But That's Just Me...

It is always interesting to come across something interesting about myself on the internet.

If I google my government name, with my middle initial, I come across a few scientific papers, and good grief, my work phone number. That is some craziness. You best not call me at work. I may or may not pick up the phone. (How crass and unprofessional is that? lol) I don't ever check my voicemail.

LOL.

I've also come across some mess at times. Not a good look to upset negroes in the blog world. Goodness.

But every once in awhile, I come across some good things.

Here's something interesting written by the Green Eyed Bandit, who has known me since 2005.

From The Green Eyed Bandit's post, Supportive Friends.

Lee is one of the least judgmental people I know. Oh, and so quiet! She sits back and observe. However, you make it into her circle, you are the blessed one. Lee is super smart (even though she keeps it under wraps). If she considers you a friend, she will find ways to put a smile on your face. We have shared sermon notes, financial goals and affirmations, vision boards, and her wonderful blog. I learn so much from her! She has made it to Baby Bandit's games and gives words of encouragement to him (with her famous cookies). More than anything, she has a heart of gold.

Goodness Bandit... I am so honored that you think so highly of me.

That's a good thing. I prefer to have the Bandit in my corner. Really.

There are some interesting things in there, if you have been around me long enough that I would like to ponder... I am in the middle of some self assessment right now over a few things, and what she said is a handful. I figured I could make a post out of it.

Lee is one of the least judgmental people I know. Uh, yeah. I ain't got room to be judging folk. Trust, I've done what you have done or a good ten times worse. I am rarely rattled, and people rarely say anything that make me clutch the imaginary pearls around my neck. I will expand on that in another post.

I ain't got NO room to judge nobody on nothing. Yeah, there's a lot of busted broken english in that sentence. I just want to make that super duper clear, babes.

Oh and so quiet! She sits back and observes. She knows that for sure. I have NO earthly idea of why folks who read this blog think I am the life of party. I am not. I am quiet. Bandit did NOT like me when she met me. I was too doggone quiet for her. And I remember thinking, Who in the world is this high yella, green eyed stuck up broad? LOL!! But me oh my, she is totally opposite. And I am glad of that. Yeah, and that is a lesson learned for me in NOT being judgmental.

I do a lot of observing, especially if I am in a room full of people. A lot of that is because I write a lot. And I like to know what's going on around me.

However if you make it into her circle, you are the blessed one. That is a kind thing to say. I don't really have a circle. I don't like cliques AT ALL. But I realize what she is saying. I tend to be a loner, mostly because I look at negroes I don't like all day, so my "me" time is super special. But those who get close to me, well, they are close for a reason. If you are in "Good" with me, that usually means that I am free to be a blessing to you, and to just be myself. I know that's hard to understand, but if you ponder it for a moment, it will make sense to you.

If she considers you a friend, she will find ways to put a smile on your face. Yes, I may be quiet, but I am very funny once I warm up to you.

Lee is super smart (even though she keeps that under wraps). People think I am so smart. Yes I am. I am considered a genius, whatever that really means.

But a good friend of mine said that to me the other day that she thinks I am smart, but very down to earth. Yes I am smart. But EVERYBODY is smart.

You have unbelievable talents and interests that you are well developed in. In my book, that makes you smart. That makes all of us smart.

I am sooo amazed by people who have talents and expertise different from my own. I am fascinated by that. So I don't look at "smart" like everyone does. Yes, I have degrees in some difficult disciplines, areas that most people wouldn't dare venture into. Those were simply my interests. You have interests and talents that I am clueless in. That, in my book, makes you a smart person.

But that's just me, how I think about it.

We have shared sermon notes, financial goals and affirmations, vision boards, and her wonderful blog. Now if you wanna be down with me? Give me some stuff, man. No I don't want your money. I got my own money. And don't you come sniffing around trying to bother any, because I don't loan out money. (I've been torched quite a few times concerning that personal rule. And that is fine. I just located how you feel about me.)

Anyway, bring me some church notes. I don't care WHO your pastor is. Go back and read that post I wrote on Romans 14. I don't care. I ain't got time to be judging nobody's pastor. Mine stay in trouble, so whatever.

I only spend 1% or my time in church. I am more concerned about the other 99% of the time. If we have had some deep convo, and your pastor preach on it? Come back and tell an Oldgirl. You find some interesting info on it. Hollar at your girl. That's how I get a lot of my personal isshas resolved out anyway. (That happens ALOT.)

I know people who aren't religious (heck, I don't consider my ownself religious), who don't go to church, yet still can tell me something that is gonna take me to a new level, solve some personal issue, etc. That's all I want. Make me a better "me".

And if we can share some vision stuff, some affirmations, some financial goals, etc? Oh, I am looking for you. A smile is on my face when you come around the corner.

I like people who are bent on doing better. There is less room for drama if you and I are trying to move forward. If you ain't doing or thinking about something, you probably trying to start some proverbial fires somewhere, or you're somewhere causing mental carnage.

*lee walking FAST in the other direction*

I learn so much from her. Listen, if I am around you for a long amount of time, and I can look at our friendship, and I don't see a pattern of MYSELF being a blessing or useful to you, well... I usually remove myself from the situation. That is just me. We all have had people in our lives, that when we see them coming, we trying to get away from them. I don't want anyone to think of me like that. And yes, I have seen that happen. I've done something wrong, wasn't forgiven for it, and it kept coming up over and over again. Yep, I have apologized, and I don't do anything out of malice, but if I cause you trouble, I'm gone.

A bad way to handle things, but if I ain't helping or you not getting something useful from our friendship, it is dust. And it works both ways. People rarely drain me or use me. I make it a point to not drain and use people. All friendships are give and take. And all are for some purpose.

We all come across each other's paths for a reason.

For a season.

Or for a lifetime.

So if you are in my sphere, you will learn much from me. And I will learn much from you. I will be a blessing to you. And you will be a blessing to me.

The older I get, the more critical that becomes.

BUT that's just me.

More than anything, she has a heart of gold.

O_O

Wow! Now that's a good one! That's all I gotta say about that!

So Green Eyed Bandit, thanks for your kind words. Please KNOW that I think highly of you.

My goal is to be a much better friend to you than I have been. You are more valuable to me than you know.

Mi Buen Amigo Gigi

Cheap Seats Terry made a comment the other day on IM that I take care of and do so much for others. He was wondering if there were people out there that took care of me in the same manner.

Wasn't quite sure what he meant at first. He has an inside "know" on some things I have done for people, I suppose.

But people who know me know that I am HIGHLY intangible.

In other words, I do a lot of listening and talking to folks.

He wanted to know if I had people to turn to if I was hurting, depressed, or in a bad way.

This is rare for me. Usually means I am having a PMS hormonal trip or something.

(Oh. THAT is why I was all weepy and emotional that day and didn't know why. Geez. lol)

But seriously, yes I do have peeps around that I go to when things are weird for me.

I have a handful of people around who have known me for years who know very well how to handle my emotions.

This is rare. As I rarely tell anyone if anything is bothering me.

I pray a lot.

I sure do write a lot about it. I will sit down and write upwards of 20 pages about something until the answer shows up.

99% of the time, the thing gets solved, between me and God (this is the way I like it, you see)...

I am terrible about keeping stuff inside. I don't know the difference between whining and earnestly needing some help. The line between the two is fuzzy as a cloud.

But when I need a shoulder to cry on, someone to listen, or I need to be verbally pimp slapped or chin-checked...

Then I go to one of my people and talk about it.

Let me tell you something. I have a couple of friends who, the very sound and tone of their voice chases away whatever is bothering me. We don't have to discuss what is bothering me. Just their voice chases off bad demons or something. I have NO idea what is up with that. Weird, I know.

But if you have never experienced such, then I hope you do.

I rarely talk to them. But they hover around and are there if I need them. One called the other day, out of the blue. I went to work VERY very calm that morning.

Then there are those people who I run to when I need a shoulder to cry on, need a sounding board, or if I need to be verbally chin-checked or pimp slapped back to reality...

One such person is my friend Gigi...

Not only does she know how to handle my emotions well, without judgement (that is VERY important)... but I find that she is someone I pattern myself after...

And I am all the better for it.

(And I like this picture of her and her oldest child. Makes me want to dress in white and hold Oscar-Tyrone up in the air...)

I met Gigi back in 1998, when I moved to New Orleans. She was my group secretary. Every research group has a secretary. They keep our itineraries straight, make sure we have everything we need, etc...

I was a young buck back then, 28 years old, fresh out of school, still smiling like Miss Celie because I had a "Dr." title attached to the front of my name.

So she was always very professional with me.

"Good morning, Dr. LadyLee? How are you doing?"
"Is your office alright, Dr. LadyLee?"
"You need anything, Dr. LadyLee?"

*LadyLee smiling hard*

I do believe I use to run up on her just to hear her say my name.

(Geez-zuss, I was so green back then).

Anyway, over time, we became friends. Things became much less formal. Don't know how, don't know when.

But there was a time when I recognized that this chick is down for me and she got my back ALWAYS.

ALWAYS.

Thinking back, I can remember when, and i have blogged about this before.

To be brief about it, my Great-grandmother had died, and I needed to fly home for the funeral. It didn't mess me up money wise, but when you have to get things together suddenly, it can become a chore. But I had my plane ticket, all my stuff together, etc... And I'd stopped by her office to let her know that I wouldn't be in and to just check in with her.

She told me she'd just paid her credit cards off recently, and if I need to use her cards to go get clothes, a plane ticket, whatever... go do what I had to do, and she got it.

**silence**

*Ladylee wondering if she is on candid camera*

My answer was a muttered "No, I got everything together, Gigi."

We made small talk, and I went home to my great-grandmother's funeral.

But that short convo stayed on my mind for awhile, while I was back home in the ATL for the funeral. Even when I came back.

All of this was going on when I was really searching for something that I wanted to develop in my life:

Compassion

That is a big word. I would worry about it. I always thought of myself as a cold person back then. I wanted to develop in this compassion thing. I wanted to be that.

And I must say, Gigi has always embodied and been very deeply developed in such.

Let's just say, I paid attention more to her actions after that... and noticed she was like that with many people.

I asked her one day about all of this (God knows I was afraid to approach her about this). But we had become good friends, she was good for advice, and I always felt a lot better after talking to her, whether it be about something as simple as the weather or something seriuosly bothering me.

I asked her why she offered to do such for me. She said she knew I was cool and wouldn't take advantage and she knew me well. And she doesn't worry about anyone taking advantage of her, anyway.

Wow.

I was like, dang. I want to be like that.

And I must say that I am (moreso than way back then). Some of you out there may know this of me.

(If so, keep it to yourself. LOL)

Gigi planted a powerful seed in me way back then.

I remember that day, after that and some other stuff, I looked for ways to develop this "caring" for people.

I did something simple enough. I would bake a loaf of fresh hot raisin nut bread for the janitors who gathered down in the basement of our building, every Monday morning, so they would have a treat with their morning coffee. It only cost me a dollar or two, but this was my way of doing something.

Gigi was well developed in doing BIG things for people. I was not.

And I noticed that she was generous to no fault. And never lacking for anything.

I earned an interesting principle. Being generous = Never lacking for anything.

So, I credit her with what I have developed into now. I still have things to work on, but people who know me know (if you ain't shady as hell), that I got your back with a vengeance.

Now, it may be on an intangible tip... but sometimes, that is what people need.

That is what I have needed my ownself, and I am drawn to such people.

Gigi is the most EXCEPTIONAL listener I know. She is well developed in that. She is never judgemental. I can tell her things and she will ask a lot of questions. Hell, you may talk up your own solutions without even her offering up some advice concerning it.

I think back then, I appreciated her listening to me about things. I was angry, confused, trying to find my footing and my direction. She handled my rage about stuff pretty well. A well placed "I understand, girl!" was sometimes all I needed to hear for me not to flip out...

So, needless to say, I appreciate her. I look at myself now, some 11 years later, and I have many of the attributes that I first saw in her.

Now, she does have a mean streak She is Columbian. Cartel run all through her blood. I've seen her mad and snapping a time or two.

*Lee eyes widen as she runs for the hills*

But that is what makes her who she is... wonderfully real.

So you can see why I call her Una de las más maravillosas de personas en todo el mundo... Mi buen amigo.

"The most wonderful person in the world. My good friend."

I hold her up on such a high pedestal that, a couple of characters in my manuscripts are based on her.

(And we have bickered back and forth about many spanish translations she does for me. That's why I threw a little spanish around in this post. LOL!).

But, I was glad to see ol' Gigi when I was in Nawlins. Very glad.

Now, we were suppose to hang before I left for my cruise, as I arrived in New Orleans, some 7 hours before my ship was to sail...

She kept saying, "Go put your bags on the boat, baby! I'll come get you!"

Man, it took us 3 hours to get on that dayum boat, and once I got on the boat... the Oldgirl was not getting off! (I don't even think we could).

But we hooked up the day after my cruise was over.

I went up to the old job. It was like an old Celie-Nettie reunion. LOL!!!

We were happy to see each other. Very happy.

I hung out with her. She walked me around the halls of the job. We hooked up later for dinner.

Now we talk off and on over the years, over the phone and email. And it got a little sparse when she was displaced by the storm...

But let me tell you, it was good to sit with my friend and talk and catch up on life for a good 2 or 3 hours over big plates of seafood. I think I came away from our conversation with a personal "To-do" list for some things I am working on. (She don't know that, though, lol).

I also got a chance to hang out at her house with her children.

I didn't get to see her husband, though. I was indeed looking forward to this.

Her husband makes Denzel look like Quasimodo.

Serious. I'm very serious. It is possible.

I first saw him at her father's funeral. You know, you can't say nothing right then. But I asked her later:

"Is he real??"

I wanted to hold a mirror up to his face to see if he cast a reflection. He had to be a vampire or something.

No man is THAT fine.

The man is the finest man to walk the planet. I think he is black and french or creole or something. He has a french last name. Maybe he is cajun. Who knows.(Maybe I will get up the nerve to ask her one day).

But if she was ever on the phone when I walked into her office, or even if she was walking down the hall on her cell phone... she had to deal with me getting real close and whispering:

"Who you talking to, Gigi? Is that "Paul"?

She would hesitate, but nod yes (very reluctantly):

I would jump up and down and yell VERY loud for all the planet to hear:

"You tell Paul I said hello, with his FINE ass!!!!!"

I would dance all around in a circle, do a holy dance and express to her how fine her man was for at least 5 minutes. I think I fell to my knees and bowed one time.

She would kick the HARD eyeroll. This truly annoyed her, I believe.

LOL!!!

I didn't get to see him. I wanted to snap a picture to see if he showed up on film, as he has to be a vampire. (I met his grandma long ago. The chick was 85 years old, and she looked to be 40 -- they are vampires, I am sure of it).

So, I hung out at her new house, the one they bought after returning to New Orleans after the storm.

"Paul" called. He was at work. I told her to tell him I said hello, with his fine SELF. (couldn't cuss with her daughters in the room.)

lol!!!

I played with her skittish puppy. I tried to take a picture of the dog, but you know how puppies get all excited, moving too fast... they like to pee on you when they get like that... I couldn't have that.

The dog was funny... but I was more happy to see her children.


The youngest one was only a few months old when I left New Orleans. I gave Gigi a baby shower for that one, Little Miss Gabby.

Gigi had her all hyped up, telling her... "The lady that gave me a baby shower is coming over". So, needless to say, lil' Gabby was waaaaay excited to see me. We were cheesing real hard at each other.

Her oldest child, Tati, is in college now, and taller than me. Last time I saw her, she was in elementary school.

I know they were talking about me hard when I left (Mommie's friend is VERY odd, lol). No matter how old they get, I will always refer to them as "the babies". I couldn't get past how much they had grown since way back then.

Reminds me of how fast time passes...

How fast time flies...

And how much things change.

Me and my friend poured some designer vodka, and toasted our friendship that night.

Queridísima Gigi...

I am glad that even though time passes, our friendship doesn't change. We can always sit down and pick up right where we left off. You have taught me what it means to be compassionate, what it means to truly listen and not to judge, and a whole list of other things that it would take much too long to list here.

But you know what they are. And that is all that matters.

Every single time we talk, I learn a little something, and I always feel better about me and who I am and where I am going.

That's all I can ask.

I am forever grateful for that. I am grateful for the seeds you sowed into me so long ago.

I truly am.

So, I must say, the best part of my vacation was hanging out with you, Gigi. It really was...

(Next time, chica... make sure that fine hubby of yours is around, alright?)

**Gigi rolls eyes hard**

BWAAAAHAAHAA!!

I hope to get back down to the N.O. and see my homie once again!

Real soon!!

Crazy Convos: "What a Menace!!"

Like I said in the previous post... I can't STAND calling people. I have to gear myself up to call you. It's probably prearranged that I will be giving you a call. If I call you, I have a reason for calling you. No, I ain't trying to use you (ya'll know I ain't like that). I will call to say thank you, or to check on you, etc. But it is RARE for me to just call you up and be like "Hey, just calling to be calling".

Very rare.

The only person I call like that is my bff LadyTee. We will just hold the phone and watch television together. (Yes, we are pushing up against 40, and we STILL do that high school ish!!)

But one thing that LadyTee will do: call REAL late at night. Close to midnight when I'm knocked out.

And it's never an emergency.

It's over the strangest things.

So...

One night I was bone tired. I'd had a long day, and at least it was Friday night. That meant no alarms the next morning. I could just... sleep.

And you know how you're dreaming, and you hear the phone ringing in your dreams and all that? THAT'S how hard I was sleeping.

So the phone rang. Took me a moment to actually realize it was the phone. LadyTee knows this. I don't have voicemail on the house phone, so uh, it can just ring, ring, ring.

The phone happened to be right next to my head, so it was REAL loud. I usually wonder around like a zombie looking for it. That was not the case that evening.

I squinted at the caller ID. It was Ladytee.

I pushed the talk button.

"Sup, black girl," I mumbled. My voice cracked horribly. I cleared my throat.
"Lee!"
I yawned. "Yeah, man."
"Lee!!!" she yelled.

Now, I noticed that there was MUCH background noise. Sounded like she was at a party and folks were about to fight or something. I heard the sound of loud deep voices. The television or something was up REAL loud.

"Lee!!!"
"Where are you at, Tee? Sounds like somebody fighting or something."
"Lee, these negroes 'bout to catch a foot in their throats."
"What's wrong?" I asked.

"I'ma need you to tell these fools what happened to Ol' Dog at the end of Menace II Society!"

*crickets*

I just laid there. Decided to turn on the light. I looked at the clock on the nightstand. It was 12:50 a.m.

"Lee, you heard me?"
I pinched the bridge of my nose. "Yeah."
"These bustas saying Ol' Dog died at the end of Menance II Society!"

She was sooooo heated.

LOL!!

Menance II Society. Hmm. How many of you saw that? Better yet, how many of you STILL watch that movie? (I watched it a month ago when it came on cable. It was still good, but I am getting old, because I winced at all the cursing.)

I loved that movie back in the day. I remember the first time I saw it. I was in graduate school, and I was in the lab working hard on some research, and one of the sistas from a research group upstairs came down to my lab and stood next to me while I was setting up glassware and said, "Lee, you gotta see this movie." I was busy at the time, but with a little coaxing, she convinced me to go see it. The chemical reaction I was setting up needed to stir for several hours so I had time. (It was all quite bootleg. She pulled her car up to the side of the Chemistry building. My lab was on the bottom floor, and we had swing open windows. I jumped out the window, ran across the lawn, jumped in her car and we played a little hooky to go see the movie. When we came back, I climbed back through the window and got back to work.)

Good movie, and Ol' Dog was the best character.


Larenz Tate know he played that part, didn't he?

LadyTee liked the movie too (although she hated the ending. She can't STAND sad endings). She's watched it more times than me, and I think we've watched it together several times.

"Lee, I'm gonna kick some a$$ up in here tonight. These negroes think they know everything!"
"Who you talking about?"
"Nell [her 18 year old son] and Pat [his best friend]."
"Well, Tee, Ol' Dog didn't die at the end."
"I KNOW THAT, Lee!" She turned and yelled real hard at them. "I need you to tell THEM that."

Nell gets on the phone.

"Hey Lee," he said, his voice waaaay too deep. I kid him when I call. "Boy, you sound like somebody Daddy, you Old man you!" I always say.

I went on to explain to him that Ol'Dog didn't die at the end. There is quick clip of Ol' Dog being placed in the police car. Chauncey had turned in the Mini-mart video tape of Ol' Dog shooting and killing the Korean owners, and the police were already looking for him. Kane died at the end, not Ol'Dog.

"Alright, Lee," was his simple response.

(This was a little easier than explaining to him that Nia Long was not in the Thriller video (click here for THAT post) LOL!)

LadyTee got back on the phone and WENT OFF a bit longer. I tell you, she and I are exact opposites. I am quiet when I'm angry. LadyTee is a firecracker when she gets mad. She might just pick up the nearest thing and knock you down.

Pat even got on the phone at one time, and I explained everything to him. I don't think he really cared. He just wanted to say hello to me.

"Alright Lee," LadyTee said after she snatched the phone from him. "I knew you would know. If you say it, they believe it."
"I know, I know," I said.
"Whatcha doint tomorrow, gal?"
"Just chilling," I said.
"I'll call you tomorrow, babes!" she said.

"Holler," were my final words.

I clicked the phone off and threw it on the bed.

And was up for another 2 hours before I went back to sleep. (Once I wake up, it is HARD for me to go back to sleep.)

I'm just glad poor Nell and Pat didn't catch LadyTee's foot in their throats.

This happens more often than not. I believe Nell messes with his Mom's head, just to get her all riled up. It is quite funny to see her mad, to the point of snapping. I've been sitting there when they've been arguing about something.

It always ends with "Call Lee!" (Then they realize I am sitting there watching the drama unfold).

Somehow, I'm the final authority on EVERYTHING. LadyTee always says "If Lee don't know the answer, there is no answer. My friend knows EVERYTHING!"

Good to know that I have someone in my life who has THAT much confidence in me.

Even if she's being a menace, and calling me long after I've fallen asleep.

(Just kidding, Tee. You can be a menance and call me anytime, day or night, BFF!)

Happy 40th Birthday LadyTee: "40 Reasons"

I'm just bursting at the seams all giddy... because it's my best friend LadyTee's birthday!!

Correction: Her 40th birthday!!

So to celebrate, I bought cards and mailed them to her for a week. She had no idea I would do such a thing, since I'm not a card person. Only one was a birthday card, the others were friendship cards.

Out of all the cards I bought, I bought her one that was simple but meant much to me. I bought LadyTee a card that simply said "Your friendship means so much..." on the front of the card. Inside, it read "...for so many reasons."

I wrote beneath that phrase "I am glad you are my friend. As you always say 'God really thought about me when He made you my friend.' Honestly, I have no idea how or why you think so highly of me, as I am not the most "fascinating" friend one can have. But you saying that about me, makes me feel real good about myself. I've always felt that, if no one else love me, Tammie loves me, and that makes me very rich, very blessed, and very proud. I am glad you are my friend."

But I thought about this, and wanted to say more.

Could I come up with 40 reasons why I am glad that LadyTee is my best friend?

I don't know. I mean, we have been "bff" since the late '70s. There is so much history there. 40 things off the top of my head? I don't know...

I couldn't write it all in that card. So I decided to do it in a blog. And I wanted to put up a sample of some of the cards she got in the mail this week from me.

So, Tam... here are the 40 reasons, for your 40th birthday, why I am glad that you are my "BFF":


You are down to earth.

I can talk to you about anything.

You do not judge me.

You are one of the smartest people I've ever met.

You give me good advice.


You will listen to me cry.

You will listen, even if you don't know why I'm tripping.

If I am tripping, you are quick to say "Shut up, man!"

You love me with no strings attached.

I can be myself around you.

You allow me to blow off steam.

You were the first person I called when I got my first period. I was 13 years old. That was back in 1983, just after I'd come home from the movies. I'd gone to see Trading Places that day. Don't remember what we talked about at the time, but I remember calling you, from the wall phone in our den.

I love it when we are having a deep discussion about something that has hurt me, and you reply with "Look, let me tell you something Lee..." I know you 'bout to tell me the exact answer and solution to my problem.

You call me up sometimes just to tell me that you love me and I was on your mind. You know that bothers me, because I don't know how to respond to that. You just leave it alone, and keep it moving. You were just thinking about me, and wanted to tell me that.

You have always been my number 1 cheerleader.

When I need support, I think of God first, and then I think of you.

You pray for me.

You allow me to be me. (You know how solitary I am). If you come over, I can wonder off somewhere else and do my own thing, or go to sleep... and you don't give me a hard time over it.

You remind me to be thankful in all things.

You remind me to work on putting God first.

You make me cook for you even if I'm sick as a dog!

You get more excited about my birthday than I do, gal.

One of the most important things you did for me was in the 10th or 11th grade. You got off the school bus and followed my "love interest" T.B. up the road, got in his face and threatened him, telling that joker to leave me alone. You thought he was taking advantage of me, but it was a nice little consending adults thing going on. (And you have the nerve to still be pissed about this, some 20 years later. You almost messed up my action, girl.)

If you read something good in your bible, you will call and tell me about it. I like that a lot.

Me and you, Ladytee, can laugh at anything. A roach crawling across the floor will have us howling.

You can listen to the sound of my voice, and automatically know that I'm upset... no matter how much I try to fake it.

I remember when I was sick some 7 years ago, you found me a doctor to go to. I know if it wasn't for that, I'd be dead right now. Thanks for thinking about me, and taking action when I couldn't.

You will tell me when I am wrong. I need that. You know how much I hate an ass-kisser.

You've taken the blame for things just so I wouldn't get in trouble (you know how My mama is, man).


You've stood up to my Mama when I couldn't.

You encourage me.

You make sure (and very loudly, I may add) to express to me when you think I am dealing with the wrong people.

I remember one time you showed up at my place with a single uncooked egg. You walked in the kitchen and held it out to me. We were having a get together, and you wanted me to make cornbread. I always wonder what you went through to protect that egg and keep it from breaking on the way over. (Yes, that sounds trivial, but I made a HUGE deal out of it today. "My friend brought me an egg, ya'll!!")

You are extremely territorial when it comes to our friendship. You snap on your kids if they even THINK about saying that I am "their friend." (Come on Tee, that is... dysfunctional. Nell is 18 years old now, and you been dogging him out about this since he turned 1. CUT THAT OUT!)

We've gone weeks without talking to each other, because we were both busy. It didn't matter, because whenever we did talk, things always picked up from where they left off.

You were the first one I called when me and Old boy decided to get a divorce. You sat and listened while I cried. At 1 in the morning. I appreciate that. And I had peace of mind before daylight.

If you see my kitchen is looking crazy, you will roll up your sleeves and wash dishes. (I will forever think you crazy for doing such a thing. But I have picked up that crazy habit from you, you know.)

You love me when I feel that no one else does.

You love me even when I am being STUPID.

You love me more than I love myself.

You take pride in knowing me better than I know my ownself. (And you're CRAZY adamant about that, for the past 28 years. WHAT IS UP WITH THAT? Geez.)

You are always excited to get my opinion on things.

You CONTINUOUSLY brag on me, telling folks that I am the smartest person you know. (CUT THAT OUT.)

You have three qualities that I wish I have, but I don't have: patience, compassion, and longsuffering. In other words, you are strong where I am very weak.

Enough said.

That was more than 40 reasons. When there are so many things to say, I often lose count.

So, HAPPY BIRTHDAY, LADYTEE.

I hope we are "bff"... forever and ever!

Birthday Food for Thought: "Associates"

My baby brother Milk and Cookies crouches in a corner and shivers when I shift into rant mode.

I don’t know, there’re just a few things that I’m really passionate about.

I’m passionate about my friends and associates.

Let me rephrase that: I’m passionate about who I associate myself with.

This has been the subject of much discussion between myself and Milk and Cookies.

I firmly believe:

“Everything’s about who you associate with. Everything! If you can surround yourself with a good crowd of people, you’ve solved 99% of your problems.”

I throw this around on our blog sista email thread from time to time, whenever some b.s. comes out about getting shafted by a so called "friend".

And that Oldgirl Serenity-30 always wants me to elaborate futher.

“You should do a food for thought on that, Leezie.”

“NO, Serenity. NO! Leave me alone!”

(That chick know she don’t like all the smurfiness over in the House of LadyLee. LOL!)

But this past year, especially this past year, it has resonated with me.

The idea of "Good Associates" rings with me. It started in New Orleans. My downstairs neighbor, we'll call her "Bridgette", use to LOVE hanging around me. She was a little on the slow side, but I found it weird. I mean, I am a very boring individual. And I'm not the nicest girl in the world. I don't say all the right things, or do all the right things, etc.

But Bridgette was enamored with me. She'd never met a black scientist, let alone someone with a Ph.D. She would tell people how I was a "Bayou Chemist". (Man, I STILL don't know what a "Bayou Chemist" is.)

But she said something that floored me one day. It was simple enough.

"LadyLee, I purpose in my heart to make sure I hang around the right people. If I can get around the right people, who are about something, then I know I am on my way to becoming somebody. I will eventually think better. I will eventually DO better."

Goodness. I could only respond with the New Orleans lingo, "For True?"

That was one of the most important things I learned while in New Orleans.

Another “food for thought” nugget:

Relationships and frienships are important. They are either bridges to your destiny or they are holding you back, keeping you in bondage. One or the other, there’s no in between.

That’s just my opinion, and the way things have gone for me. I have been the "bridge builder" for folks. I have been the person keeping someone in "bondage", too. (Yikes)

And as a result, I, LadyLee, don’t have many friends. Nor do I want many friends.

I’m waaaay more interested in quality than quantity. Way more.

For everyone who SAYS they’re your friend is NOT your friend.

I’ve argued that point several times with Milk and Cookies, who always has the *cricket* look in his eye when we have a discussion about it.

But come on, let’s get to the nitty-gritty here: Every time you look at the news, and see some young busta who has robbed someone or killed someone, you think, “Dang! That’s terrible!”

I think that, too. I really do.

But I also think about… “Who are that person’s friends? Who are they associating themselves with? What have he and his friends been talking about?”

Hmm…

Conversely, when I see someone who has great success, I think “Who are that person’s friends? Who are they associating with? What have he and his friends been talking about?”

All of this goes in conjunction with my “Words” post yesterday. Any which way it goes, somebody been talking to you. Either they have been talking to you about your dreams or goals, or they’ve been talking to you about getting over into some mess you ain’t got no business being caught up in.

Either way it goes… DESTINY AWAITS YOUR ARRIVAL.

If I could crack open Milk and Cookie’s head and get him to understand that, I surely would. But he thinks I’m an old fogey, just like my sister does. “I should be able to go through things on my own, Lisa,” he says.

Okay. You do that. Knock yourself out.

Yeah. He's going through ish right now because of associates. Wonder if his thoughts have changed? Hmm.

I wrote a post two years ago about friendship. It surrounded something my favorite high school teacher said, something that has stuck with me since my high school days. He said that if you have five true friends, then you should consider yourself very rich.

Well, us, being young people at the time, thought that was the silliest thing we’d ever heard. We laughed a LONG time about that.

But I’ve kept my teacher’s words close to my heart. Over the years, I’ve found those words to be true.

I can make a list of people who I “associate” with, and I can easily put a plus sign, a multiplication sign, a minus sign, or a division sign by their name. Those with the plus sign or multiplication sign next to their names add to my life. They make me a better person. They say things that push me in the right direction, give me hope. They encourage me. They listen. They support me in my dreams and goals.

But those with the minus or division signs next to their name…Man, I find out the older I get, the more I am quick to stay out of their way. They stress me out. Such people have gotten over on me, talked behind my back, all kinds of stuff. They’ve tried to catch me up in their drama, have even had me looking REAL crazy.

I feel down when I see them walking towards me. I hesitate when I see their names on the caller-ID.

Those people, I stay away from.

Listen. If you’re not being a blessing to me, then stay away from me.

You may think that sounds harsh, but allow me to finish my thought.

If you’re not being a blessing to me, then stay away from me. Equally, if I’m not being a blessing to you? You should stay away from me. You should have absolutely NOTHING to do with me.

Yeah.

If you can put a minus sign, or a division sign next to my name, then well... you know the rest.

That has to be one of the harshest LadyLee mantras on record. But I can look back on last year and see it to be true for myself.

One thing I like to do is to do things for people. I love, love, LOVE sowing into people’s lives. I purposed in my heart a few years ago to work diligently towards that. And I ain’t even talking about money. I got bills, baby, and as long as I got bills coming in, that means I don’t have spare change laying around. (Thought I did, but I don't.) My finance group has whipped me over the head with that.

But I love giving. A card, a listening ear, a word of advice, stuff like that. If a friend and I are discussing some subject matter, he or she can usually look for a book on that subject in the mail from me. If I can tell you a good joke, and cheer you up, I’ve done my job. I've sowed a seed into your life.

I must say this year that I have really appreciated friends and associates that have been a blessing to me. There have been SO many times I’ve prayed about something, been in the MIDST of praying about something even, and a friend calls… with the answer. With issues that I’ve had in my writing… I tell you, there is NOTHING like having a conversation with my favorite author and the problem is solved on the spot. There is nothing like receiving a card in the mail from a friend, letting me know that they are thinking of me, and just wanting to say hello. I can’t put a value amount of a good conversation with a friend, and even though we are polar opposites, they love me anyway.

The best thing I heard last year was from my best friend LadyTee, during a phone conversation one night. She said, “God really thought about me when he made you my friend.” That messed my head up something terrible.

Why? Because I don’t consider myself a “great” friend. Heck, LadyTee can come over and I can go off to myself somewhere and do my own thing, completely ignoring her. And she don’t care. I may or may not call you, as I don’t like to call people. I'm not breaking my neck to hang out with you. I don’t like to shop, so don’t expect me to go on shopping excursions with you. I am a consummate tomboy, so I balk at sitting around doing hair and painting nails (the horror! LadyTee is a girly-girl, so she likes the stuff, lol. The closest we got to playing with make-up was some 20 years ago when she was trying to disguise a passion mark on my neck with some liquid foundation. My girl knows how to keep me out of trouble!!).

I am constantly being accused about being “mad” about something, which is not a good look, because it don’t cross my mind to prove that I ain’t mad. Lawd help us if I have to prove to you that I ain't mad. (sigh) I’m not one to “cheese” in folks face or kiss a$$ or anything.

I am not a typical friend at all. And I don’t want my friends typical.

One thing I can tell you… You never have to worry about me trying to get over with you. You never have to worry about me catching you up in my drama. My homies take issue with that because I don’t know the difference between drama and my need for help.

No, I don’t. Someday I will, but not today.

And know this… Know this…

I pray for you while I’m standing at the sink washing dishes, lol.

My prayer this year was for God to infuse my life with people who would bless me… with their words, their actions, etc, so much so that I can hardly keep up. And for Him to send people across my path that I can bless.

This year? I can say my prayers were answered.

I like to think that I've been a blessing to my friends. And I will continue to step up in the area.

I ask you a few questions:

Who are you associating yourself with today? Do they have you all caught up in some foolishness, or are they being supportive of you? Do they have dreams or are they trying to tare something up or tare YOU down? Are you supportive of them? Are you caught up in their drama? Anyone around you got you all stressed out today?

And to tie this in with yesterday's "words" post: What kind of "words" are your friends speaking to you? Are they words of life or words of destruction?

Nope I ain't perfect. I say the wrong things. Said some hurtful things today, even though I didn't realize it. That is something I have to work on. Real hard.

You all give me a special gift for my birthday. No, it's nothing material or anything like that. (If you knew me, you would know I'm the most nonmaterialistic Oldgirl walking the earth)

Give me the best gift ever:

Make sure you surround yourself with the right people. That’s up to you to decide who those people are. Here’s a clue: they are those who are helping you get to a better place mentally, physically, emotionally, and spiritually.

You do that and you’ve solved 99% of your problems.