Day Twenty-Six - Your Fears

Fears. That's not a subject I think much about.

Because it stands for

False Evidence Appearing Real.

It is basically me reacting to what I think is going to happen in a situaion. Specifically, it's me meditating on the negative outcome rather than the positive outcome.

I don't like to think about that.

But we all have fears. And it becomes a fight to overcome them.

Here's another definition of fear that sticks in my mind. (Especially since we've spent like 3 months at a time at church on it).

Fear is the opposite of faith. Fear is the reciprocal, the flip side of faith.

But here's the kicker. Fear and faith are connectors, placing me squarely on the path to either what I am afraid of or what I'm having hope for, respectively.

With that said, I'm not afraid of what you would think I would be afraid of. Like, I don't subscribe to the single black woman chatter that goes on out here. No fear of being alone, no fear of dire statistics, none of that.

I'm not afraid of this lupus thing. I have my problems, but I'm still breathing and the blood is running warm through my veins. I'm not going to let it have me sitting off in a corner having a pity party, and making everybody elses life miserable. If I'm having a bad time of it, only the people in my immediate presence on a daily basis know. I may or may not even mention it.

Although I felt a little fear creeping up on me when management started messing with a coworker at work. She's been in and out ill, and her boss called her Doctor (aint that illegal?). He follows her around and spies on her.

Now, as a chronically ill person, I take note of these things.

I started looking at all the "false evidence", i.e., my boss calling my doctor, etc.

She hasn't done that. Glad she hasn't. My doctor HATES HATES HATES my job, and I don't want my boss getting a Book of Indian cuss upside the head.

And employees on my job have gotten smart.

Around our job, it was figured out that you write your congressman a letter. That staves off management, and keeps them at bay.

For awhile anyway.

That has been a fear lately. I feel I have to keep my eye on my work, and keep an eye on the management. I really don't care for a target being placed on my back. This creates a little stress, just from me rolling over and over in my mind.

That is an immediate fear I have. There is another that is ongoing.

My biggest ongoing fear is not fulfilling the purpose God has for my life.

And it being due to my own stubborness, me holding up the process.

As I get older, I see my road smoothing out just a tad, and I can see how I fulfill my purpose in the lives of people around me. I am happy for that, and I acknowledge it. I am happy for people who pass through my life path, and they fulfill God's purpose in my life, if only for a season.

But we all search for that place... that place of personal power and passion, where provision is made in our lives and in the lives of others.

I want to be sure to fulfill the purpose for which I was born, for which I was created. That is where TRUE joy resides.

Patience has to have it's perfect work, in order for personal development to take place.

I think we all have purpose, but we need to allow time for that personal development to occur in order to handle and be trusted with that purpose.

And in all that, there is absolutely no room for fear.

None.