I am Quietly Compassionate

Posting per request of my Baby Blog sista, That Original Oldgirl Serenity30...

(Caution: My journal writing is VERY free flow and all over the place, so be forewarned. My thoughts about all this are afterwards in red.)

I am quietly compassionate.

Writing those words together, shoot... I don't really know what they mean.

I am not the most "learned" individual, so I looked up the definitions.

Compassion means "Deep awareness of the suffering of another coupled with the wish to relieve it."

Compassion is also a profound human emotion prompted by the pain of others. More vigorous than empathy, the feeling commonly gives rise to an active desire to alleviate another's suffering.

Quiet means making no disturbance or trouble; not turbulent; peaceable; not showy or obtrusive; subdued;restrained in speech, manner, etc.; saying little.

The definitions give me more insight into what this means... for me.

I am quietly compassionate.

I'll never forget people in my life who have come along and have been eye-popping examples of what it means to be compassionate.

One such person is my New Orleans friend, Gigi.

10 years ago, my Great grandmother died. I lived in New Orleans at the time, and had already bought my plane ticket to come back to Atlanta for the funeral.

The secretary of my research group, a Columbian chick about my age name Gigi, who hadn't known me long, but had become someone to go talk to, someone who would sit in my office and simply listen to my whoas over a cup of coffee, listen to my cussing and vents about work, laugh with me...

She said something profound to me around that time:

"Lee-Lee, we just paid off our credit cards. You want my credit card so that you can get your ticket and clothes if you need them, so you can be ready for the funeral?"

I stood there at her desk, stunned. I shook my head no.

That encounter was on my mind all that week, and has stayed on my mind some ten years later.

She had something that I simply didn't have at the time:

She was compassionate... wanting to do whatever she could to make things easier for me.

I don't think I'll ever get to the point of offering up money or credit cards to anyone. I ain't down for getting burned.

But when we talked later about this, she said... "I know you, girl. You not dishonest. I just wanted to be of some help to you, that's all. I knew you would pay me back whenever."

I have desired, longed for this type of compassion.

She didn't have to do anything monetary for me, but her encouragement and shoulder to lean on were, and still are to this day, worth more than gold.

I have always considered myself to be cold and mean. I don't think that was an observation of myself about myself really, if I really think on it... but from what people tell me. Others have considered me to be such, as I choose not to be the life of the party. I am the type to sit off in a corner, be quiet, absorb, assess, and take everything in.

But compassion is something that I have longed for. It is one of the many intangibles I pray for.

"God, give me the words to say to help someone. Give me the right questions to ask, the right things to do. PLEASE."

To be caring and to be of help to someone, in the most intangible ways possible. I want compassion to be a part of me, to be the center of who I am.

My compassion comes in being a good listener and not being judgmental. This does not work in my favor at times, as I tend to listen TOO closely, and can pick up on if someone is pulling my leg, telling many different "truths".

The cold and mean Lee steps in, right then.

Thank God this is a rarity.

But oddly enough, I've been through something similar to whoever I deal with, and can relate to many feelings.

It never crosses my mind to say "Gurl, if I was you, I would do x, y, and z!"

Who needs that crap?

No if I were you, I probably would've behaved in the same way...

I have probably felt the same way you are feeling.

And have most likely shed the same tears.

I feel myself growing in this area, where it is less work, more automatic, to the point I have to "hold back" in some ways. I have probably been doing this to my own detriment. I may have missed an opportunity to sow a seed into someone's life.

But if I can send a book, a note, a card or any other quiet thing...

Anything to you that quietly says..

I appreciate you. I feel your pain. I am thinking about you.

I care.

Then, I am developing in this complex emotion called compassion.

I hope to continue to develop in the area of compassion, of having a good heart. There will be missteps, but the good steps are well worth it. If I can offer a quiet word, a good deed, or a shoulder to lean on... then I am well on my way.

Okay Serenity30... I hope you are HAPPY.

I saw much there. MUCH stuff I need to dig deeper into. I think I can develop a few goals out of that.

Funny... I followed that up with my alter ego of being "The enemy".

Hmmm...

I worry sometimes over this compassion thing...

But, I am okay. I have great examples to learn from.

The most compassionate person I've met this year is one of my favorite lurkers "Miss Celie 2" aka Ms.Blackliterature.com.

We had dinner when she visited the ATL... afterwards I felt like I'd had been in therapy or something. You just don't meet people like that everyday. The chick is just that anointed...

I told Serenity30, who lives in the same city as her...

"You have an incredible resource in her and don't you forget it. Be aware of that and be thankful for it. That is someone you can talk to."

Serenity30 may not fully comprehend what I said until she gets old like me, lol.

But...

I received the most incredible gift a couple of weeks ago, one that defined my compassion, and let me know that my compassion has an effect on others. Something completely and utterly unexpected.

I am convinced that every once in awhile, God makes something happen to validate whatever good you are attempting to do.

This was, hands down, the best gift I've received in a LONG time.

Stay tuned tomorrow...