The Last Day of the Year 2023

 I cannot believe that I have not posted anything since my birthday in February.

A whole 10 months ago. 

And I feel bad about that. So much has happened this year. Why, if I would have just posted once a week, I could've had a better record of my year. 

For there is no reason to post daily, because no one reads blogs anymore. And of course, it is best to go along with whatever the crowd is doing. 

Me... I am not part of the crowd. Never have been, never will be. I think I recognized that a few years ago. Especially not a part of any internet crews. And that is fine. I don't have a problem with that. I am a strange chick, lol.

But, the issue is, this blog has been a good record of the going-ons in my life. Just today, while discussing a blanket with a former coworker (hint: "former" is an interesting word here... hmm), I was able to just come on this blog and pull some photos for her. I pulled them in under a minute... Why? Because I could search the whole LadyLee blog... some 17-18 years in length... and pull pictures. That is why it is so important to keep and not delete. And I should've been thinking about that all year long. And I regret not posting something once a week. Just that much stuff goes on. I have just that many pictures and stories. 

So I like to just do a freestyle stream-of-consciousness post of what is on my mind this last day of the year in 2023. 

One really important and huge turning point in my life was that I started a new job in April of this year. 

I was comfortable at my old job. It was a comfortable job. There is nothing like going to work day after day on a government job, and I can depend on that pay check. I make three times the salary I made when I first started there close to 22 years ago. I was comfortable. 

The new job isn't a huge change. It is still a government job in the same department, but it is a reassignment. My headquarters is up in Maryland somewhere. My supervisor is up there, too. I am a full time remote worker now. This was not a hard transition, as I'd been working from home for all of covid. I had to transform a bedroom I don't use (except for storage), to an office. That was interesting.

This new job is a writing job. And I do a TON of reading. Not the nice fiction reading I like, but hardcore scientific reading. I thought my dream was to have such a job, but lawd have mercy, it is all more difficult than I could ever imagine. But my supervisor says I am doing a good job. That was good to hear. 

The most challenging part of this is working from home, and just having to pretty much having to police myself. I work on being really honest with myself, and evaluating and critiquing my day. I told someone that 4 out of 5 days of my workweek are pretty good. But that ONE day... is just an off day. I may not get as much accomplished as I like. Someone may call and I may yack on the phone. I may want to stop and watch something on television. I may wake up late. Any little thing like that will throw me off. 

I tell you there is one thing I really like to do... when there is a staff meeting, and I don't have to worry about participating and just listening, It is a joy for whoever is in charge of the meeting say...

"We are waiting for 300 people to log on to this meeting, then we can get started..."

That means cameras and microphones are off. And I use that time to work on some simple project, like cleaning out the refrigerator, or cleaning out my spice cabinet. Or even folding a load of laundry. I can clean up the kitchen. Anything like that. Those meetings are usually an hour long. 

Of course I have a pen and pad nearby, just in case I need to scratch out a few notes and shoot an email to another employee later about the matter. But as far as I am concerned, that time is for home projects. 

There has been a time or two where I will take my laptop across the hall to my spare bedroom and lay across the bed and listen to a meeting. 

But I think I do good overall. I want to get it down to one slow day for every ten days. I will get down to that. But for now, I meet all my deadlines. I have a meeting with my supervisor every 2 weeks. That is a good 30 minute talk. And I am working harder to just hold myself accountable. It is just too doggone easy to goof off. 

I think the hardest part for me is that I miss my old coworkers. I don't think I realized how important it is to SEE people and talk to them. I don't think it bothered me too much during the pandemic, but it bothers me now because I am home alone AND I am looking and talking to people on the computer who I do not know. You gotta realize, I had been at my old workplace for over twenty years. I made friends there. I was familiar with my coworkers and they were familiar with me. So this is something that I have just had to cope with. Do I want to go back to my old job? Heck no. I just want to adjust to the changes. 

I find I do best from a mental standpoint when I am intentional about getting out of the house at least twice during the week and at least once on the weekends. I have to see and interact with people. This don't feel too important because I am a loner, but I appreciate my friends, and people in general even more. 

When major turns in my life occur, I think about what happened spiritually to lead to it. I had not been praying for a new job but I clearly remember praying about my career in general. 

"Lord, I need to think about my career and how I want to land my plane, end my career..."

And in January, one of my coworkers sent me a job announcement, asking if she should apply for it. I said, sure, sounds good. Do you mind if I apply for it too? She said sure. And I did. 

We both got the job. Along with another person in my group.

So you know me... I got to wondering how this happen. I remember asking my coworker what she'd been praying about. Because I wasn't praying about it. 

"Did God do a 2 for 1 special? Can that happen?" 

Of course he can. And then again, there was no formula for these types of things. 

"I just be tryna figure stuff out."

(I know I got on her last nerve).

It was just one of those "And suddenlys" in my life. I wasn't really happy in my old position at all. And I had purposed in 2022 to apply for at least a position per year, as a way to just keep my CV/resume current.  I tend to try to wrap my finite logic mind around things, and there is no need to do that. Count those good things as blessings, and as the start of new chapters in my life. 

So I have spent this time just working to get adjusted. For some odd reason, this caused me to lose interest in things that I like to do, like writing and crocheting. This was the first year that I didn't crochet that much. I think I made 3 adult blankets and one baby blanket. That is a little short of my usual. And I didn't write much at all this year... maybe two short stories. I think two stories were published, but I haven't even kept up with that like I should. Ugh. 

So...

2024 is going to be a year of getting back to doing more of what I like to do, in the midst of adjusting to my new work position. I turn 54 this year, and I am looking forward to that. My motto for 2024 is 

Be Intentional... On Purpose

I will be intentional concerning my prayers and goals. I will be intentional concerning my family and friends. I will just be intentional... on purpose. 

Leaving 2023 behind, but carrying the lessons learned into a New Year.

I can't wait to see what the year 2024 brings. 

The Last Day of the Year 2022

 Alas!

The last day of 2022 has arrived. 

And the way things are going in this world, it is a miracle to make it to this day. I say that when we still have covid and mass shootings going on to the point where we have become pretty much desensitized to it all. So it's a good thing to make it this far. And I have to remind myself daily, that so many more good events happen than the bad. And it just seems like the "bad" takes over because that is what gets magnified.

Alas, made it through all of that. 

I like to look at the mental, physical, and spiritual of my year. I usually do long posts on each, but since I haven't been posting much, I will just touch on some of these things here, mostly for my own personal reasons. So good to be able to look back year after year and see what has changed. So good to see where I need to grow, and what I have conquered. 

Physical. This year has been interesting. Up until mid-February, I had lost about 70 pounds. That was such a big accomplishment for me. I had even gotten up to walking between three to five miles a day, at least five to six times per week. I was the strongest I had been in years. 

Then I banged my knee. I was stooping down to pick up something off the floor, and my knee hit the ground. The bad thing about this is that I have osteoarthritis, and that exasperated it. So I was hobbled for a couple of months. Then I went to an orthopedic surgeon and got an injection. And I was alright, where that summer I could walk a couple of miles a day. We figured out I had sciatica, and that has caused some issues. For the past three months, I have had an ankle problem. They figured out that I didn't have a bone stress or messed up ligaments or tendons. It is moreso a sciatica nerve issue. 

Ugh. Okay. 

So, the big thing now is to walk through the pain. I have a pain medication prescription (tramadol), but ooh child, I do not want to fool around with that. I ain't trying to addicted to no craziness! No. 

I have managed to walk a mile last week without much of an issue. I think I will work on that again, starting in the New Year. I have gained about 15 of my pounds back due to such drastically reduced activity, and I can feel it. I cannot stand the feeling. So the goal is to get back on track. I will walk regularly again. I will celebrate a pain-free One mile like it is one hundred miles. 

Mental. I think a lot. I mean, that is what working from home does to me. I have been working from home since March 2020. I have worked onsite around five time in these past two years. I needed to go in so I could see how a return to work would look, i.e., how to get to work, how it would affect me emotionally and psychologically, etc. But most of what I do is mere paperwork, and it is easier to stay at home. 

Alone.

But I have been on my job 24.5 years. I not only have coworkers, but some of those coworkers are friends. Sure, we have technology and all, but I have to admit that I miss my friends. Ones I work with, and my years-long friends in my everyday life. It takes a psychological toll here and there. Thank goodness it is not overwhelming, though. 

It is the "alone" part that I have had to adjust to. I miss my friends, and I am working on staying away from having covid. So I have had to manage alone. And as a result, like I said... I think a lot. 

I really miss my life as it existed 40 years ago, when I was little and the older members of my family were alive.  These days, our family does not get together, so it is what it is. It makes holidays a bit tough, in that I just want them to pass. But I must admit that some of the holidays I have had alone in the past three years of pandemic have been some of the most memorable ever. And I am so thankful for that. 

I think what is most mentally frightening is being afraid of the future at times, not knowing what the future brings. Just hoping that I can support myself, not have financial issues, etc. I have broken some 25-year-old rules I have set up for myself in these matters over the past year, and I have to work on getting back to following my own rules. So that has been  a focus as of late that I am working on now, and on into 2023.

This has been an awful writing year for me. I think it is because I am a bit perturbed by the submission process and how silly it is. Yes, I have been submitting some writing this year. I think I have to get over the mental chaos of it all. My stories are precious to me, and for some reason, I like keeping them to myself. I don't like just putting it out there. I have to get over that mental hurdle. 

I do need to get past some of the anxiety I sometimes experience. Much of that comes from watching the news. How can I not help it? So much is going on, and for goodness sake, I am hoping to turn the television on one day and see an announcement of covid being over! (I can dream, can't I?) But what's crazy is that all those news reports... they are seeds. I need better seeds. Seeds of hope. Seeds that are good for my mind.

Spiritual. You know, the best times of my day are when I wake up and finally roll out of bed and get myself together, and go downstairs (depending on whether I sleep upstairs in a spare bedroom, as that has been my preference for 30% of the year... My master bedroom is downstairs), and it is just... quiet. 

No TV on, none of that. Just pure quiet. I may take that time to pick up whatever crochet project I am working on, and spend time praying. That is such a great beginning to my day. This does not happen too often. Oh my goodness, where would I be if this was going on daily?

Likewise, my other favorite time of the day is before I shut everything down and head for bed. The little swatch of time is prayer time also. I am so thankful to have completed another day of life, whether I have had a very productive day or not. 

Something else that has helped me spiritually is that during the pandemic my pastor has a daily 30 minute encouragement and confessions time on Facebook. During this time, I am listening and writing out my itinerary/to do list for the day. It has really helped my heart and gives me something to think about. 

This has been a year of A LOT of answered prayer. If I wrote about it all, it would take me several days to write it all out. I tend to write about it in my private journals. I like to keep a record of such.. and I can go back and read it all when I get anxious or worried about things. 

But that is that. Those are my thoughts. 

I don't blog much, as blogging is not the thing to do these days. But I need to for my own personal reasons. I can't tell you how many times how easy it has been to come over here and grab a picture or an old blog post for someone. This blog has been such a treasure trove for me. 

And it was good for my mental to take a snapshot of what's going on with me now, so I can pinpoint where I can improve. This is all over the place, and I am not going to go back and edit. That will take all night, lol. But it is a survey of what's on my mind... right here, right now. 

So I am happy to say goodbye to 2022. You have been good to me. 

VERY good.

I can hope for as much in 2023.