HaPPy BiRtHdAy TINY!!*

Okay... Hopefully this is my last birthday tribute of the year...

I wanted to give a shout out to one of my FAVORITE HOOD Eye Candy CHARACTERS....

Tiny!!!



Tiny is always happy to take pics... I always catch him doing something strange or crazy.

Last week, he came over and yelled, "Oldgirl, how you like the way I cut my beard? I was trying to do a little something different."

I looked at him like he was crazy (as usual). "It look alright."



I could really care less, because I am a goatee loving female... Really though.

Tiny is one of those peeps who know I don't answer my door. He knows this al too well. He will call from my front porch to let me know that he's at the front door.

Maybe I should stop answering the phone. Humph.

Anyway, sometimes I get caught, and I forget to put the food up before he comes in... Which is always funny, because he don't eat food...

He inhales it...



We did have to get something straight. He knows that he better not drink my good expensive juice. Pisses me off everytime he runs up on my fridge and yells, "Lee, you got anything to drink?"

I keep the cheap bootleg 3 for 0.75 cent Faygos in the laundry room cabinet just for him.



It took a few of my verbal shankings to set him straight, but I think he gets the point now.



(I still have to watch that dude, though. He can be sneaky.)

Tiny hangs out in my garage alot. I let him use it to do whatever he needs to do with his car. But it looks as if people think he lives with me, and we got a thing going or something. One of my new neighbors, Timmy, questions me on this, a bit too much, with his damn flirty self...

"LadyLee, so what's up with Tiny?"

"What?"

"What's up with Tiny? He sure is around alot?"

"And? What's your point?"

"What's up with that, baby?"

*Lee backing up a tad to get out of Timmy's reach, as he likes to reach out and touch me from time to time. Never mind that we are on the porch and his WIFE is in the living room.*

"He is using the garage. And he comes in to say hey or to eat up my food?"

Timmy looks at me with raised eyebrows.

"Dude, ain't ish going on with me and him. I like my men Hershey bar dark. And he too young. Bump that."

"It just looks like he lives with you!"

Good. That's the effect I want. Tiny doesn't work during the day. The neighbors on either side of me have been robbed and cleaned out. I have not.

Good. Bustas don't know if he lives there are not. THIS is the effect I want.

Tiny even calls me at work during the day sometimes!

"Lee, the police is out here chasing some dudes... there are helicopters and everything out here."

"Lee, I cleaned out the garage for you, stacked a few things, swept it out, and took care of a few other things."

GOOD.

Thank you, Tiny, my one man security team and janitorial service. The neighborhood association wants to charge $140.00/month for security one day a week, only 4 hours a day.

Excuse my language, but they can kiss my a$$. Sorry, but that just pisses me off.

Now, I was at home one day this week, taking care of some flooding isshas, and I walked outside and saw Tiny washing his car.

*crickets*

I didn't know whether to scream "Black Jesus!"... (like we usually do when we catch him with his hair down...)



... Or break out in a chorus of "It's them thuggish-ruggish BONES! It's them thuggish-ruggish bones!!!"



All I know... Tiny sure does have a whole lotta hair!!! Goodness. I have a laundry sink, and a while back, he asked if I would wash his hair...



Negro, is you crazy????!!!



HELL NO! I might get lost in all dat!!!

There's a horse running down I-85 south, wondering what the heck happened and what is going on, wondering who in the world stole its hair! LOL!!

I don't know which is worse... the wild Mountain man look or this look...



I told him to kill the Pochahontas ish... I didn't care for that. That was some craziness. He ignored me as usual...

He ignored me because he saw the food in the kitchen. I happened to have just baked a big batch of chocolate chip pecan cookies and oatmeal walnut cookies, and some chicken wings. He was inhaling food, us usual.



HUMPH.

Oh, yeah Chele, a while back you asked about his butt. There you go!



And you better catch that, because that is as raunchy as my blog will ever get, LOL! I told him that he don't really have a nice butt, but he somehow wanted to prove me wrong.

"Lee, I can go put on a pair of boxer briefs so you can get a better picture of my butt."

"Uh, No," I said a bit too quickly... "Keep your pants on, baby. We don't want any problems. Gotta keep it PG-rated, boy!"

And he just looks a bit, I don't know, special in this photo...

He looks a bit touched, as my grandma would sometimes say about people who are a bit special.

My brother, Milk and Cookies, and Tiny share an interest in cars and spent A LOT of time this summer out in the garage upgrading the Mustang...



Milk and Cookies is a lot like me. He doesn't like to bother people. But he wanted to know if Tiny would let him help with any repairs, etc. I told him yeah, but one thing about Tiny... That negro is EXTREMELY talkative, so watch out.

Needless to say, they had the male bonding thing going on... And it kept me from being disturbed, so I was down with that.

Plus, Milk and Cookies liked Tiny because he gives the free haircuts!!



Last month, I was yacking on the phone with my best friend LadyTee, and Tiny came into the house. I was trying to hold conversations with both him and LadyTee at the same time, MUCH to LadyTee's dismay. She unceremoniously and graphically told him to get on somewhere because he was interrrupting our girl talk time.

She asked me to ask him why they call him "Tiny", because in her words:

"He's a big ol' sucka!"

I've been knowing Tiny for a couple of years, and I've never thought to ask him that question. As a matter of fact, I didn't know his real name for the longest. Just didn't think to ask, I guess.

Anyhow, I posed the question.

"I was born three months premature, with sickle cell trait, asthma, pneumonia, and yellow jaundice. They called me Tiny, and the name stuck," he said.

DAYUM!

"Good Gracious alive," LadyTee yelled. "Shorty," she said, "don't you EVER let me hear of you getting down and depressed or wasting your life, because after all that, you are meant to be here!"

That made me think. You know, after all a lot of us been through... we are meant to be here...

We all have a purpose.

Just a little food for thought.

Anyway, Big Tiny... I would like to wish you a Very Very HAPPY 33rd Birthday!!



Thanks for being my one man security team! Thanks for all the handyman ish you do around my house.

And thanks for making me come outside and talk to you when you work on your car! (Sometimes I hate you for that, especially when it was HOT as hell outside and/or I was trying to get some writing done!!) I am always happy to listen to you when you gotta vent or whatever.

Thanks for listening when I gotta vent, too, Shorty.

We've had the most interesting convos... with your talkative self...

You do know how to make an Oldgirl think! Got me having to go journal after we talk sometimes... Geez.



Have a Happy birthday, Old Boy!!!

And many many more!!!