The Older They Get...

**dedicated to Ladybug and Serenity23... I tell you both, enjoy the little cute things your young sons are doing now, because the older they get... let's just say, that stuff they do ain't all that cute... Read on...

Well, I think my brother has moved in with me... We haven't discussed it much. I told him that whenever he feels like he can leave Ma's house without too much backlash, or without fear of being dogged out, then come on over...

All I gotta say, I forgot how different it is to have a boy around the house... Geez.

He seems to be really fond of the Laundry room, mainly because I have a laundry sink in there. Now we didn't grow up with laundry sinks, but I have found good uses for it...

...like perming my hair.

...like cleaning out the mop after I finish mopping the kitchen.

Stuff like that.

Now my brother, Kari a.k.a. Milk and Cookies, has found other uses...

He shuffled into the house the other day loaded down with a lot of military looking stuff... guns, flak jackets, big black helmets, gas canisters. I thought we were in for World War III...

Turns out he'd been out in some field somewhere playing paintball all day.

He spent a good hour in the laundry room cleaning up all of his gear in the laundry sink. (He spread everything out to dry on one of my GOOD towels! I was quite vocal in announcing my disdain for such actions...)

But I came home last night greeted by his big smile.

"Lee, I got a present for you!!!"

I sat my bag in a chair by the dining room table. "Well, that's nice, Kari."

"It's in the laundry room. Go have a look!" he yelled.

I found him to be a bit too enthusiastic. I threw my keys on the kitchen counter and walked into the laundry room.

I jumped.

Not sky high, but I jumped. Enough for my brother to know that I was spooked.

He laughed at me so hard. I didn't see a doggone thang funny at all.

In my laundry sink, I saw this:

I jumped because I thought it was a doggone snake.

Then I thought it was a catfish. Then I saw that fin on it's back.

"D, what is that?"



"It's a shark, Lisa!!"

I looked at him. He was looking at me like I was suppose to be jumping for joy or something.

You've got to be kidding me...

"You said you liked shark, Lee!" he hollered.

Okay. He was trippin'. I had a taste of shark when I went to my high school senior prom 20 years ago. I tasted a little of my date's shark dinner, and it tasted alright. And now, he assumed that I liked shark. Geez.

"Um, Negro, where you get that thang from?" I calmly asked.

"My boss went deep sea fishing and caught it." he yelled. "Shawty, they brought back a bunch of them."

You've got to be kidding me.

"Well, boy, are you going to clean it?"

He gave me that look. That look that says that he didn't feel like cleaning it, and maybe I would clean it instead.

"Negro, I KNOW you don't think I'm gonna clean it. Man, you betta go head on somewhere with that."

"Nawl, well," he said slowly. "We'll just freeze it, and clean it later."

"Yeah, well you wrap it in Cling wrap, heavy duty foil, then throw it in a garbage bag, you hear me?"

He quietly followed my directions.

"Oh, and uh... thanks man for the gift. That was really nice of you."

Humph. I miss the days when he would run up to me smiling, saying "Look Lee, I found a worm!"

So Serenity and LB, enjoy the times when they are 4 or 5 years old. That little stuff they do... like picking up bugs and worms, that lil' boy stuff they do, it's real cute...

But the older they get?

Watch out now! No telling WHAT they will bring home!!

Relating to LadyTee's Relatives

LadyTee, my best friend, is like a sister to me, and I deal with her relatives from time to time...

First of all, I am crazy about her mother. She has been one person that I could go to and get advice from or just to talk, without fear of backlash or it being used against me (a constant issha with my own mother). She always tells it like it is. So that's always been helpful. For some reason, she has always called me "Lisa-Anne". Not sure why, but she likes that nickname something terrible, and has been calling me that for years. She calls my brother "Dock-tari" and he has known since he was little to not correct her on it, just to answer to that name...

The funniest thing she has ever said to me... back in the early 80's/late 90's my Mama was mad at LadyTee and I was forbidden to associate with her. (We had gotten in trouble together. LadyTee is still leary of her, even some 20 years later.) I had a car and I would go over to her house and hang out anyway. They lived on 5 acres of land, and I would park my car out front in the long driveway...

LadyTee's Mama would throw open the front screen door and yell at me...

"Lisa-Anne, get your a** back in that car and park it around back. I don't want your mama driving past here and seeing your car. I hate for her to come up to this here door. I'd hate to have to throw some hot piss on her!!!"

*Ladylee walking backwards to the car,getting in, and parking out in the backyard somewhere behind some trees.*

Yeah, LadyTee's Mama is a bit... crazy like that. Just like her daughter: quick to threaten you, and quick to talk a bunch of ish! Haven't seen her throw hot piss on anyone, but I wouldn't put it pass her!

Now, I've never been formal with LadyTee's Ma... She calls me "Lisa-Anne", and I call her "Bobbie-Jean"...

...and LadyTee's sixteen-year-old son Dedric cracks up everytime I call her that...
Like it's the first time he has heard me calling her "Bobbie Jean." It annoys me when he falls out laughing about it.

He is a strange dude...

Every since he was around 1 or 2 years old, the boy would stand at the window, and yell...

"My friend, it's my friend, LadyLee coming to see me! My friend!"

This use to piss his mama off something terrible. "That ain't your friend, boy, that's my friend!"

Poor boy use to look so confused.

But these days, he likes to call me up for whatever reason... talking to me like I'm his best buddy...

And I had a strange convo with Dedric the other day...

It was a Saturday, and I was in the middle of a serious nap. (This is strange, since I rarely take naps.) I mean I was sleeping HARD! Wrapped up in my Ralph Lauren Down Comforter, head sunk deep in my down pillows, getting that GOOD sleep, straight up knocked out, snoring down!
My phone rang. I thought it was a part of my dreams. That's how hard I was snoozing.

It kept ringing. I finally got up and found the phone. It was on the kitchen counter. LadyTee's cellphone number was in the caller ID.

I sat on the barstool at the island in my kitchen.

"Sup, girl?" (I never say the customary hello to her.)

"Uh, this ain't your girl. This Dedric," her son announced in his deep baritone voice, something that I have still not gotten use to.

Now I was mad. Dude had woke me up. He was my Playstation NBA 2K5 playing partner of late, and I knew he was calling to set up some type of tournament with me. He was a video game guru, and basketball was the only game I could whoop him good in. We have been highly competitive as of late, and he is always adamant about me coming back over to his house after he'd had a chance to think about his strategies and practice his game... especially if I whooped him good in a few games in prior head-to-head play.



Anyway, I wasn't in the mood for that. I wanted to go back to bed.

"What chu want, man?" I yelled a bit too loud.

"Lee, you ever seen the Thriller Video?"

I sat there silently. Yes I'd seen the thriller video. I stopped counting at 34 times, but I'd seen it many more times than that. LadyTee and I use to stand in front of the television whenever it came on and kick out all the dance moves with ease.

"Yeah, I've seen it."

He hesitated for a moment. "I got a question for you."

"Yeah, Dedric," I exhaled as I tried to rub the sleep out of my eyes...

"Was that Nia Long who played the female part in that video?"

"Hunh?" I asked, not sure I had heard him right.

"Was that Nia Long in the video?"

I sat there, half pissed because I'd been awaken out of some GOOD sleep, and half-pissed that I'd been asked one of the most STUPIDEST question ever.

I remained calm. "Dedric, that video came out in the year 1984, I think. That's 22 years ago. That wasn't Nia Long, man. That was Ola Ray."

Then he said something that almost threw me into a complete rage.

"Are you sure, Lee? Because I think it is Nia Long."

I bit my lip to keep from cussing up a storm.

"Dedric," I said calmly. "Where is your mama at?"

"She right here."

I heard LadyTee mumbling in the background. I knew she was just as irate as I was.

"Dedric, since the video came out in 1984, that means that Nia Long couldn't have been no older than 10 years old. She was still a child."

"But Lee," Dedric countered. "I think that was Nia Long. If you look at the video-"

I didn't hear another word he said. I hung up in his face and threw the cordless back on the counter. I went and laid back down to try to go back to sleep.

But I couldn't.

Damn.

I talked to LadyTee later that day. I went off on her about her son calling me up with some nonsense like that.

She was just as angry as I was. "Lee, that boy tried to argue me down. I told him,'Call Lee, she know! Call her up!!' ".

You gotta understand. Me and LadyTee LOVE old 80's music. Don't come against us when it comes to 80's music info. That is a definite no-no.

"I swear, Lee," she continued. These young n*****, you can't tell them nothing!! They got all this internet, and they can get all their info at the touch of button, and our a**** had to go to the library and flip through a f***** card catalog, read a bunch a books and STILL couldn't get all the info we needed. These young folk... I swear."

You gotta excuse LadyTee... she opens up her Book of Cuss when she get mad.

"Yeah, man," I agreed. "You just make sure your son don't call me with some old b.s. like that no more, you hear me?"

"Whatever, broad!" she yelled.

We went on to talk about something else...

Dedric called me again.

"Lee."

"What, man?"


"When you coming back over? I'm ready now. I've been practicing. I am ready to beat you down in basketball."

Now THOSE are the kind of questions I like.

Now that's more like it!

'Que it up! 'Que it up! Paint it Up, Now!

Dedicated to Sharon, Ms. Just Write Now, since I missed the party of the year at her house...

*LadyLee still wailing and crying because she couldn't go*

This Memorial day weekend, I did the darn thing... I pulled the grill out of the garage and into the driveway (I don't have a deck, ya'll), and I did a little grilling.

Now I know you all know about this...




I have taken to grilling some andouille sausage (can't shake old New Orleans habits) and italian sausage. I rarely throw ribs on the grill, but I figure I can freeze some of it and eat it on fourth of July.

But for some reason in the past couple of years, I have been grilling a lot of shrimp. (And if I find a good shrimp sale? Watch out now!!)



Now those shrimp were marinated in a chipotle pepper marinade, and they came out very nice and spicy.

But I got the bright idea to make up a thick basil marinade for some "green" shrimp. Yeah, they were good, but um... I need to work on that marinade a little bit more, maybe sweeten it up a little. They didn't have much of a kick or distinctive taste, but they looked pretty good!



But I bet ya'll don't know about THIS~



Barbequed crab legs, baby!!

Nope, I didn't cook all this food for myself. I packed the majority up and took it over to my Auntie J's house. I also snapped some green beans the night before and cooked those up with some small red potatoes very early on Memorial Day morning (gotta have my veggies, mayne!).

So needless to say, we had a good time. My relatives especially loved the 'qued up seafood.

I talked with my Auntie for awhile. She is an artist, a real artsy type, occasionally doing a little oil painting and drawing. She brought out a nice oil painting of a flower that she did in only a day.



She has been itching to do a nice oil painting to go over my fireplace, and has been talking about various ideas. I, of course, am of no help in this process...

"Auntie, you can paint the Tide detergent box Logo or the Arm and Hammer logo if you want! I will still hang it on the wall!"

This makes her cringe... She, like my sister, is such a Diva...

But that is the gist of my Memorial Day. I didn't go to work the next day because of a hellacious sore throat (probably aggravated by all that barbeque smoke. Ugggh!), so that was a downside.

But just thought you may have wanted to see what I got into... Enjoy!

Missing Granddaddy...

Every Memorial Day and Veterans day, I take time to remember my grandfather.

He served in World War II and the Korean War.

He died a few years ago, and when I go to see grandma, I still expect him to walk around the corner, and yell...

"Hey Sweet!"

I remember thinking one time when he did that, if no one else cares about me, or if no one else is happy to see me, Grandaddy is!!

So in light of that, I wanted to share a couple of my favorite Grandaddy stories. (Don't fret, Chele, these are short!)

The King of the Pogo Stick. I lived with my grandparents during most of 1977 and the latter part of 1976. I was only 6 years old at the time. In 1976, I received a Kick-and-go and a pogo stick for Christmas.

That was a scant Christmas, and those were the only 2 big gifts I received. Now I was elated about the Kick-and-Go, but I remember not knowing what to do with the doggone pogo stick.

Well I took the pogo stick outside and tried my best to handle it. Grandaddy happen to be out there too, adding oil to his car, something like that. But he saw me in the middle of the street fighting with the pogo stick. I remember looking over at him as he leaned against the car puffing on a cigarette.

I guess he got tired of watching me, because he threw the cigarette down, stepped on it, and walked towards me.

"Give me that pogo stick, Lee!"

He took it from me.

"Let me show you how to do this, Lee!"

Grandaddy proceeded to jump on the pogo stick and spring up and down the street in front of his house without missing a beat. I remember being in complete shock because it happen so quickly.

I was in awe of him for a few days afterward. How could someone that OLD (he was around 46 or 47 at the time) jump around on a pogo stick like THAT?

Now when my grandaddy did that? I just knew he could do anything under the sun!

The shark's gonna get you! Grandaddy had a motor powered boat that he use to take to Florida once a year and spend a week fishing. He would come back with coolers of fish and everyone would come over and get fish once he returned home.

Well one year, my mother and I went with him on this fishing trip. I remember being excited about the trip. We stayed in a hotel and everything. (Didn't take much to excite me).

Now I think I was around 6 at the time. And I think it was before I went to live with them.

We went out onto a lake in Grandaddy's boat.

Out near the middle of the lake, the boat stalled. Grandaddy pulled out an oar and paddled us back towards the edge.

When we got close to the edge of the lake, he did something that completely unnerved me: He jumped into the water and started pushing the boat to the side of the lake.

I could only think of one thing:



I started screaming.

I started screaming and crying so loud and hard that people were turning and looking at us.

"Grandaddy, get out of the water! Get out of the water!"

"The shark is going to get you!"

"Jaws is going to get you!!!!!!!!!!!"

I remember my mother doing her best to hold on to me, trying to keep me from getting to Grandaddy. I guess I was gonna try to rescue him or something. I really don't know. I just know that he needed to get out of the water.

Remember... we were in a lake. Never crossed my mind that a big shark would not be hanging out in a lake.

Humph.

Granddady told my mother to take me back to the hotel and don't come back.

Now Grandaddy had 7 granddaughters and 1 grandson. This is the reason why I, the oldest granddaughter was the only girl to go fishing with him. None of the other girls were ever taken. My brother had gone fishing with him numerous times since the age of 3

LOL!

I do truly miss my Granddady. And if I could go back in time to watch him conquer the mighty pogo stick or go fishing with him, I surely would jump at the chance!

Hence the Fence

My brother has moved in with me, I think... He says he is doing a test run.

"Just for a week, Lee, to see how it is."

Whatever that means.

Then he proceeds to go to his car and unload everything he owns from his trunk. I didn't say anything, just watched him go back and forth to his car. He even went and did his own grocery shopping (a bunch of junk food. I was horrified.) I'd been grilling burgers and hot dogs that day, so after all that hauling of luggage up to his bedroom, the little boy was quite famished.

He walked into the kitchen.

I stopped what I was doing, and looked at him real close.

"Boy what's up with your face?"

He broke out into a huge smile. "I'm growing a mustache, Shawty!"



I shook my head. "Boy, stop!"

I told LadyTee about this. We had a good LONG laugh.

"Tell that little boy he still the baby!!"

He sure is. I don't care how old he gets or how much facial hair he grows: He's still the baby!

Kay and Kari, circa 1987:



Anyway, I've been doing home improvements.

Well, not really. More like watching the home improvements get done.

My neighbors on the left, Paul and Stan, came up with this brilliant idea: they wanted to build a fence along the backside of our properties and my neighbors to the right property. Seems like some of the locals (crackheads, prostitutes, vagrants, etc.) like to use our yards as a cutthrough to the next block over. This isn't good, since Paul and Stan have a beautiful glass back door and a wonderful breakfast nook with incredible windows. My neighbors to the right, the gay frat boys, have similar house features.

I don't even have a back door leading outside. My back door leads down into the garage. And let's just say, you better break out some ladders if you are going to break in on me. And all my windows are alarmed up, so whatever.

Now I know the gay frat boys' back door has been kicked in by the locals in the past.

And I have heard through a couple of locals that a similar scouting expedition has been carried out on Paul and Stan's house. (I didn't tell them that... and by the way, THIS is why it is good to befriend some of the locals! They share valuable information concerning "Welcoming people to the ghetto", i.e., robbing folks houses.)

Hence the fence.

Well, Stan is a jack of all trades: he will go read everything in the world about a little project and just get to working on it. He and the gay frat boys would be out back discussing the fence project and call me over when they see Hen-Dog, my chaffeur, drop me off after work.

"Ladylee, this is what we're going to do. We've made our measurements and we think we can do this fence."

I'm standing there just looking at him as he points and analyzes. To me, he's sounding a bit like the grownups on the Charlie Brown Peanuts show...

"Wah, Wah, Waaah, Wah, Waaaaah".

I can hardly take all the fence talk. I'm quick to cut the convo short, because I want to go in the house.

"Dude! I have no idea what you're talking about! Look! Just tell me how much money you need from me, and I will write you a check."

"Well, LadyLee, we just need for you to clean out all of the brush out behind the black tarp of your property line. We are going to run the fence through there."

I looked over at the small forest in my back yard.

"Who? You need for ME to clean all of that out?"

"Yeah, LadyLee! It won't take long! We're renting tools from the tool bank, and we can all just clean our yards in preparation for the fence.

Well, the conversation went on like this for a couple of weeks. My final answers were a hodge podge of the following...

"Look, man, I am a girl!"

"Look, I ain't getting out here cleaning nothing! I'm a girl!"

"Do you realize what will happen if I see a snake? I will pass out! I'm a girl!!"

"Do you really think I'm gonna get out here and get over into all that and clean it out? I'm a girl!"

"Man, I'm a girl!"

Yes, Ladylee is the ultimate tomboy... but I don't like snakes, rodents, and insects. No way. I turn into a straight up diva, damsel in distress when I see such craziness.

Basically, if they thought that I was gonna help them, they were crazy. As far as I was concerned they could go sit on a tack.

So I told them something that I KNEW would make them happy.

"I'ma go call my brother. He'll help ya'll!"

"Alright LadyLee!"

I called up Milk and Cookies. He was happy to help. Afterall, he does what I tell him to do. And that's a good thing.

I even got up and fried him up some chicken and baked biscuits for him early on the Saturday morning of the cleanup. Had plenty of drinks and water ready for him, too.

I didn't mind doing it... As long as I didn't have to do any yard work.

My bro came over early, and went out and got started with Paul and Stan. He came back in after three hours, all smiles.

"Lee, we're going to Home Depot and getting a chainsaw, and price a few things!"

He was giggling a bit too hard for me. He grabbed a papertowel and another fried breast quarter and biscuit.

"Lee did you know that there's a bunch of gay black dudes that live next door. I mean a whole lot of them!"

"Uh, yeah."

"That is funny! Never expected to see that!"

He left the house laughing. He jumpled in Stan's SUV and went shopping.

Later on in the afternoon, he came back in for a break.

"Lee, you know them brothas saw a snake and ran like crazy?"

"Shoot, man I don't blame them! You see I'm right in this house!"

"I just don't understand. I stomped the snakes and killed them with the shovel. I can't believe they ran!"

"Dude, they girls just like me!"

"Whatever, Shawty. We needed their help, and now they are gone. Dog."

Milk and Cookies was a bit disappointed.

Well my brother did an excellent job helping out. I walked outside at one time, and saw that he had scaled a tree and was cutting branches with the chainsaw.

*LadyLee frowning hard with a look that says "Get your behind out of that tree right now!!*

Now, I wasn't happy about that at all, but I quietly retreated back to the safety of my house.

The fence is nice, and the cleanup even added 10 feet to the backyard. The huge tangle of trees, vines, and weeds was located where all that soil is now. I don't know how they dug up that small forest, and I don't care. All I know is that they did a great job.

Later that week, I went over to Phil and Stan's house to give them my share of the costs for the job.

I tore a completed check from my checkbook. "Kari sure liked working with ya'll. I think he learned a lot, and I hope he behaved himself."

Both Phil and Stan said something that left me shaken.

"Yeah, he sure is handsome!"

*Crickets*

*Huuuuge multitudes of crickets*

Whoa.

Glory.

I tell you. You had to be there to see and understand the look that was on my face for a split second.

Shock and awe! I was screaming inside.

What the heck was I suppose to say to THAT!?

But I composed myself very quickly. "Yeah, uh, he is a handsome guy."

"LadyLee, he came over to talk to us in the backyard after his military drills the other day, and he was so handsome in that army uniform."

Damn. What do you say to all THAT??

"Unh-hunh. Listen ya'll, here's your check, and I gotta get on back home."

"Alright, LadyLee!"

I told my brother about this and we had a good laugh.

"Lee, the frat boys invited me to a baseball game, so I will be going."

I looked at him with a raised eyebrow. "Dude just take care of yourself, because I can't rescue you!"

"Yeah, I'm going. And I will be sitting there with one of my girls. They look at me, they'll be looking straight at a woman too."

Well alrighty then, Milk and Cookies.

Just be ready for more home improvements at any time.

And by the way, Cowgirl Cre said that she'd be glad to loan you an eyebrow pencil if you want to fill in that mustache!!!