At the House of LadyLee... We like to keep it smurfy!
Thursday, September 22, 2005
Klepto Reloaded... Darth Sista T in Full Effect.
(Note: This piece is a continuation of the August 17, 2005 Post "Sister T...The workplace kleptomaniac) A few days ago, I and my fellow co-workers, Cowgirl Cre, Hen-Dog, and Meek-Meek, were busy working away on product violations, but at the same time making desperate attempts at curbing our workplace boredom with a little "Color Puple" spelling game...
"Bogus!" Cowgirl Cre yelled. "Meek-Meek, spell the word Bogus!" "Bogus: B-O-G-U-S, bogus" as in "This job is BOGUS". "Good, Meek-Meek, that was real good," Cowgirl Cre screamed, a huge smile creasing her lips. "Okay, okay," Meek-Meek chimed. "Hen-Dog, spell the word Low pay!" "Low Pay: L-O-W-P-A-Y, low pay" as in "This job offers LOW PAY!" "Get down, Hen-Dog, get down with your bad self," Meek-Meek yelled. Hen-Dog did his usual victory dance. "Ooh, ooh, ooh, I've got one, I've got one," I (Ladylee) screamed. "Cowgirl Cre, spell the word Klepto!" Cowgirl Cre's huge smile melted into a frown. "Sista," she murmured. "S-I-S-T-A, Sista, as in Darth Sista T is standing right behind you!!!
As soon as those terrible words were uttered, Meek-Meek, Hen-Dog, and Cowgirl Cre scattered like cockroaches, leaving me sitting there peering over my shoulder at the ruthless Darth Sista T.
Funny. We didn't hear her coming. Usually, we hear the hard Darth Vader-like breathing (Haaaaawww... Haaaaawww) and the determined clicks of her high heels on the shiny hallway floors, but we were so engrossed in our game that we didn't see or hear her, or her vicious wrath, coming our way...
"Ladylee, I need your signature on this violation worksheet, right now!" she barked, her voice dark and sinister. I frantically searched my desk for an ink pen. "Here, use my pen," she suggested. "No, thank you," I replied, my voice trembling. If it was an ink pen, I knew she had stolen it from someone, and as usual, I did not want to be caught with a stolen writing utensil. "No, use it!" she demanded.
There was no way I could decline again. Afterall, Sister T would stretch her thumb and index finger towards me, and I would start choking from lack of air....
So I slowly reached for the ink pen and examined it closely. The pen was extraordinary, unlike any ink pen I'd ever seen in my entire life. It was an Itoya Xenon XE-100 Aqua Retractable Roller! The pen's barrel was a striking ocean blue, and it was equipped with a multi-ridged black rubber supergrip holder. It was mesmerizing.
Darth Sista T's eyes lit up like bright stars in the night when she saw my interest in it!
"That's the pen I stole from my husband, Brother J."
Gee, poor Brother J, I thought quietly to myself. That sad man's probably feverishly searching all over the house for his special ink pen. It's sad that kleptomania can affect even the immediate family. My heart goes out to him...
"Look how the ink comes out," she continued. "It almost writes like a felt pen, but not all sloppy. It's better than a ballpoint pen!"
I nodded my head slowly. I just wanted to sign the paperwork so she could go away, and take her heavy ass breathing with her. But here's the comment by Darth Sista T that stopped me cold:
"It's the bomb!!!"
Oh my! Was that a smile on her face? Was that perspiration on her brow? Was that drool escaping the corner of her mouth?
I quickly signed the paperwork, at which time she snatched the ink pen and the paperwork from my hand and quickly walked away.
She wields Itoya Xenon XE-100 pen like Wonder Woman wields her Magic Lasso. When she clicks the retract button, I swear it's just like how when Darth Vader readies his Light Saber for battle. She even lays it on her desk in a special way, perpendicular to the huge desk's edge.
Gee, I thought, maybe the kleptomania is over. Maybe we, Darth Sista T's employees, are free to carry our ink pens without fear of her snatching them and claiming them as her own! GLORY! Free at last...
But alas, this is not the case. The other day, you see, Darth Sista T was signing paperwork over near Oldgirl Que's desk, when all of a sudden, she looked curiously at the cheap Bic Pen in her hand and said...
"Where did I get this pen from?"
Oldgirl Que and I looked away quickly. We also checked to make sure our own inkpens were secure.
We were afraid. We were very afraid. Because we sadly and quickly realized, you see...
That we would never be safe from the ultimate ink pen bandit, Darth Sista T.