LadyLee Retreats, Part I: Getting There

Last weekend, I went on my first ever retreat!

Now the big thing about me is this: I rarely go anywhere outside of work or home. As a matter of fact, I haven’t even taken a vacation as an adult. Oh, I have traveled, but it was always on someone else’s dime and not my own, which means I was off somewhere to some chemistry conference, and while there, I better take in some of the sights.

But I have never, as an adult, said, “Gee, let me pull some cash out of my own pocket and use it to go somewhere…"

The HORROR!

Hey, I’m all about the reimbursements and per diems, babe!!

Anyway, I went on a retreat with my Book Club sistas to Helen, GA, a big Alpine village up in the Georgia Mountains…

It was quite nice, yes it was…

So I thought I would detail some of my adventures while there.

Getting there. First of all, Helen Georgia is approximately 90 miles from the city of Atlanta, and we had to figure out the logistics of getting there. No one was suppose to ride alone.
Now, I wanted to drive my car. Why? Because I rarely drive my car, and every since I had the new CD Player installed, I’ve wanted to drive my doggone car, and play my music LOUD. I have several CDs with 100+ songs on them, and heck, I want to hear them ALL as loud as possible!

So, needless to say, I knew no one would probably want to ride in my compact Zoom-zoom, which was cool, but the rule was that no one was to ride alone. So, I reluctantly
sent an email out that stated that I was driving and could accommodate one other person.

Now, I get a call from two ladies, one I know and one I don’t know…Both wanting to ride. One said she was having some sinus isshas and was still deciding whether to go, and was having to decide what to do, while the other, who I didn’t know, was going to go ahead and roll with me.

Now the young lady I didn’t know seemed nice. Very mannerable on the phone and what not. Her english was good, not all ebonically inclined like my own, and I figured I would have to come up with my good educated english during this ride, LOL. I know a lot of faces at the book club, but not many names, so I was wondering who she was. I thought I’d probably recognize her when I saw her. I personally was looking forward to meeting her, because lately, whenever I meet someone new, they usually solve some type of issue I'm struggling with.

Okay, didn't mean to go to deep on you... back to the story.

Well, we were to leave that Friday afternoon for the retreat. Now, I do some odd stuff before I leave on a trip, whether it be overnight across town or something longer. I like to wash up EVERYTHING in the house-clothes, linen, etc.- and I like to thoroughly clean my house. I like to pack and unpack at least three times. My poor cat, Oscar-Tyrone, just stood in a corner watching me in all my obsessive compulsiveness.

So after cleaning and packing for several hours, I was bone tired.

There were suppose to be three folks in my Zoom-zoom, which was gonna be a bit TIGHT, to say the least, but we could do it. Well, I went to pick up the lady that I didn’t know, and when I got there, it turned out that we both had a whole lot of stuff… In particular, she had a WHOLE suitcase full of books. A HEAVY ass suitcase at that, and I am thinking to myself “How the heck is she gonna read ALL these damn books in two days?”

Well, I wasn’t gonna ask. If I don’t know you, I don’t shuck and jive with you. I probably won’t even talk to you.

My biggest concern was that she would object to me playing my music. I wasn’t gonna play it loud, but I did not want to hear “Hey LadyLee, I like jazz. Can we play some jazz?”

*LadyLee hurling herself out of the window at the thought of playing some slow ass jazz in her zoom-zoom*.

And she was diva-down... I'm talking full make-up, dressed nice. Cute, casual, and comfy, but all in all, dressed nice.

I had on the usual: t-shirt, sweats, and sneakers.

Had visions of going to the retreat, walking in and er'body diva-down.

Humph. Like Mary J. Blige says... Take me as I am. They would have to be alright. All I brought was sweats and jeans and that was all I was wearing...

I digress...

Anyway, we get settled in, and head for the interstate.

We were just driving… just chilling… I called the other young lady I was supposed to pick up and told her that we had entirely too much stuff, but we would hook up with her and see if we could squeeze everything in. She opted to drive her own car, a PHAT Infiniti, and trail us up to the retreat. (She followed me, not the other way around. I didn't think my zoom-zoom could keep up with her sports car. This ain't the Fast and the Furious!)

Now my book club sisters know me to be unusually quiet. Some of them read my blog, and are now like “Yeah right, LadyLee ain’t all THAT quiet.” I'm silent around them. It’s just that they be dropping so much knowledge that I have to sit still and be quiet and listen so I won’t miss anything.

So I decided to do something different. I asked Dwan Abrams, the young lady riding with me, a question.

“So, uh, how long have you been in the bookclub?”

Oh, I’m not in the book club. I’m an author. I write full-time. I'm currently working on my second book.”

*big giant crickets*

*Ladylee resisting the urge to slam hard on the brakes in the middle of the jam packed interstate*

“Oh,” I finally said. “What kind of books do you write?”

“I’m currently working on a romantic suspense. I have written Inspirational and Romance also.”

*LadyLee ears getting hot, heart beating faster, face flushing red*

*LadyLee QUICKLY turns the CD player waaaay down and seriously contemplating yanking it out the dash and throwing it out the window*

Now, ya’ll KNOW I am working on a manuscript right now. I am almost done. My manuscript happens to be romance (I DETEST romance), but has turned into a romantic suspense, which is fine by me. I have a bit of technical writing experience but not much creative writing experience. So when I meet a writer, I take the opportunity to ask a whole BUNCH of questions. When I hung out with my favorite author Tayari Jones a couple months ago, I asked a zillion questions concerning my trouble areas. I mean, it ain’t everyday that I actually get a chance to sit down and have a talk with a published author about the craft of writing.

So, um, don’t think that I didn’t do the same thing here.

Man…

I picked that poor woman’s brain like a slave picks the cotton… I asked about everything: about how she researched her characters, her methods of writing, her methods of character development, her experience with editors…. I asked EVERY possible question I’d been whining to myself about for the past couple of weeks, and she answered each and every question I had. And even offered a good amount of advice. I mean, she unraveled some craziness I am dealing with right now in my writing.

Um, let’s just say, I didn’t really have to go to the retreat after that.

Shoot, we could’ve turned my zoom-zoom around and headed back to Atlanta.

I was refreshed and renewed…

And ready to write.

And you know what was interesting? One of the male characters in her next book is a chemist. So she asked me a bunch of questions about a chemist’s personality, and I broke a few things down to her.

Let’s just say that the two hour trip to the north Georgia mountains felt more like a 10 minute trip to the store or something. LOL!!

So I was all smiles by the time we got to our cabins.

When we got there, someone asked me, “So, how was the drive up, LadyLee?”

I was like, “Man, I rode with an author!! I know she’s tired of me because I yacked a lot! I don’t know who set that up, but thank ya’ll for that!”

Anyway, I was all geeked, to say the least...

Now as for the retreat itself?

That was a whole nother story...

They were running around there screaming...

"What happens in Helen stays in Helen!!"

But you know your Oldgirl...

I had my camera and all, so you know...

to be continued...

***HAPPY BIRTHDAY, AUNTIE JOYCE***

(Post #150! Yaayyy!)

I would like to wish my faaaavorite aunt...

(Wait, she's my only aunt!)

I would like to wish my Auntie Joyce a very very Happy Birthday!!!!!!

Happy Birthday, Auntie!!

Auntie Joyce is quite the quiet one... you wouldn't think she wouldn't cause a hint of trouble. But I rememeber one day when we were sitting at her dining room table and we were discussing some family craziness and she said something like...

"Don't let the fact that I am quiet fool you, I'll still go off on you!"

*crickets*

Whoa... I remember scooting my chair back from the table just a tad when I heard her say that. Even the *crickets* moved out of the way when they heard her say that!

Let's just say she walks quietly but carries a big stick.

That doesn't really suprise me. She's not the average Auntie. She loves a nice Camaro with the white letter tires and that is all she has purchased for as far back as I remember! The one she has now is um, very loud, and she likes it like that! LOL!

She is NOT the average Auntie, that's for sure!

Now, I've had a lot of good times with Auntie, but I blogged about one of my favorite Auntie moments. Click the link and go check it out!

My favorite Auntie story: Shock and Awe!

So Happy birthday Auntie! I've got some nice gifts for you!

Hope to hook up with you sometime today!

Until then?

Enjoy your day!!

Love, Lisa.

Book Review: Vicious by Brandon Massey

One of my favorite authors, Brandon Massey, has done it once again:

He's written yet another truly exceptional book, Vicious.

Now this book wasn't released through his traditional publisher. It is self-published, released through Massey's own Dark Corner Publishing.

The story's heroine is a young woman by the name of Kym. She's at that point in her life, where, at the age of thirty, she is thinking about why she hasn't found the right man, the direction of her life in general...

You know how we ladies like to ponder such things...

Well, she has a younger college age sister, Ashley, and they don't get along very well. The sister attends college in the state of California, and their father usually drives the sister out to school and flies back. But this time, their father has business plans, and Kym volunteers to drive her sister cross country to USC. Kym figures that this road trip will give her and her sister some time together, some time to bond. Kym also wants to use this a chance to get away from things... to think about things going on in her life.

But they didn't anticipate running into problems on their trip... Problems with a crazed predator. During the middle of their trip, somewhere in the state of Texas, Kym realized that they are being stalked and followed. The man following them is a crazed predator, who roams the freeways in a beat-up pickup truck with a possessed pack of dogs, hunting for travelers far away from home.

This time, he has his sites set on Kym... and he will do any and everything he can just to get to her.

One thing I like about Brandon's writing is that he kicks things up a good notch with each book he writes. Excluding his horror anthologies and short story collections, this is his fifth full length novel.

And each one just gets better and better... and better.

Now this was Brandon's first time writing from a female character's point of view, and I must say that he did a great job. But what I like most about this novel, as in all his novels, is his uncanny ability to weave various storylines into an already good horror story. I enjoyed the sibling rival storyline, the nicely placed backstories, the family relationship storyline, the supernatural twists, and Kym's overall ponderings about her life, much of which I could relate to.

But Brandon also did something spectacular here that I have experienced in his other books, but NOT to this degree...

Dude got over into some SERIOUS serious sensory overload. I was not expecting that at all. It definitely added to the fear factor of the book!

Now, the majority of this novel was set in the dry deserts of Southwest. I've never been to the deserts of the Southwest, but after reading this novel, I know how that desert smells, feels, tastes, looks and sounds... I felt like I was there, right there in the midst of the action. There is no way you can tell me I wasn't right there. He has such an amazing feel for visualization and description that I caught myself yelling quite a few times...

"Run girl... RUN!!"

"Shoot that fool, girl... SHOOT him!!"

*Ladylee looking around to make sure no one heard her yelling*

LOL!!

In addition to his great storytelling, Brandon ALWAYS leaves the reader with the most unpredictable endings... Endings one could never guess, no matter how hard one tries!

Goodness!!!

So if you are looking for a fast paced action packed read, check out Vicious by Brandon Massey!

I promise, you won't be disappointed!

FREEZASMS and Silent Wonderings...

For part I, see "Car Work and Radio Days"

"...you can get up to 200 songs on one CD"

The words were like waves reverberating gently through my brain... It was as if a lone pebble had been dropped in water, and wave upon waves were rippling through my brain.

"...you can get up to 200 songs on one CD"

It was...

It was...

It was kind of like having a (((FREEZASM)))...

Brain freeze and an orgasmic something at the same moment.

(Okay, sorry about that... you know I suck when it comes to similes and metaphors... Just trying to explain how I felt at that moment, LOL! Still not sure if I have been able to get my point across.)

Man, you gotta understand how I feel about my music. I have 400 music CDs at home. I have over 150 hours of music on my laptop, and I'm still adding songs...

As my grandma would say...

Goodness gracious alive!!

Anyway, Tiny continued yacking (as usual), but I didn't hear a damn word he was saying. I just knew that he was trying to plead the case of my getting a new radio for my car... But I was still trying to grab hold of...

"...you can get up to 200 songs on one CD. You can place a CD into that CD player and never have to change it."

"Shorty," I finally said.
He stopped talking in mid-sentence. "What?"
"Dude, back up. Did you just say that I can get up to 200 songs on a CD?"
He frowned up. "Yeah, girl."
"Aaar raah... let's do this then. Let me know how much that will be, because I gots to have that!"
"Alright, you give me $300.00. I'll look around and get everything."
I nodded absentmindedly.

Now, getting hold of the three hundred dollars wasn't a big deal. I had that in the bank. I went through a little mental angst though, because I still felt that it was a frivolous purchase. I was on course to meet my savings goals well before the year was out, and was thinking about either putting extra money into another savings account, or splurging on something nice for the house.

Oh well, the decision was made... I wanted that new radio for my car!!!!!!

GLORY!!

He came over one day and showed me a photograph of the radio he was ordering for me off of eBay. It was brand new and in the box and everything.

Well, I got the money out of the bank. I placed it in an bank envelope... You know, one of those envelopes that have the words "Loose Change" printed in bold letters across the top. I reluctantly handed the envelope to him.

*LadyLee tightly gripping the envelope between her thumb and index finger while handing it to Tiny, causing a impromptu tug-of-war*

I frowned up at him, jabbed my finger into his muscular bicep. "Look here Shawty, that's a lot of money!!"

"Lee, your radio is already on the way. Stop trippin'!"

He left. I watched him walk down the street back to his house with my money.

...Silently wondered how, being that I am a chemist, I would poison his ass if he messed up my money.

...Silently wondered also why I have such insane trust issues...

Geez.

Anyway, for the next week, Tiny is out in the garage working on his car. He even takes it to get it painted. I am silently wondering to myself, and trying my best not to yell:

"Shorty, where the hell is my radio??"

Yeah, your girl has isshas.

But one afternoon, I came home from work, all happy to get out of the hot summer heat, contemplating how much writing I would get done that evening. I walked into the kitchen to get myself a glass of cold water, and there, sitting on the island in my kitchen, I see a brand new radio CD player in a nice glossy box.

My heart leapt for pure joy!

Later that evening I heard Tiny rumbling around in the garage. I ran through the laundry room and yanked open the back door leading down into the garage.

"You saw your radio, didn't you?"
"Yeah!" I yelled, visions of surround sound dancing in my head.
"Well, once I go get your speakers, I'll install it."
I smiled like Miss Celie. "YEAH!!!!"

Well, another line of convo crept up around this time.

"Lee, you want an amplifier to, you know, bring out that bass?"

*crickets*

I think he knew that I was about to go off, because he backed up.

"Look here, Shawty. I don't wanna hear all that boooooom, boom, boom, boooom, boom. I'm a girl. I ain't trying to deal with all that noise. I just want to feel like Luther is sitting next to me singing in my ear. All that bass ain't necessary."

"Well girl, don't you want to hear everything more clear, something to bring out the treble?"

He closed his eyes and starts swaying and mouthing a cymbal and snare drum kick...

tiii-tii-tiii..Tiiiiiiii-tiiii-tiiiiii-tiiiiiiiii-tii-tii-tii.

I looked at him like he had lost his damn mind.

"Tiny, you done lost your damn mind. Didn't you hear what I just said? Man, I don't care about all that. Just install my radio and keep it moving!"

"You sure? Because I can build you a nice box for the trunk that can hold your amps."

I didn't say another word. I just walked away.

I think he got the message, because we didn't have the discussion again.

Well, later that week, my brother, Kari aka "Milk and Cookies", came in the house yelling...

"Lee, me and Tiny 'bout to go get your speakers!!"

"Alright!" I yelled back, from my usual perch, the living room sofa. I continued pecking away on my laptop.

They left and came back with speakers. It was late, and I was already in bed, but my bedroom is on the main level next to garage, and I was awakened by the muffled rumble of the garage door opener. I heard them banging around out in the garage. I didn't care for the noise.

... silently wondering if I could dial 911 and tell the cops to get over here quick, because I think someone had broken into my garage.

Nah, that would be MEAN. (But you know your girl be thinking about such things!)

Around eleven in the evening, Milk and Cookies ran into my bedroom and turned on the light. It was like he was Paul Revere, charged with bringing in the news reports about the status of my car. My skittish cat Oscar-Tyrone, who was knocked out somewhere on the bed, jumped and ran and hid under the bed. I peaked out from under the covers, giving Milk and Cookies the evil eye.

"Lee, we installed your speakers!"

"That's cool, boy... Now go away, and turn that light off and shut the door."

He was a bit disappointed in my response. I don't know why he thought I was supposed to get all excited about that. Plus I was asleep at the time, and he knows that it is a definite no-no to wake me up.

I heard a Tiny yell in a deep authoritative voice:

"Yo, Where she at?"

I heard my brother mumble that I was in the bed.

"And I ain't getting up!" I yelled, just in case there was a question as to whether I was coming out of my bedroom to talk to him.

"That's alright, I'll come in there!"

Tiny comes in my room and flips on the light and holds up my old speakers, which were old, dry rotted, singed up, and falling apart. He proceeds to lecture me about allowing them to deteriorate to that degree.

I grabbed the cordless phone, which just so happened to be lying nearby...

...silently wondered to myself if I could call 911 and report these loud negroes and get away with it.

Instead, I said nothing. My silence spoke volumes.

Anyway, the next evening, Tiny decided to install the radio... Since my brother was missing in action (probably out chasing some tail), Tiny talked me into sitting out there in the garage with him while he installed it. I reluctantly grabbed my laptop and walked throught the laundry room and into the garage. I sat on the deep chest freezer indian style and tapped away on my laptop.

I heard a loud popping sound. I closed my laptop, jumped down from the freezer, and ran over to my Mazda.

"Now hold up, Tiny! You sound like you doing somthing wrong. Don't tare up my zoom-zoom, now!"
"Girl, I know what I'm doing! Calm your ass down!"

I got nervous as hell all of a sudden. "Well, um, let me just sit and watch you, just in case."

(Like I was going to correct him if he tore up something...)

I cringed and talked MUCH trash with each and every snap, crackle, and pop that came from the new speakers... He ignored me (as usual) and continued playing with the wires.

I watched (and whined) as he finally hooked it all up. (And you know he had to explain everyhing he was doing, with his talkative self.) We found an old Erykah Badu CD lying on the garage floor and stuck it into the CD Player...

Never have I heard my music sound soooooooooooooooooo good!!!

(insert a small freezasm here).

So now, your old girl has full music in her car again... And I was able to get ALL of my Luther, Anita Baker, Isley Brothers, Gladys knight, Debarge, O'Jays, Al Green, Frankie Beverly and Maze, and er'body else on one CD... 15o songs on one CD!!

(Insert another small freezasm here). LOL!

Nothing like modern technology, mayne!!!

What's next for your oldgirl? Who knows...

As long as I have my music... Who cares!!

Car work and Radio days...

I was backing out of the driveway one hot summer afternoon when I saw Tiny standing in the street, playing with his car (as usual). Whenever I would see him, I would use it as an opportunity to roll up on him at top speed as if I'm gonna hit him, and go off on him for revving his super charged bright red Mustang at inappropriate hours of the night.

Even if I didn't hear the car the night before, it didn't matter. I never missed out on an opportunity to viciously remind him that he needed a tune-up or something.

Well, as usual, I rolled up on him. Before I could even speak, he turned to me looking all sad.

"I know you laughing, right?"
This caught me completely off guard. I put my car in park. "Laughing about what?"
He pointed down to the side of his car.
I looked down and saw his crushed up left fender. Apparently he'd been sideswiped, because much of the candy apple red paint was missing from the fender. It was if someone had taken a huge metal comb and scraped the side of his car.

"Awww damn man, somebody hit your car!!!"
"Yeah. And now it won't even drive right. He pointed at the front tire on the drivers side. "That wheel is all messed up."

He went on to explain everything that was wrong with his car due to the accident.

I didn't pay much attention to any of what he said. I just stared at him.

"What, LadyLee?" he asked, when I didn't comment on his laments.

"Dude, I bet you screamed like a woman when you saw the side of your car, didn't you?"

He just looked at me like I was crazy, and then continued to explain to me how he was going to fix his car.

Okay, whatever. I listened to his extremely long-winded explanation of how he got sideswiped on I-75.

"Well alright, Shawty, I'll holla at you later," I said. I sped off down the street, leaving him standing there staring down at his fender.

Needless to say, the neighborhood was quite quiet for a few days. No sounds of revving up of engines or anything of that nature, and that was fine by me.

So one afternoon I'm sitting on the sofa watching television and my doorbell rings. I decide to ignore it. Hell, since they didn't call, I wasn't answering.

My cell phone rings and I squint at the caller ID. It was Tiny. I answer the phone.

"Sup, Tiny?"
"Lee, what's up, girl?"
"Nothing, man. What's going on with you?"
"Where are you?"
"In the house."
"How you gonna be in the house and not answer the door? I'm standing out on your front porch right now. Answer the door."
I pressed my hand to my forehead. Damn!

I got up, opened the door and walked out on the front porch. Tiny was looking worried as hell. Dude was looking like he was being forced to ring my doorbell or something.
I looked around, trying to make sure no one was trying to run up on us. When I didn't see anyone, I looked at him, all of a sudden pissed that I was being disturbed.

"Man, what the heck you want?"
"Lee, I need to use your garage. I can't fix my car on the street."

Oh is that right? Now, I saw him out there once or twice fooling around with his car....

...And I saw the dealers on the corner eyeing him. I was like, dang, hope he don't get robbed and jacked!

Actually that wasn't his major concern. The police had been harrassing him about fixing his car in the street. We are under some type of weird city ordinance, where we are not allowed to work on our cars in the street or the yard. So I let him use my garage, which is in the back left part of my house. I gave him a garage door opener and the spare key to my car and told him to do his thing. My only stipulation was that I not be bothered. He said okay.

So I came home from work one day and saw his jacked up car in my garage.

I tried my best not to laugh, because I know he was a bit sad. After all, dude worships that doggone car! I wanted to say "Dude, your ride is fuugged up!!"



Of course, I had to hear full blown detailed explanations of exactly what he had to do to get his fenders back on, the type of drill he had to use, etc... all the intricate details of getting that damn car back in shape...

And I had to hear full details each. and. every. day. While standing outside in 90+ degree heat.

You know, I try to be polite and all. And he's an engineer, so I figure he likes that type of stuff and has to explain what he is doing, but damn. Dude, I am a girl... I just don't care about cars AT ALL! And it is hot and humid as all get out when I get home from work. I just want to go inside and get out of the heat!

Now, I rarely drive my car. I carpool everday (I am chauffeured back and forth to work by the Infamous Hen-Dog... that would be a better way of putting it), so my car usually sits in the garage. I only use it for doing a bit of running around here and there.

So, Tiny would have to move my car in order to get his car in my garage. As a result, a different line of conversation crept up all of a sudden.

"LadyLee, you need to wash your car!"
I laughed. "Dude I'm not like you. I (or better yet, Snake) only wash my car once a season. I can care less if it's dirty, as long as it cranks and I can get from point A to point B."

Another day...

"Lee, you need to let me vacuum out your car!"
I frowned. "Dude, no. My car is only vacuumed twice a year! Again, as long as it cranks and gets me from point A to point B, who gives a damn!"

Now here's the kicker... the one that really pissed me off...

"Girl, you need a new radio for your car!"


Okay, he had a point there. A month prior to this statement, I was rolling down I-75 heading to College Park, listening to New Birth's Been Such a Long Time. Apparently the bass on that song was too much for my speakers because I heard a loud bang.

My speakers had blown out. (I turned around to look, expecting to see smoke or something after the loud bang.) So I was reduced to the music coming from the passenger side speaker. I was cool with this, though. I use to have a '73 Nova with a boot leg Mexican brand cassette deck and a house speaker swinging from the dashboard of the passenger side of my car, and um, I dealt with it.

Bottom line: I didn't give a damn. As long as my car would crank up and get me where I was going? Whatever. I didn't care to rush out and buy a new stereo and speakers, even though I'm a music fanatic. (Ya'll know how I am about making bootleg CDs). This would have been important when I was in my early 20's or something. I am too old for that ish now.

Well apparently Tiny noticed this when he was moving my car around, and became increasingly annoyed with me.

I would leave the back garage door open just in case he needed to get some water or use the bathroom. But he would come in the house and harass me. Usually, I'll be sitting on the couch pecking away on my laptop, in deep concentration, working away on my manuscript.

Tiny would come stomping through the kitchen.

"Dang girl, you sure do type a lot!"

*LadyLee peering at Tiny over her eyeglasses, silently pissed about being interrupted*

"Um, yeah," is my lone response. I go back to typing.

So for a few days, I had to hear him whine about how I needed a new stereo and speakers for my car.

"Lee, you need a new stereo and speakers!"

*LadyLee wishing he would shut the hell up and go back outside. LadyLee silently wondering to herself how she could clock him upside the head with the vase of fresh flowers sitting lovingly on the coffee table without making a complete and utter mess*

"No, dude, I'm cool! I'm good. It's all good."

"But Lee, how the heck do you ride around like that!?"
"Dude, it's cool. I'm cool. It ain't that big a deal. And I don't see the point of putting out cash for something frivolous like that."

I watch as he reaches down and pulls open my freezer and pulls out my ice cream. He rifles through the cabinents for a bowl and a spoon, but decides to just eat straight out of the carton... Humph... I wonder silently to myself if Shorty is getting a bit too comfortable.

"Lee, I can get you a nice Kenwood CD player and a set of new speakers, front and rear, for three hundred bucks. I can install it and everything."

I became a bit agitated. "No, Tiny... conversation over. Take your butt on back outside somewhere now." I went back to typing.

"Removable face, remote control, big wattage... you can get it all, and I know how to install it for you."

"Dude, didn't I say that I don't care?? Damn!"

He ignores me. "Look, I can get you one with mp3 capabilities."

I don't say anything, I just look at him. I try to give him that evil squint that my mama use to give me with when I was a child whenever I was acting up, hoping that he would go away.

It didn't work.

He places his hands on the back of the sofa. I am trying to figure out how to bust him in the head with my laptop without actually doing damage to my laptop. Or better yet, I'm looking for my cat Oscar-Tyrone so that I can snatch him up and sling him in Tiny's face. Maybe a few good scratches by an angry kitty will send Tiny running.

He looks at me waiting for me to say something. I ignore him and keep typing away on my laptop.

"LadyLee, do you know what that means?"

"No boy, and I don't care. I told you I'm not getting a new radio for my car."

"That means," he continues, "that you can get up to 200 songs on one CD. You can place a CD into that CD player and never have to change it."

***Crickets***

to be continued....