BEAT DOWN!

Yeah...

A serious beat down occurred.

Check out this Words With Friends Game.

Look a little closer...

Yes. I beat the ultimate wordsmith, my favorite author Tayari Jones.

Yes, it is a beat down. I don't care if it's only by 3 points. It's a BEAT DOWN. Period.

And it gets interesting if I get that close in score to her and we are near the end of a game. It is like the world stops moving. I stop whatever I am doing and I concentrate hard, like I'm taking the SAT or something.

The possibility of winning against her gives me goosebumps. We talk a bunch of trash during the whole game, especially while it's close. (Your threat of putting some Shug Avery pee in my drink didn't go over well with me at all, Tayari. Humph. Gonna getcha back for that one, ma'am).

And that day I won. And while I hoop and holler and turn multiple cartwheels over this beat down, Ms. Jones is coming up with a reason why I beat her.

She was in a bad mood about something.

I stopped cheering and hollering and what not...

"Woo, woo, woo," I say. "What's wrong, Celie?"

She tells me. And you know me. I love to encourage folk. I encouraged her a bit. I know she was rolling her eyes, but heck, you know me. I ain't about to say nothing negative about anything.

"It's gonna be alright, girl," I said. "Woo, woo, woo."

But at the same time, I was saying to myself... Whatever gal... I still kicked your butt in Words with Friends.

Yes, there are a few times when I too can spell well.

Really though.

LOL

*high rockette kicks*

Funny Words with My Friends

Growing up, I played a lot of board games.



I played many of them with my Mama. She was a hard competitor. In other words, she beat the cheese outta me on a regular basis. She would get so happy that she would jump up and celebrate.

After I broke out crying one day... uh, well, we didn't play many board games anymore.

Yeah, I think that crying thing puts a damper on all the fun.

A note to parents: let your kids win sometime. Geesh.

Anyway, one game I played in my youth was Scrabble. Of course Mother was a pro.

Let's just say, I'm not a fan of the game.

However, I noticed people were playing a game on their smartphones that is similar to Scrabble: Words with Friends.

Pay special close attention to the word "noticed". I had no intention of fooling with it. I was wondering who got away with creating bootleg scrabble. LOL

But when I bought a new phone, I bought a smart phone, and I decided to get the app.

Nothing wrong with a friendly game of scrabble with friends, right?

Hmm...

Wow.

It is MORE than just a friendly game of words with your friends.

These folks... I tell you. They play like they are playing for the million dollar championship. They play like they are going for Olympic gold.

They're playing like whoever loses gets taken out back and shot by a firing squad.

Win... or die. That's how they play.

And that's tough for an Oldgirl like me.

I read slow like Celie in the movie Color Purple, when Nettie was first teaching her to read.

That let's you know my spelling isn't the best.

It don't matter, though. I like playing the best. That way I can learn. I like playing with Singlema, who I believe uses the most elaborate of spreadsheets to come up with words.

And then there's Tazzee, who is kind and motherly. "Lee, you can't place words there," she texts. "You are helping me beat you.

I can hear her voice. It is kind. And soft. And if we were in each other's presence, she would pat me on my head.

And then there is Super Dave of Baby Daddy Diaries. He is the Zen Master, Samarai King of WWF. If he lifts his shirt I bet he has "WWF" tatted across his torso, circa Tupacs "Thug love".

That dude comes out the gate stomping me all about the head with his timberland boot. My goodness!

Yes. They all beat the cheese out of me. Even my cubicle mate The CowgirlCre runs circles around me.

So...

I was on Twitter a few months ago. And we were all discussing this. Because I win only 5% of my games, I tend to do *multiple cartwheels*.

Let's just say that I am highly celebratory!

And here comes none other than my favorite author, The great Tayari Jones.

"Play with me, Lee," she tweeted.

*silence on my part*

*blink*

Tayari is a fabulous wordsmith. She has a wonderful way with words, like, knowing how to put them together, knowing how to make them ironic.

I bet she reads the dictionary for fun, she does.

"No thank you," I tweeted back. "That's like playing against God. No thank you."

I just couldn't imagine. No way someone like me should play someone like that. NO WAY. I was already being beat all about the head by my other friends.

Tayari would light my hair on fire.

"Pleeeeeezzzze?" she tweeted.

"I said NO," I replied. "I am not a good speller."

Needless to say, she talked me into it.

And we played a couple of games.

I was in the kitchen washing dishes and I heard my cell phone rang. It was in my bedroom, so I didn't bother to answer it. When I went in there five minutes later, I saw I had a voicemail from Tayari.

"I wonder what she wants?" I muttered. I lay across the bed, dialed up my voice mail.

And there it was, a surly voicemail. She was fussing about my game strategy on WWF.

(I have no strategy.)

I called her back. Left an equally surly email. I grabbed my phone and went back into the kitchen. I wanted to finish washing dishes.

Then she called me back 10 minutes later.

I clicked the answer button and hollered "Waaaaaasuuuppp Celie???!!!"

I heard silence on the phone line.

Then she went OFF on me. "You need to do better than what you are doing. You are much smarter than this!"

"What, man?" I shot back. I threw a spoon in the sink. "Why you tripping? I am just trying to sit here, drank my liquor, smoke my cigarettes and share a good game of Words with Friends with my friend Tayari!"

More silence on the line.

"Well, you're smarter than this, Nettie. You can do better. You're not even paying attention to what you're doing."

She is talking fast. That's her normal cadence. Can't tell whether she is really perturbed or just being her normal self.

"Look here, gal!" I holler. "English and Chemistry is not the same subject!"

Sidenote: Why on EARTH do people think that just because I have a Ph.D. in Chemistry... that means I am super smart? Why do people think I am an expert in ALL subjects?

How does this suggest I am literate?

I will never figure it out.

Never.

Tayari fusses some more.

"English and Chemistry is not the same subject!!!" I yell again. The phone is wedged between my shoulder and chin at that time. I go ahead and continue washing dishes. "Stop tripping, man!"

She pleads her case. Which is cool. She did give me a lot of strategy tips. And she rarely loses a game.

And that's cool.

We talk about other stuff, take time to catch up.

I played more games with her. I did better. She sent a text letting me know that she was proud of me for doing better.

It was one of those Nettie and Celie a-p-p-l-e on the scrap piece of wax paper moments.

LOL

I like this game. It has improved my spelling. A game can go on and on. (I just finished a month long game). And it makes me think.

Yes I lose 95% of my games. That is fine.

I am just happy to drank my liquor... smoke my cigaretteds...

And have a little word game fun with my friends.