THE ORIGINAL OLDGIRL'S GUMBO RECIPE

***I'd like to send this recipe right herre out to Miss Celie (Sherri)... because she scratches out my head when I was ailing...

Sistah... you been on my mind, ooooh, sista, we two of a kind.... ROTFLMAO!!!!

Some people...

I tell you...

~sigh~

Like that doggone Celie, aka Sherri, aka Ms. Blackliterature.com,

She likes to sit off in the corner, off in the cut, all wide-eyed...


Wishing, wanting, waiting, hissing, moaning and hoping for a gumbo recipe.

She sometimes stands out in the middle of a field somewhere in the Carolinas, crying and crying...

She even grabbed Nettie, aka, BBall Mama's hand...

...and they're both justa wailing and crying for a gumbo recipe!!

So, I guess I will TRY to stifle some of the wailing by posting my gumbo recipe.

Warning, warning, WARNING.... It is long, long, LONG.

And it is heavy on the Bootleg tip... Heavy with a capital H. So be forewarned.

Just work with the Oldgirl, a'ight?

A'ight.

Let's go head on and do the darn thing!!

THE ORIGINAL OLDGIRL'S GUMBO

Meat

Alright, if you don't eat seafood, leave out the seafood. If you don't eat pork, leave out the pork. If you don't eat meat, then use tofu... well, you don't need to be making gumbo. Go have a glass of carrot juice or something. Humph.

2 pounds each of the following:

Chicken parts (preferably dark meat. Sherri is, um, a bit special, so she gotta use that skinless boneless chicken meat. Do your thing, Celie!)

Sausauge (preferably andouille, if you can find it. I usually use polish, andouille, and beef sausage. If you can find hot sausage, get it. I haven't been able to find it outside of Louisiana).

Shrimp (don't get those little ass shrimps either, Sherri...act like you got some sense and buy the jumbo shrimp).

Crabs (I like snow crabs. Get the blue crabs if you want. I don't have a good understaning of how to eat a blue crab, so I'm down with the snow.)

Veggies

1 cup red bell pepper,chopped
2 cups onions, chopped (I use red onions, but use whatever type you want)
1 cup green onions, chopped
2 cups bell peppers, chopped
1 14 0z can diced or stewed tomatoes
2 packages of frozen cut okra (man, I don't know what size! How about get enough packages to give 3 cups of okra... yeah, that's the ticket!)
1 bay leaf

The ROUX

(Sherri, use the roux your peeps gave you. Trust me, hon... Use the roux Big Mama and dem gave you.)

2 cups of flour
1 cup of oil (vegetable or canola)

Other

A pot of cooked rice.

(Look here, I ain't giving you directions on how to cook rice. If you can't cook rice, stop right here. Go do something useful and make yourself some toast instead.)

Directions...

(Okay, work with me now, for I am not Betty Crocker... I am more like Shaquita Crocker.)

1. BOIL the chicken and the sausage together in the largest pot you have. From henceforth, it will be referred to as the "Gumbo pot". This should take about 1.5 hours. I like for the meat to fall off the bone, so I boil it a little longer. There should be enough water at all times to cover the meat.

2. Next, you have a few options...

a. Add all veggies (EXCEPT OKRA and tomatoes) to the gumbo pot 30 minutes after you start boiling your chicken. Continue to boil.
b. Add all veggies (EXCEPT OKRA and tomatoes) to the gumbo pot after you boil your chicken. Continue to boil.
c. Sautee all veggies (EXCEPT OKRA and tomatoes) in a pan with either half a stick of butter or some oil. Then add it to the pot. This is the method I use. Why? I don't know why, I just do it.

All I know, you BETTER NOT put that okra in there at this point or your gumbo is going to be slimy. Yeah, I did it before, and you don't want slimy gumbo... YIKES!

3. Add the canned tomatoes to the gumbo pot. Continue to boil. Make sure you have enough water to cover everything. If you don't, act like you got some sense, and ADD WATER TO THE GUMBO POT!

4. Um, now let's deal with the okra issha.

Now, my coworker, a Louisiana native, gave me a recipe a few years ago, and she had in there that I had to "rope" the okra.

What the hell?

You know me. I questioned her about this. She didn't explain it well to me. I asked another Louisiana native, and he didn't explain it to me well either.

"Hey ya'll...What does 'rope' mean?"

They both looked at me like I was ignant. "You know, 'rope' means to rope it, Ladylee."

*Crickets*

Let's just say that I placed that recipe in the back of a drawer somewhere.

Anyway, I found what roping meant from a cook book a few years ago... Basically what you're doing is sauteeing the okra in oil until it is no longer slimy. It is quite simple. Just heat some oil (1/2 cup?) in a pan and add the okra. Keep stirring it until all the sliminess is gone. When the slime is almost gone, the okra will start to break up. Add more oil if necessary to evaporate out the slime.

Add your roped okra to the gumbo pot containing the chicken and sausage.

Got that?

If not, then, uh... go back and read it again... You gotta be smoking something if you don't get that.

Now let's keep it moving...

5. Reduce your pot to LOW heat.

6. Make the Roux.

*LadyLee frowns and scowls REALLY REALLY hard*

I hate making roux. I just hate it with a passion. Sometimes I burn myself making it. Sometimes I burn it up because I was doing something stupid, like yacking on the phone or watching TV. Just watch out because it will go south on you in the blink of an eye. That's all I gotta say about that.

Roux is basically fried flour. Yeah, that sounds stupid. This is why I am glad that Celie, aka Ms. Blackliterature.com, sent me a photo of the roux that Big Mama and dem gave to her...


Yeah... I'm down for that. It looks incredibly bootleg, so you know it's off the chain!! I will be looking that up, so that I can order it...

So I can bypass this whole homemade roux craziness.

Now I must admit... I am not sure that I have the proportions of oil to flour right, but it sounds alright to me. If not... I suggest you work that ish out.

a. Anyway, heat the oil (1 cup) in a pan on medium high heat. Add the flour, a little at a time, being sure to stir it WITH A FORK continuously. Once you've added all of the flour, it should look something like this:

It's all white and bubbly. If it is not bubbling, turn the heat up. If it's not smooth looking, i.e., it looks a little dry or looks jacked up in general, add more oil. It should have a smmooooooth consistency.

b. Now, you need to just keep stirring it. Think of it as frying chicken... without the chicken. Be careful, though, because if you get it on yourself, it burns you. (Yes, trust me on this. The Oldgirl sports several battlescars.) You are basically browning the flour, until it becomes the color of a penny. Now I read up on this somewhere, and you can make it as dark as you want to, even black... but um, I do not suggest that. The penny color is dark enough. Anything further than that is BURNED. (Trust me, I know this, man.) If you burn it, do yourself a favor and start over. You know you are finished when it looks like this:


Brown like a penny... Not a old penny, but a brand new penny.

7. Add the hot roux to your the gumbo pot. Stir it to assure that the roux gets mixed in. If you want to be like the southerners, let that ish cook all day on low. But you better stir it occasionally and add a little water to it. I, the Oldgirl, have burnt up a couple of pots of gumbo in the past.

8. Add the shrimp and crabs to the pot. Make sure there is enough water to cover everything. What I like to do is boil my shrimp and crabs in a separate pot, then add the boiled seafood, along with a little of the water to the gumbo pot. Do whatever works best for you, i.e., work it out!




9. Serve over cooked rice.

Notes:

You can use what's called file (ground sassafrass leaves) to thicken your gumbo. I don't do that. I use the roux as a thickener.

Some folks add the okra at the very end. As a result, no sliminess. I've tried it, and um, it don't work out for me, babes! I just go ahead on and "rope" it.

As you can see, I use A LOT of meat. A LOT. That's just me. You don't need that much meat. Cut the amount of meat in half, and it should be just fine. I just have a tendency to freeze huge batches of it, because I REFUSE to make it more than twice a year (Thanksgiving and 4th of July). If you're just trying to make a quick pot, then you don't need much meat... It's all on you, Shawty... Work it out!

Whatever you do, DO NOT leave the gumbo sitting out to cool. Sit the whole pot in the refrigerator hot, because it will go bad. I remember 3 years ago that I finished preparing the gumbo at 1 AM on Christmas eve, and I was going to get up at 5 AM to put it in the refrigerator. Well, when I got up at 5 AM, it had gone bad just that quick. It was bubbling and tasting crazy.

Man, you should have seen myself, LadyTee, and my sister Kentucky standing over that damn pot arguing with each other.

Kentucky tastes the gumbo. "Lee, it's alright, you don't have to throw it out. It's just fine."

LadyLee takes a taste of it. "I don't know, Kentucky, it smells a little rank, and it tastes like it is spoiled or something.

LadyTee frowning up at both of us, which means she's about to snap. "Both ya'll negroes crazy as hell if ya'll eat that ish... Look how it's bubbling. And it smells like a$$!!! Ya'll gonna fall out from some damn botulism."

**LadyLee is completely spooked by LadyTee's rant and throws out the gumbo.**

Had to throw it all out, man... and start all the way back over. On Christmas day, mind you.

Damn, damn, DAMN...

Had to start all over, mayne... and it was NOT a good look. Pissed me off something terrible!!!!

Now, I went back to work and told my Louisiana coworkers about the rapid spoilage. They looked at me like I'd just gotten off the bus or something. "LadyLee, you have to put it away immediately or it goes bad!"

Duuuh!! NOW you tell me.

Take it from me... Don't leave it out. Make space in the fridge and put it up.

So that's my gumbo recipe... Bootleg as all get out, mind you... but you should be able to create something good.

And like I always say? If you run into problems...

Work that ish out!!!!

Now I think I did okay with that, Celie, I mean, um, Sherri...



Because you sure do look happy... Hope it works out for ya!!