Tuesday, February 07, 2017

***Birthday #47***






47.
47?
47!

47!!!

I have been thinking about that all year long. I realize that amounts to a little over a month of days, but I have spent time thinking about that number.

47. 

I have spent time thinking about that age. 

Why? Because I never imagined turning that age. I remember when I was little always thinking about turning 30, because I would turn 30 in the year 2000. And who could imagine the year 2000?

But here it is... 2017. And i am 47. I am middle aged for real. And I never thought of that.

This time of year I wax nostalgic about the past 12 months. What was the good? What was the bad? What was the ugly? What do I need to change? Where did I succeed? All of that becomes much personal food for thought.

And I especially begin to think about what lingers on the walls and in the corners of my mind.

And I think about something I saw that has had an affect on my outlook.

A few months ago, I was thinking about increasing the amount of money I save each month. But it required that I pay my bills a bit differently. For some odd reason, I like to pay most bills off of one paycheck. That in itself is a high class problem. But I remember being a bit miffed by this.

And then one day, while leaving the freeway at the exit that leads to my job downtown, I saw a woman.

A homeless woman.

She was under the bridge next to the exit, and she was pouring water from a bottle over her naked body. She was washing up with a soapy rag.

That exit is curved and fast, but I remember thinking... did I see what I thought I just saw.

After a couple of more times, I understood that I did.

And I filtered my annoyance with having to rearrange how I pay my bills through those thoughts. Suddenly it wasn't that important that I had to make a few minor changes in order to meet a goal. Here was someone who lived under a bridge, and then got up everyday to get ready... in view of everyone. That is a sad thing. But it made me more thankful.

I don't see her that much. But I see her things: A black duffle bag, a gallon of water, and a few other items, all sitting on a ledge under the bridge. It is a reminder of Atlanta's homeless problem. It is a reminder to be thankful for the roof over my head. Truly thankful.

At this age, I find that I am thinking of those types of things, among other things that go on in life throughout my day, throughout my year. I feel like God shows us much to think about, if only we pat attention.

And that is what is on my mind this morning.

That is on my mind as I turn 47.

I am thinking about my problems...
I am thinking about my triumphs...
I am thinking about my adventures...
I am thinking about growth.

And I am excited about what is to come.

I took yesterday and today off. I remember all to much of how melancholy I was last year because I had to work (My birthday was on a Sunday, but I usually take that Monday off when that happens). I am at a point right now, especially since taking off 3 weeks in December and traveling to the UAE to spend time with my sister, that if I want to be off, I will be off. I realize that I don't take off much because of a fear of some mess going down when I'm not at work. Mess is going down whether I am there or not. I have had to realize that I have been dealing with some anxiety concerning work, and that ain't good. I am getting the job done. I have met my goals. But when I have to dodge the insecurities of others while dealing with my own, well, that is mentally taxing. I don't talk about it, because no one asks. I don't want to complain and whine. I listen to enough of other people's wailing as it is. I don't want to add my own gripes to the mix. I am learning to pray about it. And watch things change. Period.

One thing I have learned is this: there is ALWAYS a lot more going on than we think is going on... with people, places and things.

Even with our own selves. These days I spend much more time on self introspection and making the adjustments than on pointing my fingers at others. Sometimes I am the problem. Sometimes not. I need to be crystal clear about the distinction.

Those are my thoughts at this moment and time, on the day I turn 47.

Today I am off. I woke up and listened to the radio, and I watched the news just to see what the weather would be. It is going to storm later on, so I better get out and do what I got to do now.

Me and LadyTee are going to go do our Thelma and Louise thing... That didn't happen last year.

Minus the driving off of cliffs.

I want to go to the movies, and there is this high end Mexican place I want to try. That food better be good!

I am thankful for seeing a new year of my life. I am always mindful of there being those that didn't make it this far, so I will make the best of it.

I will make the best of year 47.




12 comments:

  1. I LOVE when you do these types of post! They really get me to thinking!

    Happy birthday my friend! I hope today is as special as you are and that you feel blessed not only today, but always! No go turn up and get your Thelma and Louise on! You deserve it.

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  2. Happy birthday Ladylee. Celebrate well.

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  3. July is when I will be 47. Chapter 47. SMH. Wow. ! I am a Nana. I have been a mother for almost 3 decades. I have overcome some hard times. Funny thing now that I have experienced having an empty nest for over 5 years, I don't know what I want to do with myself. I think a lot about the next phase and wonder what I am going to do.

    Your introspect has us all thinking I am sure. Have a good one.

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    1. Thanks Shai!

      It does make you pause and ponder and reflect for a moment, doesn't it?

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  4. Happy Birthday !!! Hope it's been a wonderful one.

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    Replies
    1. Thanks! It was a good one. Had a good 5 day weekend!

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  5. Anonymous5:52:00 PM

    Happy Birthday

    Erica

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  6. I hope you had a great birthday. This is the perfect time for introspection ... to put things in perspective. I'm going to be 53 this year and it seems all I do is think inwardly. Bottom line: we are blessed and we need to make sure we acknowledge that fact every single day!

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    Replies
    1. Thanks and AMEN, Chele!!!

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Slap the *crickets* out the way, kindly step up to the mike, and SAY something!!