Milk and Cookies... The Starstruck Groupie

A picture is worth a thousand words...




But there are not many words to describe the sniveling screaming crying groupie my lil' brother became in the presence of Tayari Jones. Um, he was a bit impressed to say the least...
After she took us out to dinner, I got an earful from Da'Kari...
"Damn, she is hot!"
"She has a serious vocabulary! Did you hear all those big words she used??"
"I sure do like her. She has a nice personality."
"I asked a bunch of questions because I have never met someone who has written books before."
"Lee, she sure is HOT!!"
I have no idea what to do when he talks about women. I just kind of walked away, because I don't like women, and I don't look at them.
Now, I had the honor of taking him to his first book signing and reading, Tayari's reading, that following Saturday after our adventure with Tayari. Usually he would frown at such a thing, but he damn near broke his neck trying to get ready for this event and was anxiously sitting on the sofa, waiting for me to get dressed so that we could leave. We arrived at the event via train, and walked to our destination, the Decatur conference center. He sat there anxiously awaiting for things to begin.

Since we'd gotten there a half hour early, he decided to go out in the hallway and and get a soda from the gift shop...

He returned to his seat all... I don't know... exasperated... with a huge Kool-aid smile.

"I saw Tayari in the lobby, and she has on this red and white dress, and she gave me a hug, and she held my hand, and she called me Milk and Cookies, and she called me a felony..."
I looked at him with a raised eyebrow. "Well, that's nice," was all I thought to say.

She came in and had a few words with us and several others. Da'Kari was smiling ear to ear still.

There were 2 talks, and the first talk and reading was given by a literary suspense author by the name of Lisa Teasley... She writes some HIGHLY eclectic stuff, some real strange stuff. Her reading was a bit, um... erotic. I almost wanted to place my hands over Da'kari's ears, like I use to do when he was little....

Milk and Cookies kept tugging on my shirt whispering in my ear, "Am I suppose to hear all this? Am I suppose to be hearing all this sexual stuff? Is that what they do at a book reading?"
I basically ignored him.

Well Tayari gave her talk, and people asked questions. Da'Kari was all smug, because he had asked her some of the same questions during dinner with her.

Well, that poor boy... he was in awe after it was over. He said....

"Damn, she make a n**** want to read a book!!"
*crickets*
Wow. She really made an impression on her. Da'Kari does not sit down and read unless forced to.

While I was purchasing one of Lisa Teasley's books, he went on to bug me about an audio book...

"Tayari sure does know how to read! Can I get her voice on tape reading her book?"

*crickets*

"Um, no man," I said. "I don't think so. Usually someone else reads it on tape, not the author."

This thoroughly confused him, so he left it alone. He takes my digital camera and decides to go take a few pictures of her signing books. He is definitely a boy, because he had a few pics of her chest area... I think he did that on purpose. I erased those pics!


I get my book signed and then Kari went behind the table and took a couple of pictures with her. He is embarrassing me with all this touching her and putting his fingers in her hair, while smiling down at the same time. She decides to kiss him on the cheek, which um, made his day to say the least. There was some random white chick on the side, yelling,
"Why don't you give him a real kiss!"

The random white chick almost caught my digital camera in her grill.

Luckily Tayari said no, that that would be a felony, with a minimum 3 to 5 year sentence.

Well, Da'kari and I left, and he was a bit excited to say the least. The boy talked my ear off about the event. We walked around the plaza looking at some of the exibits that were still open... We see people with HUGE gyro wraps and decide to stand in line at a booth selling the wraps.

All of a sudden, Milk and Cookies puts his hands on top of his head, closes his eyes, and starts screaming out of control, like he has been stung by a bee or shot... or something. He really startled me.

"What's wrong, man?" I asked.

"She, she, she..."

"What, boy?"

"She, she, she... She's walking!!!"

Others are looking at him now. I am looking around to see who in the world he is screaming about.

"Who? Where?" I asked.

"Tayari! She's walking. Right there." He points hard in that direction. He stepped like he was about to break out running in that direction.
I was like, oh. Okay.

He continues screaming out of control. People are starting to look at him, and they are looking at me, as if I am suppose to control him.

"Um, well boy, why don't you call her name, and wave or something." I was trying to do something to quiet him down.

He then does something that thorourghly embarrasses me.

He yells what is known as a chickenhead call...

"Coo, Cooooo!! Coo, Coo, Cooooo!!", with intermitent kiss sounds, like he is calling a damn dog or something.

"Oh no you didn't just do that!! Dude, call her name."

She continued walking. He yelled out "Miss T!"

I just shook my head in disgust. "Shorty, act like you got some sense!"
He called her name, and she turned around. He yells,in a high pitch squealy voice...
"Oh Tayari, I'm your number one fan!"
I was a bit embarrassed. Didn't bother her any. She walked over and talked to us. Da'Kari was REALLY ecstatic about that. We took more pics and then we walked to the train station.

I had to hear about this the rest of the day. It was a bit funny to see him all excited like that.
Then he said something that was a bit too true...
"Lee, I have nothing to offer someone like her!! No life experiences, nothing!"
Oh my... what a startling realization he made.
I thought he was going to bust out crying or something. He seem to be a bit upset with himself or something...
I think he realized that he is definitely "Milk and Cookies": a mere snack, something to tide one over until... dinner... LOL!!

So Tayari, know that you have a bonafide groupie for life... one who would probably follow you around on the Greyhound bus from city to city if it wasn't for his doggone military obligations. But he made me promise that I would tell you that if you are in Georgia again, and you need any moral support, feel free to call him. He will be there, and he will bring a cheering section of his army buddies with him...

Now if only I could get that boy to actually pick up a book and read it!!