I Desire

Dedicated to That Southern black Gal... just because she will like this...

One of my all time favorite rap songs... Salt N Pepa's "I desire", circa 1987.

I loved this rap so much... So much so that my boyfriend at the time, Eli, who I just simply loved so much, recognized that it was MY song.

He would pick me up from the train station every day after school in his maroon Ford Escort, and he would have that song playing...

And a cold bottle of Pineapple Coconut Champale waiting for me.

(Don't ask me why I was drinking. I was only 17 or 18. He was 19 or 20. I have NO idea where or how he got the Champale. He just always had a nice cold bottle wating for me.)

Ah yes, Ah yes... those were the days.

Another of my favorites from that same album: "Love Bandit" by Salt-N-Pepa, circa 1986.



It contains some of my favorite lyrics...

You're at the window
Staring at the sky
Birds fly by
You start to wonder why
You not by my side
Sharing the Dream
That one day you'll be my King and I'll be your Queen...

Profound.

LOL

Well, Eli and I broke up. He became interested in another young lady.

Part of the problem was that I was concentrating on school to much. (Red flag here. And I was too young to understand red flags and all they meant).

I was devastated by all of this. I briefly spoke about this in a guest post over at Serenity's spot. Ohhhh, I was so emotionally busted up over it all.

I know a good year later, I walked into my Mama's house, and he was sitting there with his newborn baby girl, visiting with my Mama. I said hello and when on upstairs, didn't even look at the crying baby. (Ya'll know I don't cheese in negroes faces. I'm still impolite like that).

I went upstairs and cried, in all my 21-year-old angst.

Took me 2 years to ge over Eli.

Flash forward to a 26-year-old LadyLee.

I was driving home from the grocery store on a hot summer day. I'd picked up a few groceries because me and my man, and LadyTee and her man were going to get together at my duplex and grill out and chill out.

I noticed a white van following me. Scared me a bit, but I went on home anyway. I parked in the driveway and the van parked on the street, blocking me in the driveway. I hesitated to get out of the car. But I got out anyway, thinking I could run for the door if need be. I made it too the front porch and was about to unlock my door.

Someone got out of the van. I turned to see who it was, and was still working on getting the door open.

It was Eli.

I raised an eyebrow at that. I hadn't seen dude in 5 years.

"Hey, how you doing?" he asked as he walked up to the front porch.

"Fine," I said. I just stood there looking down at him. He still looked the same, chocolate brown skin, still slim, big brown eyes.

He shoved his hands deep into the pockets of his khakis. "I just wanted to say hello, and I just wanted to know that I still love you," he said.

*crickets*

There was a moment of silence. Birds chirped. A car drove by.

"Uh, okay. That's nice," I said.

Neither of us said anything.

I just remember looking at him and having no feelings about him whatsoever. And it felt REAL good.

"That's nice," I said. "Could you get the groceries out the car for me."

He looked a little stunned, but being the polite dude he is, he got the groceries out of my car and sat them on the porch.

I don't know what else was said. There was NO talk of me wailing about how I still loved-ed him, and us falling into some mad passionate kiss and living happily ever after.

I didn't want dude. He had had 4 babies by three different women by then. Had been married and divorced a couple of times.

I was working on my doctorate degree. You do the math.

Although I do wish I could have recited the special lyrics of that song above.

You're at the window
Staring at the sky
Birds fly by
You start to wonder why
You not by my side
Sharing the Dream
That one day you'll be my King and I'll be your Queen...

Oh that would have been CLASSIC.

But I wasn't thinking about that. I was a bit perturbed. LadyTee and I discussed this much. She as my BFF was ready to fight. ("That nigga got the nerve to run up on somebody. Stupid ass!"). My boyfriend was a bit perturbed. He was a former vice cop, and let's just say, he had Eli's information and asked if he and his homeboy should go take care of him. That wasn't necessary. Oldboy and his shady friend were crazy, had an uncanny love for guns, and I'd still be in jail right now for whatever they did to Eli. I called my Mama and went off on her for giving Eli my information. She said she didn't, and since I rejected him, he probably would not run up on me anymore.

So when I hear that old Salt-N-Pepa, my memories are stirred. I have thoughts of:

Pineapple coconut Champale.

Heartbreak.

And me standing at the window

Staring up at the sky...

Birds flying by...

... And me being thankful that Eli dumped me for another.

No telling where I would be right now if I stayed with him.