Lunch... HOT DAMN!!!!!! (Part I of II): Tale of the Dresscode

Okay... here's the scene:

I was sitting at my desk in my cubicle last Thursday...

Just chillin'.

Now, my coworkers will tell you...

This was pretty bizarre for me, because I lose my mind around too much silence. I usually have music playing on my laptop (to the point where my supervisor, Darth Sista T, calls and says through clenched teeth, "Lee, turn that music down!!"), or we are all involved in some type of bolo bat or jacks competition. We have even been known to get into some heated arguments where my boss comes looking for ME (even though I may not be involved), since I am the black sheep and the root to most of the swashbuckling shenanigans that go on in this cubicle area...

No... all was quiet in the cubicle area that day...

I was sitting there, at my cubicle, pouring through my manuscript, reluctantly reading and printing out chapters. The only excitement that morning and the day before was that I had written a short story entitled "Presumption Personified", and people were stopping by to tell me what they thought of it...

I was also becoming more disturbed by the minute by my cubicle mate Cowgirl Cre. She'd been sneezing and coughing all morning. She was coming down with what seem to be a hellacious cold.

*LadyLee peering cautiously over her shoulder each time Cowgirl Cre sneezes... silently wondering why she just don't take her sick a$$ home*

Anyway, there was the usual email thread going on between myself, The DJ DIVA, and the Super Shoe Queen Serenity 23. I have no idea what we were talking about that morning. I am a tomboy... They are high heel shoe wearing, runway walking Divas of the world. They like to get off on talking about shoes, hair weaves, etc., sometimes, which causes pure silence on my side of the thread... I am down for them shorties, but I, LadyLee, am not a Diva. Let's talk about Nikes and playstation, baby!!

Anyway, back to the subject at hand...

Tayari Jones, my faaaavorite author, and I start emailing back and forth that morning. I made a comment on her blog about her washing her big gargantuan cat, Johnny Baby.



On the end of one of those emails she tagged on...


"...What are you up to? You are back at work, huh? Where is your job located? Maybe I could meet you for lunch or something..."

****crickets****

Okay, I am getting better ya'll... I didn't jump around the lab like I did a few months ago, yelling and screaming and scaring the hell out of folk, knocking over chairs, causing people to jump out of my path....

Naw... I did good this time.

For one thing, I read it only 2 times, not just sitting there, pondering the overall meaning of the statement...

Nope, I backed up the chair from my computer screen, grabbed the phone that Cowgirl Cre and I share, and quickly dialed up LadyTee.

"'Sup Lee-Lee?"
"LadyTee."
"What?"
"LadyTee," I whined.
"What you want, broad?? Damn!!"
"Guess what?"
"What, Lee?"
"Tayari wants to go to lunch!"
"Really?"
"Yeah!"
"Go on, girl!!"

*Lee cheesing really HARD*

I talked to LadyTee about some unrealated stuff for a minute, while emailing back and forth with Tayari. I had lost all interest in my manuscript by that time. Tayari didn't mention lunch for a minute there, so I was a bit deflated, thinking that she was just kidding, so i didn't mention it... But a few minutes later, i got the following...

"Let's meet for lunch around 1.. how does that sound?"

I almost jumped over the cubicle, Mayne, LOL!!

Naw, I was cool... I chilled and acted like I had some damn sense. The only problem was that I didn't have my car that day, as I am cheerfully chaffeured to work carpool everyday with the Infamous Hen-Dog. That wasn't really a problem, though. Hen-Dog was busy, and his keys were laying in his cubicle on his desk. Nothing wrong with a little grand auto theft for an hour... All of a sudden I REALLY got excited... I was sitting there, filled with glee, because I was gonna drive Hen's tricked out late model top of the line Altima, with the leather seats and the seat warmers... The last time I drove his car, I was dropping him and his friend off at a Falcon's game, rolling down Capitol avenue at top speed screaming...

"Awww DAMN, I have got to get me one of THESE"..

*Hen-Dog and his homeboy sitting there, staring at me, holding on to their seats*

Yeah, I was gonna snatch that negro's car and leave him a note, telling him I not to worry, I'd be right back...

But I got another email from Tayari...

"...I've got my car so I can scoop you. what's fun to eat over there?"

So now, I am really tripping...

And it was beginning to look like lunch would become a reality... So I sent an email back of all the places that were around here- sandwich shops, noodle houses, pizza and burger places... and this place...

Silk Steak and Seafood Restaurant.

Now Silk is an upscale Pan Asian restaurant that is listed on many of the top ten best places to eat lists in Atlanta. It has been across the street from my job for a good couple of years, I believe, but all most of us have done is stare out the workplace window at the place and just... wonder.

"You know, they sell $75.00 steaks over there," I said one day. "I know, because I went up in there and got a takeout menu."

"Shoot, we won't be rolling up in there. Guess we will have to stick to the sandwich shop across the street," said random co-worker.

But today? Wasn't going down like that.

You gotta understand... This to me was like somebody like Barack Obama, Michael Jackson, Condoleeza Rice, Denzel Washington, Janet Jackson, or Beyonce... somebody like that calling up and saying...

"Hey Oldgirl, let's go get lunch!"

In other words, ain't nobody thinking about no damn club sandwich, pizza, burger or fries...

Me and Celie was fixin' to eat, and we was fixin' to eat GOOD...

So, the chemists in my immediate cubicle area knew that I was going to go have lunch with Tayari Jones.

Why? Because I went and told each one personally.

"Guess what... Tayari Jones is coming down here, and we are going to lunch."

*LadyLee grinning so hard that you can see all thirty-two teeth, tonsils, and her esophagus.*

I even went over to my boss Darth Sista T's office. When I entered without knocking, she looked up from what she was doing. She frowned hard, like she's ready to snatch her earrings off and kick off her high heels and fight or something. I walked into her office and stood in front of her desk, frowning just as hard, ready to kick off my Nikes and my fake gold hoops and go toe-to-toe.

"What LadyLee?!! What is it?!!!" she hissed.

"Look here, check it out, Sista T," I declared boldly. "Tayari Jones, my favorite author in the whole wide world,is coming down here, and we are going to lunch. I'm just letting you know."

That was pretty much my codeword for "Don't be paging me and looking for me because I won't be in the building. I am taking way over the 30 minute lunch. Don't talk sh** when I get back, you hear me?"

I have to make these things crystal clear. I really don't care though, since I am considered the crazy black sheep on the job, thrown under the bus on a regular basis. It was just a matter of making an announcement so she wouldn't be acting all ignorant later on. I have been known for telling management very loudly to go sit on a tack. Hopefully, this could be avoided that day. If not, going to lunch with Tayari Jones was well worth being thrown under the bus.

Anyway, I look at how I am dressed: sweats and sneakers, my usual gear for work.

Look, I've been working in chemical labs every since I was 16, some 20 years now... I have set myself on fire, had a few explosions, etc. I have spilled chemicals on good clothes, thrown them in the washer, and they come out full of holes. I have ruined hundreds of dollars in shoes and clothing. I even messed up my favorite hunter green long sleeve silk shirt fooling around out in the fields with a bunch of entomologists, digging around for termites in the French Quarter.

Uggh!!

Therefore I have learned to come to work as bummy as possible.

I found Silk's phone number, called them up, and grilled them on dress code.

They said sweats and sneakers were fine. But I was speaking with someone who didn't have the best command of the English language, so I took their word with a grain of salt...

Hen-Dog happened to be walking to his cubicle. He told me a while back that he'd been to Silk.

Come here, boy," I yelled.

He walked over. "What, gurl?"

"What's the dress code like over at Silk?"

He looked back and forth between Cowgirl Cre and myself, as if he was trying to decide if we were trying to trick him. We just stared at him, real hard like, waiting for the answer.

He shrugged. "I don't know. You can probably walk up in there butt-naked if you want to!"

Okay, he was no help. I waved him off. He went back to his desk.

I make my way to the other side of the building, even to the building next door, accessible via walkthrough, to spread this most exciting news. Many employees were excited for me, as they should be. Afterall, I am Tayari Jones' bootleg work for free Atlanta PR one woman firm. I am that crazy "touched" chick that stands on the corner, banging a heavy cooking pot with a metal spoon, screaming at the top of my lungs...

"Buy Tayari Jones' books!!!!!"

Yeah, they were excited for me.

"Where ya'll going to eat?"

"We're going to Silk!!!" I announced proudly, still cheesing down like my name is Celie.

*Employees screaming with glee. Employees breaking out in some impromptu dance number from "The Wiz", singing "Can you... feel a... brand new DAAAAYYY!!!?"*
LOL!!

However...

One employee BLATANTLY looked me up and down. I said something before she could.

"Oh, I already called Silk. They said no dress code."

They made a couple other comments.

I got real defensive.

"Aw na'll, me and Tayari, we girls, now, we girls. We cool! It's all good. She not gonna care how I'm dressed. We cool. We girls. She cool! She not stuck up like that. We just going to get something to eat. It's all good."

Humph. Pissed me off a bit. But at the same time, it spooked me something terrible.

*LadyLee swiping ID card so she can get out of the building.*

I hightailed it right on over across the street to Silk and talked to the Maitre D.

"Look here, what's the dress code?!" I spat.
He frown and looked at me like I had been smoking dope or something. "What?"
"Dress code. What is the dress code like?"
He looked me up and down. "What are you talking about? You're okay. Sweats are fine. Just come on over."
"Are you sure?" I asked.
"Yeah," he said, still completely perturbed that I would ask such a thing. "It's lunch time, just get over here by two o'clock. The kitchen closes at two."
"Okay," I exhaled. I asked for a takeout menu, thenI turned to leave.
"You be sure to come back, now!"
"Dude, I'm coming back at one o'clock."
He smiled hard. "See you then."

(Why was he acting like I wasn't coming back? Hmm.)

You know, I had to go ask. It would be terrible if we walked up in Silk and they refused to service us.

My goodness... I would have hated to do what I've been known to do in the past: Throw around my "Dr." title and scream to see the manager. Or worse, I would have hated to grab a baseball bat and break out every window of that doggone place. I would have hated to kick the manager in his grill (teeth).

That would have been so freakin' terrible. I would have hated for my family to see me on the news, face down on the ground in hancuffs.

So I had a little more confidence then. Yeah, I was bum of the year that day, but um, that's the way I come to work. I hate labcoats, so whatever I spill on my clothes, is not a problem. I can throw my clothes away. That's just that. Nothing spectacular ever happens to me while at work anyway. Nothing! So why dress up?

Well, I get a call from Tayari... I give her directions to my job, and she gets there. I direct her to park in the gated carpool area, and we walk over to Silk...

to be continued...