Thursday, January 29, 2015

Quiet Symphony

It is amazing how when at night
I turn off the television and the house lights
In search of quiet so I can fall asleep.
Except it isn’t really quiet.

For in the distance, there is a freeway.
It’s not far away, but it is far enough away not to trip me out and have me staying up all night from all the noise.

Yes, I can hear the cars as they speed to their destinations.

And in the distance, a train track runs. I can hear the hard thrusts of engines, powering trains down tracks of wood and steel.


Suddenly into this quiet symphony blows a hard wind, rushing with urgency through the tall trees that dot the yard. And on this very night, there's an extra special cameo:

It’s the rain,  a soft and persistent patter upon my spanish tile roof. It's working with the wind to batter the trees, causing them to drop their acorns from their delicate branches.

And tonight, there is you
Laying here beside me.
Your breath is slow, deep, and even.
I hear you exhale
Inhale
And exhale again.
And the sound of your breath, it is quiet.
But at the same time
Just as loud as the car, train, wind and the rain.

My head rests upon your chest
Your chest hairs are sparse and downy
They tickle that space that has no name
That space between my cheek and nose.

We made love during this quiet symphony
Our moans and groans special guests stars
At this performance given just for us and by us.
As we lay, you break the silence with one simple question
And it’s the same question you always ask:

“You still think about him, don’t you?”

At a time like this, it would be best to lie.
 But I can’t lie.
I can’t lie.
Not when I'm vunarable like this.
Not when I’m coming down from my sexual high.

And I can’t lie to you, my husband
My husband who has loved me faithfully for so many years.
Love is the conductor tonight, and it won’t let me tell a lie.

“Yes,” I say.  "Yes Lord Yes."

The word is quiet as it slips from my mouth, barely a shushed whisper.
It is barely audible amongst the quiet symphony of cars, trains, wind, breath and rain.
I still think about him, the love of my life. But my parents didn’t approve of him, saying that I would make you, my husband, a better wife.

They were right.
I was a better wife.
I had a better life.
But what of the rushing wind?
What of the falling rain?
What of the hurried cars?
What of these cargo carrying trains?

And what of my heart?

I can’t think of that, my heart
My fast beating heart, right now.
My thoughts are brash and loud, off-key and in need.
There's no need for other words to be spoken.
For now I will concentrate and focus on the quiet symphony

This quiet symphony...
Which plays so softly for you and me.


Afterword

Hmm.  Usually I holler "That ain't me!" after a story. 

But that story is highly biographical.

When I wake up in the mornings, I hear all kinds of sounds. And they aren't loud enough to jar me, but I still hear them. I live about a mile from the freeway, and I live about the same distance from some train tracks. I hear the rain, and the wind blowing through my trees.  Those are always still quiet moments, where there's no television, no nothing. Just the sounds of nature and life moving fast for others.

I was reading something in my favorite author's rough draft of her next novel, and a portion indirectly reminded me of that one line in the story:

"You still think about him, don't you?"

I was asked that one evening after some lovemaking by the ex-hubby. I said yes. He didn't say anything, but I remember him having a attitude later. It had to be connected with that.

The boyfriend I had before him was the best boyfriend EVER. But I let him go because he wasn't that smart. I should've been mature enough to appreciate his best attribute: He was good.

I was young. And I didn't know any better.

Tayari was like... "Wow."

"I'm gonna use that as a writing prompt," I told her.

And I did.

And a good writing prompt it was.

Wednesday, January 28, 2015

Semi-Wordless Wednesday: Triscuits Galore

So I was walking down the cookie and cracker aisle in the Wal-Mart and I saw this:


What in the world?

When I was little, there was only one type of Triscuit. Now there a whole bunch of different types...

When did this happen?

Tuesday, January 27, 2015

Maps and Hips

I don't watch much news, but when something major goes on in the world, I tend to turn on a news program just to get a general idea of what's going on.

And it seems as if over the years, there are conflicts in countries I've never heard of.

When this happens, I do something I haven't normally done in the past: I locate the country on a map. And then I go read about it. This is especially nice on a rainy afternoon, just spending a couple of hours researching the country. I've been doing this for a few years now. I have more of an appreciation of history now.

This began indirectly after years of reading my big blog bruh Cheap Seats Terry's posts, and observing his love of history. And he writes about it so well. It made me want to just become more knowledgeable in general about world history. The news only tells you so much, you see. I want to know as much of the background as possible.

So... a couple of years ago, I noticed that my best friend LadyTee put some huge maps up on her walls. One was of the world, and another was of the united states. And they are huge, the size of twin beds.

This was funny to me at first. But after a number of visits, I'd stand up and get real close to them. I'd put my hands on my hips and ponder them.

And I noticed a few things:  For instance, look at this map of east Asia...
"I didn't know Mongolia was a country," I said. I turned around with my hands still on my hips. "I thought that was something out of the early or middle ages, way back long time ago. Back with Ghingis Khan and them dudes."

"Naw'll, it's still there, girl," she said.

That is odd. We NEVER hear of some mess jumping off in Mongolia. That is something that I will be looking up on a rainy day.

I continued perusing the map. Still standing there, my face some six inches from map.

I did NOT know Tasmania was off the coast of Austraila.
Why did I think Tasmania was in Africa? Maybe I am getting that mixed up with Tanzania.  I don't know.

This caused me to move over the the country of Africa. I was still standing there, with my hands on my hips considering the continent.
You know, I heard someone on a radio show say that we, as black folks, don't know much about Africa. That is because we were sent to school to learn to adore our oppressor. That's a bit harsh. Well, I thought it was.

But answer these questions:

How many countries are in Europe?  Can you name them?

Well... how many countries are in Africa?

I can name all the countries in Europe with relative ease.  I even speak a little french. And because of my chemistry background, I can read french really well, and I can understand it when spoken (There are chemistry papers in french, so I took french).

I thought there were some 10 countries in Africa. I named a few.

But there are actually 54 countries in Africa.

Here's the kicker... Can you name them???

And if you can, good for you.  And if you can't.... why is that?

Hmm...

That's just something to think about. I can't name all the countries of the continent from whence my slave ancestors were purchased.

I stood there with my hands on my hips taking it all in. There are countries in Africa that I can't even pronounce. Sigh.

Anyway, LadyTee and I go to Saturday night church. She called and asked if I would be there, because she had something for me. So when I arrived... she gave me a bag of maps similar to hers.
Man... you KNOW I was cheesing.

I will be standing in my own house with my hands on my hips studying my own maps.

How wonderful is that?

Monday, January 26, 2015

Good Monday Evening

Good Monday Evening!

I know, I haven't been blogging.  That's because a LOT has been going on.  I have been super busy...

Moving into a new cubicle space in the adjoining building.


Yes! New job in another group, and a new workspace...

And that seems to be what drove the whole driving force in the first place.

The drive for a new cubicle, that is...

But that is waaaaaay too deep for me to discuss here on blog. Way too deep.

I swear this is on some Lucy Jr. type of level, the things going on right now. And you know how long it took for me to fully understand, digest, and even fathom what was going on with Lucy Jr.

I will leave that for my personal tomes. Way too deep to scratch high up on the walls of The House of LadyLee.

Anyway, I had to move 13.5 years worth of stuff from one cubicle in one building to another cubicle in another building. Well, some 70% of it was legitimate paperwork, etc.  But 30% was stuff. Lot's of stuff, which became lots of trash. Ugh.

The first thing I did was move my nameplate. I did that because I looked at my old cubicle spot and had absolutely no idea what to do first when it came to cleaning and moving. So I just snatched my name plate off the wall, and laid claim to the new spot with my nameplate.  That was a start. And then in a hard marathon dash, I moved my belongings in two days straight.

I am not all that sure how it happened. I think I have some senority now. Someone went and mentioned that I wanted the cubicle to the person who makes that happen. It got approved by the union, and the rest is history.

When I got the email of approval, I broke out into a mess of hives. I was that excited. I had to take the next day off because my lips had turned into soup coolers. I was told to get it done because a new person would be starting on Monday and they could take the cubicle that I wanted and we could switch later.

*crickets*

NO. No need for folks to get comfortable in MY new cubicle then have to move. NO!

It was like a mad dash. I was tired as hell. But I got it done, complete with wiping down my old cubicle with lysol wipes. DONE.

I am happy to be in a new spot. Yes, I miss the Cowgirl Cre, who has been my cubicle mate for these past 13 years. And we have been friends for close to 20 years, and she knows me, the total arc of me... the good, the bad, the horrific and the ugly. It is difficult for me to deal with my "uniqueness", and still have my back unconditionally.Trust me, I spent much time thinking about that.  And I decided it is gonna be alright.

Cre has even been over here to see me a few times, and I appreciate it. We didn't discuss, but she understands. One of her many purposes and roles has been me to keep me calm and from cussing folks completely out. I think I will be alright now. I've grown quite a bit, I hope.

So that's what I have been up to. My mind is still whirling from these sudden good changes this year. And I suppose that's a good thing.

CD of the Month.  I listen to a ton of music since I have my Spotify account. Whatever CDs come out on Tuesdays, I'm on it. I can't tell you what the world comes on urban radio, as I don't listen to it. I rather pull up a CD and pick my favorite songs off of it.

One CD in particular caught my attention. That's because I really like some 80% of the songs. Jazmine Sullivan's Reality Show.


The back cover is funny...

Yeah... that's reality alright.

You know, I may go out and BUY the CD so I could just have it up in my 6 CD changer in Lucy Jr. (Yes, that car is 16 years old. I still have the cassette player in there, too. Ain't changing it!)

This chick knows how to tell a crazy story in her songs. She sure paints some interesting characters and situations. I love it!

Here are four of my favorite songs on the CD (warning: semi-explicit lyrics):










Wow. I like her. I Hope she does well with that CD.  That last song I posted makes me think the CD is a concept album, since it is one of the last songs on the album. Most of the songs are some pretty ratchet characters, but the last song is a song of self-love and acceptance.

That is it for me. Hopefully, I can get back on track. Maybe I can. We will see.

Would you like to see a story this week?

Hmm... we will see. It's been a long time since I've put up a story. That would be so cool. 

With that... have a good week!

On purpose.

Monday, January 19, 2015