Good Monday Afternoon...The Rainy Day Edition

Happy Monday Afternoon to ya...

I just got into work. And I am sitting here trying to plan my day... or what's left of it.  It's all nasty outside. I think we are getting some of this Hurricane Erica rain or something over the next couple of days. I texted my boss and said I would be in late. He said stay home if I needed to.  I wanted to holler "Don't tempt me, sir!!!"  But I texted him back and said that I felt like I had a bad headache, like I drank some bad liquor or something, but I was going to choke down some kale juice and all would be well.

That didn't get a reply.  He probably sat his phone down gently... and walked away.

I have data to pull and crunch and ponder. So that is why I am here! I will get all that done by 3. Then I can chill at my desk... and think about what to do next. 

This was a crazy weekend. I didn't do much of anything. I went to the local bootleg distribution warehouse to pick up some trusty tin foil pans that I use to heat up my food in, since I no longer have a microwave. My sister seems to be adapting well enough. I guess she is saying to herself, as soon as she gets her work visa she is outta here and she can buy a microwave. Yep.

This weekend was crazy because two folks of  many died... Wayne Dyer and Wes Craven. Now if you could get any more opposite, then I would be surprised. Wayne Dyer inspired me.  Wes Craven scared the cheese out of me with that Freddy Krueger foolishness.




 


And then there was the whole Donald Trump machine rolling along.

I tell you, this guy continues to surprise me. I wonder if we will end up having a president who unmercifully attacks people, calling them bimboes and sleezebags and losers? What have we come to?  Do ya'll think he has a chance? And do you think the foreign leaders of other countries are going to put up with the name calling and hate?

And uh... The Latinos... Ya'll need to start up a Latino Lives Matter campaign up and going... . QUICKLY.

Because ya'll are getting dragged through the mud. When did immigrants become such a instant problem? Wow!

Even Christie talking about tracking folks like Fed-ex.  Sounds all too much a part of a familiar and dark part of history. Let's just say I watched an interesting historic documentary a couple of weeks ago, and I had to blink twice... Because history may be about to repeat itself if we are not careful.

The Latino community can solve all of this tomfoolerly if they turn out and vote. Line up. Get to the polls. 100% turn out. Shut up ALL this foolishness!

I don't understand the republicans. I am sorry, but you will HAVE to appeal to more than the southern white males. Or you will not win anything. Sorry. That is all.

Did anyone see the VMAs last night? What the world?

Can somebody get your boy?

 What the world was he talking about last night? Was I just sleepy and didn't understand what was going on?

I have decided that I am officially too old for today's music. I think Old school is where it is at. Ya'll just too way out there for me. I miss the days of MC Lyte and Queen Latifah and LL Cool J... and Michael Jackson.

Sigh.

Anyway, he says he is running for president. This doesn't surprise me. If Trump can run, then anybody can run. Really.

Kim K. as First Lady, though...

FAIL.

Not trying to look at that every day. Nope.

Song of the Week. So I went in the lab and pulled my data. Just that quick. And I think I ran one of my coworkers out of the lab... because I was singing these two songs waaaaay to hard.





WOW!!!

After watching last night's VMAs, I can appreciate REAL music.

OH JOY!!!

Made my rainy Monday BRIGHT!!!

On purpose

I might have to pull out some of my old Queen Latifah... really though!

Have a good week!

Friday Freestyles

Friday!

Payday!

Glory!!

I am eating lunch now. But the shades of my mind are at half mask right now. In other words, don't expect much of ANYTHING productive on pay day.

I tend to ball 'til I fall in my mind on payday. I did that while getting ready this morning for work. I imagined ditching the paying of bills and being whisked away to some island.  I saw myself asleep on a lounge chair as the cool ocean breeze flowed through my hair.

Sigh.

Then I finished getting dressed and fed and watered the cats.I try to locate the cats before I go to work in the morning, because they like to hide out under my bed. There's nothing worse than a cat trapped all day in a bedroom.  And it's worse if they have lost their collars with bells. I can't hear them moving around. So I have had mornings where I am running around looking for cats, and I look up to see them staring down from the beams.

Sigh.  One of these days I'm gonna get them back. I was almost late for work fooling with them. Humph.

Okay. So I finished up the red pepper ketchup. Here you go.

I bought 4 ounce jars this time. I'm not all that pleased with this batch... It's not as thick and rich as I like, but it's pretty damn good.  My cubicle mate Lady M said it's the best batch I've ever made. She like that it's coarse.  I pureed it well enough. But there are little pieces of something in  there that melts in your mouth. I'm not sure what that's about. But it's good.

That next batch... I'm going to put it in a crock pot and let it simmer down for about 10 hours. I bet it will be out of this world then.

Good deed of the Week. While making cookies for the ice cream social on Wednesday, I made a dozen for my old supervisor. She called early for them.

"Did you make my cookies?"
"Yes, I have them here. But I have to draw on the bag," I wailed. "I have a meeting at 10:30. (It was already 10:20 am).
"I have a meeting, too," she said. "I will get them afterwards."

I think she wanted them right then. Maybe she wanted a snack for her meeting. But she would have to walk over to me from her office in the adjoined building. (There was no way I was going to walk way over there. We have often met halfway, though).

It only took me a couple of minutes to draw on the bag.

She likes oatmeal walnut cookies without dried fruit (raisins, cranberries) of any kind.  Seems as if she has a problems with raisins... she thinks they are flies or something. I didn't ask any questions, as I didn't want her having any unnecessary childhood memories. She sure did skip over here and pick up the cookies.

I hope the cookies made her day a happy one. 

That's it for me!

CD of the Week. So Weeknd's CD came out today.

I like it. But I wouldn't listen to him because of the drugs. And I have a clean version of the CD on my spotify. I can do without all that cussing, young man.

Good CD if you like that type of thing. I was surprised. He seems popular. That hair, though. I don't understand.

Somebody needs to explains this Hills video to me, though.



He lost me with that one.

And that hair. I don't understand. 

And maybe I don't need to.

I understand that it's payday. And I don't have to work this weekend.

And I'm going to enjoy it. On purpose.

Repost: A Red Pepper Oldgirl

*Since Ginae wants the recipe, and Laura and Sasha are all O_o, here's an old red pepper ketchup post. Enjoy!

I like Old school things.

And when I say Old school things, I mean Color Purple Celie Oldschool types of things.

I like doing stuff they had to do back in the day just for fun...

Stuff like canning!

I only can one thing: red pepper ketchup. I make it every couple of years, so I got the BRIGHT idea to make it the night before I was due back to work (after being off for 12 days).

I haven't been able to find any organic red peppers for some reason. So I found some the other day at $2.99 a pound. (I saw some for $6.99 a pound here and there, but I didn't want to pay that much).

Here's my recipe!

As you can tell, the recipe is well worn, pages all smudged. It looks like one of my grandmas's recipe books.

Or one of Celie's recipe books.

That's Oldschool right there.

Here are my mason jars, justa sterilizing and boiling away...

Here are my ingredients!

Diced red bell peppers (9 cups), onions (5 cups), garlic and ginger.

Honey, that all took me an hour to cut up. It felt longer than an hour.

Here's my spice mix.

That took about 15 minutes to mix up.  My kitchen stills smells strongly of cloves.

Here's everything cooking and stewing down.

I let that stew for an hour!!

Then I pureed it all in my blender.  I added some light brown sugar and apple cider vinegar and let it cook down for a good hour and I canned it all up.

And here we have it! My red pepper ketchup!

That's good stuff. I didn't finish until one in the morning. My back was on fire from all that standing and stirring. I was not a happy camper the next morning.

But at least I had my ketchup. That's all that matters.

I probably won't make anymore for awhile.

Unless I have another Color Purple Celie moment.

Remembering Aaliyah

Today we remember Aaliyah, a singer who died in a plane crash on August 26, 2001. Today is the 14th anniversary of her passing.

I am not the biggest Aaliyah fan, but that Cowgirl Cre is. So this is for her.

"One in a Million" 

Ten Tuesday Thoughts

I love Ten Tuesday Thoughts. The idea of it at the beginning though is so O_O.

But once it gets rolling, it's a good thing. I can clear my head in a matter of few minutes.

1. I had to be at work at 9:00 am instead of 10:00 am for a meeting today. It is amazing how leaving the house an hour early throws me off a little.

2. I left my expertly prepared lunch at home. This type of thing happens when I have to leave early. Next time I will just pull it out the fridge earlier. Or put my keys in the bag in the fridge the night before. That may be a problem... because I will be looking all over for my keys in the morning. Oh what a vicious cycle.

3. Sister Callie Jo and my sister are best friends right now. Sister Callie Jo is going to be singing old sad negro spirituals in the corner when my sister leaves. Sigh.

4. Mitch is not flipping out over my sister. He likes my sister, but he is very partial to me. She said he'll come around her, but once he hears that garage door go up he's out of her room and down those stairs in a flash. (Aww. I guess he's happy to see me). 

5. What I'm drinking right now: Dandelion root tea.

My sister is fond of it. It is a great coffee substitute. Not that I drink a lot of coffee. My limit is 2 cups per week, but I average 1 cup a month and that is good enough for me. But my sister has hellacious caffeine issues. This is better for her. It is good for me too, as I snatched a few of her teabags. I'm not sure how she feels about that, but... OH WELL.

6. I am enjoying these nice sunny ATL days. It is much appreciated after a week of monsoon rains in the ATL.

7. The work group meeting was good today. But I was kept an hour afterwards. Let's just say, if you ask me questions, then I will answer them. And don't be asking me anything when I'm... annoyed. That is all.

8. We have an ice cream social tomorrow at work!

Oh what fun!  I cannot wait! They have the best socials in this area. And it's right outside my supervisor's door! Oh joy!

9. And I volunteered to bring cookies. I don't know why I did that. That means I need to drop by the store and buy some butter and eggs. I think with me and my sister it is hard to keep up with what I need at home. Sigh.

10. I needed to go to the store tonight anyway for mason jars. I need to make more red pepper ketchup.

I cut up all my veggies for it on Sunday night. I am making a half batch, which is so much easier than a full batch. I will work on that while I am making cookies.

Oh what fun to spend a weeknight in the kitchen. :(

(Really :)... by faith. Amen and Amen).

I think I will be getting off from work a couple of hours early today.

Yes, that's the ticket!

With that said... this has been Ten Tuesday Thoughts!

Enjoy the rest of your day!

Monday Morning Thought

This is a good one. Worth reading.

Right on, Oldgirl!

This is actually a quote from a Portuguese life coach/self-help guru by the name of José Micard Teixeira.

It is STILL a good one!

From Apples to Pie!

I am thinking back on my best "adventure" of the week.

For me, of course, it was the bloggaversary giveaway. You should have seen me, standing and staring wide-eyed at Commander Get Jiggy Wit It as she pulled names. It was so exciting. Congrats again to the winners.

My other adventure was making bootleg apple pies.

One of the supervisors of a group in my cubicle area lives way out in "the country" somewhere. I tell you, I don't see how people drive 50 or 60 miles to work one way. I am thoroughly spoiled by my 4.6 mile one way drive to work. Spoiled rotten.

Anyway, country living has its perks. I bet he breathes good fresh air. That's better than this inner city air.

He has a big apple tree. And he brought a bag of apples to work.

Yes. Those are real apples off a tree. There are even leaves and sticks in the bag.

I took two apples. People were around here munching hard on them, saying they were good and fresh. This made sense to me. I read somewhere that to get the nutrition of an apple grown in the 1950s, you would have to eat 5 apples now. That is such a loss. So apples from a good apple tree close by (not shipped 3000 miles from some Washington state grove) should be super good.

I took my apples home, and I peeled them.

Then I cubed them up and boiled them with a little sugar and pumpkin spice (nutmeg, ginger and cinnamon)

And I unrolled a crust and made some turnovers. Two apples were just enough to make 3 turnovers.

Here are the final apple turnovers.

Stop laughing. I told you they were bootleg. That means make them however you can. I was not trying to win an apple turnover contest. I was just trying to work it out, honey.

The best thing was that these were GOOD. They were very tart, as I didn't use much sugar. But that's the way I like them.

I have some fresh blackberries in the fridge. Maybe I will try this with those next time.

And I'm sure they will be just as bootleg as the apple turnovers.

Wordless Wednesdays: Thanks a lot, Mitch.

***10th Bloggaversary Sweepstakes Winners***

I was pretty busy today, so I didn't get a chance to post the winners.

Plus, my official puller, Commander Get Jiggy with it, was not in yesterday. Someone hit her car in a parking lot while she was shopping this weekend, so she's been fooling with the body shop.

You know it's bad when someone breaks your tail light and half knock off your bumper... and looks around and keeps going.

Whoever did that, you just ain't right. You just ain't. They must don't know that she is military, and trained in hand-to-hand combat! And she is highly trained in pulling my sweepstakes winners. She would've busted them UP if she caught them hitting them car, busted them up with her fists of fury!

Anyway, she is back at work and ready to pull. I love her excitement. I think her excitement is for the $10 gift card to her favorite local workplace eatery she earns.

Here are the names:

I thought there were 120 comments, but there were actually 197. I messed around and missed writing out the final week of comments. I did that last night. I know now it's easier to write down comments during the whole time rather than waiting until the end. There's a whole comment section in the dashboard and I was looking at it wrong. So I spent an extra hour last night making SURE everyone was listed and accounted for.

We decided the bag was too small. So we found a large envelope and placed the names inside.

Commander Git Jiggy Wit shook that bag up very well and started pulling names. Most pics came out blurry but I will work with what I have... Only because I may buy a new phone this week.

1st name is... Joanie V!

I think I know who that is. That may be Remnants. Not sure why she is using 2 google accounts. But Joanie V! Holler at me.

And the remaining 3 winners are...

Sasha!!!

Ginae!!!

Erica!!!!


GLORY!

Congrats to you all! You win $100 gift cards.  And Commander Git Jiggy Wit It certified them all!

Good for you! Laura, I was rooting for you because you were so... enthusiastic. But unfortunately, you didn't win. Good effort, though.

I was rooting for a multiple, too. Meaning one person winning 2 or more gift cards. Never seen that before, either. That would be interesting, though.

Congrats to the winners. You will have your cards sometime in September. Not this week because it is raining cats and dogs and outside. I ain't getting wet for ya'll.

Text me if you have my cell phone number, or email me.

Email addy:  Oldgirlladylee@gmail.com

I don't know how to prove you are YOU.  You just best get to me soon. Email me. If I don't hear from you, there will be an alternate winner. Email me!

Oh yes, I wanted to give away a cookbook.  The winner is:

BOP!

Beautiful Oppulent Playboy. Something like that. Holler at me, brutha! You get a cookbook plus a $10 gift card from your place of choice.

I don't know if that will be from the local Burger King or Mickey Ds. Or Wal-mart. Your choice. Just don't make me have to run all over ATL looking for a card. Not happening, bruh. No way. So give me 3 choices.

Congrats to all the winners!

This makes me SOOOO giddy! I'm so happy that I feel like I won something!

I will get those cards when I can walk down to my local credit union. I think I will just get some Visa gift cards. That way you can use them for whatever you want. You can get that 6 pack of panties at the Wal-mart. Or you can be like your Grandma and special order a bedspread from the J.C. Penneys.

BOP... brutha, I hope you enjoy your Big Mac or Whopper meal.

Or your pack of boxer shorts on sale at the Wal-mart.

Congrats to the winners! Email me!

On purpose.

Good Monday Morning

It is Monday! What a wonderful day!

(Yes.I am still on a campaign to love my Mondays like I love my Fridays and my weekends).

This weekend in the ATL was beautiful! The temps were in the high 80s. It was the type of weather that was right for opening the sunroof and allowing the wind to blow through my hair.

My best friend LadyTee hung out with me on Saturday night. That was fun, as we don't see each other that much. Her daughter was at a J. Cole concert at an amphitheater a couple of miles from my house, so it was easier for her to hang out at my place rather than drive way back out to her place. So we watched a couple of movies. I cooked. And I even worked more on the butter cookie recipe (Lemon butter cookies are the business. That is all).

There was a good movie on Lifetime television for Women titled Double Daddy. It was a high school movie, where a guy got 2 girls pregnant at the same time. And as to be expected, it was full of drama. One girl was the one the guy loved, where the other was some liquor assisted mistake. The other girl was a sociopath. Drama drama drama.

Then we watched a Scientology documentary on HBO.  That was... I don't know. I fail miserably at the legalisms of religion as it is. I'm not sure that I can be in anything so stringent as to where I have to deal with punishments or even excommunication if I so much as ask a question or disagree with anything the leadership says. Ya'll might as well just reject me from the jump because I scrutinize my spiritual stuff to the max.

So did you go see Straight Out of Compton? I didn't. I like to wait until the second or third week after a movie comes out in theater before I see big movies.I prefer half-crowded theaters, where I don't have to search for seats. And I don't like sitting next to people in the dark. Nope.

I heard it was great. I will check it out.

I do have the Soundtrack, though.

That was good. It is good to hear Dre beats again, but it didn't blow me away. There was way too much cussing for me. But this is to be expected.  I would LOVE an instrumentals CD. He's done that before.  I'm a beats and production type of gal, so that would be nice.

It won't be on my playlist. I listen to too much of it, I may start doing drive-by shootings or cussing folk out. None of that.

Happy Birthday!  Happy Birthday to my sister Kentucky, whose birthday is today! She turns 34, I believe. I am happy to have her staying with me, but I know she will be leaving for the UAE soon. I am already missing her.

I don't know what she wants for her birthday. I am not going to drag it out of her. Heck, it's hard enough getting out of her what she wants to eat or what she needs from me during this time of transition. Most likely, I will give her some money. She's hanging with her friends today, so I know she's gonna have a good time.

I just want to get to the point of not crying when thinking of her leaving for another country. I have to keep telling myself it will be alright. And I know it will.

Quote of the Week.  I heard a quote by Pastor D. Bronner that blew me away:

When you are born, you look like your parents. But when you die, you look like your decisions. 

Wow. That is way deeper than the words. I've been thinking about that. It is true in many cases. I can't say all, though. But you can't tell me it didn't automatically bring to mind some things. It made me think about my decisions. Some are good, and some are bad. I am a work under construction, until the day I die.

So that's all for today. Sweepstakes is over and the comment entries are tallied up. There were around 120 comments, so you have a good chance of winning one of 4 gift cards. If you have 1 entry, you have a 3% chance of winning. If you had 12 entries, you have a 10% chance of winning. You get the picture.

So please make sure to check back tomorrow to see if you won!!

I have a doctor's appointment this morning. I'm not all that excited about it, as it's suppose to rain cats, dogs and frogs all week. My doctor is 30 miles away, so that will be a wonderful ride!

I can make it wonderful, you see. I'm just saying! This is a great day, rain or shine.

Have a great Monday... on purpose!

Friday Freestyles

Friday!

Freestyles!

I am happy for Mondays these days, but I'm also happy for my Fridays.

I have nothing much planned for the weekend. I may go to church, but that's about it. I need a good open weekend. Too much was going on last weekend. It was all great stuff, but I have things to do around the house. I have some writing to do too.

There is a shakeup in my group that has everyone O_o. It is alright with me, but just a tad bit annoying. My group is pretty new, so this is to be expected. Growing pains are what they simply are: growing pains.

Everything works out for my good. Period, end of story.

Nevertheless, I am happy for cooler days in the ATL. The temperature has roamed in the high eighties/low nineties. That is better than the 100s. Oh yes.

I don't have much to say today. I didn't finish up all the posts I wanted to get done by the 14th or 15th for bloggaversary. It's alright, because I think there are around 40 posts, and that's 4 gift cards. That's the ballpark amount I was thinking about, so that's awesome.

We are having the drawing on Monday, and I will post the results on Tuesday. I don't do my own drawings, so you can count on it to be fair.

And I want to thank you all for participating, and for allowing me to post up some personal journal entries. It's always amazing how some of the things I think and feel are the experiences of others. It lets me know that I am not alone.

Quote of the Day:

Have a great weekend! On purpose!

Happy 10th Bloggaversary!

10

STAR DATE 2015.13.08

10

It's the TENTH Anniversary of 

The House of LadyLee

!!!!!GLORY!!!!!

And I thank you for hanging out with me...

Your Friendly Neighborhood Original Oldgirl LadyLee!!!

10 years. That is a long long time.

I started this blog when I was a young chicken at the age of 35 years old. I wasn't up on social media or computing for that matter. My computer was for searching the internet and workplace reasons. Then I started writing stories. I didn't have a home computer at the time. I didn't even have a house. I was renting a condo, and my sister lived with me. And for an hour each night, she would allow me to use her desktop computer to work on my story.

Then I came across my favorite author Tayari Jones' blog (yes, I've been stalking her for 10 years). I had no idea what a blog was. I would read, and I left a comment one day. It was the first comment I'd ever left on a post. She wrote something about the importance of getting someone to critique your work.

Here's my comment:


Tayari, thanks for your blog on peer critique.  I am an aspiring writer, and at first I thought that the critique process was insane, having others read my work and make positive, negative, or quirky comments, but in the end, the comments have proven to be quite vital and helpful.  And at the same time, critiques also help with development of new and interesting ideas. And she responded to my comment.  

And here's her response:

Hi!  Thanks for visiting my blog.  I just have one little comment for you.  Always remember, you already ARE a writer.  You may aspire to publication, etc.  but your heart it what determines if you are a writer or not.

Blessings,

Tayari

Yes. I have kept that all these years. I am a true stalker. And besides, what she said inspired me.  I go back and read it, even 10 years later. 

She had a lot of readers with blogs. And I somehow found out I could have a blog for free. So I started one. 

My first post on August 13, 2005 was simple enough. 


Everyone seems to be blogging these days...
Thought I would get in on some of this action...

It's 8:00 a.m. on a dreary Saturday morning here in my beloved Atlanta Georgia. It's been raining cats and dogs all summer long. The humidity has been at what feels like 200% all summer long.

I'm about to go fix myself a bowl of pineapples, put on my O'Jays Greatest Hits CD, and sit down and work on my novel for the next few hours...

Hopefully I can eek out about five pages today...

How simple is that? Quite simple.

The blog has evolved over the years. Blogging has gone out of style, as most trendy ventures tend to do. But this is my personal space, my resting place. I'm free to be funny, mad, happy or sad. I'm free to pour my heart out in words. I love to write, and my blog allows me to wrap myself in my writing. I can write as much as I want whenever I want, with no cares of who's reading. I'm free to write like no one's reading at all. It is my personal resting place.

There are 2027 posts here. There are over 200 food-for thoughts, and over 50 fictions shorts.

And so much more. More than I care to detail.


And  there is so much more to come.

The 10th Bloggaversary Sweepstakes is still in full full effect until August 15th, I believe. That is Saturday. So let's make it over on Saturday at midnight. I would love to get up to 5 gift cards. That's 5 $100 gift cards. And those are hopefully Visa gift cards, meaning you can use them for whatever and wherever you please.

What a great seed to sow. I hope you ALL win! LOL.

Thanks so much for reading. I've made plenty good friends through this blog. We have laughed together and we have cried together.

Most importantly, we've grown together.

So let's continue to laugh, cry... and grow together! 

On Purpose!

Food for Thought: Jealousy and Envy (Batter Up!)

Here's another food-for-thought journal entry just for you.

Names have been changed to protect the blessed.

From June 5, 2015

"Jane" contacted me via text last night. She wanted help with picking out some decorations for her place. I thought she should ask "Susan" about it. It had me feeling some kind of way.  I am fighting jealousy or envy. It's like a spider-spun silk thread in my mind.  But we know how strong spider spun silk is. I refuse to let that grow. It will be alright. 

I must remember that jealousy and envy are indicative of inner issues that are not tied to others directly. Interaction with others only bring it out. I have to set my mind to not deal with being at the forefront. Whatever that means. I have to examine my inner self. I find sometimes that I have the desire to belong. I belong to God, and this should be good enough. It is the pinnacle. it is like the summit of Mount Everest. Everything is beneath that. Favor with God causes favor with others, as God directs. Acceptance by others is NOT the same as having favors with others. They are similar, but not the same. I must try to understand that. 

The thing that touches this off FACEBOOK and TWITTER. I will see something and feel the wrong way in my heart. It is only for a moment though. Very fleeting. But I must do more to combat that moment. Hit it with a bat repeatedly, killing it. The Word and what God says about me is the bat. Hit with that bat, i.e., encourage myself. 

I am NOT an afterthought. I am a thought in the forefront of God's mind. I am a container and He uses me quite well. I am a container in God's palace and He uses me for specific purposes. He loves me. He also pours into me, this container I am. He edifies me. On purpose. He loves me. I must always remember that He loves me.

That entry is chock full of interesting fodder. First of all, I was going to post only the portion that starts "I am fighting jealousy and envy..." down to the end of that paragraph. That's a enough there to blog on.

I don't consider myself a jealous person. I don't consider myself an envious person.  But I recognize the thoughts that come, if only for a split second, yet disappear like a puff of smoke. . No, they don't stay around that long. It is fleeting, sort of like catching something in your peripheral vision, then looking in that direction and saying "I thought I saw something over there." Yet it was only a phantom, a shadow. Maybe it was just something imagined.

Or maybe it was real. And if not addressed it will run up and grab hold of you and and won't let go.

That is the fear.

As I said in the journal entry above, it's like a spider-spun silk thread. It's barely noticeable, and if you are anything like me, you've run straight into it, and if people see you from afar, it looks like you're fighting air.  They don't see the thread. But you see it. You feel it. And you do whatever you can to free yourself from it.

I learned about jealousy and envy awhile ago. My pastor gave a good sermon on it, and it has stuck with me.

Jealousy is looking at someone and having an attitude about them or something they have.

Envy is looking at that something they have... and going forward to destroy it.

That's just an angle of jealousy and envy, as there are other more profound ways of looking at it. But that was an interesting way of looking at it. And simple enough for me to remember.

So, let's use reader Sasha for example. Sasha just bought a new 2015 Mercedes. That $100,000 one.

Here I come around the corner. Instead of celebrating with her, I say in my mind. ... "Look at Sasha. She think she all that. Just 'cause she got a brand new car. She ain't all that. Who she thank she is? Sasha think she better than us."

I am jealous. I even concoct some notion in my mind where I imagine Sasha thinks she is better than us all. That's not the case. I am the projector, Sasha is the screen. I'm projecting my personal internal issues on to her.

The problem is that envy takes things a step further. I'm still seething with jealousy over Sasha's beautiful car. And don't let it get well rooted, i.e, don't get me to go finding Laura, Moe, and Gina and start talking bad about how Sasha thinks she is all that, thinking she better about US all.

Like I said, envy takes things a step further...

"There go ol' Sasha's pearl gray custom Benz in the parking lot. Humph."

I go over to her car and walk around it. I look around to see who else is looking around.

I pull out my keys and key her car up.

And it felt good.

I key it up a couple more times. Then I run like hell... because I don't want nobody to catch me doing it, yous see. I may even pull out my big knife and slash a tire... or two.

And don't let me light this match... 

Jealousy is hating what Sasha has. Envy is causing destruction to what Sasha has.

Awful.

So imagine my writing something kin to this in my journal. It disturbed me. I don't want to feel this way. Even if for a fleeting moment.

And as you can see, this happens when I look at Facebook and Twitter. I am ashamed to admit, even if it's a fleeting thought. Sometimes it gets hard to constantly read about people's "perfect" lives. And I know that's not always the case. No one's life is perfect. And anyway, social media is more like:

Yeah. The real life portion is what no one talks about.

So when I see jealousy and envy in my peripheral vision, I have to hit it. "There's fleeting whispers in my head of 'I wish I could do that... I wish I had friends like that... etc."  I have to hit it, hit it fast and hit it hard. Bust it up a proverbial bat. Hit it with some scripture or something. Simply put, I must encourage myself. And I do that well. It didn't phase me when I spent the next few paragraphs, and they were chock full of positive things. I felt better afterwards.

The whole "afterthought" statement: I'd been writing "I'm not an afterthought" in big bold block angry letters at the top of my pages in late May. It's funny going back and looking at it.

Day 1: I AM NOT AN AFTERTHOUGHT
Day 2: NOT AN AFTERTHOUGHT
Day 3: I AM STILL NOT AN AFTERTHOUGHT
Day 4: I AM NOT AN AFTERTHOUGHT TODAY EITHER. NOPE.
Day 5: I WILL NEVER BE AN AFTERTHOUGHT.

I'd been blown off by 3 different people that month (when it came to plans). Correction: I FELT like I'd been blown off. It may or may not have been the case. It was the feeling. I, like everyone else, act on my fleeting feelings. Compound that with my tendency to keep my feelings and opinions to myself, and my passive-aggressive nature rears its head. Strong. (I have to write about this afterthought stuff. Found a whole nother entry on that).

I attack this type of thing. Personally. Aggressively. I rarely talk about it. It bothered me to the point that I make a double set of plan. If we make plans, and it didn't pan out, and you didn't think to convey it to me... let's just say that I had a whole nother set of plans... and I had a great time.

But the key here is I automatically come back with a spiritual bat and hit thoughts that don't line up with where I want to go or who I want to be. I am well practiced at that. Who wants this stuff to get rooted.

I can't stop birds from flying over my head, but I can keep them from building their nests in my hair.

Really though.

I see from that journal entry that I spend time thinking about being a container.

2 Timothy 2:20-21 MES In a well furnished kitchen there are not only crystal goblets and silver platters, but waste cans and compost buckets - some containers used to serve fine meals, others to take out garbage. Become the kind of container God can use to present any and every kind of gift to his guest for their blessing. 

I wrote about that in another post. I've been gnawing and chewing on for a few months now for close to a year, and much good juice comes from it. It creeps up in my mind exactly when I need it... and even when I don't.

I've also learned to celebrate people's successes. I spend time thanking God for them and blessing their lives also. I will make sure to go up to them and congratulate them on their achievement. I may even do something for the person. It is wonderful that has become my automatic way of doing things.

That drives jealousy and envy away.

It is a big bat that knocks jealousy and envy right out of the ol' ball park.

And I am all too thankful for that.