Lisa B. Gonna...

Maaaaaan....

Sigh!

SuperSigh!

My squash relish that lurker reader Lisa B. gave me when she was here in Atlanta on vacation this summer...

ALL GONE!

*lee has a conniption fit and falls out on the floor*

Man, it was soooooo good.

Now it's gone.

First of all, it was a real TREAT to meet a reader. A real treat. She's been following me for awhile, and she came with gifts. I always give gifts to my readers when I meet them, but I never expect anything in return. Heck, I'm just glad you all like my ramblings! That is gift enough for me, man!

I was glad to meet her! I had Serenity23 all upset and jealous, cuz I was hollering "That Lisa B., that's a cool chicken right there. That chick is bad! She good people!"

She would be my friend if she lived intown. I would worry her to death! LOL!

But she gave me the relish, which I'd never had before. Along with an orange vanilla candle (her favorite, and I love it too), some homemade plum jelly, and pear preserves.

(Ya'll know how I like handmade or homemade stuff. My eyes glaze over like a drug addict in need. I LOVE IT!)

My squash relish is ALL gone! Ugh!

*lee beats her head repeatedly against the wall, then throws herself out the window*

My sister Kentucky tasted it when I first got it. She quickly pulled up the recipe on the internet. She was saying "I'm going to make it."

Do you think Kentucky even lifted a finger to make it!? NO!

That chicken hasn't spoken one word about it since then.

Ugh! She even took some home that night. If I knew she wasn't gonna at LEAST try to make it (imagine me coaxing her on with chants of "Try it with one squash, girl!"), then I wouldn't have given that chicken nothing!

That's alright. That's alright, though.

Lisa B.'s Mama canned that good relish. And it was GOOD!

She learned that from Celie and Nettie, you see. Right before Mister was hollering all that bull about "Git off my land! Git off my land!"<

And I am glad she did.

Lisa B.'s Mama is somewhere off deeeeeep in the country in Lousiana or Arkansas, somewhere up in them parts.

Lisa B. gonna pull up in her Mama's driveway, and see a strange car, a Mazda caked with dirt from the unpaved roads, parked askew in the driveway.

Lisa B. gonna walk in the house saying "Gee, I wonder who over here at Mama's house?"

Lisa B. gonna stop in her tracks when she walk in the kitchen.

That's because Lisa B. gonna see LadyLee standing there in the kitchen with a crate of squash, just slicing away, slicing up squash and zucchini and placing them in a bowl.

"Am I doing this right, Mama Lisa? LadyLee asks, as she carefully slices a small squash.

"Yes you are," Mama Lisa says. She is wary as she gives instruction. She has that look on her face... That look that says...

"Who's this strange woman in my house, slicing squash in my kitchen."

Lisa B. gonna be standing there, speechless, purse still on her shoulder, keys dangling from her fingers, watching Mama Lisa and LadyLee.

LadyLee gonna look up. "Oh hey, Whassup girl? Didn't see you standing there! Whassup?"

Lisa B. gonna stand there, speechless, still as a statue, saying nothing.

"Why you looking at us like we just got off the bus, Lisa B?"LadyLee asks. "Put your purse down and get yourself in here and help us cut up this squash!!"

Lisa B. gonna put that purse and keys down and help us WORK IT OUT!

LOL!!!

No. That is just a fantasy of mine. I am NOT driving to the country.

But I am gonna call my sister Kentucky who lives 20 minutes away in Peachtree City...

And I'm going to show up to her apartment with a plastic produce bag of a few squash.

And Kentucky and me?

We gonna work it out!