Workplace Funnies: The Conversations Edition

(conversations week continues... see "conversations week" post for details)

My work group supervisor keeps us in stitiches at work. She is too funny.

I thought I would share some of our funny conversations.

Chill Grill. So I was in my boss' office, and she was complaining about her dentist.

"Something is wrong with my teeth, but she keeps saying that nothing is wrong. But I know something is wrong."

"You need another dentist," I said.

"I guess so," she replied. "Because something needs to be done."

"I have a good dentist. Dr. Watson. With his fine self. He does a good job. And he's out there on your side of town."

As soon as I said those words, I wanted to immediately snatch them back. But you know how it is with words: once they're out there, you can't take them back.

Why was I a bit disturbed by mentioning my dentist to her? Because I was thinking....

What if she go to him, and he jacks up her grill?

"Give me his number," she said. "And I'll make an appointment."

The words "they don't have a phone" almost came out of my mouth. But that would've been a lie. And overall if I could be helpful, that was fine. I just hoped it wouldn't come back to haunt me.

She made an appointment and yes indeed, she had problems. And she needed a root canal.

"I'm glad you went to see him," she said.

I was due for a cleaning in another week. And my boss had an appointment the day after mine.

After the dental hygenist finished cleaning my teeth, Dr. Watson came in and looked at my teeth.

Before he left I said, "Hey, hold up?"

"Wassup?" he said.

I like him. He is very much hip-hop. He makes me feel like we're getting ready to go to a New Edition or a Fat Boys concert.

"Look here. My boss is coming in for some dental work tomorrow."

"Oh yeah, he said. She did mention you. I told her you were coming in to have your teeth cleaned.."

"Yeah, that's cool," I said. "Look. Whatever you do, do NOT mess up her teeth."

"What?" he said, through a hard laugh.

I didn't see anything funny. "I said, don't mess up her mouth, man! That is my boss. If you mess her mouth up, you will make life bad for me. You will make life bad for us all! Do a good job!"

He laughed even harder. It was almost mad scientist in nature.

"I got it, I got it, Ladylee," he said. "It's all good. Don't worry, girl!"

"Alright. Just don't mess up her mouth."

I told my boss about this. "He needs to do a good job on your mouth. I hope he throws a gold tooth or some platinum up in there for free. Give you a diamond on that front tooth. Something. Just don't make life bad for me.Don't make life bad for us all!"

She got her mouth fixed. She was whining about aftercare instructions, but as long as she was feeling alright, it's all good. She hasn't said anything about it lately.

That was funny. I didn't think it was that funny, though. I didn't need bad yearly reviews, just because my dentist jacked up the boss' grill.

On Being Excellent. I try to tell my boss that she is excellent as much as I can.  This disturbs her to no end. But whatever. It's better than being all negative. Our management in general isn't playing with a full deck. Well, maybe it's just that they do things in a different way than most (yes, that is a more positive statement). But she does a good job.

One day she was in our cubicle area. She is always helping my cubicle mate Cowgirl Cre with something which I protest with a passion, since Cre isn't in a group. "Let her call her own boss," I always holler.

That's not a good thing... Her boss is... special. Special indeed.

Anyway, my boss had come over to ask me a question about some paperwork. I answered, then I asked some questions. And she made some suggestions which were quite good.  She'd been reading the criteria, and she knew what she was talking about.

"You see, Cowgirl Cre?" I said. "She's an excellent boss!"

Cowgirl Cre nodded.

"Whatever, man," my boss grumbled.

"She thinks about what's going on!"

"Yes she does," Cowgirl Cre said.

"I bet she lays in bed at night and thinks about work. She thinks about how to help and answer the questions."

"No I don't," she said. "I lay in bed and think, 'I should've brought that bottle of wine upstairs when I came to bed. Now I gotta go back downstairs and get it.'"

HA HA! I laughed so hard.

*crickets*

Okay, you had to be there with us for that to be funny. But I wasn't expecting that retort!

HA HA!

A Call for Help. So we were siting in the cubicle area. Our cubicle area contains 15 people at the most. It is quiet for the most part. You can't say too much because your business will be all over the building.

But one of my coworkers was having a discussion with our specialist. And Cowgirl Cre and I noticed that it was getting a bit heated.

A note about my specialist: he is a good guy. But he's argumentative. For example, he asks me questions, then he wants to argue me down about it. I think this is a PhD thing. We like to discuss things in a spirited manner. I was like this in my early years. Not so much now. I don't like chemistry enough to be arguing. I still get a check every other Friday. And I would rather be somewhere writing.

My answer is always: "You the one who asked me for help. And now you want to argue. I'm not going to argue with you."

*ladylee walking away, leaving Wong arguing with himself*

He will chase me down and grab me by the shoulders and want to "discuss" some more.

Nothing is worse than him coming back and saying "I'm sorry. You were right."

Yes. I know I'm right. Why we gotta go through all this drama? I don't like drama.

But Wong and this coworker "Jane" were having a heated discussion. And Jane was going in on him.

I was sitting there thinking "Get him! Get that joker!"

But at the same time I was thinking, she bout to hit this dude. Something needs to be done.

I stood up slowly and looked over the cubicle towards our boss' office. Her door was closed.

The argument got more heated. I thought about saying something, but I didn't want to mediate. And if one of them said the wrong thing to me, it was on. I know I have anger issues. No need for me to get to cussing folks out up in the cubicle area.

I nonchalantly left the cubicle area and walked down to the directors office area.  One of my fellow church members Leon was doing an admin assistant detail and he had his own office. I went in and closed the door.

"Whassup LadyLee?" he said.

"Hey, let me use your phone," I said. I reached over him and grabbed his phone before he could hand it to me. I quickly dialed my boss' extension.

*Leon peers at LadyLee curiously*

"Hello," she said.

"Hey, you need to come out of your office. Jane is about to whoop Wong's azz!"

"What?"

"You heard me. She going in on him. You need to do something. She bout to whoop his azz!"

There was silence on the line.

"Maybe he need's his azz whooped. I'm sitting here eating my pizza."

"What????" I hollered. "She going off on dude! Do soemthing!"

"Bye," she said, before she hung up on me.

Leon was laughing too hard at this exchange. I didn't know what to do: go back to my desk, or hide out in my office.

I thought best to stay back with there with him and talk about church. "Pastor sho' did preached good last Sunday, didn't he?"

LOL

Things had mysteriously calmed down by the time I went back to my desk.

I talked to her about this later. She was not moved. It was her lunchtime and she didn't want to be bothered. Part of me doesn't blame her. But man... it was a scary time for a minute there!

That's it for funny boss convos.

There are so many more, but those are the ones that keep me giggling!