Friday Freestyles... in a Flash

Good Friday Morning...

Tired Friday Morning for me.  I had the unction to come in early to work. I was suppose to be in at 8 but I sat for an hour in traffic (I only live 4.6 miles from work, mind you). 

You know good and well I'm not use to that. AT ALL.  And it is hot as hades outside, even early in the morning. So I am just mentally exhausted. Sheesh. And my sister has a lot on her mind, so we had a long long conversation while I was in traffic.

Please remind me to only come in to work at 10 in the morning, as usual. I need to do that, or either stay at home.

This is a short workday for me.  I have to leave by noon to make it out to a doctor's appointment near my sister's house. The appointment isn't until 1:30 pm, but I have to pick her up. She needs to go with me. I had an appointment last Monday, but she had some training earlier in the week, so I've had to wait until today. Sigh. Not looking forward to it. I had a procedure a couple of weeks ago, and we're suppose to sit down and discuss it. So she needs to be there to keep me from jumping out the window... or be there to pick me up if I fall out. Hopefully she has to do neither.

These doctor appointments are like riding a roller coaster and somebody forgot to put the safety bar down on me... I just have to hold on! Good grief.  And it don't help that it is arse hot outside these days!

This has been a really hard week. Nothing bad with me, but goodness gracious alive... I've been caught up in some conversations that have had me O_O.

You know what I'm talking about...  those types of conversations that have you saying "What am I doing here and how the hell can I get out of here???"

There's waaaay too much family drama going on. Seems like everybody wants to talk all of a sudden.  Now, I don't have too much of a problem with that, because everybody needs to talk. And you know me, I work on being a good listener.

But I grew up silenced... wasn't allowed to have a voice or express an opinion. If I did express an opinion - whether I'm hurting or angry or even confused about something- I would be punished for it. I have had to work hard on undoing much of that damage during my adult years, and I don't put myself in any situration or have any personal interactions with people who make me feel that way. You are not allowed in my emotional space if you do. I don't care who you are- friend or family or foe. It doesn't matter.

And when I think of family, I feel this way. My family is cool for the most part, but there are certain dramatic people who a trip and cause a bunch of mess. I, for the most part, have always been content to sit silent in a corner with a book somewhere. I would do anything in order to not be caught up in tomfoolery and ratchetness. And when I started getting in trouble anyway (hint: negroes lying on me), I stopped going around.

And now all of a sudden, family wants to talk.  They want to know what I think about things. They want to discuss.  And it has me mentally zapped right now. But I need to write about it. Now today, because the post would break the record for the longest post I've ever written....

Much of this has to do with Grandma. She is VERY talkative right now. I am hearing some things that make me O_o, but hey, she needs to talk.

She is doing fine. I guess it's just that when you enter your twilight years and may be going on off to glory soon, you got a lot to say. Personally, I don't want to heare it. I mean, I'm 43 years old. You telling me stuff I needed to hear at age 10. I've gone on with my life, and I accept myself. No need to explain anything to me. I'm good.

But I understand. When one needs to talk and explain and pontificate, then that's what needs to happen.

I am a bit surly about that, but I can be mature, can't I?

I suppose. That's the goal, anyway. But I tell you, they are really shaking old feelings up... and I know they are shocked that I have a LOT to say.

Besides, I love my Grandma. I want to hear her talk and laugh and cry if she have to.

So I think I will make next week a food-for-thought "Conversations" week. Because my goodness, I have had plenty of interesting conversations over the past couple of weeks.

There has been a highlight to my week, though... My writing class/workshop.  I tell you, that has been my little piece of peace for the past couple of weeks. Yes, I have to make a doggone pilgramidge to get out there, but it has been well worth it. I even baked a lovely batch of cookies for class. (Well, I made some for that great author Jo... you know how stalker stan-fan I can get when I like an author... plus she's a really cool chick. She saw a picture of them on my blog and wanted some, so I baked some for her, and served the rest in class.

The class has been a godsend. Glad for it. I mean, I've REALLY needed it the past few weeks.

That's all... No pictures today, even though I have a ton of them. I do have a song.

Song of the week: Chaka's Keep Your Head Up




Look out for a food-for-thought week next week. I have much on my mind that I need to write out...

Have a good weekend... by design... and ON PURPOSE.