Happy to Revoke a Pet Peeve... For Once!

People who have known me for a number of years know that amongst all of my pet peeves, one in particular stands out far from the rest:

Do not come over to my house without calling.

I am not down for the...

"Hey LadyLee, I was just in the neighborhood... Thought I would stop by to say whassup!!"

Hell no.

Let's just make it clear... That will be your last time coming by the crib.

I have found a most excellent way to solve this problem: If you ring my doorbell, and you didn't call beforehand to ASK me if you could come by, well I just don't answer the door.

I just allow you to keep ringing the doorbell. Maybe you willTHINK next time before you come over...

This even goes for my beloved Grandma... she showed up knocking on the door one day when I was playing hooky from school, deciding to lay up in bed with a boyfriend all day... I had my Auntie have a talk with her. Many years later, Grandma knows better.

Yeah man... I am serious about peeps showing up at my house unannounced.

Well on to the point of my post...

So it was Saturday morning... It was about eleven in the morning, and I am in the bed. Yeah, yeah, yeah, I had plenty of things to do, but you know how it is when you're in the bed...

ain't got to go to work...

laid up on the kingsize down pillows...

all cozy under the Polo down comforter...

the flat screen tv on, the volume real low...

the whir of the ceiling fan lulling you in and out of sleep...

Ya'll know how it is... Let's just say I wasn't getting out of that bed until that afternoon...

Well, the doorbell rings, interrupting my peaceful lulls.

And pisses me off at the same time.

Of course I don't answer it.

Now the last time I answered it on a Saturday morning, it was some Jehovah's witnesses.

Let's just say, they bypass my house these days.

Well the doorbell sounded a few more times. I didn't get out of my bed. I just laid there. But the dozing was over, the peaceful lulls nixed, and the anger had unceremoniously kicked in. I got up an hour later, got dressed, and did a little house cleaning.

The doorbell rang again... I thought about not answering it, but whoever it was kept leaning on the doorbell.

Someone was about to feel the WRATH of my MADNESS.

So I go to the door. I do not have a peephole, so I yell in my hardest hardcore voice...

"Who is it!!!"

The reply was not immediate. I turned to walk away, then I heard someone say...

"It's me, your neighbor!"

Now, it didn't sound like either of my neighbors who lived on either side of me. They know my habits by now... don't come over to my house knocking on the door because I'm not going to answer it. You better catch an Oldgirl outside. They know this all too well.

I open the door...

and I screamed....

It was none other than my favorite crackhead in the world, The Mayor of my Hood, SNAKE!!!

He had been released from jail!!!

I ran up on him so hard and hugged him so hard that we almost fell off the porch... I think I may have even shed a tear or two... Damn, I was suprised!!

"I am back, gurl!"

"When did you get out?!"

"At 5:30 a.m., this morning!"

"'Bout time you got out!" I yelled.

Now, I have no idea how long he'd been locked up. All I know it was waaaay too long. It must've been for the last 4 or 5 months. I have a few friends who have asked about him. My brother constantly lamented over the fact that Snake was locked up.

We are all so used to getting our cars washed at a pretty cheap price, you see. We are very much accustomed to getting the low-down and commentary on the state of our hood.

There were even a few times that I grabbed my neighbor the Infamous Hen-Dog by the shoulders, shook him real hard, and cried...

"Hen, we gotta go downtown and get Snake out of jail".

*Hen kicks the hard eyeroll and walks away*


My best friend LadyTee, who is the queen of taking warrants out on her men when they don't act right, knows her way around the jail system, and was suppose to call downtown and see how much it was to get him out. If it was fifty bucks or less, she was gonna get him out. (She too misses her car washes. Snake is a bit sweet on her, and she takes advantage of that and gets the free car washes.) But she never got around to it.

Yet she continued, for the past couple of months, to snap on me and Hen-Dog for not going to get him out of jail...

Humph...

Anyway, I ran in the house, retrieved my cell phone and called LadyTee...

"Gurl, Snake is out of jail!!!"

She was so suprised that she dropped the phone. "What?!?!?"

"I said, Snake is out of jail!!"

"My boyfriend is out of jail??"

"Yeah, man!"

"Let me talk to him!!"

I handed him the phone. "Your girlfriend is on the phone!"

"LadyTee?" he said, getting all excited.

"Yeah!"


He snatched the phone and went and stood out on my brick steps. He went into some loong convoluted explanation of why he'd gotten locked up...

You see, what had happened was..."

"Gurl, they blamed it all on me... wasn't my fault, though..."













"Now, see it It wasn't my damn fault LadyTee!!"

"Gurl, I said, the hell with it, and went head on and took the damn charge!"

"Now, I used my jail time to go and get me a little rehab, too!!"

He went on to give us both a looooonnng explanation of his whole rehab experience and how he thinks it is necessary to use jail time to get one's self together...

Now will he keep himself clean?

Who knows?

I hope he does keep clean. He looked so much better than when he was on that pipe!!

I hope he stays the same...This means that there is someone around to regulate the prostitutes who work the corner down the street from my house. I also can expect a daily report of who has been knocking on my door when I am not home (or when I am home). I can always expect to be lectured HARD on all aspects of character and integrity (however twisted those explanations are). And best of all, Snake is the best snitch in town, meaning if someone has stole something from you, or is planning to break in or steal something... he is quick to tell. Hell, he will probably go get your stuff back... for a small fee, of course...
All I know, the mayor of my hood is back in the hood...

He considers it incredibly rude to steal or double cross a customer. If you accuse him of such, he considers it an insult to his character and integrity. I've been cussed out plenty of times over that!!

Now that day, he washed my car and my sister "Kentucky's" cars. I walked outside to pay him and saw some random chick sitting on the retainer wall next to my driveway... I thought she was one of the prostitutes that live in the prostitute house (the bootleg brothel) on the corner down the street. She didn't dress like the prostitutes on the corner (no superman thongs, no other special "ho-stroll gear), but heck, you never know.

Now, I don't have a problem with you making your money any which way you can... That is your choice, and you have to live with that. But I don't need for you to be walking UP the street and conducting business in front of MY house... Keep that ish down the block... in front of Hen-Dog's house.

So I decided to walk up on her. It was either me confronting her or my gay white neighbors Paul and Stan confronting her. I was the lesser of two evils. Paul and Stan are the type to snatch her ass up and escort her back to the down the street to the ho stroll. I just wanted to kindly suggest that she take her "stroll" on back down to the corner... before I secretly call the police and scream that she is outside shooting folks (LOL).


Snake saw me about to walk up on her and stopped me... That's my girlfriend, LadyLee!
(Hen later informed me that she was his exwife).

She was waiting for him to finish washing cars. He runs up on her and kisses her...

Good, he saved her from sitting on the ground in handcuffs, surrounded by police...

Because I learned from Ladytee when you call the police, pretend to be an old confused white woman, afraid and alone, can't locate your medication, and surrounded by crazy negroes. That's if you want the whole police department at your house in less than 5 minutes! LOL!

While I was standing outside talking to him, people were riding by yelling his name. Kids were walking by yelling his name... just glad to see that he was back.

Heck, when I left later on to go to the track, Hen-Dog was sitting on his front porch, watching Snake wash his Altima.

As I passed by, I didn't get the hard eyeroll... Instead, Hen-Dog yelled "He's back!!!"

Now will I revoke my pet peeve? Nope.

Even though I am glad that I opened the door that day, I will probably stay the same.

Remember...you better call an Oldgirl before you come by.