Relating to LadyTee's Relatives

LadyTee, my best friend, is like a sister to me, and I deal with her relatives from time to time...

First of all, I am crazy about her mother. She has been one person that I could go to and get advice from or just to talk, without fear of backlash or it being used against me (a constant issha with my own mother). She always tells it like it is. So that's always been helpful. For some reason, she has always called me "Lisa-Anne". Not sure why, but she likes that nickname something terrible, and has been calling me that for years. She calls my brother "Dock-tari" and he has known since he was little to not correct her on it, just to answer to that name...

The funniest thing she has ever said to me... back in the early 80's/late 90's my Mama was mad at LadyTee and I was forbidden to associate with her. (We had gotten in trouble together. LadyTee is still leary of her, even some 20 years later.) I had a car and I would go over to her house and hang out anyway. They lived on 5 acres of land, and I would park my car out front in the long driveway...

LadyTee's Mama would throw open the front screen door and yell at me...

"Lisa-Anne, get your a** back in that car and park it around back. I don't want your mama driving past here and seeing your car. I hate for her to come up to this here door. I'd hate to have to throw some hot piss on her!!!"

*Ladylee walking backwards to the car,getting in, and parking out in the backyard somewhere behind some trees.*

Yeah, LadyTee's Mama is a bit... crazy like that. Just like her daughter: quick to threaten you, and quick to talk a bunch of ish! Haven't seen her throw hot piss on anyone, but I wouldn't put it pass her!

Now, I've never been formal with LadyTee's Ma... She calls me "Lisa-Anne", and I call her "Bobbie-Jean"...

...and LadyTee's sixteen-year-old son Dedric cracks up everytime I call her that...
Like it's the first time he has heard me calling her "Bobbie Jean." It annoys me when he falls out laughing about it.

He is a strange dude...

Every since he was around 1 or 2 years old, the boy would stand at the window, and yell...

"My friend, it's my friend, LadyLee coming to see me! My friend!"

This use to piss his mama off something terrible. "That ain't your friend, boy, that's my friend!"

Poor boy use to look so confused.

But these days, he likes to call me up for whatever reason... talking to me like I'm his best buddy...

And I had a strange convo with Dedric the other day...

It was a Saturday, and I was in the middle of a serious nap. (This is strange, since I rarely take naps.) I mean I was sleeping HARD! Wrapped up in my Ralph Lauren Down Comforter, head sunk deep in my down pillows, getting that GOOD sleep, straight up knocked out, snoring down!
My phone rang. I thought it was a part of my dreams. That's how hard I was snoozing.

It kept ringing. I finally got up and found the phone. It was on the kitchen counter. LadyTee's cellphone number was in the caller ID.

I sat on the barstool at the island in my kitchen.

"Sup, girl?" (I never say the customary hello to her.)

"Uh, this ain't your girl. This Dedric," her son announced in his deep baritone voice, something that I have still not gotten use to.

Now I was mad. Dude had woke me up. He was my Playstation NBA 2K5 playing partner of late, and I knew he was calling to set up some type of tournament with me. He was a video game guru, and basketball was the only game I could whoop him good in. We have been highly competitive as of late, and he is always adamant about me coming back over to his house after he'd had a chance to think about his strategies and practice his game... especially if I whooped him good in a few games in prior head-to-head play.



Anyway, I wasn't in the mood for that. I wanted to go back to bed.

"What chu want, man?" I yelled a bit too loud.

"Lee, you ever seen the Thriller Video?"

I sat there silently. Yes I'd seen the thriller video. I stopped counting at 34 times, but I'd seen it many more times than that. LadyTee and I use to stand in front of the television whenever it came on and kick out all the dance moves with ease.

"Yeah, I've seen it."

He hesitated for a moment. "I got a question for you."

"Yeah, Dedric," I exhaled as I tried to rub the sleep out of my eyes...

"Was that Nia Long who played the female part in that video?"

"Hunh?" I asked, not sure I had heard him right.

"Was that Nia Long in the video?"

I sat there, half pissed because I'd been awaken out of some GOOD sleep, and half-pissed that I'd been asked one of the most STUPIDEST question ever.

I remained calm. "Dedric, that video came out in the year 1984, I think. That's 22 years ago. That wasn't Nia Long, man. That was Ola Ray."

Then he said something that almost threw me into a complete rage.

"Are you sure, Lee? Because I think it is Nia Long."

I bit my lip to keep from cussing up a storm.

"Dedric," I said calmly. "Where is your mama at?"

"She right here."

I heard LadyTee mumbling in the background. I knew she was just as irate as I was.

"Dedric, since the video came out in 1984, that means that Nia Long couldn't have been no older than 10 years old. She was still a child."

"But Lee," Dedric countered. "I think that was Nia Long. If you look at the video-"

I didn't hear another word he said. I hung up in his face and threw the cordless back on the counter. I went and laid back down to try to go back to sleep.

But I couldn't.

Damn.

I talked to LadyTee later that day. I went off on her about her son calling me up with some nonsense like that.

She was just as angry as I was. "Lee, that boy tried to argue me down. I told him,'Call Lee, she know! Call her up!!' ".

You gotta understand. Me and LadyTee LOVE old 80's music. Don't come against us when it comes to 80's music info. That is a definite no-no.

"I swear, Lee," she continued. These young n*****, you can't tell them nothing!! They got all this internet, and they can get all their info at the touch of button, and our a**** had to go to the library and flip through a f***** card catalog, read a bunch a books and STILL couldn't get all the info we needed. These young folk... I swear."

You gotta excuse LadyTee... she opens up her Book of Cuss when she get mad.

"Yeah, man," I agreed. "You just make sure your son don't call me with some old b.s. like that no more, you hear me?"

"Whatever, broad!" she yelled.

We went on to talk about something else...

Dedric called me again.

"Lee."

"What, man?"


"When you coming back over? I'm ready now. I've been practicing. I am ready to beat you down in basketball."

Now THOSE are the kind of questions I like.

Now that's more like it!