Curse of the Purse, Part II

Click here for Curse of the Purse, PART I

You know...

The sound of crickets is a truly amazing sound, so serene, so peaceful...

. . .especially in the midst of. . .

*silence*

And that's what I heard, when Mike said... "I want to buy that purse for you."



I had to sit up and turn on the light. Just to make sure I was awake. I knew I was awake when my cat Oscar-Tyrone jumped on the bed and did a few stretches.

"Lee, you still there?"
"Uh... yeah."
"Like I said, I want to buy that purse. You seem to like it a lot, and you know, you don't like stuff like that. I thought it would be a good Christmas gift, but I didn't want to buy it, and you already thinking about going out and getting it."

He just kept talking. And talking and talking and talking. It all ran together. He even sounded sincere.

By that time, I had gotten up and turned on some more lights. I made my way to the kitchen.

"Well... I see you all sleepy, and I will let you go. I just saw you get excited about a bag of all things. Just think about it, and let me know. Sleep tight."
"Uh, uh, alright."

Click.

Now, I'm tripping. I was a deer in the headlights after that... Let's just say it took me a good hour to get back to sleep.

I guess you say... "Gee, how nice of him!"

I was saying... "Gee, how can I get this purse, shake Mike's hand, then say "Thank you", and keep it moving?"

'Cause, you know how the "gift-giving" thing goes...

Don't ACT like you don't know the deal.

Now, let me think here. I've been around the block a few times. Heck, I've been around the neighborhood, LOL. I've been in, let's see... six relationships in my lifetime, done did some cheating here and there, been in a couple of fights

I was even married for awhile. Been through a divorce, too.

An Oldgirl has been around the block. An Oldgirl knows the game.

I'm like this: I can talk to a dude for a few minutes and make a decision about some things on the spot. Made them decisions about good Ol' Mike. And that's where that stands. And no buying of material items will change my mind.

And, uh, if it takes buying something to get a chick's attention... I don't know, something's wrong with someone liking someone just because they bought something.

Just how long will that relationship last?

And what is the payback for such?

Maybe I'm just tripping...

So, I decided to talk to some of my fellow chemists at work.

You know, some of the bruthas. Just to see what they thought.

The question was: If you buy a woman a 500 dollar purse, do you expect anything from her?

The answers were:

"Yes, oooooh, oooh, OOH... a little sumthin' sumthin' I suppose. Oh yeah!" That was from my boy By. He cupped his hand to his mouth and his eyes got VERY big. He is one of the more conservative brothers... wasn't expecting that from him!

"Oh hell yes. See, LadyLee, if I was a baller? Oh no, 500 dollars means nothing. But making the money we make? Oh, I definitely expect something. Most definitely." That was from my boy B, over in the other building. And I knew he was serious, because he gave me that none blinking stare, and the slightly furrowed eyebrows.

One of the more crazy brothers ran up on us in the lab, and I am always interested in what he has to say. When asked the question, he frowned hard, like I'd just stolen his money. "ABSOLUTELY, girl!" he yelled, then went on to explain.

Gee, I think he said "absolutely" a gazillion times in his answer.

Then there was Hen-Dog.

And I already know his answer... but we need a proper number of dudes for the blog survey.

"If I bought a chick a 500 purse?" he asked, trying to make sure he heard the question right.

Me and my coworker T peered at him curiously. I was standing there, with the purse close to my bosom, doing my ritualistic rubbing, my eyes glazing over hard. "Yeah, man."

"You gotta give it up... 'cuz I know you got it on you," he said with a big smile. "You got it on you, so you gotta give it up. I KNOW you got in on you, girl."

I thought he was gonna jump up and run around and do backflips. He had that excited look in his eye, and all 32 of his teeth were showing.

*Ladylee kicks the hard eyeroll and goes back to desk*

Just what I thought. Let's me know that I ain't stupid, and I ain't imagining things.

No purse for the Oldgirl... and other things bother me about this.

I don't work off "agendas". I am CONSTANTLY checking my motives. Constantly. Let's just say, I don't use people, I don't try to get over on people, I don't run scams... none of that. Things have a way of coming back on you like a mutha. When you deal with me, you dealing with true-blue.

And I'm learning these days that in all actuality, that makes me a bad person, a mean person, a pessimist, a hard ass, EXTREMELY "unlikable"...

I say to that... WHATEVER.

But still...

I have tried to wrap my mind around how to get hold of that purse for FREE without having to pay for it later... without consequences.

I am thinking of the past, too.

Now, Eli, a boyfriend of mine, bought me a Louis Vuitton drawstring purse just like the one pictured here, back in 1989. I LOVED THAT PURSE. It was a bootleg, of course, bought for 95 dollars down at an Asian store in College Park somewhere. I think we were in the store, and I said I liked it, and lo and behold, he suprised me with it.

I can still see the smile on Eli's face, the twinkle in his eye, after he snatched it out of a Kroger plastic bag and yelled

"Suprise!! Look what I got you!"

Let's just say, the Oldgirl was happy for many days after that! And so was Eli. LOL!!

But that was my boyfriend, and had been for 2 years.

'Scuse my language...but, We was in LOOOOOOVVVVVVVE!

I didn't throw that purse away until some 16 years later, when I moved into my new house. That's how much I liked that purse. Hadn't carried it in years, but it meant something to me. It was the first "expensive" gift a man had ever given me.

At the same time, back in 1995, I borrowed 65 bucks from a boyfriend to cover some bounced checks (shut up... I was a struggling grad student). I had to hear about the damn 65 bucks for months! Everytime we argued, it always came up. "Baby, I gave you 65 dollars back in '95, and I needed that money, but I love you and I gave you my last, blah, blah, BLAAAAAH!"

DANG!!

This is the reason, to this day, I DO NOT borrow money from people.. I would rather drown than ask people for money.

Yes, the Oldgirl is jaded.

Brang it on back to the present time.

*Lee running back from the stroll down memory lane*

I am NOT allowing some dude who ain't my man to buy me ANYTHING. I'm not allowing some man who WANTS to be my man to buy me JACK.

Yo, if I'm gonna pimp myself out? Dude... you need to hand over about 6 mortgage payments.

Yeah. Everybody has there price. What's yours? (Don't answer that, Southern Gal).

We are all smart people here. A purse like that wonderful Carly don't come without tightly attached strings. REAL tight strings.

And I am too old for that ish...

Really though.

I make enough money to buy my own purse.

But I was a bit concerned with myself, to the point where I had to check myself, for trying to figure out how to get that purse and disappear. Granted, I thought about this for only a day or so, but still...

That ain't me.

And besides... Ol' Mean Ass Cynthia, my coworker, just supplied the most wonderful quote:

"You don't need to carry a purse that cost more than the money you got to put in it."

Well, I don't know about all THAT. She was standing over me in my cubicle, kicking the HARD scowl. And it sounds good, nevertheless.

But I keep hearing voices...

"Get that purse, Lee!"

"That's a bad purse, girl!"

"You deserve that purse. Do something nice for yourself!"

Voices haunting me... I can't get away from them! Ugggh.

And to top it off, my coworker T slid a Coach catelogue on my desk... then quietly walked away. And yes, I have perused it. The 700 dollar Bleecker large patchwork leather duffel brought freakin' tears to my eyes. I liked the 18 dollar lipstick, but they didn't have the shade I like. Sigh.

I saw my beloved Carly inthe catelogue... touched it softly with my fingers.

So... I decided what I would do: I plan on being debt free, minus my mortgage, in about 6-8 months.

I will purchase the Coach Carly for myself as a reward for reaching said goal. Shoot... might even get the dayum Bleecker while I'm at it.

I am sure that my Triple F financial freedom gang leader would love to hear that. She has taught me well. My deputy FFF gang leader Tiffany won't be as nice ("That was a bad purse!! Go get the bookleg version") but she will put the game face on for
our gang leader.

That way... I can look at that purse, and instead of thinking...

"Man oh man, I had to twerk it out for this purse right here!"

I can think...

"This purse is a symbol of my reaching a huge personal goal."

Yeah... I like that better.

So for now?

I will dream. I will continue to pester my coworker. She allows me to hold her purse and caress it gently for a few minutes a day. Maybe all the "feenin'" will wear off, and I will become interested in something else.

And Mike...

Holler at me, when you can pay, say, uh... 5 or 6 mortgage payments or hook up the Lexus ES 300 I'm feenin for.

Yeah!!

LOL!!

(Just playing.)

???