more than there fair share of homosexuals, so I can certainly see what you mean now. I still wonder why there seems to be so many of them there compared to other places.

    ReplyDelete
  18. The fact that cats go through "hazing" or anything other trails or tribulations is suspect to me, I am life long educator and finishing a doctrine never had a desire to join and the concept always a bit odd to me :)

    ReplyDelete
  19. @ ATLien nikki... nope you can't get your hands on ANY of those brothers... and the problem ain't the gay men... I don't have a problem with them... what's scary is the down-low brothers... That's what scary...

    @ Nic... okay, NOW i understand what you were saying...

    Hmmm... there are homosexuals in Stone Mountain? Wow! LOL!

    @K88, Sneaker King... Shoot, Sneaker King... you seem to have the inside spiel on what goes on in the frats... I have found the whole hazing thing kind of strange, but a friend told me it's suppose to bring some solidarity... but he realized when it was all said and done, after being on line, he suffered a broken arm, broken ribs, and a concussion... all to be close to some guys he don't even know and don't deal with much now... Go figure...

    ReplyDelete
  20. I'm cracking the hell up over here! LOL Girl, I can't help but laugh at the difference in reactions between you and your sister. You're like whatever as long as they don't come in my yard or knock on my door. She's like, Lee they did this and that...and is all to pieces by it. Your neighborhood is a trip. I could definitely write some things just by being around them! LOL

    ReplyDelete
  21. @Kayla...

    I don't know what Kay's problem is. She is so skittish and easily traumitized! I hope she will grow out of it!

    My rules go for ANYBODY! She knows I am COOL as long as no one comes in my yard acting a FOOL or knock on my door... Even the crackheads know the deal... Do not knock on my door, and don't come in my yard unless you see me outside!!

    We all have to have rules, you know!!!

    ReplyDelete

Slap the *crickets* out the way, kindly step up to the mike, and SAY something!!