The Last Day of the Year 2022

 Alas!

The last day of 2022 has arrived. 

And the way things are going in this world, it is a miracle to make it to this day. I say that when we still have covid and mass shootings going on to the point where we have become pretty much desensitized to it all. So it's a good thing to make it this far. And I have to remind myself daily, that so many more good events happen than the bad. And it just seems like the "bad" takes over because that is what gets magnified.

Alas, made it through all of that. 

I like to look at the mental, physical, and spiritual of my year. I usually do long posts on each, but since I haven't been posting much, I will just touch on some of these things here, mostly for my own personal reasons. So good to be able to look back year after year and see what has changed. So good to see where I need to grow, and what I have conquered. 

Physical. This year has been interesting. Up until mid-February, I had lost about 70 pounds. That was such a big accomplishment for me. I had even gotten up to walking between three to five miles a day, at least five to six times per week. I was the strongest I had been in years. 

Then I banged my knee. I was stooping down to pick up something off the floor, and my knee hit the ground. The bad thing about this is that I have osteoarthritis, and that exasperated it. So I was hobbled for a couple of months. Then I went to an orthopedic surgeon and got an injection. And I was alright, where that summer I could walk a couple of miles a day. We figured out I had sciatica, and that has caused some issues. For the past three months, I have had an ankle problem. They figured out that I didn't have a bone stress or messed up ligaments or tendons. It is moreso a sciatica nerve issue. 

Ugh. Okay. 

So, the big thing now is to walk through the pain. I have a pain medication prescription (tramadol), but ooh child, I do not want to fool around with that. I ain't trying to addicted to no craziness! No. 

I have managed to walk a mile last week without much of an issue. I think I will work on that again, starting in the New Year. I have gained about 15 of my pounds back due to such drastically reduced activity, and I can feel it. I cannot stand the feeling. So the goal is to get back on track. I will walk regularly again. I will celebrate a pain-free One mile like it is one hundred miles. 

Mental. I think a lot. I mean, that is what working from home does to me. I have been working from home since March 2020. I have worked onsite around five time in these past two years. I needed to go in so I could see how a return to work would look, i.e., how to get to work, how it would affect me emotionally and psychologically, etc. But most of what I do is mere paperwork, and it is easier to stay at home. 

Alone.

But I have been on my job 24.5 years. I not only have coworkers, but some of those coworkers are friends. Sure, we have technology and all, but I have to admit that I miss my friends. Ones I work with, and my years-long friends in my everyday life. It takes a psychological toll here and there. Thank goodness it is not overwhelming, though. 

It is the "alone" part that I have had to adjust to. I miss my friends, and I am working on staying away from having covid. So I have had to manage alone. And as a result, like I said... I think a lot. 

I really miss my life as it existed 40 years ago, when I was little and the older members of my family were alive.  These days, our family does not get together, so it is what it is. It makes holidays a bit tough, in that I just want them to pass. But I must admit that some of the holidays I have had alone in the past three years of pandemic have been some of the most memorable ever. And I am so thankful for that. 

I think what is most mentally frightening is being afraid of the future at times, not knowing what the future brings. Just hoping that I can support myself, not have financial issues, etc. I have broken some 25-year-old rules I have set up for myself in these matters over the past year, and I have to work on getting back to following my own rules. So that has been  a focus as of late that I am working on now, and on into 2023.

This has been an awful writing year for me. I think it is because I am a bit perturbed by the submission process and how silly it is. Yes, I have been submitting some writing this year. I think I have to get over the mental chaos of it all. My stories are precious to me, and for some reason, I like keeping them to myself. I don't like just putting it out there. I have to get over that mental hurdle. 

I do need to get past some of the anxiety I sometimes experience. Much of that comes from watching the news. How can I not help it? So much is going on, and for goodness sake, I am hoping to turn the television on one day and see an announcement of covid being over! (I can dream, can't I?) But what's crazy is that all those news reports... they are seeds. I need better seeds. Seeds of hope. Seeds that are good for my mind.

Spiritual. You know, the best times of my day are when I wake up and finally roll out of bed and get myself together, and go downstairs (depending on whether I sleep upstairs in a spare bedroom, as that has been my preference for 30% of the year... My master bedroom is downstairs), and it is just... quiet. 

No TV on, none of that. Just pure quiet. I may take that time to pick up whatever crochet project I am working on, and spend time praying. That is such a great beginning to my day. This does not happen too often. Oh my goodness, where would I be if this was going on daily?

Likewise, my other favorite time of the day is before I shut everything down and head for bed. The little swatch of time is prayer time also. I am so thankful to have completed another day of life, whether I have had a very productive day or not. 

Something else that has helped me spiritually is that during the pandemic my pastor has a daily 30 minute encouragement and confessions time on Facebook. During this time, I am listening and writing out my itinerary/to do list for the day. It has really helped my heart and gives me something to think about. 

This has been a year of A LOT of answered prayer. If I wrote about it all, it would take me several days to write it all out. I tend to write about it in my private journals. I like to keep a record of such.. and I can go back and read it all when I get anxious or worried about things. 

But that is that. Those are my thoughts. 

I don't blog much, as blogging is not the thing to do these days. But I need to for my own personal reasons. I can't tell you how many times how easy it has been to come over here and grab a picture or an old blog post for someone. This blog has been such a treasure trove for me. 

And it was good for my mental to take a snapshot of what's going on with me now, so I can pinpoint where I can improve. This is all over the place, and I am not going to go back and edit. That will take all night, lol. But it is a survey of what's on my mind... right here, right now. 

So I am happy to say goodbye to 2022. You have been good to me. 

VERY good.

I can hope for as much in 2023. 

21 Years Later

It has been 21 years since the worst terrorist attack on American soil.

 

That is a long time ago, but right now, I am watching a special on the National Geographic Channel, and it sure is bringing back some memories, making if feel like it happened yesterday. 

 All I know, one thing is a constant when I think of the events of 911. And that is, I continue to be SHOCKED that this type of craziness does not happen often in the USA. We have had terrorist activity since then, but not on this scale. I am thankful for that, because I don't think we as a country could mentally handle it. I know I couldn't. 

 But it is one of those days where we all remember where we were and what we were doing. I have been on my current job for 21 years now, but back then, I had only been on the job for three weeks. I was at a regulatory course in Denver at the time. I was stunned and momentarily confused about how I would get home. I got home later that week, on a Friday. My plane had been delayed by close to two hours. I remember other coworkers who were headed home to New York had worse delays. 

But my prayer was to get back home to Atlanta, period. And I did. But I do remember the sense of uneasiness I had for a couple of days before taking my flight that Sunday, September 9th, 2001, to the training from Atlanta to Denver. I have not felt that type of uneasiness since, just some unexplainable uneasiness. And then when the tragedy happened, I remember saying aloud... that's what it is. That's why I have been beside myself. 

My Pastor mentioned these feelings some two weeks later. It was a hard unsettling in the spirit. I was glad to have it explained. So if I feel that away again, I know what it means. And I must say, I don't want to ever feel that way again. Ever.

But now I just take time to think about it. 

21 years later now. 

And the hard lesson I have learned is that not only what happened that day was such an awful tragedy, but the residual effects of the tragedy are devastating in their own right. So many families who lost loved ones were changed forever, the emotional loss still felt 'til this present day. I know the wounds are still fresh. Will they ever heal?

I whisper a prayer for them. 

And I pray for our country. 

As we take time to remember this day. 

Back to Normal...

Back to normal? 

Not quite. 

 So it has been some two-and-a-half years of working from home. 

 Ugh.

 I would have never THOUGHT such a thing could ever happen in my line of work.

Well, I have been to work three times in the last three months. It was a cumbersome clumsy return, to say the least. I refuse to sit in a cubicle area of some thirty people, so I had to find somewhere else in the building to sit. I had to make sure I had everything I needed before leaving the house, like my hand sanitizer and wipes to clean off the surface of wherever I found to sit. I needed a rolling briefcase for my laptop. Extra masks... Ugh! 

It was more than a notion.

About a year and a half ago, there was a big laptop update, where it was time for a new laptop. I didn't want to go to work for mine, so our IT people mailed it overnight to me. I have had the old laptop since then, and our inventory guy needed it to be turned in. So I went to work this past Sunday to leave it on my cubicle desk for him to pick up.

The thing is, I hadn't been to my cubicle since early 2020. 

So like I said, I went in this past Sunday. It is good to live only 5 miles from work, but I sat in Sunday traffic nevertheless (Yes, there is bumper to bumper traffic on Sundays in Atlanta).  

When I went in, there were only two people there on the sign-in sheet, but they were in another part of the building. I signed in, and took the elevator up to the third floor. 

And I realized I had left my mask in the car.  

O_O!!

I didn't want to go back out and get it, so... oh well. 

I arrived at the door to my cubicle area. The lights were on, so that meant someone was around. I think I even heard someone tapping away on the keys of their laptop. I didn't even bother to investigate. I just wanted to leave my computer and get out of there quickly. 

But once I arrived to my cubicle, I looked around for a few minutes. It was just as I left it. People had left gifts from the past couple of Christmas' on the desk. Someone had left their child's graduation announcement. The month prior to the pandemic, my workgroup had thrown me a 50th birthday party, so the old big number "5" and "0" balloons were there (deflated now). 

But something I saw made me pause: The calendar on wall of my cubicle. 

It gave me goosebumps. It was so... eerie.

Eerie.

March 2020.  I don't know why that creeped me out so bad. I think the gravity of it all hit me. I had not been at my desk in over two years!

Two whole years. It's really been over two years since this whole pandemic started.

And yet at the same time, I felt some since of... normalcy. 

There was a realization in that very moment that things can possibly go back to normal, where I can wake up every morning and go to work and sit in my own space, my own cubicle once again. 

I stared at the calendar for a minute or two. I straightened it up, as it was slightly askew, and a thumbtack had fell from one corner. 

I think I will keep it as a reminder of all that has happened. 

Not quite sure I will be sitting there for awhile, though.  

My plan is to go back to work in person on a regular basis in September, even though I am only doing paperwork and can easily work from home. My management does not seem to be pressed about my return. But I would like to return to laboratory work. I miss it so much.

But I just want to get back to normal. On purpose. 

Someday, I hope this whole pandemic will be over... and normal will be the true order of the day. 

Last Day of Black History Month 2022

This is your last day to learn something new for black History month.

My nephew transformed himself into Martin Luther King. 

Me? I read a book for Black History Month..

It took me 26 days to finish it. Exhausting. 

But I learned a lot.

I give it 3 out of 5 stars. I may talk about it later. Hmm. 

Happy Valentine's Day 2022!

Happy Valentine's Day to You! 

Valentine's Day 2022 is amongst us. It has been a good day. I had a doctor's appointment today. It went alright, but I am squeamish these days about sitting in a full waiting room. Sigh. But I was double masked with a cloth mask with inserts over a KN95. That is all I can do. 

I did a little Walmart shopping at a Walmart that pretty much forces you to check out your own grocery. I prefer to go to a real cashier, just to support their job. But oh well. I am getting use to that.

I came home and worked for awhile. Imagine my surprise looking out the window and seeing something moving slowly up the street...

The mounted police!

They are in the neighborhood, but I usually see them on the toney side of the neighborhood. Never on my street. And I think it is a good way to get out and interact with the people in the neighborhood. The quiet brothers across the street had a good convo and petted the horses. I wish my nephew Justin was here. He would have loved that.

I see the mounted police from time to time. I have ended up driving behind them as they mosey along. I want to holler, "Moooovvve!!", but I don't dare blow my horn. I am not getting into it with the police or horses.

The children love them. They sing Lil' Nas X's "Old Town Road" to the Horses. It is quite interesting. 

I left later on and went for a short walk. I did 2.50 miles today, which is a short walk for me.  Lately I have been walking 4 miles. Imagine that! 

My sister came over yesterday and we spent the better part of the day together. That is the best Valentine's Day present yet. I think we both needed some down time, and a little time together. We attended virtual church and we watched some TV. I was just happy to see my sister.

Let's hope that next Valentine's day this pandemic will be in the past.

Let's hope AND pray.

Happy 52nd Birthday to ME

Today is my birthday. 

And for days, you know what I've been wondering?

Who gets excited about Birthday #52?

I mean, the milestone birthdays, like Birthday #50 are all the rage.

But Birthday 52? 

No such fanfare. 

Anyway, I am happy for birthday #52. 

I did not know what to expect, but oh well... 

I am glad to be HERE. There are people who didn't even make it to age 52.

But I did. 

And I am looking for what my next chapter in life will bring. 

As for the question above, my response is that I will get excited by birthday #52.

Yes, Happy Birthday to ME. 

A Bit of Snow... And Three Lawn Bags

It snowed once in January in the ATL! 

I opened the storm door and took a picture. There was no way I was going out in the cold. No Sir. No Ma'am.

Those bags are my lawn leaf bags.

No, it wasn't worth going out and taking pictures. 

But what is interesting here is my bags of leaves. 

They have been out there since mid to late November.  And it's only three bags. I have a new lawn guy who makes the leaves disappear. These three bags are from when my old lawn man swindled me and didn't do the work. I think he is too old to do my lawn now, and that's cool, but that was wrong for him to take my money. Needless to say, that's over now. 

Back to the bags, though. They have been out there for a long time. I am not bothered by it because I have seen at least three different times on the news that there is a shortage of workers due to the pandemic. So the collection of regular trash is prioritized. They may pick up the recyclables here and there. But damn the lawn bags and trimmings. There simply not enough workers. 

Now if I had this many bags, I may be a bit miffed. 

BUT what really bothers me is my neighborhood app... Man, these gentrifiers are going CRAZY. They don't give a damn about workers being sick with covid, just come get these bags. I mean they are going off. 

But at the same time, this is also happening on the app:

"A squirrel fell out of a tree, what should I doooooo! I have to rebilatate it!"

"Oh, no! A possum is living on my porch! Poor thing, I want to help it! What should I dooooo!"

(And lo and behold, a picture of a possum in full attack mode, with ALL of its teeth is included)

Dogs and cats are lost...They coo and wail over these animals. 

But they get pissed about lawn bags not being collected?

Knock it off. 

I just want to comment in all caps, TAKE Y'ALL'S BEHINDS BACK TO THE SUBURBS!"

Inner city living is not for them. 

I'm just saying. 

But as for now, I will look out the window at my three bags of leaves. I know they will be gathered some day. 

Better yet I just hope and pray that the workers get past their bouts with covid .

Remembering MLK....

Honoring Martin Luther King on this day.

Never forget.

Thoughts on the January 6 Insurrection

This was one of those days where everyone remembers exactly where they were when the mess went down.

I myself was on a zoom call in a workgroup meeting. It had to be around 1 o'clock in the afternoon. My boss was making announcements then going around to each employee for updates. 

So as the meeting started, I had my tv on mute. I thought "Oh, they are marching to the Capitol.  Look at the flags. Oh my."  By the time the meeting winded down, I turned around and saw this on my TV. 

Man. They had strung up a noose. And I was thinking what the world is going on. They gonna hang somebody? Are you serious?

Then there was this fool...

Wow...this is not happening.

I did not get any more work done that afternoon. I just watched what was going on in disbelief.

One year has passed. 704 folks arrested. Some are already jailed and serving time.

And I am still confused as to why the former president did not issue a blanket pardon for all these folks before he left office? Hmm. 

Just left them out to dry.

Sigh. Thank goodness for the Capitol police and their ability to usher the congressman out to safety. These folks constructed gallows for hanging. This could have been so much worse. 

And could you imagine the carnage if these  were some black folk running up in the Capitol like that? Wow.

On a personal note, this causes me to examine my personal beliefs, associations, and philosophies. Do they place me me on a positive path or do they place me on the road to nowhere or... on the road to destruction? 

How many people have actually grown better from their association with the former president? Relatively few. His kids made tons of money. But look at Guilianni, Bannon, the rioters, and all these other folks... careers trashed. Some folks are in jail or indicted. 

And look at Pence. Ugh. 

Makes me wonder what the end game is.

I have no idea.

All I know is this is one more tragic day that is forever etched in history.

Revelations and Rabbit Holes

I try my best every year NOT to make "New Years Resolutions". Why? Because by January 10th, I am done and so over it! 

I don't need a resolution. I need a revelation. Some goal or action that frees my mind and reveals some things. Something that gives me the "ah-ha!" that I need. 

I find that making a few goals, or even one small goal or intention, tends to stick. 

I only have one real goal right now. Well, but first, I have a smaller intention right now: be consistent in taking my medications and vitamins each morning and evening.

*crickets*

Now, this may seem to be an easy and inconsequential thing. But I found myself in 2001 forming some unusual habits when it came to taking medication. I may take the morning ones any time after noontime.

Even worse, I would think about taking my evening meds at a proper time. 

The interesting word here is... think.

So let's say it's around 11 pm. I need to take my meds. BUT I will decide to just lay down for a minute and close my eyes. Take a nap of sorts. This is fine because I sleep no more than five to six hours a night. (Strange reasoning in my mind, I know). But I will end up waking up at midnight or thereabouts, and I would have to get up out of bed, go get some water, separate all my pills out, and take them. This takes some five minutes, but it pisses me off. I'd rather be in my warm bed, you see. 

So something simple as taking my meds at consistent times is a big deal to me. I needed to solve this problem.

First it started out with separating all my pills into a morning/evening pill box out at the beginning of the week. This takes five minutes at most. Then I will just try to take them at good times... in the morning and at a couple of hours before I go to bed, when I am still lucid. 

That's it. That's all.

This seems to be working out pretty well so far, and it brings me some sense of calm. Hard to explain. It feels like something I do not really have to think about. (Did I take my meds yet? Did I skip one of my meds?)

Funny how something so simple calmed my nerves a little. 

Now the New Year Revelation I had that I want to accomplish:

Read quietly for one hour per day. 

This too may sound super simple. But it is not. For me, that is. 

I remember some ten to fifteen years ago I would read forty or fifty books a year. 

Now? In the past five years? I may have read four or five books a year. 

Why is that? Because of all the constant distraction in my life. I am thinking about this pandemic. So I may watch upwards of four hours of news programs a day, wondering what the world is going on and when this will be over. Then there is social media. Facebook, tiktok, twitter, instagram, youtube... ALL of that. It is so easy to disappear down many a rabbit hole real quick. Then I also like games I can play on my cellphone. WWF, candy crush, sims games... ALL of that. Hence, more hours of my day chewed up. 

Chewing gum for the brain.

It's like chewing chewing gum. Not much nourishment there. Just a little minty freshness and keeping the mouth and teeth busy. 

Sigh.

So if I can just sit still and read an hour a day? That would mean so much to me. 

And so far so good. The current book I'm reading is The Illusion of Money by Kyle Cease. It's not some book I would normally pick to read, but it was mentioned in a room on the Clubhouse App (that app itself is another rabbit hole at times). It was a spiritual room I would listen to while I walked in the mornings, and I pulled up an excerpt back in September and decided to make that my first book of the year for my "hour of power".

This book is super deep off the pages, but really good. It's kind of hard to explain what's it's about, but in a nutshell, it is about concentrating on the things that expand your heart and soul rather than chasing and doing things because you can make money from it. So it is about purpose and passion. You find your purpose, you pursue what you are passionate about, and provision will follow.

 I've seen and read much about this subject matter in the past, but this is a fresh perspective. I am much more aware on what makes me happy right now. 

And what makes me happy right now is my consistent hour of reading a day. It is time for me to be quiet, and for me to get back to concentrating on something useful than all the craziness that goes on in the world around me. I actually look forward to being still and absorbing something interesting. 

One great quote I've come across from this book (and there are many):

"Raising your value is about moving in a direction that is different and more expansive than what you did yesterday. It's about letting go of the things that reinforce your old small vision of what you are worth."

Hmm... that's a lot to chew on. 

Now if I could run down that rabbit hole... oh my. 

But I plan on continuing my one hour a day of quiet reading. Right now, it is around 6-7:30 pm at night or thereabouts. I found myself dozing off the first day I did this, but now I am excited about it. I may try some other times. That is a good hour after my walking, when I am trying to just wind down in general. 

But I think it is a good New Year revelation. 

And so far so good! 

Rest in Peace, Betty White (1922-2021)

What an American Icon she was...

Rest in Peace, Betty White

If you haven't seen her take as host of Saturday Night Live in 2010, you should go pull it up. SNL aired the epic episode last Saturday night in honor of her passing.

Best SNL episode I've seen since the Eddie Murphy days. 

Indeed. 

The last Golden Girl has gone home.

Rest in Peace, Betty White.

2022!! Happy New Year!

 Star Date

2022.01.01

***HaPPy NeW YeAr***