In Remembrance... September 11, 2001

The part in red is a repost from this blog, September 11, 2005.


The people of my parents generation have always said, "I remember exactly were I was when Martin Luther King, Jr. was shot" or "I remember where I was when John F. Kennedy was shot."

And people of my generation have said "I remember where I was when Marvin Gaye was shot."

And the people of my generation now have an additional "I remember" moment. ...

"I remember where I was the morning the terrorists attacked the World Trade Center."

I clearly remember where I was on that sunny and bright Tuesday morning of September 11, 2001.

My job, which I'd just begun three weeks prior to that day, had sent me to Denver, Colorado to a Regulatory Science training course. I'd arrived from Atlanta that Sunday, September 9th, and was to stay the entire week. Early that Tuesday morning, I'd arrived to class in a conference room in the lobby of the hotel about five minutes late. I'd been upstairs in my hotel room dealing with a nose bleed. I was having trouble adjusting to the high altitude.

One of the instructors was finishing up a special announcement. I caught the tail end of it. He was saying something to the effect of "We'll keep you posted on the situation in New York."

I didn't ask anyone what was going on. I knew there was a hurricane swirling somewhere off the upper east coast, and I remember thinking to myself "Damn, that hurricane has hit New York!"

Class went on for a couple of hours until it was time for a break. The lead instructor got up and made another announcement...

"The World Trade Center Twin Towers have collapsed. They've been destroyed. They're gone."

Again, I remember thinking, "A hurricane destroyed the twin towers?"

During our fifteen minute break time, I went to the hotel bar. I remembered that it had a big screen television. I asked the bartender what was going on. He said that some airplanes had hit the World Trade Center.

I remember wondering how and why would some little crop dusters fly into the World Trade Center? But after watching the footage over and over during my break, I quickly realized that those were no crop dusters. They were huge airplanes. I was shocked and horrified. Just like everyone else in the country probably was.

I returned to class. The lead instructor said that if we had anyone in New York that we needed to check on, we had permission to go and make calls. No one left. We continued with our class.

I remember spending my lunchtime and most of the evening hours after class watching the news, not believing what I was seeing and hearing. Terrorists had brought down the World Trade Center Twin Towers.

That next day in class, the instructor said that if anyone wanted to leave, then they could leave. How could we leave, though? All air traffic was halted. Someone said that rental cars were not available. And two Amtrak trains had collided one state over in Utah, so train service was temporarily halted.

We were all stuck. We decided to continue the class. So I was in Denver the rest of the week, still trying to adjust to the higher altitude, fighting with my nosebleeds and constant dry mouth.

And also trying to adjust to the fact that terrorists had attacked the USA.

I called worried family members to let them know I was alright. I also called my new boss to let her know I was okay. People in class were struck with a fear of flying back to their homes, but I decided to just pray about it and have a little faith.

The class ended one day early because some of the instructors couldn't make it to the class due to flight cancellations. I left Denver that Friday. I wasn't afraid to fly because I'd spent the week praying and thanking God in advance for a safe trip home. So my faith was high. My flight was only two hours delayed, but it went smoothly. I must say, though, I was more than happy to see Atlanta again.

So today, September 11, 2005, I take time to remember one of the most tragic events in our country's history. I say a prayer for the families of the victims of one of the most tragic events in American history. This day has to be terribly hard on them.

And most of all, I hope and pray that terrorists will never strike our country again...

Never, ever again.

I posted that 3 years ago...

You know... It's been 7 years, and it feels like it was only yesterday that it happened.

And Opinionated Diva detailed today over on her blog how she was suppose to be at a training in Tower One that day but didn't make it.

Reading that made me... I don't know, pause.

This was not some small event that someone just gets over.

Not in the least. And I tend to think more spiritually about things and the way I feel about this...

It's one thing to have the pain of the event affecting you, but the REALLY awful feeling is the RESIDUAL EFFECTS of such an event. The residual effects of something so traumatic are unimaginable. There are people who have awaken every morning for the past seven years feeling the residual pain from that lost one gone forever.

I can't imagine that pain. Yes, we have all lost loved ones, but waking up on a day like today and dealing with the televised memorials may make all the pain feel fresh to those who are coping.

So today, I send a prayer up for those people, those who have had to cope every single day of their lives with a loved one being lost like that.

And to all of us, who remember that day, when life stood still.

Here's to the healing of our souls and spirits.

The September 11, 2001 World Trade Center Tragedy...I Remember

The people of my parents generation have always said, "I remember exactly were I was when Martin Luther King, Jr. was shot" or "I remember where I was when John F. Kennedy was shot."

And people of my generation have said "I remember where I was when Marvin Gaye was shot."

And the people of my generation now have an additional "I remember" moment. ...

"I remember where I was the morning the terrorists attacked the World Trade Center."

I clearly remember where I was on that sunny and bright Tuesday morning of September 11, 2001.

My job, which I'd just begun three weeks prior to that day, had sent me to Denver, Colorado to a Regulatory Science training course. I'd arrived from Atlanta that Sunday, September 9th, and was to stay the entire week. Early that Tuesday morning, I'd arrived to class in a conference room in the lobby of the hotel about five minutes late. I'd been upstairs in my hotel room dealing with a nose bleed. I was having trouble adjusting to the high altitude.

One of the instructors was finishing up a special announcement. I caught the tail end of it. He was saying something to the effect of "We'll keep you posted on the situation in New York."

I didn't ask anyone what was going on. I knew there was a hurricane swirling somewhere off the upper east coast, and I remember thinking to myself "Damn, that hurricane has hit New York!"

Class went on for a couple of hours until it was time for a break. The lead instructor got up and made another announcement...

"The World Trade Center Twin Towers have collapsed. They've been destroyed. They're gone."

Again, I remember thinking, "A hurricane destroyed the twin towers?"

During our fifteen minute break time, I went to the hotel bar. I remembered that it had a big screen television. I asked the bartender what was going on. He said that some airplanes had hit the World Trade Center.

I remember wondering how and why would some little crop dusters fly into the World Trade Center? But after watching the footage over and over during my break, I quickly realized that those were no crop dusters. They were huge airplanes. I was shocked and horrified. Just like everyone else in the country probably was.

I returned to class. The lead instructor said that if we had anyone in New York that we needed to check on, we had permission to go and make calls. No one left. We continued with our class.

I remember spending my lunchtime and most of the evening hours after class watching the news, not believing what I was seeing and hearing. Terrorists had brought down the World Trade Center Twin Towers.

That next day in class, the instructor said that if anyone wanted to leave, then they could leave. How could we leave, though? All air traffic was halted. Someone said that rental cars were not available. And two Amtrak trains had collided one state over in Utah, so train service was temporarily halted.

We were all stuck. We decided to continue the class. So I was in Denver the rest of the week, still trying to adjust to the higher altitude, fighting with my nosebleeds and constant dry mouth.

And also trying to adjust to the fact that terrorists had attacked the USA.

I called worried family members to let them know I was alright. I also called my new boss to let her know I was okay. People in class were struck with a fear of flying back to their homes, but I decided to just pray about it and have a little faith.

The class ended one day early because some of the instructors couldn't make it to the class due to flight cancellations. I left Denver that Friday. I wasn't afraid to fly because I'd spent the week praying and thanking God in advance for a safe trip home. So my faith was high. My flight was only two hours delayed, but it went smoothly. I must say, though, I was more than happy to see Atlanta again.

So today, September 11, 2005, I take time to remember one of the most tragic events in our country's history. I say a prayer for the families of the victims of one of the most tragic events in American history. This day has to be terribly hard on them.

And most of all, I hope and pray that terrorists will never strike our country again...

Never, ever again.

Food for Thought: Tragedy... and Residue.

Today is September 11, 2012.

As of eleven years ago, that date is seared in our hearts and minds forever. And we can all recount exactly where we were the day the towers fell and so many lost their lives instantly...

I know I can. I have written about it over the past anniversaries on this blog and in my personal journals. I was one of those on job travel at the time, way out in Denver. I remember air travel being shut down. I remember standing in the long lines to catch my plane back home. I remember looking around and seeing the fear in the eyes of everyone when air travel resumed. We all wanted to make it home safe. Safe and alive.

Alas, time has passed. We go on with our lives. Life doesn't stop because of the tragedy that occurred. Time stands still for no one.

I am mindful and thankful for the fact that in all these years we haven't had another major attack. Yes, yes, you may say that we are highly protected. And yes that may be true. But I have a doctorate in chemistry. And my masters degree involved explosive type chemicals.

Let's just say another blogger who's an expert in his related field and I were talking a few years back, and uh... let's just say, it's WAY too easy to tare up stuff... I will leave it at that.

But that hasn't happen. Thank goodness for that.

So we all mourn. We all are afraid. Eventually we all go on with our lives. And for a couple of years after the anniversary of 9-11, we held our collective breaths, afraid that something else would happen on the anniversary of that tragic day.

Nothing happened. And with each year, the memory of it is gets smaller and smaller as we stare at it in our rear view mirrors.

We have our memories... and a tall Freedom tower stands in the place where so many died that day.

But you know there is residue: the mental anguish associated with losing someone or something, long after the tragic events have occurred. There are people that day that lost brothers, sisters, mothers, uncles, aunts fathers, husbands, wives and friends...

And they are dealing with the residue of that loss.

All these years later.

One of my favorite personal quotes, and we will call this a LadyLee postulate of sorts...

Not only is the tragedy devastating, but the long term residual effects of the tragedy are also devastating, even more so. 

I myself have written numerous times about this "residue" in the pass, whether it be after a tragic event or as a result or consequence of our own bad choices and decisions.

I think about it often. And my prayer is with those who, some 11 years later, still lay awake at night and are visited with the memories of loved ones... and they are having trouble moving past what happened. We don't hear much about those people. Their stories are difficult realities to portray to a public who loves happy stories and even happier endings.

I myself have to think on the residue from the tragedy in my own life that haunts and bothers me to this day to even hope to relate just a little to those who have had tragedy in their own lives directly related to what happened on September 11, 2012.  We all have had events in some point in our  lives that have affected us in a terrible way.

For myself there have been a myriad of things, which I won't discuss here. (You thought I was longwinded... you don't want to see longwinded, honey.).

But there is one loss that I think about around this time. I think about the loss of my friend, that popular blogger who I called ATLien Nikki... I think of her around this time. It is close to a couple of weeks after the anniversary of her passing. She passed on August 30, 2009, and I purposely didn't write about my feelings- that "residue"- last week as others did. Mostly because I just wanted to be alone with my feelings to examine my thoughts..

I must say that I still, some 3 years later, get teary-eyed over her loss...

Continued tomorrow....

10 Year Later...

From a post I wrote 6 years ago today.

The people of my parents generation have always said, "I remember exactly were I was when Martin Luther King, Jr. was shot" or "I remember where I was when John F. Kennedy was shot."

And people of my generation have said "I remember where I was when Marvin Gaye was shot."

And the people of my generation now have an additional "I remember" moment. ...

"I remember where I was the morning the terrorists attacked the World Trade Center."

I clearly remember where I was on that sunny and bright Tuesday morning of September 11, 2001.

My job, which I'd just begun three weeks prior to that day, had sent me to Denver, Colorado to a Regulatory Science training course. I'd arrived from Atlanta that Sunday, September 9th, and was to stay the entire week. Early that Tuesday morning, I'd arrived to class in a conference room in the lobby of the hotel about five minutes late. I'd been upstairs in my hotel room dealing with a nose bleed. I was having trouble adjusting to the high altitude.

One of the instructors was finishing up a special announcement. I caught the tail end of it. He was saying something to the effect of "We'll keep you posted on the situation in New York."

I didn't ask anyone what was going on. I knew there was a hurricane swirling somewhere off the upper east coast, and I remember thinking to myself "Damn, that hurricane has hit New York!"

Class went on for a couple of hours until it was time for a break. The lead instructor got up and made another announcement...

"The World Trade Center Twin Towers have collapsed. They've been destroyed. They're gone."

Again, I remember thinking, "A hurricane destroyed the twin towers?"

During our fifteen minute break time, I went to the hotel bar. I remembered that it had a big screen television. I asked the bartender what was going on. He said that some airplanes had hit the World Trade Center.

I remember wondering how and why would some little crop dusters fly into the World Trade Center? But after watching the footage over and over during my break, I quickly realized that those were no crop dusters. They were huge airplanes. I was shocked and horrified. Just like everyone else in the country probably was.

I returned to class. The lead instructor said that if we had anyone in New York that we needed to check on, we had permission to go and make calls. No one left. We continued with our class.

I remember spending my lunchtime and most of the evening hours after class watching the news, not believing what I was seeing and hearing. Terrorists had brought down the World Trade Center Twin Towers.

That next day in class, the instructor said that if anyone wanted to leave, then they could leave. How could we leave, though? All air traffic was halted. Someone said that rental cars were not available. And two Amtrak trains had collided one state over in Utah, so train service was temporarily halted.

We were all stuck. We decided to continue the class. So I was in Denver the rest of the week, still trying to adjust to the higher altitude, fighting with my nosebleeds and constant dry mouth.

And also trying to adjust to the fact that terrorists had attacked the USA.

I called worried family members to let them know I was alright. I also called my new boss to let her know I was okay. People in class were struck with a fear of flying back to their homes, but I decided to just pray about it and have a little faith.

The class ended one day early because some of the instructors couldn't make it to the class due to flight cancellations. I left Denver that Friday. I wasn't afraid to fly because I'd spent the week praying and thanking God in advance for a safe trip home. So my faith was high. My flight was only two hours delayed, but it went smoothly. I must say, though, I was more than happy to see Atlanta again.

So today, September 11, 2005, I take time to remember one of the most tragic events in our country's history. I say a prayer for the families of the victims of one of the most tragic events in American history. This day has to be terribly hard on them.

And most of all, I hope and pray that terrorists will never strike our country again...

Thoughts... 10 years later.

I have been a bit choked up the last couple days, as there are specials detailing the countless stories of people who were lost on this day, a full decade ago.

10 years have passed. And it is all still fresh in my mind. I know it is much fresher in the minds of those who were there that day, and lived to tell about it, and in the minds of those who lost people that day.

It was a day where it felt like the world stopped.

Sudden. Tragic. Unexpected, like a thief in the night.

It took a couple of days for it all to sink in. I remember sitting in my chair, in a training class, listening to someone's intricate regulation jargon concerning my job... sitting there thinking in the back of my mind....

Did that really just happen.

I was even more concerned and shaken by something that I don't talk about that happened with me a couple of days prior to my own flight. I think I just wrote it down somewhere, because it was just disturbing.

I always pray over my own flights before leaving. I have my Prayers that Avail Much book, a book that I have given away to many folks in the past and here on blog. There's an interesting prayer for travel in there. Normally, I just pray that prayer, and keep it moving and travel.

But I remember that day, on September 9th, being upset about something... I remember thinking "Now Lord, if I ain't suppose to get on this plane, you better holler back, let me know something." But there was silence. Nothing.

I remember frowning, scratching my head, getting up from my seat and going over to the window, staring out at my plane. I didn't know what was wrong, but I wanted to holler, "Can go out and lay hands on the nose of this airplane and pray?"

Yeah. THAT woulda got me escorted out by security super fast.

I kinda just stood there, and peered out the window. Prayes some more.

But still that internal "upsetness". I don't know how else to explain it.

Needless to say, I got on my plane (and was sitting there staring out the window, and a little at people around me)... got to Denver, took the 45 minute shuttle ride to my hotel, and settled in for the evening. I thought about how I felt, and was still feeling... and chalked it up to gas.

But when it sank in later that week, I remember understanding that was the reason I was upset.

Hogwash! You may yell.

Really? Hmmm....

I remember all the fear people around me was feeling. I was a little more calm, since I'd been praying anyway. My prayers are my peace. I remember my boss calling from Atlanta saying "You so calm!"

Yes, I was. Reflective, yet calm. And understanding the whole concept of an upset spirit.

I honestly must say that I don't want to feel that way again. That strong internal nagging in the spirit. I have felt small vestiges of it over the years, most notably when someone close is about to pass away. I have to admit that I must respect those feelings, and pay more attention to them. And act accordingly.

And it is one of the reasons why this is a year where I am working on the removal of mental and emotional clutter from my life.

I know I went to church that next Sunday, after returning from travel. I remember my pastor commenting that he had never seen that many people at a church service, a Wednesday night bible study service (the day after the tragic event), ever. Shows where we run to when tragedy happens.

And he asked an interesting question: Did some of ya'll feel a strange something going on inside of you, days before this awful thing happen?

A lot of murmuring went on. We talked much of that, about the why behind that happens. I found that interesting.

Hmm...

On this day, I think of that tragic event in our country's history. I, like you, know exactly where I physically was, and what I was physically doing when it happened.

And I quietly remember what was going on with me spiritually when that happens. The quiet internal mourning spirit.

I also remember something else that I know to be true:

It is not only the even that is tragic... it is the ongoing the RESIDUAL effects that are also tragic.

Events are sudden. Residual effects of that tragedy are not sudden, but long lasting... haunting.

I remember a Bin Laden quote afterwards, something to the effect of "Look at America... fear to the east, fear to the west."

And that was part of the point. The point was not only a terroristic catastrophic attack, but also the impartation of fear.

Fear is a residual effect... from it springs anger, revenge... a whole plethora of bad fruit.

And you know, like I know, it changed the way everything is done. Security is now different. The country is now different.

Personally, I had to really work on myself. Little stuff like not looking at someone of middle eastern descent like they were crazy.

Our emotions were affected... still are. Such a bad residual effect.

Those are my thoughts for this day... 10 years later.

I am thankful something like this has not happened again. I was talking a few years ago with a fellow blogger, and I know his expertise, and he knows my expertise, and man oh man... it is something else that nothing like this has happened again. It is too simple to get your hands on chemical, biological, and/or explosive stuff. Too simple. I had amazed that it hasn't happened again. In 10 years, it hasn't occured. Nothing close to it.

Because terroristic attacks happen on a weekly basis, looks like, overseas, don't they? Don't much time pass until you hear someone strapping on explosives and walking into a cafe, etc... and blowing themselves and everything else around themselves up.

We live in a country where that doesn't happen. Yet the things to make it happen are more readily available here.

I am thankful that it don't go down like that. VERY thankful.

Those are my thoughts on this day, September 11, 2011.

I leave you all with your own thoughts. I know we all have them.

I hope you will share with me... or take some time of quiet reflection.

9/11... I Remember. And I Show Respect.

Today, I remember the day that changed the life for so many.

September 11, 2001.

I think about this day, which had to be like any other day.

Americans getting up for work. Or getting up and catching a flight out of town. Thinking about what they'll have for lunch or dinner that day. Looking forward to seeing family later.

And the day didn't end the way anyone planned.

And life as we know it, was forever changed.

I remember those people today. I'll simply have a moment of silence, may even say a prayer and have personal communion here at home.

Today I am a bit disturbed by the level of religious turmoil. Not sure if that's the correct term for it.

Let's just say, on rare occasions I leave out of here early to go to work sometimes, around 5 in the morning. I let up my garage door and I hear the sounds of crickets, the wind blowing through the trees, the horn of the morning freight train, or the sound of traffic on the nearby freeway.

But more often than not, I hear someone saying their morning prayers to Allah.

I don't sneer. I don't jeer.

I am quiet.

I listen respectfully, if only for a moment.

I get in my car and leave for the day.

So, I'm scratching my head at the Pastor down in Florida who wants to burn a Qu'ran.

So, he says he's going to protest the radical faction by doing something radical.

Him of all people, an undershepherd, given charge to guide the guide and grow the souls and spirits of his congregration... I would think he would show a little respect.

I mean, I don't know if he'd like anyone burning the Bible. Why would he want to burn a Qu'ran?
He said God told him to do it.

Sir, does it bring peace and progress? No. It's causing chaos. I shouldn't have to tell him, he heard something from something else. Maybe it was that heavy gassy dinner he had the night before. Who knows.

I just think that's horrible, and it's what's on my mind today, as I watch the Anti american protests going on overseas. It's on my mind as I hear reports of arson of Mosques across the country.

It ought not be so.

Whether you're Christian, Buddhist, Muslim, Hindu, Scientologist, Mormon, Agnostic, Athiest, etc...

I have NO right to hate on you on the basis of your beliefs being different from my own. Something is WRONG with you if you choose to commit violence against someone based on their religious beliefs.

NONE.

You are on your path in life. You didn't wake up believing what you believe just as of this morning. It comes over a lifetime of living, of drawing your own conclusions, of doing what's best for you.

I submit that people who get into religious arguments and uproar don't really believe what they say they believe and are looking for validation.

If you truly believed what you say you believe, there would be no need to berate another for their beliefs.

There would be no need to burn anyone's personal text... their personal owner's manual for how they learn to direct their lives and livelihood.

It's hard enough to stay within your own lane in life, to walk your own path, to learn and grow... and at the same time trying to control other's life walk and growth.

Hard.

I won't do that. I will show some respect.

Especially on this day, when life changed for so many.

It's the least... the very least I could do.

Friday Freestyles... The Chitlins and Fresh Produce Edition

Good Friday afternoon...

*throws glitter*

So today was payday! I received half a check. I wasn't expecting that.

No payday two weeks from now. That will be odd. That is unless we go back to work next week. Half a paycheck again.

I doubt that will happen. And I am not particularly monitoring the situation.

I am not watching the news. It's kind of hard to do, since I want to know what the weather will be like. I have resorted to looking up the weather on one of the weather websites.

If I hear the word "shutdown" one more time, I'm gonna throw a brick through the screen.

I just can't take the words... the plethora of negative words. And I am sitting there taking in all the negativity.

It is akin to me staying at someone's house. And the host feeds me chitlins.

Chitlins for breakfast.

Chitlins for lunch.

Chitlins for dinner.

And they are "questionable" chitlins, i.e, chitlins that haven't even been properly cleaned.

*ladylee separating out the hairs and debris out of chitlins as she eats*

Chitlins. Day after day after day.

And what is this... day 10 or 11?

Sooner or later, I'm gonna be feeling pretty crummy.

And that's how I feel about this whole mess. It's bad enough to have to sit and wonder when we will be going back to work. The best case scenario for me would be to go back to work sometime in November. I could use a whole month off. And if we get back pay? Oh, that would be the bomb. This would essentially be a vacation.

But I just can't sit here and feed on the news cycle... morning, noon and night. I'm just not that strong.

I tell you what, though. I have been enjoying the cheese out of going to Wednesday and Friday morning bible study. I sure am sitting in the pew with a big gigantic smile on my face, happily taking notes.

I almost wanna holler "GLORY"!!

It is akin to me staying at someone's house... and the host feeds me fresh fruits and vegetables.

Produce for breakfast.

Produce for lunch.

Produce for dinner.

Day after day after day.

And what is this... day 10 or 11??

Ahhhh yes. Sooner or later, I'm gonna be feeling pretty good.

So that's the way I feel about that. I am making the best of it. I'm in a good situation in that I have savings and I can just cut myself a check from savings every two weeks. Annoying, but no big deal. And I am using this time to get a lot of things done. I make a list of 10 to 15 things to per day, and I write it out on a big piece of construction paper. I stick it to the wall and I get busy myself with it all day.  I cross off tasks as I complete them. I am also doing quite a bit of walking, which has been great since the weather is so nice.  It is absolutely perfect for outdoor activities.

I am also doing a TON of crocheting. I am working on Bliss' fourth and final baby blanket.

Bliss said she likes yellow. At least I think she said that somewhere. If not, OH WELL.  Oldgirl is getting a yellow blanket. If she doesn't like it, she better regift it...

Or use it to cover the dog. 

LOL!

That square above took about 10 minutes to make. That was back on September 30th. I am almost finished with that blanket now. I'll be finished by Monday. I have a post coming up on that.

Lawd have mercy, I don't usually bust out a blanket THAT fast. All this time off is making me a crocheting bandit!  I wanted to be finished by November 1st, but I will be done by the 15th, easy.

The whole neutral gender blanket thing is really starting to have me O_o, so I'm washing and packing these suckers up soon and shipping them to her. They are all stacked in a bag in a corner, taking up precious room. Time for them to be stacked in the corner of the babies' room! (Uh, you need to email me, Bliss. I don't know your address. And Texas is a big state, honey. I can't just send those... randomly.)

So I have been super busy. And I notice too, whatever little personal issues and problems I have have intensified. They have always there, sort of fuzzy and in black and white. But now, they are like, magnified 10x bigger, in 3D Imax, and full technicolor. I guess things become a bit glaring with all this time off.  And that's a GOOD thing. Yes it is.

All the reason for me to take time and grab hold on to them and work on them.  Work those issues out.

And I rather do that then watch the news. I can tell you, I feel much better. Much better.

Keeping busy seems to be the key. My money is managed a tad more tightly now, which has me a bit annoyed (and yes, it is a high class problem).

But I am sure we will all get through these things. Our special leadership in Congress will get an unction to go play a little golf or do a little yachting during these fall days. They'll suddenly figure something out.

Indeed.

Song of the Day.  Gonna turn the tables on ya'll today with a song from one of my favorite country CDs.



Oh my. Loretta, Dolly and Tammy made a CD together some 20 years ago. I bought it the day it came out. Such a good CD. I still listen to it. I know every word of the song above. Loved-ed it.

LOL.

So that's it for me today, people.

Y'all make sure to clean your fresh produce thoroughly...

And clean your chitlins with care. Really.

And...

You all have a good weekend... ON PURPOSE!

Ten Tuesday Thoughts

So here we are...

Ten Tuesday Thoughts... or more.

We will see.

1. I was so thankful for the 3-day weekend. We just don't get enough of those.

2. I use the holiday time to declutter. And boy oh boy did I have a lot of clutter. I come from a family of hoarders, so anytime I can get rid of a stray piece of paper, I am proud and happy.

3. I think our discussion panel at the Decatur Book Festival went very well.

It was around an hour  long. We each read for around one minute (my passage to read - I'd  decided it right before I left the house that morning).

4. I wish now that I would've rented a room at the local Marriott for the weekend and spent the entire 2 days there. Once I stood still enough to look at the sessions, I saw that there were some great sessions. I didn't attend any because I was more nervous about our session.  Sigh. Maybe next time!

5. So my new nephew Justin, aka Notorious J, aka Scoot Booty (my personal nickname for him) is doing well. He is the little Boss Preemie of the intermediate infant care section!

6. Scoot Booty is getting darker.

7. I went down Saturday evening to spend some alone time with him and give him his bottle. It was my first time feeding him.

He drank a full 15 out of 20 milliliters. I prayed over him and sang to him. It was the best 2 hours of my weekend, hands down. Go Scoot Booty!!

8. And Scoot Booty is a typical man: eat, get full, then go straight to sleep.

9.. Best thing I ate this weekend:

A pineapple habanero popsicle from King of Pops. Although they are a bit pricey, I like there popsicles because they are not too sweet and they're super juicy. It was good, but it snuck up on me afterwards. That habenero had my lips burning for a few minutes!

10.. There's a new hurricane coming, and her name is Irma! After seeing Harvey, people in Florida rushed to the store with the quickness. It is strange that we heard about Irma some 10 days out, whereas Harvey wasn't talked much about. Maybe I missed it. Never again.

11.. This day is too long. Sigh. I can't wait to get home.

12. I am doing something new for September: I am making up my "to-do" list for when I get home during the day as I think of things. (I hope that makes sense. My wording is off). I think that will be better for me, because by the time I get home, I have forgotten what I wanted to accomplish that evening.

That's it for my 10 + 2 Tuesday Thoughts!

Revelations and Rabbit Holes

I try my best every year NOT to make "New Years Resolutions". Why? Because by January 10th, I am done and so over it! 

I don't need a resolution. I need a revelation. Some goal or action that frees my mind and reveals some things. Something that gives me the "ah-ha!" that I need. 

I find that making a few goals, or even one small goal or intention, tends to stick. 

I only have one real goal right now. Well, but first, I have a smaller intention right now: be consistent in taking my medications and vitamins each morning and evening.

*crickets*

Now, this may seem to be an easy and inconsequential thing. But I found myself in 2001 forming some unusual habits when it came to taking medication. I may take the morning ones any time after noontime.

Even worse, I would think about taking my evening meds at a proper time. 

The interesting word here is... think.

So let's say it's around 11 pm. I need to take my meds. BUT I will decide to just lay down for a minute and close my eyes. Take a nap of sorts. This is fine because I sleep no more than five to six hours a night. (Strange reasoning in my mind, I know). But I will end up waking up at midnight or thereabouts, and I would have to get up out of bed, go get some water, separate all my pills out, and take them. This takes some five minutes, but it pisses me off. I'd rather be in my warm bed, you see. 

So something simple as taking my meds at consistent times is a big deal to me. I needed to solve this problem.

First it started out with separating all my pills into a morning/evening pill box out at the beginning of the week. This takes five minutes at most. Then I will just try to take them at good times... in the morning and at a couple of hours before I go to bed, when I am still lucid. 

That's it. That's all.

This seems to be working out pretty well so far, and it brings me some sense of calm. Hard to explain. It feels like something I do not really have to think about. (Did I take my meds yet? Did I skip one of my meds?)

Funny how something so simple calmed my nerves a little. 

Now the New Year Revelation I had that I want to accomplish:

Read quietly for one hour per day. 

This too may sound super simple. But it is not. For me, that is. 

I remember some ten to fifteen years ago I would read forty or fifty books a year. 

Now? In the past five years? I may have read four or five books a year. 

Why is that? Because of all the constant distraction in my life. I am thinking about this pandemic. So I may watch upwards of four hours of news programs a day, wondering what the world is going on and when this will be over. Then there is social media. Facebook, tiktok, twitter, instagram, youtube... ALL of that. It is so easy to disappear down many a rabbit hole real quick. Then I also like games I can play on my cellphone. WWF, candy crush, sims games... ALL of that. Hence, more hours of my day chewed up. 

Chewing gum for the brain.

It's like chewing chewing gum. Not much nourishment there. Just a little minty freshness and keeping the mouth and teeth busy. 

Sigh.

So if I can just sit still and read an hour a day? That would mean so much to me. 

And so far so good. The current book I'm reading is The Illusion of Money by Kyle Cease. It's not some book I would normally pick to read, but it was mentioned in a room on the Clubhouse App (that app itself is another rabbit hole at times). It was a spiritual room I would listen to while I walked in the mornings, and I pulled up an excerpt back in September and decided to make that my first book of the year for my "hour of power".

This book is super deep off the pages, but really good. It's kind of hard to explain what's it's about, but in a nutshell, it is about concentrating on the things that expand your heart and soul rather than chasing and doing things because you can make money from it. So it is about purpose and passion. You find your purpose, you pursue what you are passionate about, and provision will follow.

 I've seen and read much about this subject matter in the past, but this is a fresh perspective. I am much more aware on what makes me happy right now. 

And what makes me happy right now is my consistent hour of reading a day. It is time for me to be quiet, and for me to get back to concentrating on something useful than all the craziness that goes on in the world around me. I actually look forward to being still and absorbing something interesting. 

One great quote I've come across from this book (and there are many):

"Raising your value is about moving in a direction that is different and more expansive than what you did yesterday. It's about letting go of the things that reinforce your old small vision of what you are worth."

Hmm... that's a lot to chew on. 

Now if I could run down that rabbit hole... oh my. 

But I plan on continuing my one hour a day of quiet reading. Right now, it is around 6-7:30 pm at night or thereabouts. I found myself dozing off the first day I did this, but now I am excited about it. I may try some other times. That is a good hour after my walking, when I am trying to just wind down in general. 

But I think it is a good New Year revelation. 

And so far so good! 

Happy Fathers Day

Happy Fathers Day... I'm not sure how many men readers I have, but I like to acknowledge my holidays.

I was looking back at old Fathers Day posts in order to just grab up a picture for today's blog post. I am always pensive and reflective on Mothers and Fathers Day, as these have never been times of celebration, but moreso times of trepidation for me. This has been an odd weekend in that I have found my eyes welling up with tears when watching Fathers day commercials on TV. And it is mostly out of wishing I had experienced all those feelings at some time in my life, and realizing that I haven't. I am not sure why it is causing such an emotional response from me. But it is alright.

I not only came across a picture, but I also came across some thoughts about fathers day that I posted, and it was a blessing and a comfort to read them.

I want to repost those here today on this Fathers day.

(Circa Fathers Day 2014)

This morning, during my journalling time, I spent some time writing about my father. He passed back in September of last year. I have his flag. I didn't really know how to feel about that. I know I

didn't think it was right to pack it away. I thought it should go to his family, but I was urged to take it. It set atop my bookcase, wrapped in plastic wrap for a few months. My best friend LadyTee brought a shadow box for it. I didn't want to set it on my mantle, so now it sits above my kitchen cabinet.

I reconnected with my father when I was 39, after setting a "bucket list" goal to reconnect, i.e., talk to him, when I turned 30. It took 9 years to get the courage up to say something. I was afraid of this man. My mother had said some things about him when I was a child that made me afraid.  There were the occasional times I picked up the phone at my grandmother's house, and it was him calling them to check on me. But it was like talking to a mere stranger. And I had to remember not to pick up the phone when I was over there.

For years I felt so abandoned. There were those thoughts so many of times of "Maybe I would've made better decisions in my life if I had a father to guide me."  I suppose it is worse for a boy/man than a girl/woman.  But I am older now. And I am successful enough. I can't blame things on that. I can't be mad about it. I sometimes look at others with fathers and wish that I had one, just to have someone who cares. But I look at myself, and I am alright. I can't judge my life through the lens of another.

The things I learned over the past few years of rare visits with him are interesting. I looked like him. We had the same sense of humor. We were both very quiet people, and prefer our own company. I am the worst kind of loner, and so was he. I needed to know those things. I appreciate knowing those things. I thank God for allowing me some glimpses into essentially the "why" behind who I am. That means sooooo much to me.

I also recognized in my prayers this morning my Heavenly Father. I am so thankful for prayer. Rarely do I talk to people about my issues, but you best believe I talk to God about them. And I am a bit spoiled these days, because prayer is constantly answered. Even the stuff I refuse to pray about. It is so interesting how the Holy Spirit searches the deep recesses of my mind and even takes care of those issues. I feel very much special and very much taken care of and thought about.

Part of my daily prayer for the past 1.5 years, something I posted on the last day of 2014, comes to mind.

Thank you Lord for being the covering you always are.... A covering with no holes and no flaws... all seeing, and all knowing. Thank you for taking care of me in ways I know about and most importantly, in ways I don't know about.

I ponder and meditate on that. I do. And I forever grateful for it.

Those are my thoughts on this Father's Day.

This is one of those times where I am glad to have some 11 years of blog posts. I can go back and read about ME and my heart concerning things.

And that there is worth its weight in gold.

Always. 

Gone Vegetarian...

The birth of Milk and Cookies Jr. was a most delightful interruption...

We now return you to our regularly scheduled broadcasts...

Now, one of my life goals has always been to become vegetarian...

It has been more of an imagination than anything.

Why, I've thought about it often, especially when I'm chowing down on a barbeque rib sandwich or a merrily eating a 2 piece spicy chicken dinner from Popeyes.

Always thinking about it, but never mustering up the courage to go through with it.

But, I noticed something particularly interesting during the fasts that we have at church every January. Sometimes I participate, sometimes I don't make it through. It is never anything stringent (like total water fasts - negroes will act a jack behind such), but usually involves some type of detoxifying element, like no junk food, no red meat, no white food (rice, potatoes, other high starcy stuff), nothing bad for you.

Very detoxifying indeed. The heart and mind is very clear during that time.

But like I said, I noticed something very interesting happened during these times:

My lupus symptoms virtually disappeared.

I could go so far as to say that they disappeared, because I don't remember any symptoms.

During those times I felt, what's the word... NORMAL.

And yo... an Oldgirl was REAL happy about that.

And soon as I'd go back to my old ways, well... the symptoms would raise their ugly heads.

Now my symptoms aren't terrible, as I am functional. I always have a low grade fever. I don't sleep well (only 6 hours a night, and constantly waking up). I have constant inflammation, and a little joint swelling. It gets a bit bad during PMS. I have spontaneous nosebleeds from time to time. Sinus infections prevail.

Like I said, I am very functional. I work everyday. I am limited in activities (2 on the weekend, 3 during the week). Anything more and I am virtually wiped out with fatigue.

I've always been proud of the fact that I can take care of myself. I am not dependent on anyone. Being completely debilatated had been a fear in the past.

But there was something about those periods of fasting that stayed on my mind.

And I looked into it one day.

I read all types of things on lupus, but one day I saw something interesting: that symptoms can be exasperated by animal protein, to the point where all the symptoms could be some sort to an allergic response. Essentially getting too much animal protein could cause all kinds of inflammation problems and kidney problems. I have had both at some time or another.

It could be bogus. Who knows. I blew it off and went on to something else. I don't see much about this in my mainstream book that I have on the subject. Such is to be expected from a book more centered on Western medicine.

But it isn't bogus to me because of what happens when I eliminate animal protein from my diet for periods of time.

Mix that with meeting one of Cowgirl Cre's cousins at one of her family functions who was a vegetarian just this past Memorial Day Weekend.

Our convo was interesting:

"So you're really a vegetarian?" I asked.
"Yes," she replied.
"So how long you been like that?"
She laughed. "You make it sound like I have a disease."
"No, I was just wondering."
"For 10 years."
My curiosity was peeked. She was a young chick, couldn't be over 30. "And why did you decide to do that."
"Because I had an animal protein problem that put me in the hospital, and after that, I stopped eating meat. And if I try to eat it now, I just get sick."

Hmm. I didn't know what to say. We all went on talking and joking about other things. I was trying to catch her alone but couldn't. I was nosy as hell. I wish I could've gotten her number so we could talk privately. I wanted to know what caused her protein issues. (But I didn't want her to think that I was hitting on her. LOL!! Maybe I'll see her at another family gathering (as I tend to crash Cre's family stuff often)).

Anyway, I thought on that for awhile. And not to mention, me and Dr. HazelEyes, another sista Doc on my job, had decided we were going to fast together. (She'd done some similar fasting like I'd done in January).

So we made a pact to do the darn thing.

"We're starting June 1st, LadyLee," she said.
"That's cool, I'm ready," I said. "And I'm kicking it for the whole summer, babes."

She looked at me like I was crazy. "Naw, I didn't say all that. The month of June, that's it. I'll work it out past that when we get that far."

"I'ma do the darn thing, girl. And if I can make it to the first of September, I'm shooting for December 31st. And if I can do that, then shoot girl, I'm gonna just stay that way."

*Dr, HazelEyes looking at Lee REAL crazy-like*

It is a most daunting goal indeed.

It is the most positive and interesting thing I did last quarter.

How am I doing?

It has been:

46 days

1104 hours

66,240 minutes

3,974,400 seconds...

Since I "turnt" vegetarian.

How am I REALLY doing?

1. No constan low grade fevers.

2. I can't remember the last time I had any arthritic pain or pain from inflammation. (Well, yes I can: late May, that's when).

3. I sleep like a rock. I get 6-8 hours of sleep per night. And even if I get 3-4 hours of sleep, it is a very good DEEP and satisfying sleep. I am not groggy for the rest of the day on short sleep.

4. No lupus flares (suddenly worsening of symptoms) during PMS.

5. No spontaneous nosebleeds. (Gosh... I HATED that).

6. No sinus mess going on. (Thank the Lawd for that).

7. Lost 17 pounds (Doctor Bhaji was happy about that). I can't tell, but it is what it is.

8. Doctor Bhaji said my hands had gotten smaller. *Lee sees crickets flying around that statement* In other words, no real inflammation and fluid retention isshas were seen on my last doctor visit.

9. My cholesterol dropped about 60 points. (It had been borderline high- around 220). That was from a June 9th test. Might be lower now.

10.Much better concentration (I usually have the concentration of a flea, which is lupus related- I cannot STAND that).

11. I am more energetic.

So, uh... should I stick with it? Or should I let it go and go get some Popeye's chitlins?

LOL...

So, Chele, I hope I answered your question of why I went vegetarian. Purely for health reasons. I think this is one of the most important decisions I made in the second quarter of the year.

And now the question is... Am I vegetarian or vegan?

There is a difference, you see...

To be continued...