Ain't nothing like a Man that can CROCHET!

I posted some time ago about my adoration for men who can cook.

Today, I wanted to post about my adoration for men who can crochet.

You may ask "LadyLee, is there such a thang as a man who can crochet?"

I read a story a few years ago about some maximum security prison out in California that had a waiting list for a knitting class. The inmates made blankets for sick babies at local hospitals.

That is nice!

That jail thing bothers me a bit though. I don't know about all that.

Well, I suppose that there are men out there that like to crochet. But I don't happen to know any.

Well, let me scratch that. I know one: My baby brother, Kari aka Milk and Cookies.

But he don't count. THAT'S MY BROTHER.

And I taught him how to crochet. And I had to trick his little tail into learning.

I think when he was about 14 or 15 I made him start rolling balls of yarn for me. It's best to get this out of the way so I wouldn't run into any problems with tangling and weak spots. He rolled yarn, and he would do a good job. I asked him if he wanted to learn how to crochet. He scrunched up his face and said no.

"It's real easy, boy," I said.
"No, Lee. That's for girls!"

So, my tactics had to change.

"You know, Kari, if you crochet a blanket for a girl, she'll do anything!"
Kari peers at me with a raised eyebrow.
"I mean, if you make something for her that takes time and effort... Us women, we LOVE that. "
"For real?" he yelled.
I nodded real slow.

That boy grabbed a crochet needle FAST. And I taught him to crochet.

Now, the problem with him... he had no sense of style or color matching. He'd hijack a ball of yarn from me, then use it up, and then come get more.

"Shawty, lemme get a ball of yarn."

I'd look at what he was working on.

"You need more blue, and I don't have that."
"Let me hold that pink, Shawty."
"It don't match. And it's a different grade of yarn."
"Stop tripping, girl! Just let me hold that."

So, he managed to make a blanket, but it was a MONSTROSITY. It contained every color known to man. It was the ugliest thing I'd ever seen in my life. I'd cringed everytime he brought it around, and he would not listen to reason. So I let him do what he wanted to do.

He gave it to one of his little lady friends. She was smitten with him after that. I remember him telling me, his eyes wide "Lee, you were right! Women love that type of stuff. That blanket was horrible, but she liked the fact that I made it with my hands. She LOVES that blanket. Talks about it to all her friends."

Someday, he will figure out that I know what I'm talking about. LOL!!

Now that's the only dude I know who can crochet. But like I said, that's my bro, and he don't count. And I haven't seen him pick up a crochet needle since then...

But then, in steps my Eye Candy, my neighbor Tiny...

Dude loves to flex his muscles... And I ain't mad about that! (I, like any other warm-blooded female, loves some muscles, lol!)

But he'd have to hear me talk that trash:

"Boy, if you were Hershey bar dark, was my age, and you made as much money as I make? Boy, I'd have to run up on YOU!!"

LOL!!!!

So... He calls me one day.

It was a sunny Sunday afternoon. I was taking a nice afternoon nap. No, let me rephrase that. I was in the bed, under the down comforter, laid out on the down pillows, sleeping HARD.

My cell phone rings. It is near my head, so by reflex, I answer it.

It is Tiny.

"Lee, what you up to?"

I cringe. He knows I don't open my door. So what he'd do is call, guage if I'm in the house, then let me know that he's on my front porch and that I need to open the front door. HUMPH."I'm snoozing."

"I got a question for you," he said. "Can you make a spread for my bed?"

I frowned. "Uh, how big?" I asked.
"For a king size bed. A California king."

*Silence*

I start calculating things in my head. Something like that would take at LEAST 250 hours.
I snicker.

"Man, that would take a good 250 hours."
"So. You think you can hook that up?"

*DEAFENING silence*

If I would've been fully alert, I would've opened up my Book of Cuss and read him a few verses!

Listen. I'm not making anything THAT big for NOBODY. If ya'll EVER hear me making something that big for a dude, you KNOW that there is some uh, toe-curling activities going on.

No, there's quite a bit of toe-breaking, neck-breaking, bone-crushing activity going on. Somebody better come check on me, because you know that I am SPRUNG and outta control!

I have a King size bed, and uh, I'm not even making a spread for my own bed. HUMPH.

"Lee, you not going to answer me?"

I rubbed my eyes, and tried to come up with an explanation, lie, SOMETHING.

"Look here, playa. That'll take to long, and yarn is hard to fine. I won't be able to find all that in the same lot number..."I gave EVERY excuse in the world. Most of it was true. It is difficult to find large batches of yarn that match up.

He yips on and on trying to convince me. I let him talk. Just to get him off the phone, I said "I'll think about it. I'm going back to sleep."

That was last year. And I haven't thought about doing it, nor WILL I think about doing it. NOPE.

So...

He came over one Saturday evening awhile back. I'd made some crab stuffed shrimp, and he went in the kitchen and fixed himself a plate and sat down and ate (Some folks know how to make themselves at home, don't they? HUMPH). I sat on the couch and crocheted. He soon got a case of the "itis" because he collapsed in my lounge chair.

I was a bit perturbed, because I'd been ripping and running all day, and I wanted some peace and quiet. He was talking about something (Man, dude is TALKATIVE. It's like talking to a woman sometimes. You know how we get to talking. LOL).

Then he busts out with....

"Lee, that don't look too hard. You should show me how to do it."

I frowned. "It ain't hard. I ain't in the mood, though. I will show you how to do it some other time."

I was at crunch time and REALLY needed to work hard on what I was working on to finish it up by that next week.

I notice him eyeing what I was working on. I pulled it close to me. "Uh, don't get no strange ideas, bruh. You not touching this! You're not messing this up!"

"But I learn fast. Just show me."

Whatever!!

He whined like crazy. It was quite irritating, to say the least. I looked around for some spare yarn. There was some on the couch. I made him stand behind me and look at what I was doing. I gave him the yarn, and he was right. He picked up on it REAL quick.

*LadyLee raises eyebrow and smiles REAL hard*

That was a bit too much excitement for the Oldgirl, lol.

But like he said, he caught on quick! And was happy about it, too.

Uh, that was earlier this year. I haven't seen that boy pick up a needle and yarn since then.

HUMPH!

Guess he don't want his bedspread. Because he would have to be the one crocheting that! LOL

So on goes my "dreams" of a man who can crochet. Ya'll know, if I ever come across a brother who can get down with the crochet needle, is hershey-bar dark, has NO kids, has great credit, and makes as much money as I do... well, I'ma have to run up on him.

(That's a hot wish list, aint it. LOL!!)

Really though!!

Have a great weekend:)