Tuesday, January 14, 2014

Workplace Funnies: "That Brush Looks Like..."

Funny things always happen at work. And here is one of those many funnies...

So... we have two separate cubicle areas on our floor. My coworker Lt. Commander By sits in one different from mine, so I have to walk paperwork over his way. He is usually sitting down, so I pat him on his head from time to time. That day, I commented on how well his hair laid down, even the gray hairs sprinkled throughout. I told him I couldn't get my hair to lay down like that for nothing in the world.

I went on back to my desk. About an hour later he comes rushing over. He shows me his hair brush.

"This is what I use to brush my hair," he said.


It was a nice enough brush. I thought the bristles were too fine for my rough hair.

"I can't use that type of brush," I said. "I need a heavy brush with hard bristles."

"No, this is a good brush."

I leaned towards him and whispered, "You can use that because your great great great great grandfather was white."

He looked down at his brush. "Here. Try it."

Uhhh... didn't our folks teach us not to use other folks hair combs and brushes?

I didn't want to upset him, so I took the brush, and gently brushed my edges. Very lightly and gently.

This disturbed By something awful. I knew it did because he snatched the brush from my hand...

"Brush your hair, girl," he hollered. He grabbed my head and brushed it hard, trying to smooth it down. "Brush your hair!"

I was shocked. But I tell you, it felt good.

"You brushes out my hair when I was ailing, By," I said in my best Shug Avery voice. "When I was ailing!"

At the same time I was thinking... no screaming inside:

"Lord have mercy, please don't let this negro have lice!!!!!"

(or fleas. *gasp*)

...Because you know that we're not suppose to be using each other hair stuff!

I know he didn't have hair isshas. I have played in his hair too much over the years. And besides, Mrs. By keeps him and the boys lotioned up real good. I know she keeps everybody's hair combed, too. Yes she does.

I grabbed the brush from him and examined it. I was particularly interested in the back of the brush.


*crickets*

Wow! What happened to this brush?


"Dang, man!" I hollered. "What the world happened to your brush?"

"I don't know."

You know how my mind goes all wild. "Boy, this look like you saved all your chewing gum on the back of it and you couldn't get it off. This brush look like you were eating some pancakes and spilled your syrup on it and couldn't wipe it off."

He laughed.

"Dude," I continued. "This brush looks like it got stuck under the stove. Or under the 'frigerator."

"This brush look like somebody came in the house, talking a bunch of smack, and you got fed up and bust them upside the head with it. WHAM!"

Shut a sucker up real quick. LOL.

"That's my teenage brush," he said.  "I have had that for years. Almost lost it one time when traveling, but we found it."

His teenage brush. So he's had that for over 20 years. Yes, that brush has been through a few things.

I tell you, that was one of my happy moments of the year thus far... that By brushing my hair.

I recanted that story a couple of times.

"He was rough because he has boys," my coworker said, referring to his hard brushing of my hair.

Yes. You have to be rougher with boys hair. I guess he'd been teaching them how to brush their hair.

I have a soft brush like that, but I threw it under the bathroom sink awhile ago. I dug it out the other day and brushed my hair... hard. And it worked out just fine. His brush was much better, though.

So thanks, By... for brushing my hair out while I was ailing working.

(You better not leave that brush out on your desk, dude. I might take it!)

9 comments:

  1. LOL. You are so crazy. That Shug Avery comment and the bust a sucker upside the head one had me cracking up.

    I must confess. I have the hard rubber comb from when I was about 7. Remember the big wide tooth comb with the words Afro Master on it. Yeah I still have it. Best detangler in the world. I almost gave my kid away when I thought she lost it. I actually took it from my moms. You know they don't make good hard rubber combs anymore. So I make sure I have it in my bathroom cabinet especially since I have been natural almost 10 years.

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  2. Man, where did he get that brush from? I need one!

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  3. Loved the Color Purple reference.

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  4. So funny. (I have a brush my mama had and although I do not have to brush my hair now, I keep that brush.) Sentimental about that brush...

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  5. Wow .. I need him to get a new brush !!

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  6. hmmmmm, using other's people's brush is a definite no no. I have 4 different brushes that i use, the last is similiar to the one shown i call it the smoother, i use it when i am finished combing and brushing to simply smooth the top and sides, no real work just smoothing.

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  7. I laughed hard at him taking the brush from you and brushing your hair. My nephews walk around brushing their hair hard. They have my son doing the same.

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    1. I laughed at the same part when he took the brush from her.

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  8. This has got to be added to the Top 5 Funniest Stories of Ladylee. I KNOW you were making faces while he was brushing your hair. lol!
    I thought you kept a low cut. Do you still go to the young barber?

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Slap the *crickets* out the way, kindly step up to the mike, and SAY something!!