Word of the Week: "Breastfeeding" Part III

click here for Word of the WeeK: "Breastfeeding" Part II.

So, I was being FORCED into training 'Tom'.

I must admit that this depressed me. For the past 6 years, I've had very minimal contact with 'Tom'. And it was the type of contact where you hold the door open for someone... that type of contact. Let's just say, I don't talk with the dude AT ALL. And that's easy since he worked the weird hours.

I sat down with Tom and explained my method of training and what we would be doing. I'm not sure how he felt about that (correction: I didn't give a dayum how he felt about that) since he always has this pained expression on his face. I just wanted to get out that these are the rules, and this is the way I've done it for 6 YEARS. If the methods work, they work, and no need to change it up.

I am a good teacher. I create exercises, give out DETAILED instructions... everything. I will sit with you and teach you until you understand.

So I showed Tom "step one" of the process. When I show someone "Step one", then they stick on step one until I think he or she is ready to move on to step two, etc...

This fool here wanted to learn more.

"No," I said flatly.

"Okay," he said.

10 minutes later, he asks, "Ladylee could you show me how to do blah, blah, blah?"

I stare at him. "No."

"Okay," he said again. He nodded, his expression still pained.

This occurs 3 more times. That last time, I just walked off.

I went and talked to my boss.

"Look here, I got your boy started. Dude don't seem to understand the meaning of the word 'No', but I got him started."

She gave me a pained look, because she knew I was gearing up to talk MUCH trash. But I was calm. I went on about my business...

... and talked to some fellow coworkers about him, who have more experience with him.

"Man, this fool wanted me to show him how to do blah, blah, blah," I yelled. "I had to tell him 'no' five times."

All of the coworkers I talked to said basically the same thing.

"That's the way he do, Ladylee. He's real passive agressive. He thinks he can wear you down."
**crickets**

You. Have. Got. To. Be. Kidding. Me.

Really.

That was an interesting bit of information to have. Very interesting. Mind games. That ain't good. That ain't good at all.

So, the next day, when it came time for Tom to deal with the instrument, he did some things wrong. I am the type that works close with you. I told him to come get me when he was ready. Nope. Tom decided to do his own thing.

He didn't mess up anything serious. It's just that we have a pretty stringent data naming process. It has worked for all of us for 6 YEARS, so uh... why not stick with the process?? This guy did some intricate naming. Very intricate. Ugh.

I ran up on Tom. "Tom, go change the data names. It shouldn't take long, but you have to change it."

He wanted to debate me.

"Man, change the names like I said. I showed you what to do, do it."

He was still trying to debate.

I AGGRESSIVELY told him again what to do. He said he would. Then I walked off.

The next day, when I checked his stuff, he did not do it. I stormed into my boss Darth Sister's office and WENT OFF!

The gist of it was... "What's wrong with that dude? Is he retarded or something?"

There was a Loooong drawn out rant on my part. I can't STAND when people don't follow directions! Shoot man, you don't have to like me. At least respect your fellow coworkers. And his not following of directions was gonna throw everything off.

My boss paged him and he called her back. She told him the situation. Tom tried to act like he didn't know what she was talking about.

And what was a trip... when I talked with Tom, there was a witness standing there that heard the whole thing. Wow.

I REALLY got pissed then. I started yelling while she was on the phone with him. I ended up walking out.

What's worse, I was told to go correct Tom's work. I had to take time to go fix what he didn't feel like fixing. Hmmm. That is NOT good.

Somehow, the next day, I ended up talking to my boss' boss. I showed this woman my instructions, and told her that they need to talk to him or something. She looked at everything and basically came up with some excuses for Tom.

"So, you telling me that he don't have to follow instructions? So that means none of us have to follow instructions, right?"

"No, no, LadyLee, blah, blah, blah."

Pissed me off, once again, and I started getting loud.

"Okay, LadyLee, don't let this get all up in your head and all."

Not sure what that was suppose to mean.

I had an acting supervisor that day, since my boss was out. She was in the meeting, and uh, I think I scared her. Oh my!!

But, uh... the major point I wanted to get across to them.. and I KNOW they tired of hearing this!

"Ya'll a bunch of breastfeeders! And I ain't breastfeeding that dude!"

Thank goodness I didn't see Tom in the hall that day, because he would have gotten throttled.

It turns out now that I have to document everything when it comes to him now. It has to be on official paperwork and everything. That really bothers me, because we are all intelligent people, and it shouldn't take all that. We didn't even know that there WAS any official training paperwork to fill out. Why? Because none of us is stupid, and can follow intstructions.

But some people aren't all that intelligent. Some people are breastfed, and it looks as if they can do whatever they want to do.

I made a mini-threat the other day. I told my boss if Tom messes up again, he is banned from my equipment, and he needs to come talk to them, and someone needs to then come talk to me. They can write me up, whatever. Someone needs to come up in here and let me know the reason for all the special treatment or something.

Yeah, that is harsh. But management has railroaded me and thrown me under the bus WAAY too many times, and uh... let's just say... the Oldgirl won't be breastfeeding Tom. And I'm like this... you gotta catch the craziness at the root, at the beginning when it first starts. If I have to go head to head with Tom, then hey... bring it on. He WILL be following instructions, or he can go jump in the lake.

Now, it's been said that Tom files a lot of grievances and lawsuits. (I'm not sure why... it ain't like he work as hard as the rest of us). I HOPE that is the reason for the special treatment. And it look real suspect that he's not the same uh, "complexion" as the rest of us. Hmmm. I'm not sure. My boss seems to think he walks on water or something. I told her they need to just stick him back off in the cubby hole he's been in since I've been here.

My cubicle mate Cowgirl Cre and I make jokes about the breastfeeding issue. We close our jackets to protect our breast... We run up on each other saying "Here's a tissue, girl... wipe your mouth! You got a little breast milk on your mouth!"

I've been threatening to make sucking noises at Tom if I ever see him roaming around. That wouldn't be good. Dude might think I'm blowing kisses at him. LOL!!

But, there is nothing worse than brownnosers or breastfed people.Nothing.

I know you know some breastfed people.

I hope you are not one.

Word of the Week: "Breastfeeding" Part II

Click here for previous post "Word of the Week Breastfeeding Part I."

Like I said, the word of the week is "breastfeeding."

And it doesn't have much to do with the previous post.

Well, come to think of it, it has everything to do with it.

I told my boss, The Darth Sista T, that I was going to do a blog post on her and her breastfeeding isshas.

She peered at me curiously for a moment and then it registered with her.

She rolled her eyes so hard that I thought they would roll out her head. There was a HARD sigh of exasperation. She squinted at me, and waved her fingers in my direction.

"Drama, LadyLee... drama, drama, drama!" she whispered.

I gave her the Celie crooked two fanger point while slowly backing out of he office.

I've been trying to come up with a way to describe "breastfeeding".

Let me first give MY definition of a term we are all familiar with: Brownnosing.

Brownnosing (I have no idea how to spell it, especially since I am NOT one), is when an employee kisses up to an employer for whatever reason (favoritism, promotion, etc., etc.). To me, it goes a bit deeper than that. One kisses a$$ when they know they HAVE to do it, because they are sorry as hell, lazy, or their own abilities are lacking so they GOTTA do something to stand out. And it can go as deep as having a self esteem issha.

I have no respect for brown nosers. I have pure and utter disdain for them. You'd do good to stay away from me if you are one.

Let's just say "Breastfeeding" is the direct opposite, i.e...

...When a boss brownnoses an employee.

Got that?

My best friend LadyTee says "Girl, that happens all the time."

I guess it does. But I just don't notice it much, I suppose.

Is that actually possible? For a boss to do EVERYTHING to make an employee comfortable and happy, almost to the point where the boss appears to be delusional? Even to the detriment of the group itself?

A little story for you... and you know how longwinded I can get. LOL!!

I am a chemist and I work in a lab. We have this dude (We'll call him "Tom") on our team at work who pretty much gets to do his own thing. I mean, I've been here on my job for 6 years, and I'm still not totally clear on what his purpose is. He works weird vampire like hours, and I think he does research. Sometimes we never see him. (When people ask "Where's Tom?" we all burst into a uncontrollable FIT of laughter.)

This dude even likes to go on the side of the building and smoke. We pontificate about what he is smoking. Who knows? If I, the Oldgirl, was sneaking off on the side of the building smoking, I would probably be face down on the ground in handcuffs. Hmm. That don't have much to do with this post. Just thought that I would throw that in there.

I'm like this: I don't really care what you do. As long as you stay out of my way, and it doesn't interfere with my paycheck? Handle your business. Get over as much as you can.

But I have noticed for YEARS, that dude is exempt from group meetings, and just doesn't have the same requirements as the rest of the team. Now, if I'm one second late to a group meeting, my boss is paging me. But I was telling someone years ago, I didn't understand why I gotta go to group meetings, and this dude does not.

I've been known to yell "Yeah, I'll get there when 'Tom' gets there."

Well, lately he has been required to come to meetings. And we all peer at him curiously, because he has been exempt from everything. Hmmm...

I remember a couple of years ago (and we still joke about this), he was whining hard about the way people dealt with labels and wanted it done a different way. He wanted them placed on tubes a certain way, so he could remove them the way he liked.

My thoughts later, when discussing with various colleagues, were "Ya'll crazy as hell if ya'll do things the way he wants. I would make it even harder for him!!"

Well, we've been shorthanded in the lab. And my boss threw dude in the mix. YIKES.

I walked in the lab one day, and almost stumbled when I saw him. It is a bizarre enough sight to see dude in the lab working. I have never seen this dude do regular lab work. And on top of that, there are NOTORIOUS stories of him destroying equipment. Ugh.

Like I said, as long as you stay out of my way? Do YOUR thang.

Anyway, the "stay out of LadyLee's way" mantra only lasted for so long.

My boss called me into her office one day.

"LadyLee, I need you to train 'Tom' on the instruments."

**crickets**

It took a minute to register with me... But the hard frown set in after a moment.

"Okay, don't trip LadyLee!"

"Man, I don't want to fool with that dude! Darth Sista, you always breasfeeding him!"

**Boss Darth Sista T kicks the extra hard eyeroll.**

She hates when I say that!! But shoot, it's the truth.

So after much of my yelling, talking of MUCH trash, and scratching of walls (I would've flipped a desk over if I thought I could get away with it) etc...

I was FORCED into training 'Tom'...

To be continued...

Word of the week: "Breastfeeding"

I had my boss in tears the other day over some of my breastfeeding stories.

No, I don't have a child, and never had the "breastfeeding" experiences.

But my mother breastfed both my brother and sister. I'm old enough to remember helping her sterilize the bottles on the stovetop. I also watched her do the breast pump thing, so that her babies would have milk when they were at the sitter and she was at work. It always amazed me that whatever Ma ate, that was what the milk would look like. So if she got down on some collard greens the night before, then the breast milk would have a green tinge to it.

Funny- she ate a bunch of prunes one day, and the milk was a bit dark, almost like someone had spooned a little Nestle Quick over in it.

And let's just say my sister Kentucky had a bit of diarrhea over the next couple of days!

Mama frowning up. "Oh Lord, what's wrong with the baby? She sure is running off today."
**Lee standing to the side next to Mama, frowning up as Mama changed the diaper for the umpteenth time.**
Mama face twists in shock. "Oh no Lee, I ate those prunes yesterday!"

LOL!! At least Kentucky's little system was squeaky clean!!

But there are two interesting incidents I will never forget...

Every Sunday morning, my Mama would cook a huge breakfast: grits, eggs, sausage, pancakes, bacon, biscuits, and the like. I just LOVED Sunday morning breakfasts, especially after fooling with cereal most of the week.

Anyway, one morning the biscuits were particularly good. I myself preferred toast with breakfast, but I remember my stepfather saying "Lisa, these biscuits know they good!"

So I tried one.

As a matter of fact, I think I had two.

I remember later that day, running up on my Mama...

"Mommy, those were some good biscuits!"
"Glad ya'll liked them," she said. "I didn't have any milk, and I wasn't gonna make biscuits. "
"I'm glad you did," I said.
"Yeah, I used breast milk for the biscuits."

**silence**

I don't even remember what I said. I just stared at her. I wasn't even in the kitchen when she made breakfast that morning. I only remember her rolling out the biscuit dough and cutting them with the biscuit cutter, but I didn't see her mix up that ish.

I stood there staring at her, hoping she would laugh, say she was joking, something... but she didn't. She went back to watching television. My stepfather and I just looked at each other...

It was a LONG time before I ate any of my Mama's biscuits again. A very long time.

Believe that.

And let's just say we made sure that there was store bought milk in the house from then on.

I must've thought about that for the next 20 years or so everytime I ate one of her biscuits.

Another time... There was a time when I thought we had a leaky roof. I would be sitting on the floor, playing with my poodle chihuahua mixed dog, and I would feel liquid hit my ear, to the point where I would swipe at my ear with my hand. I remember staring up at the ceiling. There were no wet marks on the ceiling. I also noticed that the dog would slowly creep out of the room during this time. I think this went on for weeks. I was 11 or 12 years old at the time.

Then one day, I was sitting on the floor of my Mama's bedroom, playing with the dog, and happen to look over at my Mama.

Oldgirl was squirting breastmilk across the room at me FROM HER BREAST. She caught me straight in the face that time.

There was no leak in the ceiling. She was messing with me. She fell out laughing when I feverishly wiped at my face with my hands.

Now, I was no more than six feet from her...

Who woulda known that breast milk could be squirted that far away...

Man... that right there is running right up against abuse!

But like I said: "Breastfeeding" is the word of the week.

And it really doesn't have anything to do with this post.


Stay tuned for part II, tomorrow.