On Being a Fool

I wrote a post on Friday titled "TGIF... and Not a Fool", and one of the Original Oldgirls LoveBabz left a comment saying in effect that post was going to live with that post for awhile.

My eyebrows raised mighty mighty high when I read that. I thought, "Babz is gonna
write a companion piece to that."

(Babz is reading that saying "What is she talking about").

Yes, Babz, I said that... in my head. Yes, it's borderline stalkerish.

Additionally, I wrote a post entitled "The Great Assessment" back in 2008, where I reposted a GRAND scale assesment questionnaire, courtesy of Cheap Seats Terry... and LoveBabz has run with remnants of that every since. There is a semblance of those questions there... namely Who am I? What do I want?

Anyway, she wrote a post that blew me away. Left me walking away, and thinking... and thinking, and thinking. It cleared up MUCH for me.

She knows I will lift WHOLE post of hers and repost them over here. She'll be alright (and she gave me permission long long ago. Hope that still stands).

A FOOLISH WOMAN'S MEDITATION ON BEING A FOOL

Where am I these days? What am I doing? It's been a hard winter and not just because of all the snow. It was hard because I was tying to be in a relationship on my own terms. Meaning I wanted him to do as I wanted and have no opposing opinion. Yes I was that woman for well over a year. A controlling, manipulative witch. My way or the highway chick. I was dreadful. Then I had the nerve to act as though I didn't understand why this loveship wasn't working. Hilarious! I mean I really had my panties in a bunch over not getting my way ALL THE TIME. Ha.

Yes I could wax poetic on this blog about growing and loving love and embracing the now. But seriously I wasn't doing enough to invite love in. I was not being welcoming. I was being guarded. I wanted love at arms length, without risk, without real commitment on my part. Who am I and What Do I want?

Love is deliberate. Love is courageous. If you are afraid then you cannot love. It's that simple. If you are guarded then you will not experience the fullness of divine love. Making love is not the same as love. Making love is the physical manifestation of desire and if your lucky there's some love thrown into the mix. I have had loveless sex more times than I care to think about and still longed for a deeper love after many nights of the most illicit sex. For me sex is not the binding force of a loveship. I want more.

The kind of love my heart and soul desires is the kind of love that says come and let me wash your feet. Let me serve you. Let me be kind and generous with my time. Let me share my deepest thoughts and long kept secrets. There is no other love that can satisfy the soul. I must love deeply and fully from a place of trust, joy and faith. Yes for the sake of another, but most importantly for my own well-being.

I am still too much for the fear and often I don't even recognize it, until after I fixed my mouth to speak coldly and nasty to my beloved. I don't recognize myself in those moments when I am quick to hurt and tear down trust, faith and Love's possibilities for the future.

I HAVE BEEN FOOLISH. I have been a fool. I have been a fool. I have been a fool.

Wow... Babz.

You pulled out your Original Oldgirl Platinum Plus Card and swiped it!!

At first glance that post is something to be reckoned with. It gets to the core of self assessment like none other I've read in a long time. But I've read it a few times, and it does get to the very gist of human behaviour, especially for me as a woman.

Babz assesses herself as being foolish...

And if that's the case, I want her to know and understand that we have ALL been foolish.

I think a better word than foolish, though, is SELFISH.

We've all been selfish.

I have been selfish.

I have been self-serving, thinking only of myself, controlling situations in order to make myself happy. It's all about me, myself and I.

What about me?
What about what I want?
I want MY way. Your way doesn't matter.

And that, ya'll, right there, is what I feel is the root to all of our relationship failures and mishaps and personal isshas in general:

I am selfish.

And THIS is foolish. The epitome of foolishness.

Because let's face it... look at any of your breakups. Somebody in it was being selfish. SOMEBODY. Either you or your significant other.

Our society celebrates selfishness. Frowns upon selflessness. Being unselfish is painful, you see... makes you feel like you are losing something. Selfishness means gain. Selfishness means prevention of losing something.

Or does it?

Does my selfishness gain me anything in the long run?

Does my selfishness prevent me from losing something?

And this post, this post that Babz just poured her heart into was a study in her own selfishness, how she didn't bring the advantage, how she didn't build up her significant other. How she was concerned with what she wanted. Right then and there. And how it affected her "loveship".

And a realization of embracing the uplifiting of another fully doesn't only help her man, but helps her and who she is in the long run.

I could on and on, because there is so much there. But I want.

That was deep, Babz. I see something different everytime I read it. I see pieces of me in there, too.

I know my peoples over here on the Porch of the House of LadyLee will see their ownselves, and pieces of their own life and attitudes within your words.

I know they will.

Quotable Quotes: "Try...Again"

I have another great Quote from one of the Original Oldgirls, the Infamous LoveBabz. I really need to email her and let her know that I'm using her quotes. I've asked her in the past, pleaded with her, really. She doesn't seem to mind, lol.

Anyway, here's another nice quote, with the parts that resonate with me highlighted in red:

"I am not a quitter. Oh, I do know how to walk the hell away from people, places and things that do not uplift my spirit or bring joy to my life. However, I am not a quitter. If I know I didn't give something my all, then I regroup, recharge and come at it again. Sometimes it takes a gazillion tries to get to a real sense of accomplishment. I am cool with that. My strength lies in my tenacity. I am not afraid of much in this world.

My fears are a different story. They, (my fears) as I said many times on this blog are seductive. They woo me like a desperate lover. It takes a great deal of courage to shush the voices of negative thinking and talk out of one's environment. I am courageous. I am fearless on so many levels. I like my inner grace. I am resolute in my vision for my life. I am not afraid to try, try, try, try, try again...

...I feel like I am climbing Mount Everest again with success as my goal. It doesn't matter that I've been here before at base camp. I learned a few things from the last time I attempted this climb. You see that's the gift! Not that I am back at base camp, but that I am back trying again with more tools and more support and more confidence than ever before.

I am not a quitter. I will always try, try, try, try. try again."




I'm not sure when my girl Babz posted that, but it's been on my mind every since.

Because I tend to have this attitude of "Oh Lawd, I been trying to do this, and I keep failing and failing."

But each time I fail, I know now that I come back to the starting gate with a little something extra in my tool box. I'm actually better equipped to handle the problem IF I don't let my fears talk me out of it...

Never thought of it that way...

Fears talk louder than my faith sometimes. As Babz said above... uh yeah, they can be like a desperate lover... Have you hemmed up. And you know how a lover knows how to get you to do whatever he or she needs you to do.

What great analogies. VERY understandable indeed.

But I need to squeeze fear out. Yeah, i've been doing that, and I've made huge strides.

But now I have another weapon... I can bring back to the table what I learned from the previous failure. Just one more little piece of information...

That just may help this time be the time that I don't fail, but I win.

You know the age old cliche: If I don't suceed at first, try, try again... and again... and again...

(As said above: "My strength lies in my tenacity.")

Try, try again. Until I win.

Just a little food for thought for my good Tuesday evening.

**Happy Birthday LBeezy!!!!!**

I would be remiss if I didn't wish my baby blog sista...

LB

The LBigga

The LBeezy

The LBoogie

The LadyBug Mocha

The Chicken...

a very very very Happy 31st birthday.

Happy Birthday Boo!!!!

(Lawd, she hate when I call her that! LOL!)

Chile... you got too many names. Too many. We'll just continue to call you the LBeezy!!!

Or Boo.

LOL

I thought your birthday was later in the month...

Got a card sitting right here on the table. Was gonna decorate in only a way that I can. Was gonna send you a tin of your favorite oatmeal raisin walnut cookies.

HUMPH. I must invest in a calendar.

But Happy Birthday, Gal!!

Now LBeezy had the long hair...

She cut it all off yesterday.





That girl wanna be like me so bad! All the way down to having no hair!

(I now have more hair than you do Beezy! LOL)

Way to transition to natural, babes! All ya'll chicks going natural! Even got my sister Kentucky around here talking about it.

(Incidently, Beezy is the one who gave my sister the name "Kentucky". She can't seem to pronounce my sister's VERY strange name, so she came up with such an odd variation. Heck, I call my sister "Kentucky" around the house now, lol).

I made sure to call her REAL early on this Saturday morning and sang the most busted version of Happy Birthday I could.

Her response: "Yeah, I uh, am wide awake after that redition"

LOL! Girl, I meant to call you at 5 in the morning!! You woulda cussed me good!!

Enjoy your day, gal.

So we're having a virtual fish fry for her birthday.

First of all, let's put on some of LBeezy's native New Orleans bounce music!



As always, we got the witch kettle going, bubbling with hot grease.

Uncle Cre! Batter up some catfish!!!


Got plenty of fish for the party people.


That's enough fish, Uncle Cre. Don't bread up too much of it. Negroes won't know how to leave if you fry too much fish.


Drop that fish in that hot grease!!!



Yep, it's ready!

Ya'll are grown. This means fix your own plate!!



Ain't nothing like some good hot fish!

And Beezy requested some cookies. So I baked up a few!!!









Happy 31st birthday, Chicken!!!

Make it a good one!

Your whoadie, LadyLee.

Happy Birthday LoveBabz... You Original Oldgirl You.

I would be remiss if I didn't celebrate one of my favorite blogger's birthdays.

*Lee stands on front porch in Georgia and clears throat*

"Excuse me, Ms. LoveBabz?" LadyLee mumbles.

*Babz pays LadyLee NO attention. For she is perusing the Conneticuit sky, discerning its beautiful blue color, pondering the meaning of life*

*Lee cups hands to mouth*

BABZ!!!! Yo BABZ!!!!

*Babz jerks her head around, doing her best to discern the strange noise coming from the south!*

"It's me, Babz! It's LadyLee! Stop all that discerning and get on down here to your virtual birthday party!!"

HAPPY BIRTHDAY LOVEBABZ!!

Today is one of my favorite bloggers birthdays!

And you know how I do!

Party Time!!

Happy 46th Birthday Babz.

Now, I like ol' Babz!

Why?

Because her blog is brutally honest. Brutally.

She talks VERY candidly about her life experiences... from molestation as a child to time in prison.

If that ain't some brutal honesty, I don't know what is.

Babz been through it all! ALLLLL!!! The only thing left to do is to go up to the Space Station! Thats it. The chick done been through it ALLL!

I came across Lovebabz by way of my friend and blog sista Sharon, Miss Just Write Now. I think they were writing poetry together and what-not. Anybody down with Sharon is alright with me. At the time I began reading her blog, she was going through a divorce and dealing with healing from that.

I remember thinking... "I remember feeling like that. Now I know my feelings are valid."

She knows how to get on paper many things that I am not even able to verbalize. Not only am I not able to verbalize such thoughts, but I can't even write them on paper, much less a blog.

And I tell you, there are SO many times that I've been discussing various issues with some of my girlfriends...

And Babz posts on the very subject we are discussing that very day... that very same hour. And it ties up and clearly brings together whatever we are discussing.

And she's unabashedly honest with her readers, and more importantly honest with herself.

I like that, Mayne! I loved-ed it!!!

Now over an email the other day, I told her to not be alarmed if I went taring through her archives looking for some of her special quotes. She gave me permission to do so.

But I spent some time one evening, reading her words, looking for some quotes to tack up on the walls of the House of LadyLee. I finally threw my hands in the air, leaned back in my chair and hollered "It's too much!"

"IT'S JUST TOO MUCH!!!"

It's too much, Babz. Too much of that good stuff, gal. Hard to pick one thing, because it all blows my mind.

Her words are like dynamite. When they hit they blow up stuff, change, rearrange some things.

She's very big on the positive personal affirmations. You know, I like that kind of stuff.

So, I will just post the most recent Lovebabz quote from a post that shook me up a bit.

"I am always stunned at folks' perception. Or their so called reality as a barometer for defining my experiences."

If you read THAT too quick, you won't get it. That right there was deep off the pages.

I read that post and was like "I'm stunned too, Babz! Negroes got me stunned too! St-, St-, STUNNED!"

It would take me 5 posts to say what she said very succinctly in a few short words.

Deep off the frickin' pages.

And we don't even want to talk about her blogtalk radio show... Lovetalk Radio.

LawdhaveMercy...

We could be sitting here talking about that ALL day! (And you know how longwinded-ed I am!)

So... without further adieu, I want to present this sister here with her *Original Oldgirl* Platinum Plus card.

LoveBabz, I won't keep you waiting.

I hereby extend to you your Original Oldgirl Platinum Plus Card, good worldwide and on every planet in the solar system, good even on the Sun itself...with no monetary limits whatsover.

So if the police ever try to run up on you, or some folks try to jump ya, you can yell-

"Get back! I am an Oldgirl!"

I'm an "OG"!

"Get the **** back!!"

No, you'll still catch a beat down...

But you'll have the pride attached to being an Oldgirl...

One who is an Original!
One who is full of wisdom!
One who keeps it real!
One who has been through it all!
One marching like Miss Sophia on her way to a place of peace and victory......

Stand tall...
And make sure you don’t fall
Be proud
Say it loud

I, Lovebabz, am an… Original Oldgirl!

So you know how I do... we gonna have the virtual barbeque.

But not before I show you the gifts I sent to Babz!

I hooked that Original Oldgirl up with a card:

Keep it simple, yet tasteful... Her name in the clouds.

Last year, she asked all her readers to compose poetry in her honor. Now, I'm too bootleg to do that. You know how strange my poetry is.

This year she requested song lyrics that reminded us of her.

I posted 2 songs: "Free" by Jill Scott; "Searching" by Erykah Badu (by way of Roy Ayers)

Now, Babz was over here hollering HARD for a minute about a blanket.

"I want a blanket!! I'll pay! Name Your Price! Blah, BLAH, BLAHHH!!!"

*LadyLee frowning HARD, and closing the window blinds and turning out all the lights at the House of LadyLee*

*crickets*

Girl was just hollering down, making up a BUNCH of noise!

So we talked, and I got an idea of what she liked. Let's just say, I've been wanting to do a black sorority blanket. I spoke with some of the Deltas on my job, and I hooked it up.

So I present to you, The Crimson and Creme...

"The LoveBabz Supreme"

*LadyLee throws smoking hot needle through the wall and into the front yard. The whole front yard catches fire**

It's that crimson and creeeeeeeeme... that Lovebabz Supreeeeeeemmmme!!!




Now, you know how bootleg I tend to be. I took these pictures at my book club sista Aunt Ray-Ray's house last Sunday. And as you can tell by the ball of yarn to the side- I wasn't even finished with it yet.

LOL!!! Babz running around talking about she gonna put it in her Will. LOL!!! Cut that out Babz!

Took me 2 hours to trim all the stray strings. UGH. But I did it for you, Babz! You Oldgirl You!!

I told her it'll make you want to sang the sweetheart song... "Deeee eSsssss Teeee!!"

LOL

She called me when she received it. Doing allllll that hollering.

I am death in one ear now. Thanks, Babz...

LOL... But on the real, glad you liked it, Miss. Really glad.

Happy Birthday Lovebabz, and many more!

So, I know ya'll ready to eat!

*Party People knocking over chairs and tables trying to line up for the food*

Let the virtual Barbeque begin!!!

Lovebabz hollers "I sure would enjoy a good piece of fish, LadyLee!"

LadyLee shrugs. "Alright, fish and barbeque! That's cool!"

"Uncle Cre! Git that witch's kettle out and fry up some tilapia!"


We got the HOT. FRIED. FISH for the Party People!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Of course I got the grill going. Not quite summertime, but it's hot enough to grill!! GRILL, GRILL, GRILL!!!

And you KNOW there's always someone hollerin' about they don't eat pork. GEEZ!!

I see you sneaking the ribs on the sly! But we got that grilled up shrimp and crab for you anyways!






I cooked up some gumbo...



And for you REAL country folk: My grandma brought over some chittlins! (Dang. We don't have many chitterlings left over. The people who claim they don't eat port tore that down before it could be served up.)



Hold your horses. The salmon and biscuits are almost ready!





And for the super health counscious folks, we have all the stir-fry you can eat!






Good LAWD, there is some good eatin' up in this here LoveBabz Party!!!!

"Where the Liquor at, LadyLee!" Blog Fam screams, even though they got a case of the "itis" right now.

I tell you... black folks. You know we love the libations...

I'm not a lush, so it don't matter to me, but for all you drunks, we got that

Bitch on Ice... So nice so nice.
Come on, sang with me... *Lee does the running man dance*



"Bitch on Ice... so nice, so nice! Bitch on Ice... so nice, so nice!!!"

Grab a plate, and Party ON!!!

Oh, and don't forget to leave room for dessert.

My neighbor Tiny KILLS my ice cream whenever he comes over. Hopefully he left some for us.

Tiny, grab that ice cream out the freezer!

Party People, make sure you have a few of LadyLee's Oatmeal Raisin walnut cookies and Chocalate Chip Pecan cookies.


And we got a little double chocolate coffee infused cake! Have a slice!!

Whew!!! That was a GOOOD party... I see ALL YA'LL out on the front porch, holding your plates and kicking the HARD electric slide!

Thank ya'll so much for coming by for the LoveBabz virtual birthday party.

Now... you ain't got to go home, but you got to get the hell up outta HERE!!! I got the "itis" something terrible. I gotta go take a PHAT nap.

BABZ! Don't leave none of your gifts here, gal. You leave 'em here, I can't guarantee you will get them back.

Happy Birthday LoveBabz... and many more.

ANOTHER Pleasant Surprise!!!

I was walking around the Target store on Camp Creek, scavenging around picking out travel-sized toiletries for my trip, when some random chick called my cell phone saying she had a delivery...

"Uh, I ain't at home."

"Well, how far are you from home?"

"20-30 minutes."

"Uh, okay."

We talked a bit longer. I wasn't going home. OH WELL.

"I'll just have to pick it up," I said.

She said her store was located at Camp Creek. I told her I was at Camp Creek. So she dropped the delivery back at her home base for me to pick up later.

I dropped by Edible Arrangements after I finished my shopping at Target...

Lo and behold, I picked up THIS!!

I hollered "That's for me???"

The smiling brother at the cash register yelled "Yes it is!!"

What in the WORLD!!!??

I took it out to the car and read the attached card:

"You only have 2 days to eat this... and maybe less than that before Oscar Tyrone or Kramer snatch it. This does not come close to all that you have given to me over the years, but I wanted to wish you a VERY Happy Birthday!!!

**fist bump**

"The LBEEZY"

THANKS LBEEEEEEZY!!!!!!!!!!!!!

My baby blog sista know her big blog sista luv some fruit!!!! I started shaking and scratching like a crackhead when I saw all that doggone fruit!!!

*LadyLee smiles like Miss Celie smile*

I just wanted to bury my head in it and chomp away! I destroyed those chocolate covered strawberries real quick. OH MY!!

I would have you know that my sister Kentucky is around here hatin'... She was a little perturbed that I'd dismantled all of the fruit (that I hadn't eaten), and placed it in a storage container... She'd never seen an edible arrangement live and in person.

She'll be alright. That's what she get for being slow to get her tail in the house.

The cats didn't know WHAT to think. They were especially perplexed by the attached aluminum birthday ballon. It is traveling around the room, at their eye level, and uh... let's just say, they are a bit nervous.

And now I got the "itis" from eating too much fruit.

And it is a weird type of "itis", worse than eating too much ribs and chittlins!

But it's all good!!! I think I will sleep it off.

Then wake up in the morning, and eat MORE fruit (and contract more "itis")

Thanks again, LBeezy!!!!:)

Semi-Wordless Wednesday: "Before and After"

LBeezy's bedroom pics:

BEFORE




AFTER

This Semi-Wordless Wednesday has been brought to you by the letter B

(as in LBeezy).

The number 1

(as in, Beezy! You're #1, honey child. Really though).

The color orange

(as in: What's up with the orange pillow laying up there 'cross the bed, Beezy!?)

And by the words "Original Oldgirl".

(as in, "Beezy! The way you hooked that room up... That's that Original Oldgirl ish right there, Shawty!!)

LOL!!

Good job. Please come hook up my space.

Much obliged:)

Happy Birthday, Serenity3-0

I'd like to wish my baby blog sista That Original Oldgirl

Serenity3-0, formerly Serenity23,

a very Happy 31st Birthday...

Yeah, that's an oooooldddd picture. LOL. It's 2009 now, ain't it? LOL

She is out of town on vacation right now. In a most disturbing post, she said she isn't going to be blogging anymore.

*crickets*

That ain't good. She is like, the Queen of Blogging, blogging 2 and 3 times a day at times. She has a huge young black womens fan base over there at the House of Serenity. There is much wailing amongst the masses. It don't bother me much, because we email and IM everyday... If you need to take a break, take a break man! DO YOU. Just make sure do you for you, that's all I say.

However, I called her and gently snapped for a couple of minutes. I had my say about this, got a good laugh out of her, then kept it moving.

Don't nobody go jump off a bridge. We gonna work on getting the chick back up and running!

Until then...

Happy Birthday, Oldgirl. Hope year 31 is a good one for you:)

Blanket Watch: "The LBeezy Blues"

So...

I like to make one blanket during the holiday season...

And this year, the lucky recipient was the "The LBeezy" aka "The LBigga" aka "The LBoogie" aka "The LadyBug Mocha"...

(Chile, ya gots TOO many aliases. Too many!)

These days, if I spend more than 100 hours on a blanket, I'm giving it a name.

I present to you... THE LBEEZY BLUES!

It's the Blues! The LBeezy Blues! The blues!

*Lee does the HARD Running Man*

I had much fun making this one. My crochet mentor, the Cowgirl Cre said "That's the type of blanket where you close your eyes tight and somebody puts in front of you, then you open your eyes and you're like wooooooooooooo!"

(I think that means she approves).

Yeah, it's bursting with a bit of, uh-rah, high post color contrast. It surely pops and brightens up a room!

As usual, I was rushing on this blanket. I don't understand this 6-7 week fixation I have. I think I started this one the week before the election and had it done by Christmas. I really need a full 12 weeks to do this blanket. I wanted to mail it to her in time for Christmas, but unfortunately, it didn't work out like that.

Me and the lady postal worker had the most enlightening conversation on Tuesday, Dec. 23rd.

I slammed the box on the counter. "I want to get this to Virginia by Saturday"
"You sure you don't want to do this overnight?"
"No."
"We're the post office. We can get it there overnight."
We have a mini-staredown. "No."
She smiled hard. "It'll only be 50 dollars."
"No, that's okay."
"Well, you know, it'll be nice to get it there by Christmas, and-"
I shake my head, and I stare at her fancy manicured nails. She has minature black dice on the pinky nails. I was taken aback an utterly confused for a moment.
"Uh, no she'll be alright. She grown. She's a grown woman. She can get it after Christmas."

LOL!!!

Besides, 50 bucks for shipping. Man, I can't even wrap my head around that. The yarn didn't even cost half that.

"She'll be alright. She grown."

Now, I get tired of photographing blankets on that same ol' lounge chair, and since my house is no bigger than a matchbox, I try to find other places to take pictures.

One such place is the staircase.


While I was trying to work all that out a danggone CAT, i.e. the permanent houseguest Kramer William, was being nosy, as you can see by the light beams in the lower left hand corner of the picture.

Grabbing the blanket and stomping back over to the trusty lounge chair didn't fare well, as Kramer immediately jumped up on the back of the chair.

HUMPH.

Well anyway, I think it came out well. I had fun making it.

But the best picture is of the blanket on her bed.

And the blanket ain't the issha here. Sure, it looks nice on the bed, but uh, WHAT'S UP WITH THE PICTURE ON THE WALL?

"Beezy," I said the other night on the phone, "dang girl, is that you in the photo with dude?"
"Uh, no," she said.
"Cuz that look like you taking a picture with a dude!"
"No, I like the print."

That's good, because she was going to have to give details on that handsome chocalatety hershey bar dark FINE fella there.

GLORY!

Thought you were holding out on us, gal! LOL!

So LBeezy, you are such a great baby blog sista.

I just wanted to give you a little keepsake for Christmas. I hope you enjoy it for years to come.

Too bad the accompanying tin of oatmeal raisin cookies won't last quite that long.