Character Round-Up Part I: CHARLES...The Leaf Raker

There are a few minor characters running around my hood that I would like to tell you about. Of course none are more interesting than the mayor of my hood, Snake, who, regretfully, is still locked up…

But they are interesting folks, nevertheless…

Now when I first moved over to my hood in the downtown ATL, this tall brother who looked like Bryce Wilson use to knock on my door. Note that I said he LOOKS like Bryce Wilson.

More like a broke down, poor man’s Bryce Wilson. He had the super curly hair, same eyes, same complexion, exact same face, but he didn’t have the high post designer clothes. He wasn’t all shiny, no bling-bling, you know what I mean?

A broke man’s Bryce Wilson.. In a dirty oversized white t-shirt and a pair of baggy pants.

He was very polite and well spoken, though.

“Hi my name is Charles? Can I rake your leaves?”

Now I’d been trained by Snake not to let anyone do my yardwork except for him (Snake).

So I kept telling the dude…

“No thank you,” or “Come back when I’ve had time to think about it.”

Well, he kept coming back, again… and again… and again…

He would be there when I got home from work, before I could even get my keys out to open the front door…

“Can I rake your leaves?”

I finally approached Mayor Snake about this.

“Snake, there’s a dude who keeps coming over to my house, asking to rake my leaves.”

Snake jumped back like I’d just pulled a gun on him.

“What, LadyLee??” he yelled. “Describe this young man.”

“He’s about six feet tall, dark skinned, skinny. His hair is real curly, like he got a kit in it or something.”

“Oh,” he said with snort and a wave of his hand. “That’s just Charles.”

Like that was suppose to mean something to me.

“So what’s up with him?”

“First of all Ladylee, I’m the only one that’s suppose to cut your grass, wash your car, or rake your leaves for a small fee. You are a valued customer.”

“Negro, I know that! Who is this joker that keep knocking on my door?.”

“Like I said, that’s Charles. He likes to try to run the women of this neighborhood, you see.”

I laughed hard. “Are you serious!?”

Snake nodded. “Yeah, he gets a check every month. So he can do that, you know.”

I was really tripping behind that revelation. The notion that getting a check every month gives one license to run women. Oh my!

But um, that depends on how big of a check it is.

I grabbed Snake by the arm, and spoke real low.

“Dude, how much of a check we talkin’ bout?”

“Oh, I believe seven or eight-hundred dollars a month.”

I almost fell on the ground laughing after he said that.

“What’s so funny, LadyLee? That’s a lot of money!”

“Yeah, to you it is, since you smoke that rock, man. I can’t do NOTHING with that.”

Snake peered at me curiously. “So, girl, how much would it take for you to let him rake your leaves?”

“Oh, Snake, that check has to be at least six to seven thousand dollars a month! At least that much. I can work with that. Dude might be able to rake a few leaves for that amount.”

Snake looked at me liked I’d just whipped out a blade on him. “Oh Lawd!!!"

Anyway, I told Snake to kindly inform Charles that he should never, ever, ever step foot in my yard, ever again, and not to even think about knocking on my door asking to rake my leaves!

It is not going down, boo.

I’ve seen him occasionally, but not much lately. He gives me a smile and a wave. I give him a head nod. But he hasn’t knocked on my door since my talk with the mayor.

I guess he has figured out one thing:

He won’t be raking Ladylee’s leaves.

No way, no how. That’s for sure.