Much is on my mind this last day of the year. So much so that I had to break it up into a couple of posts... or maybe three. This is the second post.
Since I've been off, for the past couple of days, I am doing something I like to do when I am off for long periods of time: I write my morning pages.
I got the idea from Tayari Jones, my favorite author, and something she had us doing on her blog a few years ago. We were reading a book surrounding artistry, and one of the techniques/exercises was to wake up first thing in the morning and write 3 long hand stream of conscience pages. First thing in the morning. And for those of you who don't understand "stream of conscience", it is just writing whatever is on your mind, right off the top of your head. No editing, no formality... just straight thoughts. You're not even suppose to go back and read the pages. This helps a lot because you can write whatever, no matter how crazy it is. Your eyes will never fall back against those pages, you see.
The goal is to empty the mind so as to have more room for creativity.
And what I found is that it is cleansing... and after a few days, I really get down to the nitty-gritty of what's really on my mind. Layers and layers are removed. And I move from writing what is on my mind to writing from my spirit, my true self.
I am not suppose to go back and read, but on the last day of the year, I wanted to post something that I wrote. It is something I have talked about on here, but it is an external observation, something that just amazes me about the current state of our world:
"... This has been more of a sad time newswise. Several months ago, a plane disappeared off the face of the earth, never to be seen again. Another plane disappeared earlier this week and they are just now finding the bodies and wreckage.
It reminds me of much deeper things. Today you are a common person, not distinguishable from the next person. Only a few people know your name. And in the next day, the next hour, the next second, you can become a hashtag. Just like that. Worldwide. This has mostly been for tragic things, rarely for anything triumphant. I can't tell you who made the biggest discovery of the year, or who has invented something that would affect our lives for the better forever. But I can tell you who lost their lives. I know who did thing to cause themselves to lose their careers. I am more than sure life changing and awestrucking goodness has happened this year. I am sure of it. I just can't tell you off the top of my head...."
For some reason, I have thought about that passage all day, this last day of the year. I thought about it as I went about my daily dealings and errands. It is something that has bothered me all year.
I feel like we all run from hot topic to crises to hot topic.
Way too many "gotcha" moments.
Mix in all the tragedy and it's one hell of a stew.
A stew that was left out on the stove when it should have been put in the fridge.
And it's been left out on the stove for days. It's starting to rot. And bubble. And smell.
And somebody gotta clean it all up. And that's one heck of a job.
The same thing happens to the mind.
And I have to clean all that muck from my mind. And that too is one heck of a job.
That's how I feel about it.
Tragedy and negativity sells. It is good for news ratings, you see.
That's what it's really all about.
And me running from situation to situation yelling "oooh, gotcha!" has gotten old. Got old long ago.
I don't think about those things much. I instead use it as a time for self-reflection.
I have done some highly questionable things in my past. God forbid that it's all churned up and put out. Lord help me.
My goal now is to focus on the positive. Pray for those who experience tragedy. Do what I can to make a better day for my fellow man.
And to live the best life I can... to go and continue to grow.
So much good has happened for me this year. Too much to write. It feels good to see it spill all out strong in my "Morning Pages".
And that's what I choose to focus on this very last day of the year.
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