The Last Day of the Year: 2018

Alas!

'Tis the last day of the year 2018.

2019 is but a few hours away. It is hard to believe that. I was just telling my best friend LadyTee today that when we were children, we were hollering about seeing the year 2000.

And here we are, some 19 years removed from the year 2000.

Wow.

And I have been pontificating and reflecting over the events of my life of the past year. I have been more concentrated on the last few months, as that is when much as happened. I got sick and had to be hospitalized. My mother spent a couple of months in the hospital. There has been much stress about how to help take care of her, and much stress concerning the failure of taking care of my own self and needs. I am learning balance is key. I am still trying to find that balance. And I am learning to not kick myself when I lose balance.

I rarely make goals. It's been years since I've said "In year such-a-such, I will do A, B, and C."

I made a few financial goals, the biggest one being pay off a second mortgage. I paid it off some 2 years early. It was some old balloon type craziness. I don't have to worry about that no more. GLORY. I met a few other financial goals.

My goals are always closer to being short term in nature. Little things. I make a list of about 10-20 things to do per day. So I have literally met THOUSANDS of small goals. And I think that is wonderful.

I think this year I had gotten a decent enough workout routine in the gym going, and that was a holdover goal from 2017. But I hurt my back, and I had to stop all that. That bothers me, as it was something I enjoyed. I have been on and off with the chiropractor. So I have ventured away from that. But that is about it. This has been a quiet year for the most part. I have been more concerned about working and keeping myself together. And I almost made it to the end of the year without much problems. Almost.

I am better now. Most importantly, I am thankful to see a new year. Perfectly healthy people began 2018, but did not live to see the year 2019. I am here to witness the dawn of a new year.

I have been more fascinated with and celebratory of the accomplishments of my friends. I have always rejoiced in the accomplishments of my friends. I not only have my own joy, but I have theirs, too.

One of my folks, S23, made a big move to another state, with a nice job. And she just closed on her house. What has fascinated me about this is that I remember when it was all just a thought in her mind. I remember when those goals of hers were written on a notecard. And it fascinated me to see those words jump off those notecards and manifest, in ways bigger than she could hope and pray for.

And I saw another one of my friends accomplish some mind blowing things: That doggone Tayari Jones' book American Marriage was selected by Oprah for her book club. Man, I was so happy, you would have thought it was MY book that had been selected. But, what has fascinated me about this is that I remember when it was all just a thought in her mind. I remember us talking on the phone all day, and she was telling me about how she'd overheard a convo at the mall. I didn't understand why she was all giddy about it.

My response was... "If you like it, I love it. Go head and write it, girl. You just remember to let me hold that first draft or whatever chapters you got."

I had to get to work on her EARLY. Get her mind right so she can send me a rough draft. The BEST thing in the world is sitting around minding my business, and an email from her saying, Here you go, Nettie, and there is an attachment. I have stopped working in the lab to go hide in a bathroom stall and read.

I see these types of things over and over again with my friends.

Just in these two examples, something pertinent was written above:

What has fascinated me about this is that I remember when it was all just a thought in her mind.

I am reminded, on this New Years Eve, that EVERYTHING begins with a seed. A seed looks like it isn't much, but it contains everything. It packs a punch.

No matter how old I get, that never gets away from me... Seeds. And a mere thought is a seed. Words spoken are seeds. Words (Goals) written on paper are seeds.

Seeds, seeds, seeds.

And that is what I go into this New Year thinking about: planting and tending to my seed. Whether I have a dump truck of seed, a handful of seed, or one seed in my hand. I need to plant that seed and do my best to tend to it.

And that is what I have always been thinking about. And I have understood it more by example in the past few years than ever.

And that's a good thing.

I hope you have had a great year, and that next year will be an even greater year.

I pray the seed, the thoughts in your mind, manifest in the best way ever!

The Day before the Last Day of the Year

Look at me...

I have gone a whole 3 months without posting.

3 MONTHS

THE SHAME.

On the real, too much has been going on. The past 3 months have been a complete whirlwind.

Life comes at you fast. FAST... doggonit.

I think I will post something tomorrow, just to end the year off. I have to think about what I want to post, though. So much can go on in so little time. I think my biggest issues here on blog is that I like a lot of pictures, and it is such a turnoff that I can't get them posted up fast like I like. It is a chore. But that is no excuse. This place has always given me a little piece of mind at times. And that needs to continue, even if it is only for me.

Right now, all is well. But around the first week of October, my mother had a couple of heart attacks and strokes. I had been trying to help my siblings with her, as she went through a quadruple bypass surgery and had many complications. She has diabetes and is in renal failure, so that is all A LOT for the body to have to deal with. She was in the hospital for a couple of months and has been in a rehab center for the past month or so. So going back and forth, trying to help her, has been the order of the day.

In the midst of all this, in early November, I was in the hospital for 5 or 6 days. I had a lupus flare up that sent me down a black hole. I just got SICK as dirt. I was severely dehydrated, and that is what kicked off whatever was going on with me. It took the rest of the month just to get myself back up to full speed. I am not sure I am back up to full speed yet. But I am getting there.

This is how I explain it anytime someone asks me how I am doing:

"You know how you phone is at 30%, and you plug it overnight to charge it up, and then when you wake up in the morning, and the charge is now only at 33%? That's how I feel."

That always elicits a good laugh. But it is my truth right now.

So I guess now I am somewhat back up to speed.

I wish I could have my 20-year-old self back.

That would be wonderful for the New Year.

It surely would.

Friday Freestyles: The Last Day of Summer Edition

Ah yes...

The summer has ended. This is the first day of fall.

Or is it? *LadyLee running and googling the beginning of fall*

Nope... Fall officially begins on September 22nd.

So I have today to celebrate the last day of Summer.

My favorite summer pictures of late have me already missing summer.

That's a picture of my friend Karla's husband and son, taking in what must have been a beautiful ocean on a just as beautiful day.

I myself took in some ocean waves out in San Diego. I rode out on one of those duck boats. I need to put up those pictures, because a sister will NOT be hanging out on a duck boat anytime soon. Nope.

But that picture just says "summer" to me.

Another picture that oozes summer to me is this one.

Isn't that lovely? And just how GREEN is that grass? That is some green grass.

And God bless the man who cuts that green grass. God bless him indeed.

Well I am happy because today is not only the last day of summer, but it's PAY DAY. GLORY!

I love Pay Day. If only for a moment, though. Because the very same day that I get paid, I pay a bunch of bills and alas, some 2/3rds of my money is gone.
Oh well. STILL thankful for payday.

Song of the Summer. This one is considered the official song of the summer. I don't care for mainstream current music, but I must agree that this is the song of the summer: "Boo'd Up" by Ella Mai. I don't think I even first heard it until August. But what I really like is the live version.



That song makes me feel like love, and cotton candy, and all things summer.

And that is an ESPECIALLY great live version of the song.

I like Ella Mai. The EP that this song appears on is FANTASTIC. It's only 6 or 7 songs long, but it is a semi-concept album, meaning all the songs are linked together to form a story of sorts. I LOVED-ED it that.

I just love good R&B music, which means that I like OLD SCHOOL music, because I just can't listen to much of today's "R&B". It has no substance and leaves me feeling rather blaaaaaah... And I love live music.

And that gives me an excuse to post up a live version of my other favorite song. "Poetic Justice" by Kendrick Lamar.



Man, listen... I could listen to those two live versions ALL day long. ALL DAY.

Quote of the Summer. This summer, I crunk my "Morning Pages" back up. Shout out to Big Mitch for helping with my morning pages!

 Dude gets a bit of ink on his ears. He doesn't mind.
If you've never heard of Morning Pages, they are early morning journal entries. The catch is that they are three pages of journaling, not just a thought or two. So when I write that much long hand, I am SERIOUSLY unpacking my mind. I'm getting all the junk and goo off of my mind, so I can start off a fresh as possible for the day. It's especially helpful when I'm a bit down or depressed or confused. I RARELY tell anyone what's going on me, because I simply think no one cares about that. And I am not saying it in a "woe is me" way, but I just don't bother anybody with any of my problems.

I just choose to write them out and figure it out on paper. This is spiritually helpful in that it shapes my prayer life up very well... Prayer is laser-sharp and focused, I must tell you. Wow.

When I write that much, a good bit of it is mundane. I write about my finances, what bills I need to pay and savings goals and the like. I will write about what I ate that day (did most of my diet consists of raw fruits, raw veggies and water?).


But, I find that there are times that I am writing out of my spirit. In other words, there are moments of Where did THAT come from???

So my quote of the summer is one that I wrote somewhere around page 180 (I number all of my pages. I may have over a thousand handwritten pages. Now that's a LOT of unpacking of the mind. LAWD).

I don't have the quote with me right here and write now, where I can quote it word for word. But it has been on my mind every single day.

"Today is the last day of my life thus far, and today is also the first day of the rest of my life. So I must take time to learn from the successes and failures of my past, enjoy the sweetness and beauty of the present day, and be sure to have hope and faith for the future."

Something like that. I think I must have expanded on it and unpacked it for a couple of days. Heck, I am STILL thinking about it. I figure if I keep chewing on it like one chews on a chicken bone, then I will get more and more out of it.

But it first came up because one day, people were getting on my nerves and trying to get me caught up in petty mess. Someone got out of pocket, and I had to go off on them. This happened a couple of times (and this is NOT good when it goes on at work. NO). And I was thinking... would I be fooling with you and your craziness if I this was the last day of my life? Yes, it sounds a bit morbid, but think about it. If you knew that this was the last 24 hours of your life, would you be concerned about important things or some foolishness? Hmm.

Likewise, today is the first day of the rest of my life. We've all heard that phrase before. That means to me that I should leave all the cares and worries of yesterday behind. Today signals the chance to get it right, to just be better and to do better. And I should always strive to be positive concerning my future. I, like everyone else, tend to worry about the unknown, and where I will be and what I will be doing in the future. I need to smear my thoughts of the unknowns of the future with hope and faith.

I like that thought that was scribbled and scratched out in the early morning hours of my day. Surely it's something that leaked out of my spirit. I am happy for that.

And I'm happy for my morning pages.
And I'm happy that these hot summer days are coming to an end.
And I'm happy for a great weekend.


And I will make it a great one... on purpose.

You do the same!

It's Frday!

It is FRIDAY!!

I haven't been posting. And that is okay.

But I just feel like posting a picture I like.

That's from my cousin Mya's 4th birthday party. She was trying to pose with Justin. Justin is a SERIOUS walker right now, and did not want to be still. I was trying so hard to get them to both look at me so I could get the best picture, but it didn't work out.

I am just glad to get a pic of them together.

But the best thing is... I can't wait to take a picture of the two of them some 20 years from now.

Something to think about... and also to look forward to.

Have a great weekend!

911... Never Forget

So... It has been 17 years since the terrorist attack on the World Trade Center.

17 years.

It does not feel that long ago. And like everyone, I can remember where I was when it all happened. I was in Denver at a training course for my current job. I'd only been on the job for 3 weeks. It was my first work trip.

I was married. I lived in a condo. And I'd only been in Atlanta for a month, after having moved back here, home, from a post-doc position in New Orleans.

I was writing in my journal about this even this morning. 17 years ago, I didn't know I would be sitting at my dining room table, writing in my journal on a cool and quiet Tuesday morning.

And I wondered on paper what the over 3000 people would have been doing today if they hadn't lost their lives in a terrorist attack.

Life can end in an instant. Today reminds me of that very fact. Yes, we can make plans, have dreams and make goals, but we don't know when our time will come. That is scary. But in the face of that, we must live our best lives today, right now. Continue to make goals, have dreams, and live our lives.

Today I spend time thinking about the tragedy. I am amazed, still, that we have not had an attack on that scale in the last 17 years. Amazed. And I hope we never have another one. That was a depressing time.

My thoughts and prayers, as always are with the family of the victims.  May the memory of them live on in our thoughts.