The "F" word.
Nope. I'm not talking about the "F" word you're thinking about.
You. Cuss. Too. Much.
And. Get. Your. Mind. Out. The. GUTTER.
lol
No, I am thinking of another word:
FORGIVENESSIt is something that I don't have a concrete understanding of. Not at all.
And to be honest with you, I can be accused of operating in unforgiveness.
For I'm that type that, once you bite me a couple of times, I don't have anything to do with you.
For if you fool me once, shame on YOU.
Fool me twice, shame on ME.
So, I may or may be wrong for that.
But I posted my thoughts on forgiveness over on one of Aunt Jackie's posts recently.
"It's like this. You get in the cage with the dog and it bites the stew out of you.
Lesson learned. Stay out of the cage with the dog. You don't hate the dog. You not trying to poison the dog. You ain't even kicking the dog. The dog is a dog. And if you keep getting in the cage with the dog, then the dog will keep biting the stew out of you.
That's what I think about forgiveness. Forgive them... and move on. First time they do you wrong, shame on them. Anytime after that, shame on you... Because you had experienced some mess in the past.
It takes time for people to get that trust back."Those are my thoughts on forgiveness. Mind you, this is outside of someone coming to me and saying "I am sorry." That rarely happens with me.
Honestly, there are peeps around me that I don't even talk to because they're trying to run scams on me or they are stressing me out. This is especially true at work.
But they are the first I make sure to help when they need some work-related help. And if there is an envelope going around for them (condolence, etc.), I make sure to sign it and put some cash in it.
I ain't got nothing against them.
It's just that we don't need to be fooling with each other. My self-esteem don't depend on your acceptance. Sorry. Never has, and never will. For me to put up with such foolishness says otherwise.
But I heard something very peculiar in a service back in late February or early March that has stayed on my mind like nothing else. It has been the source of much pontification, and is one of the best things I heard the first quarter of the year.
It was a test to test yourself for whether you have truly forgiven a person or not.
When you think about the person who did you wrong, are you also thinking about how you can hurt them or get them back? Are you wishing bad stuff on their life? Are you plotting or working out how you gonna cuss them out if you get the chance? Does rage rise up instantly?
If not, you have forgiven them.
Now, I smirked when I heard this. Afterall, you gotta be kidding me. That's stretching it.
NO ONE feels that way.
So I decided to pay attention to how folk feel when they have been wronged. Of course, no one immediately shrugs it off. I know I don't. But what are their feelings about it?
I was shocked to find the amount of need for some "get back" a lot of people feel when they feel they have been wronged. I myself, in the past, have been lied on, called all kinds of names, all kinds of craziness because it was thought that I did something wrong. I am quick to say I am sorry. And sorry JUST won't do.
I've seen a lot of this in the past couple of months. It has probably always been around. I just didn't pay any attention. But I see it everywhere... all around me, in the media, EVERYWHERE.
It even made me think back to a divorce recovery class I took at church a few years ago. I was just going to be nosey. I didn't have any problems with the ex-hubby, didn't feel like I needed to recover from anything. Just wanted dude to have a very fine life and to stay away from me, lol.
But I was AMAZED at how people had not forgiven the ex's. They were just angry. I mean seething anger. There was some cussing and snot flying.
I was sitting there thinking
"Clutch the pearls!! Y'all not suppose to be cussin' in Chuuuuuch!!!!!"But when it's real, it's real. Whatever is in your heart is gonna come on out, babes. If you can't get all the mess out your heart in church, well...
But I just remember their being people praying for God to kill their ex. And our instructor had to REALLY convince folks that that is not a good thing and to really work HARD to get away from that.
I sat there thinking and watching all that. I couldn't imagine praying such about the hubby. Didn't even cross my mind. Yeah, I had some mad moments, but it was all over. I wish the man well for his life.
It was good that I saw all of that. And I thought about it when I was pontificating this strange "forgiveness" test I heard recently.
(Incidently, my nosey tail needed that class: I was struggling with the guilt of being happy after the divorce. They cleared me right up from such crazy thinking. Sometimes being nosey is a good thang!)
So I ran this test on myself. And I must say that there is no one around that I haven't forgiven. I don't want to set anyone's hair on fire or anything. And I don't have visions of grabbing a glock and busting a cap in anyone's behind. None of that.
But I am known not to fool with people. I submit that this differs from unforgiveness.
Any relationship I have falls in two categories:
It is either a blessing.
Or it is a bondage.
There is no "in-between" for me.
If I gotta watch your tail, or if you doing a lot of "po-mouthing", or if you trying to bait me into doing stuff... If I have to think too hard or there's a bunch of confusion or my life is just MISERABLE when I'm around you... Worse yet, if you dogging all the people in your life completely out... If you are just toxic, with carnage showing up everywhere you step:
Then, you're going to end up having a problem with me. We will be parting ways eventually. There is no way around it. I want to be one thing: happy. I have a hard time "skinning and grinning" with folks.
I have a tendency to make myself VERY scarce. Very. To the point where folks have said "LadyLee is MEAN!"
I'm not mean. I'm just more important than the Queen of England, and you know there are etiquette rules when dealing with THAT Oldgirl. Heck, you're not even suppose to touch her in a certain way, all kinds of stuff like that.
I have my rules also. YOU should have your rules too.
No one should keep you in bondage by dogging you and making you feel guilty when you don't fool with them. Folks like to call that "unforgiveness". Nope, you just don't deal with a bunch of foolishness.
So there is a fine line there somewhere. I would love to get along with everyone, but that ain't possible. I've learned, and am still learning to seperate myself without operating in unforgiveness.
Now one thing I REALLY began working on in the beginning of the year is:
Forgiving myself.That's a whole nother animal right there. I tend to beat myself up about things like nobody's bizness. It is a lifelong stronghold that I am fighting to break. I think I may be winning that battle. I am at least more cognizant of it, and forcing myself to work on it.
Yes indeed.
The "F" word can be such a complicated thing, can't it?
It is something that I am sure we all define for ourselves over our lifetime, in one way or another.
I know I have... I'm sure you have too.
And am still learning to do so.
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