Friday Funnies: An Open Letter to Ex-Mom... from Lucy Jr. (formerly "Lexi")

"Lady M", the former owner of Lucy Jr., really loved the car she sold to me. I thought I would allow Lucy Jr. to write her a little letter to her, her ex-Mom... just to let her know how she is doing.


Dear Ex-Mom...

It's me? Lexi!

Remember me? You were my Mom for over 10 years!

Oh what a great Mom you were! But you're my Ex-Mom now. Sigh.

Oh my. It feels so funny calling you that. Ex-Mom? Geez. But that is what you are. Sigh.

If I had eyes, they'd be full of tears, and I would just cry, cry, cry.

Enough of that. I must be a big girl and pull myself together and write this letter!

It is interesting, this having a new Mom and a new home.

I didn't know what to think when we pulled up at the new house.

It looks nice enough. And there were pretty flowers out in front. It was nice and quiet.

There was another car in the driveway. This must be my new sibling, I thought.

"Hello," I said. "My name is Lexi!"

"Hi," the car said. "My name is Pam. And uh... your name isn't Lexi anymore. It's Lucy Jr."

"Lucy Jr.?"

"Yes, Lucy Jr. There was another car here just like you.  Her name was Lucy. But she was wrecked. I heard she was totaled. Now you're here. You're Lucinda. Lucy 2.0. L Deuce. You're Lucy Jr."

Lucy Jr.. I pondered this. Such an odd name. But I guess I would have to accept it.

Ex-Mom, I continued to look all around and around. It was very quiet, but you never know with new places.

"Do they treat you good around here?" I asked Pam.

"Yes. And you'll be treated just fine, especially since you'll be kept in the garage."

"Garage?"

Pam paused before answering. "Yes, the garage. That is a room for you and all of Ladylee's junk."

"Okay," I replied. Garage. I was kept in a carport before. So if it's anything like a garage, that will do just fine."

"The garage is good," Pam said. "You won't have to be like me... sitting out here dealing with the rain, the wind, the snow, the ice, the hot hot sun... and this nasty pollen."

"Pollen?"

"Yes, the yellow stuff. You have some on you there. LadyLee sprays me with water from the hose if we have to go anywhere. Won't be that much of a problem when you're kept in the garage. It is nice in there. There are two large picture windows. And you get to stare at the deep freezer up against the back wall. You're special."

"I'm special," I said. "I am."

"Yes, you are," Pam said. She hesitated. "And we should stop talking. I have to admit that I'm trying to get over not being kept in the garage."

Hmmm... Did I sense a bit of hostility, ex-Mom? I hope not. I don't want trouble with the other car.

Oh well. Into the garage I went.

"LadyLee is gonna clean it out when it gets warm out," Pam hollered as the garage door closed. "And you'll have much more room."

Much more room. That would be nice. And maybe the new sibling Pam could come join me.

And we could stare at the deep freezer together.

Hmm...

I have been at my new place for a whole week, ex-Mom. Can you imagine? A whole week away from you. It is pretty quiet here. I haven't been driven much on the weekdays, but last weekend? We were allll over Atlanta

I was tired. Sooooo tired.

Last Saturday I carried LadyLee to the westside to Bankhead Library. She is in some strange group called the Triple F Posse. This didn't sound quite right to me. I thought it was some gang type of thing. I thought I would have to take on my L Deuce persona. I thought she would leave me running outside so she could make a quick getaway. But it wasn't! It is a financial group- the Financial Freedom Fighters. They talk about their financial goals and budgets. I felt better after hearing that!

Afterwards, several of the group headed down the street to Bankhead Seafood for some fish. There I am, parked out front.

Oh, this place... it's what they call the "Hood", ex-Mom. Oh my. I saw some sights while there. Not sure I want to go back. Oh my.

But LadyLee got her fish... a full tray for 5 dollars.

(If you ask me, ex-Mom... something's wrong with that. Even I know fish should cost more than that. But I wasn't going to point that out to LadyLee. I didn't want to upset the new Mom).

And it wasn't for her anyway. It was for her sister. LadyLee wanted the hush puppies!

Afterwards, I transported LadyLee to a veternarian hospital, all the way over on the eastside. Decatur! That's me, parked outside the place and waiting for her.

She had to pick up a case of food for her cat. I don't think she was too happy about that. I could tell by the way she was gripping the steering wheel. Very tight. Too tight!

We stopped at a local gourmet grocer in Candler Park on the way home. LadyLee wanted some fresh made hummus. She quickly got that and we were on our way back to the new home.

Now, I asked Pam about the hard gripping of my steering wheel, when we arrived home.

"She's pissed about that cat food. That is the Oldcat Oscar-Tyrone's cat food. That cat food costs $67 a case. He has pancreatis and hepatitis. Poor thing. And LadyLee doesn't like shelling out that cash for that."

"I can only imagine," I said.

"And it doesn't help that that's the ex-husbands cat. Doesn't help at all."

(Hmm. That Pam. She know, she's a gossipy car. Gossipy indeed.)

Anyway, the next day we were at it again. Brunch with LadyLee's sister waaay out on the Southside!

And LadyLee likes going way out to the southside. She likes to get gas while she's in the surburbs. It costs a little less than inner city gas. It means good cheap gas for me!

"I'll take a tank of premium," I whispered to her. She nodded yes, and proceeded to fill the tank.

"Thank you very much, LadyLee."

Ooooh-weeee! Golly gee whiz! Nothing like a full tank of gas!

LadyLee hung out with her sister for a couple of hours. And then we were headed back to the new home.  There was plenty of loud music. Too much base. My speakers hurt!

Ex-mom... her music selections are... strange. That's a good word: strange.

This new mom... She listens to a lot of Roy Ayers.




Songs about butterflies, bees, flowers and sunshine and the like...

O_o. 

Just odd.

And then she likes to play the song she played to test the car system out... you know, when she finished  her test drive? That Anita Baker song.



Oh Ex-mom... it's my official song! I do remember the two of you fiddling with the CD changer. And that song beginning to play!

If I had eyes, I would cry, cry, cry!

*lucy jr. composes herself*

I am doing well, ex-Mom. Just fine.

I think you left me in good hands. Mama LadyLee will do just fine, as long as she get me the good gas and plays that Anita Baker!

So I wanted to just write you a letter to let you know how I am doing.

I won't bother you anymore. I didn't want you to worry.

I am in good hands. Yes I am!

Love,

Love, Lucy Jr.

formerly "Lexi".



Ha ha...

Oh my. Blog family thinks I've been drinking a bit too much, huh?

Nope, not me. Unless someone slipped something in this non-alcoholic beer of mine.

I just wanted to send a little note to "Lady M".

What a nice chick you are... and here I was, making up things about you when I ran the VIN number through one of the report sites.

"Look at these low miles the past year for this car," I told my cubicle mate Cowgirl Cre. "Under 1000 miles. Wonder what that's about."

"It may mean she works from home, LadyLee," Cowgirl Cre said.

"No, it doesn't. That chick has been in jail. She had to park the car for a year while she was locked up."

LOL

And your email address had me wondering. "Hmm... Sounds like a tattoo parlor.  I bet she's a tattoo artist. She messed up somebody's tattoo and she beat the person up when they complained. So she was locked up for a year."

My imagination. It is quite vivid.

Oh my. You were none of that! Thank goodness!

And thank goodness you didn't have a scavenger hunt, or some ol' crazy Lady M Hunger games madness for a chance to buy the car. (Yes, it is a very good car. I think I would've particpated, although begrudginly).  And what a great 15 minute test drive we had. You actually kicked a little wisdom my way. And that's a good thing! Even if i didn't buy the car, that was well worth it in itself!

There is a slogan that states "One man's trash is another man's treasure."

I feel in this case we can change it to "One woman's treasure can become another woman's treasure."

Because I know "Lexi" was Lady M's treasure. A treasure for so many years.

So with that said, this has been a good week with Lucy Jr. I get in the car and can't even tell the difference from the other car.  How cool is that!?

I will definitely take good care of her!

Yes indeed!