An Oldgirl's Vision Board, Part I

Last week, I put up a picture of a pseudo vision board for my current writing project.

It got me to thinking about the life vision board I made back in January 2008. (I wish I would've dated it. I think it was January 2008).

I had it rolled up, sitting in a corner. I taped it up on the wall and snapped a photo. (excuse the bluriness. My camera is acting funny.)

It's peppered with many words...

Things I want to be: good, special, unique and the like.

Things I long for: Hope, joy, passion, health, truth, peace, dreams, time, and real satisfaction...

And the overall theme: I want to be "A Better Me.

Not sure what I was thinking with that huge "100%" and "Life".

I guess it means I want to enjoy life to the fullest.

A huge part of the poster is taken up by what I am passionate about, something I truly love, and I think about all the time.

Writing.

There's a bootleg bookcase up there, all glittery and gold, with the names of all the books I want to publish.

And sadly, there's nothing concerning chemistry on there. That is like, my job... It is nothing that I think about anymore. (I suppose it gets that way when I've been in the field for 20 years, and accomplished all I care to accomplish in it.)

And that part above labeled "thermostat" takes up a large part of the right hand side of the poster.

It is my personal vision statement.

A thermostat is guage one uses to set the temperature, the atmosphere of the house. I've been taught to set it, don't mess with it.

Just set the darn thing.

For the atmosphere will eventually reach the temperature at which the thermostat is set.

And I've set my thermostat for my inner house.

This is very basic, and I've wanted to put it up, but I've always considered it deeply personal, as it is highly intangible and very spiritual in nature.

It is something I've memorized, and I keep it my heart. I ponder where I've fallen short, rejoice where I've been competent and successful.

I don't too much worry about where I've fallen short.

It don't matter.

The thermostat is set. I will eventually get there.

You may yell, "That's corny, LadyLee!"

No, what's corny is being a thermometer... something that takes the temperature of the atmosphere, and that's all.

Just going with the flow, not striving for anything, going with the crowd, being a followere, etc.

I don't want a thermometer. Give me a thermostat, man.

I am running up on my 40th birthday pretty soon, on February 7, 2010, and I'm doing something special leading up to it. (Well special to me).

I'm gonna do 40 posts on 40 things/lessons that have been important in shaping who I am, and where I've come from and where I want to be.

I wanted to do like my homegirl Chele, one of the bloggers I respect and jock like crazy. LOL

She did 45 days leading up to her 45th birthday. I learned a TON of things from her doing that whole thing.

If I did such, it would be 40 days leading up to my 40th birthday. But I don't know if I want to blog everyday, so I will spread it out a little more.

One thing I wanted to do: Post up this "thrermostat".

And I plan to discuss each part of it in full detail. That'll be 10 really detailed posts. Very detailed.

Like I said, I've never wanted to post it as I never wanted it tainted. I've never wanted to fall into people judging where I'm at at any given point.

I must be able to judge for my ownself where I am in the process. I

And since this post is running long...

We'll post that up tomorrow.

It's Monday, Once Again

It's Monday, once again.

Once again, it's Monday.

Monday is the one day of the week that pops around REAL fast.

Real fast.

It's snowing!

Not in the ATL, but on the blog.

Let it snow, let it snow, let it SNOW!!

LOL

Actually, it snowed up in the Georgia mountains this weekend. Not in the metro area. It was 35 degrees this weekend, and I think it's that cold right now.

And this is an odd day for me, because I am off today. Well, semi- off.

I have a doctor's appointment today. At one in the afternoon. I don't get that AT ALL. I usually schedule my appointments between the hours of 9 and 11 a.m. One o' clock is waaaaay too late in the day. And this is monday, which means ALL the rednecks in Henry county will be in the doctor's office today.

And they'll be talking plenty trash.

I'ma tell the nurse that I'll be out in the hallway. I can't stand the chaos that always goes down in the doggone waiting room. Man, I could do some crazy blog posts behind that craziness!

They suspended off time at work if you didn't already have it scheduled. (Too complicated to understand, but let's just say the union is involved now). So you got me trying to explain to my boss that I have a midday doc appointment, and I can't come to work beforehand. She looked at me like I was crazy. But there's some REALLY odd stuff going on at work concerning ill people, and I don't want NO problems out of management.

If i'm at the doctor for over 2 hours, I'm not going to work. If I can get in and out of there in an hour, I'll go to work. It'll be a half day type of thing.

We will see.

My weekend. My weekend was uneventful. I didn't even leave the house.

And it was weird, because I was around here thinking "Gee, this is odd. I know I have something to do."

Then I get a call from my finance group, Triple F Possee leader, the Green Eyed Bandit:

"Uh, you gonna make your meeting?"

"WHAT???" I yelled.

This broad called me at 3:25 pm on Sunday, wondering whether I was coming to the 3:00 pm Sunday meeting.

Is you crazy?

"No, I ain't coming?"
"Throw on some sweats and a wrap that hair up and come on!"
"NO, BANDIT!"

The phone was passed around. Cat-eyes tried to convince me. Obi-Wan Kenobi talked trash.

I went off on ALL of them.

Bandit... how the heck you gonna call me so late?

UGH! I wanted to hurl myself out the window.

She did send an email. I read it on Thursday or Friday at work. Things are disastrous and crazy at work, and I completely forgot about it. Completely.

I really needed to go. I blame you, Bandit. You know I don't keep a calendar.

She gave me my debt numbers that I'd written down on a notecard back in January 2008. So one of my goals for the month of December to crunch my numbers and see where I'm at financially. Most of this has been written down in my budget notebook, I just gotta go take a look at it. But I've had the *gas face* concerning my finances lately. Traveling plus unexpected expenses have me at break even stage, I beleive. I am not all that happy about that. Really.

But we will GO FORWARD!

Really though.

Other than that, the weekend was routine. Lots of chores, reading, and crocheting. I managed to do a good clip of writing on my current writing project, so I'm happy about that.

Post of the week. That Bayou Creole Chick, Ali, is back on the scene, and she wrote a really nice post: Beaches. Shows that ol' Facebook has some good uses. It's good for something.

I like Ali's blog. It just makes me feel real good. Really. Glad you are back, hon.

Quotes of the week. Just a few nuggets out of my church notes...

You are known by the company you keep.

If you don't love yourself, you won't know how to love others.

I can overcome my pain if I know that I have a purpose in life. If I know that I have purpose, then I can overcome my pain.

Just a little sumthin, sumthin to think about, as you stomp through your week.

We won't be over here blogging everyday. I am busy doing other stuff, and I am a tad bit stressed still about work. You don't want to hear me whine, and I REALLY don't want to hear myself whine. (Sometimes, I get on my own nerves, man).

But... there's something special coming up prior to my birthday, that starts sometime in late December.

Stay tuned for details...

Friday Food for Thought

I know you gotta feel just like I feel...

If I hear one more doggone thing about Tiger Woods and his woman, I'ma scream!

I myself am quite perplexed by it all... but not for the reasons you would think.

It is something that's a constant on the airwaves right now. Text messages, voicemail messages. Man... it's a bit daunting.

I usually have the television on while I'm doing other things -cleaning up, getting ready for work, the mundane activities of my life....

And I am bombarded with the ultimate details of someone else's life. Geez.

I really don't care who the man is screwing. Obviously his wife does. And rightfully so.

And it reminds me of a quote from my church notes some years ago. I posted it on the blog, but I can't track it down to get the exact phrasing. But it goes a little something like this:

"We are so intimately interested in the lives of stars and celebrities, know every little detail of what's going on in their lives, yet we have no real control or interest or even know what's going on with our own lives."

This is what this whole fiasco reminds me of. And it doesn't help that we are pounded day after day with this useless information.

It's something that will not increase my being or integrity or self esteem one iota.

I sit here and wonder, why a man, who happens to be a billionaire... who happens to be a black man (bump all this caublasian madness. You is BLACK, Tiger).

Not only a billionaire, but has the perfect blonde white wife.

White women are prized in our society. Above all else.

Got all this. The PERFECT life.

Why on earth would he do these things? What if one of these women had HIV or AIDS? What if one was a little "off" in the head, and busted out with some fatal attraction madness?

Maybe I'm the only one who thinks of all these things. Scary.

It all points back to one thing: the intangibles are more precious and important than the tangibles.

Things like integrity, honesty, faithfulness, unselfishness and the like are more important than all the money and status and appearances of perfection in the world.

And I thought of it as I read something in my devotional reading yesterday.

"The decline of commitment to excellence in these last days coupled with the increase of mediocrity that results from a lack of integrity adds up to an all-time low in the world's standard of values."

I remember as a child, I use to walk around with a long white towel on my head, pretending that it was long luxurious blonde hair, pretending that I was a perfect white woman. Wanting to be what I deemed perfect.

This reminds me that such perfection may not exist. And yeah I stop doing that mess many many years ago.

Tiger don't care about me. He don't pay my bills. He doesn't consider me of value.

Shoot, man... he don't even consider his perfect model wife of value.

But it reminds me to take stock of my own life.

And to thank God that my idiosyncracies and imperfection are not displayed for all the public to see and to discuss and to ponder.

And it reminds me to work on my own life...

Integrity.

Self-Esteem.

Self-Love.

Excellence.

Self-Respect.

And just plain ol' being honest with myself, where I'm at in life, and what I need to work on.

Tiger has enough money to throw at all the women involved to take care of his situation.

Unfortunately I don't. And I don't want it that way.

I am a work in progress. And I must do the WORK on myself in order to progress.

And all the money in the world can't pay for that process.

Hopefully Tiger will figure that out.

I already have... without the help of fame and fortune.

Ya'll have a great weekend.

And do that on purpose.

December is in Full Effect

It is December.

And that is hard to believe.

The year is basically 92% over.

And I ask myself: have I dealt wisely in my 92%?

Yes and No.

And what will I do with the remaining 8% of the year?

I ponder.

And I continue to wonder.

I think I have all these grandiose goals and dreams, and I just don't reach them all. I think that means that I have to do two things: be more realistic about my goals and to make sure I write them down. Period.

In support of that, I learned of a bible verse some 15 years ago that relates to goal setting, albeit indirectly.

Habakkuk 2:2 (AMP) Write the vision and engrave it so plainly upon tablets that everyone who passes may [be able to] read [it easily and quickly] as he hastens by.

In other words, for my ownself and in the context of goal setting, this means for me to very clearly write the goals down with pen ande paper and put it somewhere where I can see it. This has worked real well for me if I tape up said goals on the bathroom mirror where I can peruse it while I brush my teeth. In the past, I have had goals taped to the wall of my hallway, where I would would iron my clothes for the day. That way I can always see it, and think on where I am with it and what I need to do concerning it. I would even put a check mark and date next to an accomplished goal and write "I don't need the faith for this anymore, I can put that faith towards another goal."

I was getting things done back in those days.

Where oh where has the old LadyLee wandered off to?

I need to get back to those special skills.

Right now I have a large poster board up on the wall in the hallway right outside my bedroom. It is labled "Work in Progress" and has little index cards with all the chapters of my current writing project in progress.

I pause at it at least 3 times a day, and rearrage cards, write something on them, snatch cards off, etc...

The point is, I was actively thinking about it all.

My personal goals technologist, Aretha (Aretha looks at the screen and hollers "What the heck is she talking about?") does an excellent job of this. She posts her goals every month and gives a status of what goals she reached or failed to reach the prior month.

I am learning much from that: have a set of written goals. If I reach them, that's great. If I don't, that is okay too. I need to just make sure I examine why I didn't reach the goal, if it is formidable, and what to do next concerning it.

I did okay this year.

I had several big goals: One of the most glaring was to go vegetarian. Another was to pay off some debt, and to possibly become debt free.

Both of those are still works in progress.

I have learned so much about myself in the process.

I STILL have to write my loooonnnng drawn out post on the vegetarianism thing. I really don't know where to start, though. It will be quite convoluted I suppose. But my overall goal was to test things out, and to decide whether to go fully online on January first. The decision is easy enough. I will definitely be fully online with the vegetarianism such on the first of the year.

One of my biggest goals of the year was to travel. I definitely did that. Boy oh boy it felt good. I have never been on a planned vacation as an adult. I went on a cruise, and I even did an extra trip, to the Mayan Riviera. Loved them both. I took a financial hit, but shoot man, it was worth it. As a result, the Oldgirl is NOT debt free.

But I did do 2 things financially: I paid off two really old debts.

My goal is to travel twice a year. In 2010, I'm going to the Dominican Republic for my birthday. And I hope to hit up an American city in the late summer/early fall. My goal is to hit up Chicago. We will see how that works out.

One thing that I did accomplish last month is completing the NaBloPoMo activitiy, posting every day last month. I've done this twice this year. So this has been a good year for posting overall.

So, I'ma go out on a limb and post up goals for the month of December.

1. Financial: Pay off my new laptop. I was under the 6 month same as cash system. I owe 95 bucks before December 11, before all the interest accrues. Uh, we'll pay that off by Friday, so place a call to them peeps to make sure I am squared away.

2. Financial: Pay off a credit card that has a low balance, before December 31. I have a couple of dinky credit card balances lingering. I think I got a letter in the mail saying one of them sucker's interest is jumping to 25%. That's a crock, because I have paid my stuff on time and whatnot. But I think the total on those cards is 200 bucks or less. Not sure. All I know is that we'll be paying those OFF. No time for THAT.

3. Vegetarian: I am in heavy expand mode right now. That is, I am busting out hard on finding new recipes. I've gotten caught up on eating things I like, and I need to keep expanding it. So it looks like I'm on a roll to try 2 new recipes a month. Easy enough. I am also going to keep a better journal of what I am eating, so I can spot and get rid of any potential problems.

4. Writing: I did what I wanted to do during NaNoWriMo: get a good habit reestablished. I am happy about that. I didn't finish up, but am moving full steam ahead in the right direction.

I will get into all that later. This is just me rambling along.

I was sick as a DOG yesterday. I feel sooooo much better today. I find that I have dehydration issues, and I think that's all it was, because I know I had to have drank a good couple gallons of water yesterday. The more I drank, the better I felt. I think I slacked out on my water consumption this weekend, and if I don't get my gallon a day, I tend to feel bad. I think I just dropped the ball over the holiday. SHAME ON ME.

I will go to work this morning. Sigh. I hope I'm not hasseled.

I'm going to vote this morning. I'm voting for Mary Norwood, but I think Kasim Reed got this one. He has all the endorsements and what not. So we will see.

So, your year is 92% over...

I'ma need you to do what you can with the remaining 8%... you hear me?

Make it count...

That's what I aim to do: To make this little bit left count.

Sickly Monday

What is up ya'll...

Bet ya'll didn't think I would post today...

But I am.

It will be very short.

We will resume regular broadcasting tomorrow.

I am in the bed, sick as a dog.

Something hit me in the middle of the night. I think I ate something I'm allergic to? Heck, I don't know. I called in the middle of the night, saying I ain't coming in. Pisses me off. I have things to do. Not too much concerned about work stuff to do, as that craziness will be there. But I have errands to run.

But I've been in bed.

Drift to the couch.

Back to the bed.

Go hang out on the couch.

Head back to the bed.

Pepper the transits with "Git outta my way, Oscar-Tyrone!"

*Oscar the cat giving me the sad puppy dog eyes*

and so on and so on.

Makes me mad, as I don't know what's up. I feel a little better. I have a migrane and body aches. No sore throat. A little stuffiness. I know my tail don't need to be out driving around. Light is bothering me. I feel like a vampire. Sigh.

Looks like the more water I drink, the better I feel. We gonna roll with that activity for the moment.

So right now, I am just chilling... thank goodness for the laptop sitting over here in the bed. I'm gonna pimp this water like it's fine fine wine, lol.

So we will return to regular programming tomorrow.

Happy Birthday to Miss Celie! 38 is great. But 39 is divine. Make sure you get out and do somethin' special today, Oldgirl.