Revelations and Rabbit Holes

I try my best every year NOT to make "New Years Resolutions". Why? Because by January 10th, I am done and so over it! 

I don't need a resolution. I need a revelation. Some goal or action that frees my mind and reveals some things. Something that gives me the "ah-ha!" that I need. 

I find that making a few goals, or even one small goal or intention, tends to stick. 

I only have one real goal right now. Well, but first, I have a smaller intention right now: be consistent in taking my medications and vitamins each morning and evening.

*crickets*

Now, this may seem to be an easy and inconsequential thing. But I found myself in 2001 forming some unusual habits when it came to taking medication. I may take the morning ones any time after noontime.

Even worse, I would think about taking my evening meds at a proper time. 

The interesting word here is... think.

So let's say it's around 11 pm. I need to take my meds. BUT I will decide to just lay down for a minute and close my eyes. Take a nap of sorts. This is fine because I sleep no more than five to six hours a night. (Strange reasoning in my mind, I know). But I will end up waking up at midnight or thereabouts, and I would have to get up out of bed, go get some water, separate all my pills out, and take them. This takes some five minutes, but it pisses me off. I'd rather be in my warm bed, you see. 

So something simple as taking my meds at consistent times is a big deal to me. I needed to solve this problem.

First it started out with separating all my pills into a morning/evening pill box out at the beginning of the week. This takes five minutes at most. Then I will just try to take them at good times... in the morning and at a couple of hours before I go to bed, when I am still lucid. 

That's it. That's all.

This seems to be working out pretty well so far, and it brings me some sense of calm. Hard to explain. It feels like something I do not really have to think about. (Did I take my meds yet? Did I skip one of my meds?)

Funny how something so simple calmed my nerves a little. 

Now the New Year Revelation I had that I want to accomplish:

Read quietly for one hour per day. 

This too may sound super simple. But it is not. For me, that is. 

I remember some ten to fifteen years ago I would read forty or fifty books a year. 

Now? In the past five years? I may have read four or five books a year. 

Why is that? Because of all the constant distraction in my life. I am thinking about this pandemic. So I may watch upwards of four hours of news programs a day, wondering what the world is going on and when this will be over. Then there is social media. Facebook, tiktok, twitter, instagram, youtube... ALL of that. It is so easy to disappear down many a rabbit hole real quick. Then I also like games I can play on my cellphone. WWF, candy crush, sims games... ALL of that. Hence, more hours of my day chewed up. 

Chewing gum for the brain.

It's like chewing chewing gum. Not much nourishment there. Just a little minty freshness and keeping the mouth and teeth busy. 

Sigh.

So if I can just sit still and read an hour a day? That would mean so much to me. 

And so far so good. The current book I'm reading is The Illusion of Money by Kyle Cease. It's not some book I would normally pick to read, but it was mentioned in a room on the Clubhouse App (that app itself is another rabbit hole at times). It was a spiritual room I would listen to while I walked in the mornings, and I pulled up an excerpt back in September and decided to make that my first book of the year for my "hour of power".

This book is super deep off the pages, but really good. It's kind of hard to explain what's it's about, but in a nutshell, it is about concentrating on the things that expand your heart and soul rather than chasing and doing things because you can make money from it. So it is about purpose and passion. You find your purpose, you pursue what you are passionate about, and provision will follow.

 I've seen and read much about this subject matter in the past, but this is a fresh perspective. I am much more aware on what makes me happy right now. 

And what makes me happy right now is my consistent hour of reading a day. It is time for me to be quiet, and for me to get back to concentrating on something useful than all the craziness that goes on in the world around me. I actually look forward to being still and absorbing something interesting. 

One great quote I've come across from this book (and there are many):

"Raising your value is about moving in a direction that is different and more expansive than what you did yesterday. It's about letting go of the things that reinforce your old small vision of what you are worth."

Hmm... that's a lot to chew on. 

Now if I could run down that rabbit hole... oh my. 

But I plan on continuing my one hour a day of quiet reading. Right now, it is around 6-7:30 pm at night or thereabouts. I found myself dozing off the first day I did this, but now I am excited about it. I may try some other times. That is a good hour after my walking, when I am trying to just wind down in general. 

But I think it is a good New Year revelation. 

And so far so good! 

The Last Day of the Year, Part III: A New President

 I tell you... I don't care much to write about this  presidential election, but it is worth mentioning. So I will just write a little. And I will try to put a different spin on it. 

But I tell you, this doggone election has plucked my LAST nerves. 

And at the same time, it feels good to hear it announced when President-Elect Biden is going to give a speech, as he has been doing as of late. I stop what I'm doing and I sit down and I listen. And boy or boy it feels good to hear someone speak in complete sentences. Just to hear someone who cogent, who isn't treating this like some big comedy skit makes me hopeful. 

But Trump is still around, doing everything he can to seemingly sabotage the whole peaceful transfer of power process.  And whenever he was giving a speech over the past couple of years I was in search of my remote control so I could turn the channel. And if I couldn't do that, I would just leave the room. 

It was frustrating. I mean, I grew up watching the Presidents give speeches. This one, not so much. If he read from the teleprompter, that was fine. But the comedy schtick and the stretched truths.. no sir. Not today, Sir. I cannot.

Over the past couple of weeks, I read a book that helped me understand all the shenanigans. It has all been very confusing.  And I needed this book out in 2016.

I now have a fundamental understanding when they have been wailing on the political news shows about how this is an attempt to destroy our democracy.  After reading this book, I'm like... OH! Ok. 

Because that's what's going on. And the problem is that Trump is nowhere near as smart and savvy as these past dictators. They were tactical. They were diabolical. Our beloved president seems like he is... brooding, and just having tantrums.

These dictators had their opponents jailed, exiled or killed. They killed MILLIONS of people. If you were against whatever ish they were doing, or if they even so much as thought you were against what they were doing, you and your families and anybody that knew you were dead. Period.  Didn't matter how you died... guillotine, gunshot, set on fire, gas chambers, whatever... they got rid of folks quick, dirty and in a hurry.

Thank goodness we have a Constitution. That is saving us. These dictators got rid of their forms of the constitution AND the opposing parties. I mean, it was CRAZY.

We here in the USA appear to have some guardrails (democracy). But doggonit, we are slamming against those guardrails something awful. I want to go back to a time when the proverbial car was just kept in the middle of the road. 

But it was helpful to read that book. It was such a sad book, though. All the killing and torture was horrible. And I learned that a thirst for hunger and power is never satisfied. ALL that ish comes to a bad end. The seed sown... let's just say you eventually reap what you sow. Period.

And now I understand how the cult of personality, the "Fake news" chants, the lies and all that comes together.  Here is a list, the blueprint for establishing a dictatorship and destroying a democracy, from the book. (Source: Strongman: The Rise of Five Dictators and The Fall of Democracy by Kenneth C. Davis)

Does any of that look familiar??  Gives me the creeps, I tell you.

It was so crazy to read about Mussolini, Hitler, Stalin, Mao and Saddam Hussein and how similar the environments are between what is going on now and what went on back then.  It was fascinating and scary at the same time to read about. The horror the people suffered is unimaginable. But the groundwork, the silent groundwork and the buildup, was terrifying to read about. The whole emphasis on making the country great again was startling. 

Because that is what we are going through right now. 

And it's not over. Who knows what will happen on January 5th and 6th. Ugh. 

I know one thing... it is all emotionally draining. And anyone or anything that emotionally drains me on a daily basis demands further consideration as to why... and that book right there really gave me an understanding of what will happen if our democracy is thrown out the window. 

Ugh.  

Congratulations to President-Elect Joe Biden. 

He's no savior by any means, but Lord help us... we just need someone in office who will take their job seriously. No havoc, no messiness, no tweeting... just be President. 

And realize this is not a comedy or reality show. 

And just don't emotionally drain me. 

That's all that I can ask and hope for. 

The Last Day of the Year: The Washing of Masks

 I like to reminisce on my year on the last day of the year... 

And of course, when I think of the year 2020, I will think of the covid-19 pandemic. 

Sigh.

And a picture that sums it up on my end is the washing of masks.

Who on earth would've thought that "masks" would be the order of the day, the common thing?

I remember back in March, I was at a lost as to where to find an actual mask. And, no one was particularly sure if we needed them or not. I managed to get a 10 pack of surgical masks through a restaurant on ubereats. I was so proud to have found some. But then a friend of mine told me to go look on Etsy. I ordered masks from three different vendors. Then I ordered more from a vendor whose masks I liked the best.

So now I think I have ten cloth masks. I wanted the ones with the filter pocket. Why? Because I got the notion to buy a air filter so that I could chop it up. 

I chopped that filter down into little filters just large enough to fit the filter pockets of my masks.

This has all become a ritual of sorts. I wash my masks by hand in detergent and hot water twice, I rinse them thoroughly, then I soak them in boiling hot water for about thirty minutes. Then I hang them on a
plastic hanger and let them dry overnight. 

Then I place my cut filters in them and store them in a plastic bag. 

(I learned most of that on YouTube. Thank goodness for YouTube).

I only venture out into the world once a week at the most, mostly for groceries or medical appointments. And I will change my mask two, perhaps three times. So I wash masks every 6 to 8 weeks on average.

And that has become the norm in 2020.

Who would've thought that would have been a portion of my focus in 2020?

Hopefully this is a once in a lifetime type of situation.

I remember in early April of 2020 just breaking down and crying in the shower one morning because I was so confused and scared.  No one seemed to know what was going on, and just the mere shock of everything- job, church, theaters, etc.- everything closing down just messed my head up.

I have had moments like that all year... even lately.

2020 is coming to a close. I am hoping that the pandemic will end in 2021.  I am not sure how much longer we can all go on like this. People are missing family and whatnot. I am not a big family person, but I miss my sister and nephew, the only family I have close contact with these days, even prepandemic.

For me, the deeper problem is the unknown...the presence of the unknown and no idea of the solution. I can't control or solve it. 

I can only depend on God and be thankful to see another day.

Because so many did not live to see another day, or a new year on the horizon. 

And until this thing is over... 

I will continue washing my masks.