Saturday, April 01, 2006

Shock and Awe!

Shock and Awe!!!

…Is what these pets felt when their pictures were snapped…

Shock and Awe!!!

… Is what Grandma felt when seeing my baby brother’s tattoo of a smashed bug, um, I mean tribal symbol on his right arm for the very first time.

My brother and I had joined my Auntie, Uncle, and Grandma last weekend for a dinner of homemade calzones and hot apple pie, while watching the movie War of the Worlds.

Then I said the magic words…

“Roll up your sleeve and show Mama (grandma) that tattoo, boy!”

Grandma has a very light voice, and you better pay very close attention and lean in real close if you want to hear what she’s saying…

All she could do was point at it. All I heard for a moment from her was…

"Oooooh, Look a there, look a there!"

She asked the smiling boy several questions, many of which I couldn’t hear. She asked him if his skin would be alright. She wanted to know if it would form keloids, since it was still in the process of healing. He said it was alright, just scabbing up a little…

That really made Grandma’s day! She wasn’t expecting to see all that!

I’d been screaming that it looked like a smash bug all week. (LadyTee thought it looked like a wide-legged ant. I howled when I heard that description.)

But Auntie hipped me to the deal… earlier in the week, after reviewing some pictures of the tattoo that I’d emailed her, she calmly explained that she watches the show Miami Ink, and that the tattoo was indeed some special symbol, most likely tribal. It was definitely a symbol similar to those on some of his medieval swords.

So that shot our smashed bug theory to the ground.

Auntie had spoken, and that was basically the final word.

This little episode had me thinking about one of my funniest Auntie stories…

My Auntie J is my mother’s younger sister. For many years, I thought that “Auntie” was her real name. But my Auntie is a bit different from most Aunts…

When she buys a car, it is usually a Camaro, which she likes to drive really fast. I remember one day some 20 years ago, when she'd just bought a new Camaro, she took me for a ride. She wanted to show me how when she hit the gas suddenly, how our heads would go back and hit the headrest… This left me a bit terrified. I’m sure she has slowed down now, but whenever I see the big letter tires on her Camaro… I don’t know…

Why don’t I just skip catching a ride with her…

Yeah, that sounds good.

Auntie has always been like a mother to me and my younger siblings. We can talk to her about anything and get good advice, without any weird adverse judgements and/or “side effects.” So basically, if we need to make a confession, this is who we all talk to (MUCH to my mother’s dismay).

Well anyway, my Aunt and my brother get along fabulously, as for as long as I can remember, they have some of the same interests: cartoons, tattoos (even though she doesn’t have any), medieval knives (my brother collects them and she has found places to buy such bizarre items for him), motorcycles/choppers, and of course, fast cars…

And other things….

A couple of years ago, my siblings and I were at my Auntie’s house celebrating her birthday. Grandma was there also. Auntie was opening her birthday gifts after dinner. I don’t remember what I gave her. She’s has her own photo restoration business and she is an artist, so I am sure it may have been a book or something related to that, and a DVD movie of some sort, since she loves movies.

Well she (my Auntie) jumped up all excited…

“I gotta show ya’ll what Sean [her husband, my uncle] bought me for my birthday!!” she yelled. Her voice is almost as light as Grandma's but we can hear what she's saying if the room ain't all noisy.

She retrieved a medium sized gift bag from the floor and sat it gently on the table. The bag was a beautiful pink bag (I believe it was a Winnie the Pooh theme bag), with lots of nice pretty pink tissue paper sticking out of the top. I was shocked that my Uncle could pick such a nice bag for a gift!

I’m thinking to myself that was nice of Uncle Sean to go buy her something nice and to place it in such a beautiful bag.

Well she proceeds to gently dig down in the bag and bring out a lovely black case.

It must be a case of oil paints, I thought. That’s nice. For as far back as I can remember, she has always loved to paint with oils. I have fond memories as a child of her meticulously explaining to me how she mixed her oils on a palette, just to get the right shade of blue or tan, whatever blended color she was looking to achieve.

She opened the case. There was no beautiful metal tubes of oil paints…

She opened the case and pulled out a big ass black gun!!

She held it up in her hand and nodded as she admired it.

I gasped. Shock and awe was what I felt!

My brother couldn’t contain himself.

“Oooooh weeee Auntie, it’s a Bee-bee gun, it’s a Bee-bee gun!!”

Both she and my brother have a fascination with guns. They talk about guns a lot. Auntie had given him a bee-bee gun at one time, and I remember her fussing at him for breaking it or something a while back. She was not pleased about that at all!

Auntie held the gun lovingly in her hand. “No boy, it’s a real gun. It’s a .38.”

I thought my brother would do backflips when she said that.

I was preparing to just jump out the way. I didn’t want her wielding that thing around, trying to do her Foxy Brown thang, you know.

My quiet Grandma leaned forward from her sitting position on the sofa. “I want to hold it, J” she said quietly.

Grandma held out her tiny hands, and Auntie gently placed the gun in them. She held it and stared at it for a moment, clearly in awe of it. “It’s heavy,” she whispered, her eyes wide as saucers.

We passed it around and we all held it. My brother got especially happy with it, and I immediately directed him to give the gun back to my Auntie.

She was quite elated by the gift. She couldn’t wait to get to a range somewhere and shoot it…

Oh my!

That’s my Auntie for ya! She has a very quiet demeanor, just like my grandma. They are both very artistic people.

But she has a rowdy side…

Fast Cars. Motorcyles. Tattoos. Big knives and swords…

And guns….

Yeah, she’s undercover gangsta.

But she has her tender loving mother side too. She has no kids, but has done much to steer me and my siblings in the right direction. Without her, I think we would all be in prison somewhere, or just plain trifling as hell…

But we’re not…

Thanks, Gangsta! (I mean thanks, Auntie!!!!!)

Know that we love you dearly :)


  1. Auntie is Gangsta...I like her...and something tells me Grandma may have wanted her own LOL...

  2. I love your Auntie! Grandma too, and I agree with Diva, somebody needs to get Grandma of the soft voice a piece of her own!

    I've got an aunt, she is just 5 years older than me and a cop, but she too is just like your aunt. She is getting a bit more settled as she has gotten "growner", and now is the Director of the STL po-po department. But back in the day, she drove a Firebird too damned fast, a motorcycle too damned fast, a black corvette with a T-top too damned fast, and owned then and now, more guns than a posse could shoot! She was the very definition of all things cool in my eyes, and though Ms. Write Now of the gentle soul never had aspirations to go out like that, it was oh so very awesome to grow up the favorite neice of someone so together...I might have to dig out some pics and post on her one day after her career is completed as I wouldn't want to risk revealing any secrets that might derail her astronomical rise through the political as po-po ranks (LOL).

    Great post as usual!

  3. Aren't most of the old school (our aunts and grannies) pretty much gangster?

    How we got to this point, huh?

  4. A gun, huh? I was thinking it was something more of an ... adult nature.

    Your family sounds great!

  5. Yeah...I'm feelin' Auntie...

    I too am quite undercover...perhaps not as adventuresomea as "auntie" -- I can't hang with a gun...I'd use it--quick fast and in a hurry...don't trust me...Now a nice blade...

    Way to go Auntie ;)

  6. Auntie is a beast!...That's what I'm talking about!..I like her, too...I thought her gift was going to be something of an adult nature, too. hahaa

  7. you know, what i absolutely love about your writing is that i don't even realize i'm deep into the story until it's over. you have a deft touch, sista.

    unlike your aunt, who sounds like she's got that "heavy, smack a person in the mouf, mack truck" touch. LOL

  8. hee hee. Your family is funny!

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  10. LOL @ the smashed bug! You are so crazy!

    I know grandma was like "what da"?

    I got the nerve to want another tattoo. I want one on my upper back/right shoulder area.

    Lee, you have got to check out my post aobut the 5 y/o little girl that had a baby (back in the day)!

    Its Tuesday's post!

  11. @That OG Chele and Kayla... I told my aunt how ya'll thought that there was an, um, adult toy in that bag! She thought that was hilarious!!!

    @Cyncere Sister...


    So you down with walking up on folks and shankin' em!!!! OH MY!!

    @DJ DIVA... Grandma is definitely undercover gangsta... I just know it!

    @ATLien Nikki... Thanks ATL homie... that means a whole bunch coming from you!!!!

    Yeah, my Auntie walks lightly, but carries a big ass stick!!


    *GASP* The Elusive Queen leaves a comment????

    I'm not worthy! I'm not worthy!

    @that OG Sharon... see, that's why we Original OG's... we got them gangsta aunties!!!


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