Boy in the Military...

So...

My brother has switched from Army Reserves to Active Duty...

This occurred some three weeks ago, and I decided to wait to blog about it, just to give myself a little distance from his decision. Also, i didn't want to short out my laptop with my crocodile tears! LOL!

And I have to admit, I don't care for that military look. I remember standing next to him last November after his graduation from basic training, looking up at him, staring at him afterwards, not understanding the point of all that damn camoflauge makeup. I remember asking him if I could touch his made-up face, if I could touch his gun... I remember not liking that look, his guns, his flak jacket, his night scope... but I do remember one thing: being incredibly proud of him for completing his basic training.

So one day, a couple of months ago, I am sitting downstairs in my favorite chair, feet up on the ottoman, pecking away on my laptop. He runs downstairs, looking all nervous. I peer at him over my glasses, wondering what he wanted from me. It reminded me of when he was a little boy and he would dance around me as I was sitting at the computer, nervously typing out my dissertation...


"What do you want?"

"We gotta talk."

Lord please don't let this boy tell me that he done went and got some lil' girl pregnant, I thought quietly to myself as I stared hard at him.

"What's wrong?" I asked. I was ready to thoroughly crack him over the head with my laptop.

"I'm going active."

"What?"

"I said, I am going active."

He seem to make sure he wasn't too close to me. It was if he thought that if he had to break out and run from an ass-kicking, he would have at least some type of a head start.

I just looked at him. I didn't whine and cry like I did when he first said that he was going into the army the year before. I just plainly stated the following:

"You do whatever the hell you want to do. Screw it. I am tired. I have done what I could to help you and Kentucky [our sister], and shit, man, I am tired, and I am choosing to emotionally distance myself from this whole mess. All I know is that you better not ever say that I didn't EVER do anything to try and help you. You better not blame this decision on no one else but you. I am tired. I am through."

I went back to typing whatever I was working on. I was a bit mad because I had been pretty much been labeled a villian of late. I was through with it all.


He was taken aback by my answer, standing there rubbing his hands on his shorts.

"Lee, you have done a lot to help us. A whole lot. I have been thinking about this, and it is something I want to do."

"Whatever man. I am through. I am sick of this. Do whatever you want to do. I am through. Leave me alone. I am busy."

We didn't talk much for a few days. I was brooding a bit. It didn't help that I had had a funky run-in with our sister Kentucky about a very touchy issue, and I was in the mood where I pretty much wanted everybody out of my damn house anyway. Let's just say he picked the wrong time to spring such news on me.

He tried to talk with me about it some more. I maintained that I was emotionally disconnecting myself from it all. He is grown. He could do whatever he wanted. I was gonna shift from always thinking of them and I was going to start thinking about me. End of discussion.

I was just mad as hell. I did not want my lil' brother running around Iraq, getting shot at, dealing with suicide bombers, steppind on IEDs, his mind going bad from seeing all kinds of unnecessary ish...

I just thought his life was worth more than that.


I wasn't as distraught as I was when he first went in. I blogged about that awhile back. Seeing him get on that bus to ship out to his basic training... damn, that has to be one of the top ten most terrible feelings I've ever felt in my life.

It took me a very long time to accept the fact that I was not a failure. I thought I had failed him, to the point where he had to go join the military. If only I could have done the right things, made more money... he wouldn't have to make such a decision.

I kind of eventually knew and accepted that it wasn't about me...

It was more of about him doing some things for himself, making his own decisions...

It ain't about him doing what I want him to do, but more about him doing what he has made a decision to do for himself.

I am not sure if that sounds silly or not. But this is the only way that I could mentally deal with him going into the army. This is the only way that I could bring myself to support his decision.

I told him, under no circumstances should he call home whining about he is tired of the army. I told him, if they send his ass to Iraq, he better fight for his life, shoot first, and ask questions later. He needs to do whatever he needs to do to stay alive. Do what he gotta do, and get his butt back over here to the US where he belongs.

It turns out that he had a long talk with my neighbor Stan about it, who eventually convinced me that Kari had been thinking on it for awhile... He needed to make his own decisions, and get away from friends who weren't about anything, etc. I felt a little better after that talk. It helped me get to a point to where I would try to at least be a bit more supportive.... A bit more gleeful about his decision...

He needed to lose 5 pounds to make weight for processing. I did all I could to be supportive of him, like go with him to the track, and follow behind him in my car while he ran from the track all the way home... I made sure to spend as much time as possible with him. The two weeks before he left were a lot of fun...

Usually when he gets ready to go on some military training, I try to take pictures of him. I took pictures this time and then walked away back into the house. He called after me, but I didn't turn back around, just headed up the front steps of my porch and into the house.

I did not want him to see me cry. I must've cried for a good hour.

It hurts whenever he leaves.

We have been in contact, and I can freely pick up my phone and call him on his cell phone. He is stationed in Fort Benning, only a hundred miles away, so he comes home on the weekends. Best of all, he has been assigned to a nondeployable garrison unit. So I am very happy about that.

My biggest thing right now is to do my best to support him. I don't have to agree with him, but I think we can disagree in an agreeable manner...

...And still have love for one another.

So Kari? a.k.a., "Milk and Cookies"...

I hope your army experience is all that you hope for it to be...



Remember that I love you... you are like my child...



Be safe, and take care of yourself out there:)

Love, your big sista

Lisa,

a.k.a., That Oldgirl LadyLee...

Boy on the Sofa

I've got a problem with this...


I've got such a problem with this...








I've got a big freakin' problem with this...
>

I've had a probelm with my brother lounging hard on my microsuede off-white sofa. Heck, I am still making payments on the darn thing.















The bit of the diva in me was horrified by the mix-matched military socks and the ashy knees...

Even though the socks were clean (supposedly) I knew he'd been running around doing military drills at one time or another in those socks, and they were on his feet now, which were casually slung over the top of my sofa...

My beloved cat Oscar-Tyrone has seen the wrath of my madness many a time in nine years. So he anticipated a confrontation and decided to get as far as possible from any possible commotion that may develop from my anger... He chooses to watch us from one of his favorite spots (the beam over the living room)



I decided not to tackle my brother and throw him off of the sofa. This worked when he was three or four. When he was that young, I could snatch him up with one hand, spank his butt, and watch him cry. He was a big dude now. Couldn't snatch him up like that anymore.

Instead, I talked to him quite a bit...

"Kari, man, my sofa, man... be careful on my sofa, man."

His constant response...

"Awww Shawty, you'll be alright!"

*Lee kicking the hardcore Ms. Sophia scowl and balling up fist*

"Well at least cover it with a sheet," I suggested.

That worked... for awhile. After a few days, the sheet was on the other side of the sofa somewhere. Oscar-Tyrone saw that the boy didn't get in much trouble for lounging on my couch... So he (Oscar) decided to join him...

Now, the two of them would sit there and mean-mug me every day...

Humph...

But right now, at this very moment, I'd give anything to have the ashy-kneed lil' boy lounging on my couch...

Because 3 weeks ago, the day after the Labor day he switched from Army Reserve to active duty, and he lives on base now...



I must admit I miss that ashy-kneed boy... My sofa looks strange without him there...

I miss him, so, so much...

To be continued...

Viv's Old School Mixtapes...

Something quite funny happened last month...

So I make some CDs for one of my bookclub sistas to take on a trip to Hawaii ("The Kat's Mixtapes"). I gave them to her at our journal writing club meeting. She was a bit excited. My book club president Shunda looked through the CDs and decided that she wanted some too. Well, I made her some.

Then, an email went out to the journal writing group... something to the effect of...

"[Ladylee] makes the bomb CDs!! I think she is taking orders!!"

*Crickets*

Man, me and a coworker got a GOOD howl out of that one! Hilarious. I'd been put on BLAST!

Now, I've only been in my book club for a year. These ladies have been hanging HARD for years. I am the Newbie of the bunch, and it don't help that I am uncharacteristically quiet (Imagine that... a "quiet" LadyLee! LOL!). Heck, these ladies drop so much doggone knowledge that I just need to be quiet and soak it all up...

Can't talk much, you see. I might just miss something important!!

But I love the fact that they do treat my introverted hermit ass like one of the crew!

So I wasn't particularly concerned about that email, and I got a good laugh out of it. (In fact, it made my week!). If there is one thing I know about human nature, it is that people are a bit apprehensive about approaching someone that they don't really know about something like this email, meaning that out of the 15-20 sistas in the journal writing group, maybe 5 will ask for a CD or two.

And that is exactly what happened... and I am all too happy to accomodate the requests:)

One of those ladies is Viv. She happens to live less than a mile from me, and we share a ride to meetings from time to time. I rode with her to the last meeting in her plush SUV and she was playing some ol' John Legend and some other neo-soul "touchy-feely" ish... Man oh man, I was sleepy as hell riding in the nice ride with the soft sounds all around me.

*LadyLee busy looking around for a pillow and blanket so she can curl up and go to sleep*

*LadyLee pondering HARD on the issha of going somewhere and test driving an SUV real real soon*

I was so relaxed and at ease after getting out of her truck... made me want to go somewhere and buy some ol' slow soothing neo-soul AND a phat truck.

So when I got an email from her, in response to the email that put me on blast, saying...

"So [Ladylee], you don't have the old/first EPMD?, I like the classic rap stuff too:)"

I was like... "Hunh????"

After all that neo-soul!!?? How did we jump from neo-soul to classic rap??? WOW...

Hellll yeah, I got some classic rap!! I even had a little of that old EPMD too!!!

Now Viv... that's my type of gal right there!!

So Viv, you already have 2 of these CDs... The last one? I will give to you at the book club meeting...

Enjoy:)


VIV’S OLD SCHOOL MIX I

Jam Master Jay - Run DMC
You’re a customer - EPMD
Fat Boys - Fat Boys
Jam On It – Newcleus
Strictly Business – EPMD
Five Minutes of Funk – Whodini
Rock the Bells – LL Cool J
Rockit – Herbie Hancock
Do the Pee Wee Herman
Beat Box – Art of Noise
AJ Scratch –Kurtis Blow
Hard Times – Run DMC
I’ll Take your Man – Salt N Peppa
Peter Piper – Run DMC
He’s BizMarkie – Biz Markie




VIV’S OLD SCHOOL MIX II

The Show-Dougie Fresh
Roxanne Roxanne- UTFO
Roxanne’s Revenge-Roxanne Shante
Can You Feel it-Fat boys
Push the Button (Computer Age)-Newcleus
Paper Thin-MC Lyte
It’s Like That- Run DMC
Hardcore Hip Hop – Mantronix
I Need a Beat- LL Cool J
The overweight Lover-Heavy D and the boys
Planet Rock-Afrikan Bambatta and the Soul Sonic Force
Leader of the Pack – UTFO
Apache- Sugar Hill Gang
Make the music with your mouth- Biz Markie.

VIV’S OLD SCHOOL MIX III

Rappers Delight- Sugarhill Gang
It’s my thing-EPMD
King Of Rock- Run DMC

Five Minutes of Funk-Whodini
Paid in Full (remix)- Eric B and Rakim
Funky Beat-Whodini
The Message-Grandmaster Flash and the Furious Five
Eric B for President- Rakim and Eric B
Freaks Come Out at Night
They Reminisce over You-Pete Rock and C.L. Smooth
One Love-Whodini
Rock Box- Run DMC
Big Mouth-Whodini
The Request Line- Rockmaster Scott

Ladylee Paints!!!

Okay, so I finally did something that I have been meaning to do for YEARS and YEARS…

Sit down and take a painting lesson from my Auntie Joyce, the Artiste Extraordinaire:
She has been talking to me about it for awhile… hyping me up and all.

“It’s not that hard, Lisa.”

“You can do it. We will just sit down one day and paint something together.”

“Lisa, I know you can do it. You are talented. You can do it.”

She keeps telling me that when I was little, that she would ask me to do little things, like draw a table, draw a lamp on a table, draw a window next to the table, draw the lamp with the light on…

Yeah, I’ve got that down pack… I can do that in my sleep. (But I bet I could do it better when I was age of 4 or 5).

So now, over 30 years later, she still has this huge confidence in me..

“You can do it, Lisa! I will teach you.”

So one of my goals has been, in the last quarter of this year, to sit at her feet and learn a little art…

Now, my aunt is a stone cold sucker for barbequed crab legs… I went down to the Dekalb Farmer’s market, the only place in Atlanta with the FAT PHAT crabs, and bought her a huge mess of crabs. I qued them up on Sunday afternoon and took them on over there.



Never mind putting them on a nice platter… I’m bootleg…I threw them in a foil pan, slid them on the back seat of the Mazda and sped down I-20 west to her house.

Not only is my Aunt an amazing artist, she is also an amazing photographer. She took a picture of a flower in her yard, and decided that it would be the project of the day.



I swallowed hard when she showed me that photo. I thought we would be doing something a bit easier, like painting a piece of fruit or something. No, she wanted to do this flower. She liked all the shadows and different colors in it, and thought I could do it.




Lacey, one of my Aunt’s cats, kind of hung around… She was a bit sprite that evening. Maybe because she wanted to see me try to paint, i.e., mess some ish up… She decided to sit in a vacant chair and watch the action.







So we sat down at the table and got to work. Auntie had been looking at some movies on the Sci-Fi channel so we continued to watch as we primed our canvases. She answered many of my questions about the whole priming issue, and was very thorough in explaining paints to me. Personally, I thought that we would only prep our canvases that day, and I would come back another day, but I was wrong...



But she wanted to paint, paint, PAINT!!

Oh my!!



Here is a picture of my primed and blocked picture next to the photograph…





Here is where we left off some 6 hours later, damn near midnight… Now we both did 8x10 paintings of the same picture..



Can you tell which portrait is hers and which is mine?

And Auntie was still all crunk, ready to keep painting! I was down for the count, paint on my face and arms, sinking into delusion and confusion from being all sleepy.

But I had a lot of fun… I need a full put of coffee to keep up with her because when she gets to painting, she can get lost for many, many hours…

So, my personal project for the next couple of weeks is to purchase a few art supplies. I know one thing for sure, they are expensive as hell! No wonder my aunt kept saying “Don’t buy anything Lee… I have whatever we need.” Goodness.

So today I bought a full set of acrylics, and she is schooling me on what oils to buy…

So Auntie… thanks a lot for the lesson… I had fun!

And um… next time, get a pot of coffee ready for me…

We’re going to see which one of us can REALLY hang!!!

LOL!!

Yeah… you’ll beat me every time!!

My Auntie Joyce's Artwork

I got an email the other day from my Auntie Joyce...

"Good morning Lisa... Hope you like the paintings.
love Auntie"

Yes, I love the paintings, Auntie...

You are such a wonderful artist...

I like the fact that you loved painting just for the joy of painting... I don't remember you selling any of your artwork, but I do remember, as a child, watching as you mixed your oils on a board, and trying your best to explain what you were doing... Oh, how I wish I would have listened to you and learned from you all those years ago.

Some 30 years later, when you show me your work, I still hear the same joy in your voice...

I love the passion you have for your work...

It inspires me to be passionate about my own creativity...

You are an incredible artist... and an incredible Auntie


Love, Lisa