A Whole Mess of Salmon...

I got caught off guard last week, by our friendly work librarian Regina.

“Hey Girl!” She chimed, as she ravaged my candy bucket, scavaging enough Dove Chocalates to hold her over for a few days.

“Yeah, what’s going on?” I asked.

"Oh, nothin' much."

I looked at her suspiciously. I knew this was a damn lie from hell. She wanted something...

“I need your help!" she finally said. "I need you to make some salmon croquettes for the African-American History Month Luncheon.”

“No!” I yelled.

“Oh come on, girl!” she said with a broad smile.

Obviously she hadn’t heard me, so I yelled loud enough for the whole floor to hear me.

“Hell NO!”

“Alright, why don’t you all just circulate the sign-up list around the floor for me.”

Cowgirl Cre (my work cubicle mate) and I looked at each other with raised eyebrows. If there was one thing I hated, it was being responsible for making sure a list or card got passed around without getting lost.

“Man, go head on with all that! Go on now!” I pushed her slightly. "You always come around here bothering folks, man!"

She waved me off. “Okay, Ladylee, I’m gonna put you down for a pan of salmon patties.”

I proceeded to have a complete hissy fit.

“Dang, man! Dog! You trippin’. Dang!!”

She wrote my name down on her makeshift list…

“Alright ladies, ya’ll have a nice day!”

She swiftly walked away, apparently satisfied that she'd accomplished her goal of hoodwinking me.

That’s Regina for you: she is the community servicewoman on the job, and she’s always participating in and planning the different extracurricular events on the job… She's the one who comes around with a card to sign, or a sign-up list for some potluck thing going on at work.

She is so gung-ho…

Humph. I’m just here to make my money and go home. Anything extra is completely ludricous to me, and leaves me quite horrified, I must say. I rarely show up for anything voluntary.

One thing I can say about Regina: she has learned over the years not to be threatened by my temper tantrums…

So early Tuesday morning, I woke up and prepared a whole mess of salmon.

People like them a lot, and have asked for the recipe…

And now I give it…

Hopefully, the peasants will stop bothering me….

Salmon Patties.

One 14 oz. can of cheap salmon (Double Q is good), deboned and drained.
1 large egg
½ cup of finely chopped white or yellow onions
2 heaping tbspn flour
4 heaping tbspn cornmeal mix
¼ tspn season salt
Vegetable oil for frying (about 1/2 cup).



Heat the oil in a skillet (medium heat). Alright, mix all the remaining ingredients together. The mixture should clump together loosely. If it doesn’t, add another tablespoon of cornmeal. Shape into flat roound patties (about 3 inches in diameter) and fry on medium heat. Turn the patties over when the edges are brown. They should fry approximately 3 to 5 minutes on each side. Remove them from the skillet and drain on a paper towel. Salt and pepper to taste...

Now if you mess that up? You just need to go sit down somewhere. You just need to stick to making toast or something, because you have some SERIOUS issues!

And you want a recipe for the biscuits? Don’t hold your breath… Go to the refrigerated section of your favorite grocery store and get a can of biscuits. Follow the directions on the back of the can. How about that? You can’t mess that up!

I don’t make homemade biscuits, you see. The ones shown above are a brand called Mary B’s, and I found them one day in the frozen foods section of a neighborhood bootleg grocery store. They taste damn near homemade, and that’s good enough for me!

So Regina…

The recipe is out there now, homegirl….

And check it out...

Don’t let me catch you on my floor, looking for me, ever again!