Monday, September 07, 2009

Monday. Reset. Decompress

I didn't do my usual "Happy Monday Morning" Post this morning.

I decided that I would do it tonight.

Just leaving out the "Happy" and the "Morning" part, no less.

It's just Monday.

And I woke up this morning, staring at the whirring ceiling fan, thinking.

I need to decompress.

And hit the reset button.

As I am not the most learned Oldgirl out there, I have to look these words up.

decompress- to relax; to unwind; to bring a person exposed to conditions of increased pressure back to normal pressure.

reset- change the reading of.

I've spent the last 7 days upset and anxious. Work has been hectic, followed by running around in the evening, followed by going to sleep at 1 or 2 in the morning. Ugh.

I was suppose to go to a party on Saturday night. But I was not in the mood. I own not one piece of "elegant" wear, which meant I needed to blend in with the help. I didn't have a gift. Just was upset, and a bit scatter-scatter about stuff. I have no idea how to go from a funeral to a party.

That would have been like rolling down the highway at 100 miles an hour and deciding to kick a U-turn...

... without slowing down.

And nobody needed to deal with my Lurch ass. I ain't no good for the scene when I am brooding.

I haven't had much "me" time lately.

I needed to hit the reset button. I needed to decompress.

And it was labor day. I planned to do some things I had cast to the side all week...

Like lounge on my sofa and watch televison.

Like crochet.

Like pick up that book I'd been reading.

Like listen to some Ol' school music.

All that stuff got cast to the side last week. My favorite things, things that are as involuntary for me as blinking, were put on pause...

Ya'll who've read this blog know how I am. I give myself a finite amount of time to be pissed about certain things. In this case, I give myself enough time to be distraught. I have learned that being pissed and being distraught are too vastly different emotions, but I have to apply the same ol' methods.

Give it time. Then at least try to move on.

Moving on ain't that easy.

I wept half as much as I did yesterday.

And I accomplished small goals today.

I sat on the sofa, and watched tv.

I managed to crochet for an hour.

Laid in bed and listened to a few songs.

I read 4 chapters of my book... (Beezy, this book is moving too slow).

I made an effort this Monday to reset and decompress... and felt ok about it.

I am proud of me for my efforts, no matter how mundane they may be...

And more important, I know my friend is proud of me...

And I know I must be mindful of that.

Because that makes, and will continue to make, all the difference.

7 comments:

  1. Yes, it does make a huge difference.

    My week last week was very similar to yours. I was angry, confused and very, very saddened. I could not express myself like I really wanted to because I drove to Long Beach, then to Vegas, then Atlanta and then Chicago.

    I am drained physically, mentally and emotionally, yet not only do I feel the urge to want to turn the page I know I must.

    All of my stuff continues to move on. I have to move within it and direct traffic as well because I cannot sustain life in this rut to the knees in sand, wondering why and being angry about it, feeling left behind.

    I heard and read a lot last week. I witnessed how people were touched in a memorial service by one person. I heard condolences and got phrases of encouragement and yes, it puts things into perspective, but until I get to the point where I feel the need to move... Sheesh, and I need to move...

    The blessings of my life and all that I need to experience and drown in wonderment will usher me into an new realm of living and enjoying it.

    Because I took this time to understand.

    It is time to turn the page, but that won't stop me from dog earing that top corner and using a bookmark.

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  2. Honor the love you shared with the FABulous NIkki by living with a full heart. Put "Happy" back in the Monday post.

    Behave your way into joy again.

    Goi easy with yourself and let the sun in.

    ((HUGS))

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  3. @ Hassan...

    "It is time to turn the page, but that won't stop me from dog earing that top corner and using a bookmark."

    I got my proverbial bookmark in hand and putting it in place, bruh...

    @BABZ... Here's to finding the "Happy" space again...

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  4. Leezie, let me know when you're ready to talk about it. I didn't know if we were still doing the 5 chaps a night, so I finished it on Sunday...and YES, this book is vastly different from the others. It was decent, but it didn't make me want to sit up and slap somebody. I figured that you had enough on your plate and that this book was the last thing on your mind. So, take your time and then hit me up.

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  5. @LBeezy... I am about 80 pages from done. Let's talk sometime this weekend.

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  6. sometimes we have to slow ourselves down. it's a necessity. sometimes it will help you focus on the next step. sounds like you're headed in the right direction

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  7. Take your time. Sorrow felt after losing someone special brings about many emotions and feelings. It's expected that your "happy" is among the missing and smiling feels like a struggle. Still, your mourning will turn into dancing. God promised it!

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Slap the *crickets* out the way, kindly step up to the mike, and SAY something!!